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No it was never my intention to get into a back and forth and have to answer for every word and thought I have...
That's part of the point...that you gals get so accusative and defensive when this issue comes up...just relax..guys will be guys and its not wrong for them to have male type thoughts and opinions
That's part of the point...that you gals get so accusative and defensive when this issue comes up...just relax..guys will be guys and its not wrong for them to have male type thoughts and opinions
This post confirms quite a bit of what I suspected about you.
First, if you didn't think you would have to answer for every word or thought you have, you shouldn't post in an open forum. Because even if the we women hadn't posted, you'd still have to answer to the men.
Second, no one accused you of anything. At first. Later, absolutely. Later, after you had dug your own grave, yes, there were accusations. But man, you handed those to us on a silver platter too.
Third, turn about is fair play. Are you familiar with that phrase? I'm going to assume you are because it's fairly common, and you're not a millennial. If "boys will be boys" and y'all get to have all your male tendencies (sin and all), then we women get to follow our flesh as well. Because that's what you're doing. You're following your sinful nature. You're buying into the worldly nonsense, you're buying into a lot of good ole boy stuff too.
I'm sorry you've encountered relationships (romantic and platonic) with women that have jaded you. But you're an adult now. You've got to let the things you've been taught, and the things you've seen, go. Embrace the Godly man. Talk to Willie, talk to some of the other men on CC. Compare the biblical man they know to yours and think about the difference.
I know I said leaving but I fibbed.....not intentionally......mind you.
Communication is a really big thing between the sexes....a lot of times nobody is listening.......either side....we aren't being heard and it is hard....
Guys, gals......listen to your partners really listen and maybe even repeat what you heard there are so many times we misunderstand what the other sex is saying.
It is most evident even in this thread where feminism is being mentioned but not really being demonstrated. We girls really don't want to tell you guys what to do and we don't really want to have control... We want LOVE and a kind, gentle leader who knows what he wants and what he is doing. Please LOVE us and lead us....Listen to us and tell us you want and need us because the truth is we want and need you too.
Communication is a really big thing between the sexes....a lot of times nobody is listening.......either side....we aren't being heard and it is hard....
Guys, gals......listen to your partners really listen and maybe even repeat what you heard there are so many times we misunderstand what the other sex is saying.
It is most evident even in this thread where feminism is being mentioned but not really being demonstrated. We girls really don't want to tell you guys what to do and we don't really want to have control... We want LOVE and a kind, gentle leader who knows what he wants and what he is doing. Please LOVE us and lead us....Listen to us and tell us you want and need us because the truth is we want and need you too.
Listening is a very big part of it. Since God gave you understanding before, when other people could not, I think I would start by asking Him to help me understand women a little better, and open my eyes to the way that other people see things. I'm not sure how well I will be able to explain what I want to say, since you said you didn't understand when your girlfriend and your mom tried to explain the makeup thing, and they definitely know you better than I do. But I will give it a shot:
Men and women are different, as you know, and generally value different things about themselves, because they have different strengths and different roles. So if you say something that a lady perceives as an attack on something she values, she is going to feel hurt. This (I'm sure you know this part already) is what happened with your girlfriend and the makeup comment. She perceived your statement as an attack on her beauty, saying that her appearance was lacking and needed makeup to improve it until it was acceptable to be seen by your coworkers. What she heard when you made that statement was, "Dear, you're not good enough as you are."
Now, you do not personally need to value your own beauty in order to understand why she was offended. You need to realize that SHE values her beauty and wants to feel like she is acceptable to you, beautiful in your eyes, worthy to be seen by your coworkers as she is. In fact, I would say that most of these "little" hurts that don't make sense to you would make a little more sense if you see the deeper reason behind why they are hurtful.
Imagine an eye and an ear sitting together on a park bench, when a loud siren goes off. The ear is hurt, but the eye is unaffected. Similarly, the ear is unhurt by bright flashing lights, but the eye is affected. Men and women are different, just like the eye and the ear, but by observing and paying attention and listening to one another, they can have a better understanding of why flashing lights hurt the eye and loud noises hurt the ear.
People will sometimes react in a way that you perceive as accusatory, or defensive, or argumentative when they are HURT. Wait, why are they hurt? Those loud noises weren't painful! In fact, you didn't see a thing!
Men and women are different, as you know, and generally value different things about themselves, because they have different strengths and different roles. So if you say something that a lady perceives as an attack on something she values, she is going to feel hurt. This (I'm sure you know this part already) is what happened with your girlfriend and the makeup comment. She perceived your statement as an attack on her beauty, saying that her appearance was lacking and needed makeup to improve it until it was acceptable to be seen by your coworkers. What she heard when you made that statement was, "Dear, you're not good enough as you are."
Now, you do not personally need to value your own beauty in order to understand why she was offended. You need to realize that SHE values her beauty and wants to feel like she is acceptable to you, beautiful in your eyes, worthy to be seen by your coworkers as she is. In fact, I would say that most of these "little" hurts that don't make sense to you would make a little more sense if you see the deeper reason behind why they are hurtful.
Imagine an eye and an ear sitting together on a park bench, when a loud siren goes off. The ear is hurt, but the eye is unaffected. Similarly, the ear is unhurt by bright flashing lights, but the eye is affected. Men and women are different, just like the eye and the ear, but by observing and paying attention and listening to one another, they can have a better understanding of why flashing lights hurt the eye and loud noises hurt the ear.
People will sometimes react in a way that you perceive as accusatory, or defensive, or argumentative when they are HURT. Wait, why are they hurt? Those loud noises weren't painful! In fact, you didn't see a thing!
Mitspa - I got through Popclick's most recent, so I wanted to help you understand this too: by not being clear and engaging me in conversation but continually telling me that I don't understand your intent... I feel dismissed by you. Like I am not worthy of understanding your thoughts, that you don't put any value in me seeing your perspective.
I wanted to express this too: because I am trying to patiently talk this through with you, other women are likely going to read this and come to the conclusion that you don't have a value in a woman understanding your point of view... and it's going to color more than my opinion of you.
And as I said, it's your right to not be open with me here. But I really am trying to understand and not correct or reprove you. I asked you to give me biblical examples of your view, and you won't. So, I feel that there is no reason for me to engage with you over ANYTHING in the future, which... not an issue, but... certainly doesn't bring us towards unity. And remember, other women read these interchanges and we make opinions of each poster based on the way we interact. I'm not saying that no woman will decide to talk to you now, far be it for me to say that, but we (both men and women) pay attention to how another person interacts.
I wanted to express this too: because I am trying to patiently talk this through with you, other women are likely going to read this and come to the conclusion that you don't have a value in a woman understanding your point of view... and it's going to color more than my opinion of you.
And as I said, it's your right to not be open with me here. But I really am trying to understand and not correct or reprove you. I asked you to give me biblical examples of your view, and you won't. So, I feel that there is no reason for me to engage with you over ANYTHING in the future, which... not an issue, but... certainly doesn't bring us towards unity. And remember, other women read these interchanges and we make opinions of each poster based on the way we interact. I'm not saying that no woman will decide to talk to you now, far be it for me to say that, but we (both men and women) pay attention to how another person interacts.
Well scripture does talk about our roles as men so regardless of women needing to be in here we can see from scripture in our roles of men and the roles of women how we can try to give to women what they want. But since women are in here maybe I should ask if that is ok first....smile. [kidding]. Tell me if scripture get's it close or not ladies:
Do you like leadership? Now I know this because this is hard for men. And women always want what we don't want to give. We like to lead but not for your sake. For ours, so men remember this means" initiative" is important in helping the relationship. Ouch! 50% just sat down. But God said for women to serve us! No, mommy was last round of women in this round we are to be leaders. This will cost us and yet, nurture them. If we want a love language to begin we will begin there. Ephesians 5: 23-27.
Do you like leadership? Now I know this because this is hard for men. And women always want what we don't want to give. We like to lead but not for your sake. For ours, so men remember this means" initiative" is important in helping the relationship. Ouch! 50% just sat down. But God said for women to serve us! No, mommy was last round of women in this round we are to be leaders. This will cost us and yet, nurture them. If we want a love language to begin we will begin there. Ephesians 5: 23-27.
Proverbs tells us in 31:28-29, that she will also respond, and do you ladies like the way I said that, "They will respond" not this is what they want because us men have our own language....anyway, she wants personal affirmation she wants to be appreciated, where did you read that Slave? off of your bathroom wall? No, actually in scripture...go figure huh? Not only should we men affirm her openly in our own presence, but in public especially! I had 50 % at in the house but publicly? ouch! men hate embarrassing moments, mostly because most of us are inept and we are just faking it until we make it. We are needy as ever but on occasion we come out of hibernation to kill something for you. But men time to be less inept and serve the women like Christ served the Church. It's ok Men this investment will all come back to you later!
Women also want the good boy bad boy moment! Now the men are awake...oK, that's the worlds description of it, but it is Eph. 5:28-29,30 that tell us, women want romance in the bedroom.Personally letting down our hair men and not for our passions but her personal affections physically being met. They want us to show how much we love her over all other women by our affections in that way. Women find happiness in serving us, but this is a time to serve her in her needs, this is as important to them as it is to us.... so men don't hoard the time in there!