What Sources Do You Rely on to Learn About the Opposite Gender?
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I learn mostly from personal observation itself, I think.
I have learned, though, that the idea that "men are wired like this" and "women are wired like that" isnt really true at all, though : p
One thing my (Christian) friend and I often talk about is gender. And not sex, as in your body, but as in the actual social construct of gender itself. There is some truth to the argument that "gender is a social construct". I mean, lets say, if a girl were born alone in the wilderness and raised by wolves, she would not grow up to act "graceful" and "innocent" and wear pretty things and make up and that junk. Neither would a boy learn to act like a "leader" and he wouldnt learn all the things boys learn in society too. Humans are social creatures, they learn how to act from observation of others, and how they are told to act as well as the way we treat others when they act outside of the way we live.
Much of what men and women do come from the way they are raised, taught to act, and told what they should do.
Now, Im not totally bashing this construct or whatever. Some of it is meaningful. Like yes, a boy will grow up to be a stronger bodied person, so it is right for him to learn things like how to provide for his family. But then we have meaningless things, too. Like how boys arent allowed to like the color pink or be afraid of bugs.
I have learned that not every human being fits into these molds, so I dont usually judge by their gender in this way. Im having a hard time finding the words Im trying to say here : p But, there are some things that are affected by the bodies we are born into, what we can and cant do, our limitations, the roles and responsibilities we have. Then there are other things, the things we learn from the world around us, and how we are influenced. Lets say, a boy who thinks that a girl has to look like this or that to be with him, or a girl who thinks a boy has to have this or that to be with her. We learn those things from the world around us.
With women, I usually observe them, their personality, the way the act and the things they say, and Ill form my own thoughts and opinions on them through that : p So it all comes down to observation. And I hope to find a women who has similar thoughts and feelings to the world around us that I do : p I cant really judge the opposite gender on a wide scale like that, although many people in one group will do like the others do, they always differ in some way.
I keep in mind the roles we have and all that, but other than that I watch the people around me and make judgements based on them personally and individually, which seems to work well for me : p
I have learned, though, that the idea that "men are wired like this" and "women are wired like that" isnt really true at all, though : p
One thing my (Christian) friend and I often talk about is gender. And not sex, as in your body, but as in the actual social construct of gender itself. There is some truth to the argument that "gender is a social construct". I mean, lets say, if a girl were born alone in the wilderness and raised by wolves, she would not grow up to act "graceful" and "innocent" and wear pretty things and make up and that junk. Neither would a boy learn to act like a "leader" and he wouldnt learn all the things boys learn in society too. Humans are social creatures, they learn how to act from observation of others, and how they are told to act as well as the way we treat others when they act outside of the way we live.
Much of what men and women do come from the way they are raised, taught to act, and told what they should do.
Now, Im not totally bashing this construct or whatever. Some of it is meaningful. Like yes, a boy will grow up to be a stronger bodied person, so it is right for him to learn things like how to provide for his family. But then we have meaningless things, too. Like how boys arent allowed to like the color pink or be afraid of bugs.
I have learned that not every human being fits into these molds, so I dont usually judge by their gender in this way. Im having a hard time finding the words Im trying to say here : p But, there are some things that are affected by the bodies we are born into, what we can and cant do, our limitations, the roles and responsibilities we have. Then there are other things, the things we learn from the world around us, and how we are influenced. Lets say, a boy who thinks that a girl has to look like this or that to be with him, or a girl who thinks a boy has to have this or that to be with her. We learn those things from the world around us.
With women, I usually observe them, their personality, the way the act and the things they say, and Ill form my own thoughts and opinions on them through that : p So it all comes down to observation. And I hope to find a women who has similar thoughts and feelings to the world around us that I do : p I cant really judge the opposite gender on a wide scale like that, although many people in one group will do like the others do, they always differ in some way.
I keep in mind the roles we have and all that, but other than that I watch the people around me and make judgements based on them personally and individually, which seems to work well for me : p
Hey Everyone,
Disclaimer: my recent threads were inspired by a dating profile in which the gentleman stated he is looking for "a former cheerleader or dancer" who wears "leggings and clothes that will tease, taunt, and flaunt" but who was also "Godly, humble, caring, compassionate, and will want to serve and please me in every way (heavily implied sexual context) not just because she loves me, but because she also wants to serve God." He implied that he had spent many years doing whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted and said, "I have learned from God that it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
The most ironic thing to me is that, unless the pictures were inaccurate or of someone else, this person himself was at least 50 pounds overweight but obviously expecting physical perfection in a wife.
I admit that my first reaction was to scoff, as I usually do when observing such hypocrisies.
But there was a tinge of naive sincerity in his words--he actually believed his expectations were completely realistic. And then I actually thought about how hard it can be to go from living in the world to conforming to the life of a Christian. I thought about how many people have a skewed expectation of the opposite gender simply because that's what they've always seen or been taught. He truly seemed sincere about finding someone who wanted to serve God--maybe he has never seen an example of how a Godly woman dresses or behaves around men. Maybe he's been exposed to shaky theology that is somehow interpreted as women having to become Christianized sex objects in order to please their husbands.
How do we learn what to expect in a spouse if we don't have any Godly Christian role models? Who taught you what you know about the opposite gender and what's to be expected in a relationship or marriage? What do you wish someone had taught you? Do you have any beliefs you used to hold but have since changed your mind? If you have children, what do you want them to know about and value in the opposite sex?
I'm interested in hearing who or what taught you everything you know about men/women, and how we, as Christians, can help each other come to a better understanding of each other, as well as more realistic and Godly expectations.
The poll is multiple choice and anonymous, but is meant to hopefully supplement, not replace a discussion, so please post any thoughts you may have.
And, this thread is dedicated to Catherder, who teased me a while back about posting threads with no polls, disclaimers, or long dialogues. Here you go, Cat... a thread with all of the above, and much, much more. All for only $19.99 plus taxes, convenience fees, shipping, and handling (not to mention the counseling I'll need to refill my now-empty brain). I didn't forget you!
God bless and thank you for sharing!
Disclaimer: my recent threads were inspired by a dating profile in which the gentleman stated he is looking for "a former cheerleader or dancer" who wears "leggings and clothes that will tease, taunt, and flaunt" but who was also "Godly, humble, caring, compassionate, and will want to serve and please me in every way (heavily implied sexual context) not just because she loves me, but because she also wants to serve God." He implied that he had spent many years doing whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted and said, "I have learned from God that it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
The most ironic thing to me is that, unless the pictures were inaccurate or of someone else, this person himself was at least 50 pounds overweight but obviously expecting physical perfection in a wife.
I admit that my first reaction was to scoff, as I usually do when observing such hypocrisies.
But there was a tinge of naive sincerity in his words--he actually believed his expectations were completely realistic. And then I actually thought about how hard it can be to go from living in the world to conforming to the life of a Christian. I thought about how many people have a skewed expectation of the opposite gender simply because that's what they've always seen or been taught. He truly seemed sincere about finding someone who wanted to serve God--maybe he has never seen an example of how a Godly woman dresses or behaves around men. Maybe he's been exposed to shaky theology that is somehow interpreted as women having to become Christianized sex objects in order to please their husbands.
How do we learn what to expect in a spouse if we don't have any Godly Christian role models? Who taught you what you know about the opposite gender and what's to be expected in a relationship or marriage? What do you wish someone had taught you? Do you have any beliefs you used to hold but have since changed your mind? If you have children, what do you want them to know about and value in the opposite sex?
I'm interested in hearing who or what taught you everything you know about men/women, and how we, as Christians, can help each other come to a better understanding of each other, as well as more realistic and Godly expectations.
The poll is multiple choice and anonymous, but is meant to hopefully supplement, not replace a discussion, so please post any thoughts you may have.
And, this thread is dedicated to Catherder, who teased me a while back about posting threads with no polls, disclaimers, or long dialogues. Here you go, Cat... a thread with all of the above, and much, much more. All for only $19.99 plus taxes, convenience fees, shipping, and handling (not to mention the counseling I'll need to refill my now-empty brain). I didn't forget you!
God bless and thank you for sharing!
From the opposite sex...be they friends, family members, current or ex-girlfriends, church members, co-workers, club members, online friends, etc... and it's usually not a "Hey, what are women like?" conversation. It's more of a trial & error, learning through experience type of growing knowledge base over the years for how women tend to act, react, interact, think, etc.
A movie quote:
"I had a rather unfortunate tendency to tell the truth in a country where no one ever says what they mean. So now, I very accurately translate other people's lies." -Simon Graham The Last Samurai