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Q
I think it's fantastic to see someone so positive and sensible post here, Quirkygirl 
It's encouraging to see someone taking action in their own life to move it the direction they'd like it to go, as well as seeing opportunities to share Jesus where most people wouldn't bother. I think the precautions and boundaries you set are smart and reasonable, and I wish you the best with it. Thanks for sharing this
It's encouraging to see someone taking action in their own life to move it the direction they'd like it to go, as well as seeing opportunities to share Jesus where most people wouldn't bother. I think the precautions and boundaries you set are smart and reasonable, and I wish you the best with it. Thanks for sharing this
Q
If they are asking you for sex on a "Christian site" or (CR)app they aren't really Christian plain and simple....sex is for marriage not for fornication.
You should be wary of an alcoholic....they tend to get cover up their problem and then wham they change once they take a swig from the bottle. Some are abusers and will beat you up once they are drunk.
You should take some advice from the older ladies and be very cautious and maybe pump the brakes on your eagerness for a relationship.
I know it's hard at that age but just remember it only takes one mistake to ruin your life for a lifetime....protect yourself in all areas emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
You should be wary of an alcoholic....they tend to get cover up their problem and then wham they change once they take a swig from the bottle. Some are abusers and will beat you up once they are drunk.
You should take some advice from the older ladies and be very cautious and maybe pump the brakes on your eagerness for a relationship.
I know it's hard at that age but just remember it only takes one mistake to ruin your life for a lifetime....protect yourself in all areas emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Q
WOW - kind of harsh. The OP didn;t say she was dating a recovering alcoholic just friending him and showed him the way to a church. I wish EVERYONE would do this more often or even once.
I think this young gal has a decent list of criteria of things to consider when meeting a male. She will learn more about being discerning as time goes by.
Why don't we all just pray for those who are open to finding a Godly person to marry.
I think this young gal has a decent list of criteria of things to consider when meeting a male. She will learn more about being discerning as time goes by.
Why don't we all just pray for those who are open to finding a Godly person to marry.
Q
Exactly. I DON'T KNOW. That doesn't mean SOMEDAY. That means that I am putting this in Gods hands. I am not going to do anything to push a relationship with this guy. I will not pursue him. I will let the chips fall where they may. My main goal with him at the moment is connecting him with some good Christians.
I have never used any dating site.
If I was still single, I would prefer to meet the opposite sex by not going through a dating site nor any dating app.
I did not meet my husband through a dating site nor through any dating app.
We met in person.
Why not get involved in gender mixed activities instead?
If I was still single, I would prefer to meet the opposite sex by not going through a dating site nor any dating app.
I did not meet my husband through a dating site nor through any dating app.
We met in person.
Why not get involved in gender mixed activities instead?
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Hi Quirkygirl!
Welcome to CC and I enjoyed your post. As someone who's been on and off the dating sites for many years, I can relate to everything you wrote.
Like anything else in life, it's a matter of personal choice and comfort. Some people will say, "I would NEVER use a dating site" in the exact same way that my Grandpa says he'll NEVER buy a computer. *shrug* If you're not used to something and have no need for it, I understand--why bother--but that does not mean it won't work for others.
It seems now days that some people who met their spouse in person somehow think that their relationships are superior to those who meet online, but that's just not true. The pastor of my last church said that about 80% of the marriages he conducts now are for couples who have met online. It's just a fact of modern life that many people are now meeting this way.
If a person is going to venture into online dating, even "Christian" sites, it's also a fact (in my experience at least), that they will run into people who will expect sex. I've heard from both men and women who have been pressured by someone to consider doing things they aren't comfortable with doing.
Are people who want sex really Christians? I'm not God, so I can't judge their hearts. I've found that for a lot of people, sex seems to be an exception in their Christian life. For example, I know a lot of Christians who believe certain illegal drugs are fine because they come from "natural" sources. Likewise, I've also heard of some Christians who say sex is natural and that it's a God-given need, so it's ok to participate in any such way we choose.
I've grown up in churches all my life and know that sex is also a struggle for many Christians who are trying to "obey the rules". I've heard Godly men, pastors and teachers, talk about their struggles with temptation while out on the road to attend Christian conferences and seminars. One guy I talked to briefly on a dating site struggled with finding hookups on Craigslist on the weekends, and he'd been in church all his life.
As I said, I can't judge their hearts. That's God's job, not mine. And rather than put the focus on the other person, I'm now starting to see that maybe it's actually God testing ME in many ways--I see God standing there asking me, "Ok, Seoul, what are you going to choose? Are you going to compromise for a little attention, or are you going to move on?" And when I think about that, it's tough for me to judge anyone else.
Quirky, I hope you won't let the negativity discourage you from continuing to post, but will cling on to the positive words many have written here, and I have one more tip I'd like to add when it comes to safety.
If I agree to meet someone (in public and during the day as well), I also give them a time frame. For example, I'll say, "Sure, let's meet for lunch around 11:30... but I have to be at a friend's house by 3." (Even if I'm not actually going somewhere, I always let a friend/family member know where I'll be, will give them all the person's info I know, including their online name, etc., and keep them on standby in case I need to send out an emergency, "I need help!" text.)
Not only will this help get you out of an awkward situation if things aren't working out on the first date, but if, by some chance, the person is planning on tossing me into a van and driving away, he'll know that people are expecting me, know where I am, and will come looking for me. If the date winds up going extremely well, you can always plan for another time to meet.
Best wishes, Quirky, and I hope to see more posts from you in the future.
Welcome to CC and I enjoyed your post. As someone who's been on and off the dating sites for many years, I can relate to everything you wrote.
Like anything else in life, it's a matter of personal choice and comfort. Some people will say, "I would NEVER use a dating site" in the exact same way that my Grandpa says he'll NEVER buy a computer. *shrug* If you're not used to something and have no need for it, I understand--why bother--but that does not mean it won't work for others.
It seems now days that some people who met their spouse in person somehow think that their relationships are superior to those who meet online, but that's just not true. The pastor of my last church said that about 80% of the marriages he conducts now are for couples who have met online. It's just a fact of modern life that many people are now meeting this way.
If a person is going to venture into online dating, even "Christian" sites, it's also a fact (in my experience at least), that they will run into people who will expect sex. I've heard from both men and women who have been pressured by someone to consider doing things they aren't comfortable with doing.
Are people who want sex really Christians? I'm not God, so I can't judge their hearts. I've found that for a lot of people, sex seems to be an exception in their Christian life. For example, I know a lot of Christians who believe certain illegal drugs are fine because they come from "natural" sources. Likewise, I've also heard of some Christians who say sex is natural and that it's a God-given need, so it's ok to participate in any such way we choose.
I've grown up in churches all my life and know that sex is also a struggle for many Christians who are trying to "obey the rules". I've heard Godly men, pastors and teachers, talk about their struggles with temptation while out on the road to attend Christian conferences and seminars. One guy I talked to briefly on a dating site struggled with finding hookups on Craigslist on the weekends, and he'd been in church all his life.
As I said, I can't judge their hearts. That's God's job, not mine. And rather than put the focus on the other person, I'm now starting to see that maybe it's actually God testing ME in many ways--I see God standing there asking me, "Ok, Seoul, what are you going to choose? Are you going to compromise for a little attention, or are you going to move on?" And when I think about that, it's tough for me to judge anyone else.
Quirky, I hope you won't let the negativity discourage you from continuing to post, but will cling on to the positive words many have written here, and I have one more tip I'd like to add when it comes to safety.
If I agree to meet someone (in public and during the day as well), I also give them a time frame. For example, I'll say, "Sure, let's meet for lunch around 11:30... but I have to be at a friend's house by 3." (Even if I'm not actually going somewhere, I always let a friend/family member know where I'll be, will give them all the person's info I know, including their online name, etc., and keep them on standby in case I need to send out an emergency, "I need help!" text.)
Not only will this help get you out of an awkward situation if things aren't working out on the first date, but if, by some chance, the person is planning on tossing me into a van and driving away, he'll know that people are expecting me, know where I am, and will come looking for me. If the date winds up going extremely well, you can always plan for another time to meet.
Best wishes, Quirky, and I hope to see more posts from you in the future.
U
Good to know, btw I didn't mean to come across as preachy if my response sounded like that it was not meant to "parent" you lol. Just keep your guard up....most people are not who they seem to be especially online behind a keyboard.....
don't rush anything and also as you get older your desire for a relationship will somewhat recede a little bit compared to when you were younger (I know mine did) and when you are young you feel the pressure of needing a significant other b/c all your friends have one, social anxiety of being alone, viewed as "uncool" etc etc...) as you get older you will become more mature and realize these are silly social constructs that have no real meaning but are just fads.....once you meet that special person you will know and be more mature to make it last and Christ based whereas most who follow fads or peer pressure end up unhappy and unsatisfied with their significant other.....remember to have Godly patience! Best of luck in your search! God Bless!
don't rush anything and also as you get older your desire for a relationship will somewhat recede a little bit compared to when you were younger (I know mine did) and when you are young you feel the pressure of needing a significant other b/c all your friends have one, social anxiety of being alone, viewed as "uncool" etc etc...) as you get older you will become more mature and realize these are silly social constructs that have no real meaning but are just fads.....once you meet that special person you will know and be more mature to make it last and Christ based whereas most who follow fads or peer pressure end up unhappy and unsatisfied with their significant other.....remember to have Godly patience! Best of luck in your search! God Bless!
