Which is more important looks or personality?

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Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,310
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#61
I think chemistry can sometimes be used quite loosely. Sometimes people can call it that when it is actually attraction or even lust.
Yes exactly..👍👍
I guess it's use to describe any interaction/connection/,bond between two living things.I have even heard it used to describe the bond between a male lion a female...
 
Sep 13, 2015
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#63
I think most people here would say personality, even if they don't necessarily agree, lest one give off the scent of shallowness.
tenor-121.gif
 
Oct 31, 2019
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#64
I'd say both looks and personality are important to me. But as you say, a good looking man or a woman who doesn't have a good personality is unattractive. Appearances are deceptive. Personality is a little more important than looks.

I personally tend to be attracted to a funny interesting person.
 
Apr 3, 2020
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#65
Looks. Honestly who wants to b stuck in a home or relationship with someone they are not attracted to? But im not saying looks and just throw away personality. Or thats all that matters. Ive met very few women who are unattractive but have just great personalities that i would find them attractive. And im not interested in anyone with a bad personality. I wouldnt trade a 7 for a 10 with a worse personality. But i dont want to stare at someone for 40yrs i dont find attractive.

Our society has pounded this idea that unattrative people are all diamond in the roughs waiting for someone to shine them. They just eat a lot of fast food and dont workout.

And for men its easier i think there is not the wide array of qualities to pick from. The vast majority of women if they are not over weight are plenty attractive. A man could b the man of your dreams and b 3 inches shorter than you and its a deal breaker.
 

Kojikun

Well-known member
Oct 5, 2018
3,981
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#66
I'm going to say looks. Personality is also very important. The problem is I dont have the looks or personality to offer in return. Simply put I like people out of my league, which is why I will die alone 😬
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
1,797
870
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#67
Looks. Honestly who wants to b stuck in a home or relationship with someone they are not attracted to? But im not saying looks and just throw away personality. Or thats all that matters. Ive met very few women who are unattractive but have just great personalities that i would find them attractive. And im not interested in anyone with a bad personality. I wouldnt trade a 7 for a 10 with a worse personality. But i dont want to stare at someone for 40yrs i dont find attractive.

Our society has pounded this idea that unattrative people are all diamond in the roughs waiting for someone to shine them. They just eat a lot of fast food and dont workout.

And for men its easier i think there is not the wide array of qualities to pick from. The vast majority of women if they are not over weight are plenty attractive. A man could b the man of your dreams and b 3 inches shorter than you and its a deal breaker.

Seems like your honest opinion.


I'm going to say looks. Personality is also very important. The problem is I dont have the looks or personality to offer in return. Simply put I like people out of my league, which is why I will die alone 😬

The great equalizer.




1604329906167.jpeg
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
11,102
4,003
113
#68
I think chemistry can sometimes be used quite loosely. Sometimes people can call it that when it is actually attraction or even lust.
yea

its just seems like another name for lust, just to make it seem more 'respectable' or scientific
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
11,102
4,003
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#69
I am all for people using the right words so whenever someone says chemistry they better mean what they say and provide the exact formula.

I did chemistry in high school and this topic was never even mentioned.

we did a lot of balancing equations and blowing up stuff though.

A friend whos mum was a science teacher once gave me an entire chart showing the krebs cycle. It took up the entire floor and looked fascinating, but I confess it didnt make much sense to me and gave it away to someone else who was more into science.

if you taught ESL english as a second language you would never use the word 'chemistry' to describe what you are describing. It would just be called lust or coveting.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#70
Looks. Honestly who wants to b stuck in a home or relationship with someone they are not attracted to? But im not saying looks and just throw away personality. Or thats all that matters. Ive met very few women who are unattractive but have just great personalities that i would find them attractive. And im not interested in anyone with a bad personality. I wouldnt trade a 7 for a 10 with a worse personality. But i dont want to stare at someone for 40yrs i dont find attractive.

Our society has pounded this idea that unattrative people are all diamond in the roughs waiting for someone to shine them. They just eat a lot of fast food and dont workout.

And for men its easier i think there is not the wide array of qualities to pick from. The vast majority of women if they are not over weight are plenty attractive. A man could b the man of your dreams and b 3 inches shorter than you and its a deal breaker.
There are women who would not want to stare at a man they don't find attractive for 40 years either. Women have a wide array of qualities to pick from men too.
 

IToreTheSky

Well-known member
Aug 20, 2020
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N.Y.
#71
It really boils down to a combination of many things. It must! I'm living proof of that. LoL seriously. Not trying to put myself down but as far as looks go I don't know what a woman would see in me in that dept. I just don't see myself as what society would say is typically handsome for a man
I've always felt that in the looks dept if I were to be superficial, that the women I have dated or the one I was married to were waaaay out of my league. I'm sure many ppl thought to themselves - what does she see in him? LoL
I've never been rich,so maybe my dorky personality?.. No clue. People make a connection in various ways and for various reasons. Hopefully the main thing both have in common is God.
 
Apr 3, 2020
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#72
There are women who would not want to stare at a man they don't find attractive for 40 years either. Women have a wide array of qualities to pick from men too.
And thats exactly what i said there are more differing factors for judging men. I never said men have a wide array of qualities they are looking for in women. They want a handful of basic things. Maybe you didnt read my comment instead read your own emotions.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#73
And thats exactly what i said there are more differing factors for judging men. I never said men have a wide array of qualities they are looking for in women. They want a handful of basic things. Maybe you didnt read my comment instead read your own emotions.
How exactly do you know what these handful of basic things that most men look for in women when contemplating a relationship? I did in fact read your post carefully before replying to your post.
 
Apr 3, 2020
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#74
How exactly do you know what these handful of basic things that most men look for in women when contemplating a relationship? I did in fact read your post carefully before replying to your post.
Because i am a man. I bet your next statement is gender is a social construct?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
11,102
4,003
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#75
treeboy is a man? I thought he was a ...boy. where's treeman?

Im not gonna speak for all women. But I think a lot of women dont really have a choice and dont even get to say whats important. Women get chosen and either can accept this or dont.
If you get chosen for your looks then when you have a bad hair day you feel unloved or you get older and your looks start going all wrinkly you man tends to starts looking at younger less wrinkly women.

if you get chosen for your personality I think its better cos personality doesnt tend to change over time. But I think lots of women just lack personality because they try and put out a fake persona to attract men. I dont think personality is necessarily tied to looks cos you cant tell what someones personality is like just by looking at them. its not true that all extroverts wear loud trendy clothes and all introverts just kind of blend into the background.

You can do a test. But you cant always say Im only going to go out with an esfp or whatver cos I am a intj as how will you even know what thats like. It could maybe help in understanding one another and just accepting people for who they are, but its also seems common for comolete opposistes to end up with each other because they are curious about whats missing from their own personalities, and then end up grating on each other over the years and clashing.
Plus if you are with someone whos too similar to you it might get boring or maybe competitive.

There just needs to be something more than looks and personaity I think while both are considerations its kinda missing the point.
The other thing im pretty sure about is that sometimes males and females just randomly and blindly get together not even really looking at each other or even thinking about personality. People on drugs often just feel romantic with anybody! Cos a lot of romance is based on emotions not looks or personality.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,352
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#76
Heart and soul live forever, flesh will turn into dust
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#77
Because i am a man. I bet your next statement is gender is a social construct?
I don't have a next statement and I have no idea whatsoever what gender is a social construct supposed to mean. I'm happily married to a beautiful woman so I am all set in that regard.
 

Going_Nowhere

Well-known member
Nov 10, 2019
1,476
633
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#78
When it comes to dating/relationships, I'd say looks are important. I'm probably repeating what one or more people have said, but it's very true: Would you really want to be with someone that you're not physically attracted to?


Now....with that being said....I think personality is important also. Maybe even more important than looks....at least in the long run. Because even if you are good looking, you're not going to have that young, fresh looking face forever. And neither will the person you end up with. Good looks fade with age.


So my answer is....looks in the beginning. But personality in the end when it's all said and done. :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,976
3,202
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#79
The thing I keep thinking about as I'm reading the posts about how important looks are and wouldn't it be such an awful thing in the world to be married to someone you're not attracted to is, what do the people saying this plan on doing when or if that happens?

I caught some faux "headline" today about some boy band heart throb from "back in my day" -- AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys. I liked some of their songs but wasn't into them at all, however, I had a few friends who were NUTS over them, wallpapering their rooms with band's posters and glossy photos.

One thing I've been learning as I go on is that it's kind of funny how time can be the great equalizer. Poor AJ doesn't look like a teen idol anymore. He's apparently bald (at least in the picture I saw,) and looks like a middle-aged dad, which I think he is. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But he definitely doesn't look like the fresh-faced "hunk" that my friends were swooning over 20 years ago.

But for the people here who are old enough, look up some recent photos of a teen crush you had from at least 15+ years ago; 20 is probably better. Chances are, they're not going to be the same level of eye candy as they once were. Back when I was in my hometown, it was a bit surreal to occasionally see one of the beautiful, popular kids from my school around town -- and now they have wrinkles, pot bellies, and double chins. I'm not saying that as a criticism -- I'm just saying, looks change drastically.

And if celebrities like Mr. McLean and Britney Spears, who have access to every trick of the trade available in order to stay looking young and beautiful can't pull it off, how could the average person ever expect to do that?

So what happens if you marry someone you might think is super attractive at the time, but, life happens? They have a baby. They lose their hair. They gain 20 pounds and can't seem to shake it. They become ill, and it drastically changes their physical appearance. As much as we try to hold back the hands of time, the creases and lines of the roadmap of our life starts to permanently settle into our faces.

The Bible warns us that outer beauty is fleeting. But yet there is no denying that attractiveness is something that affects every person's decision.

But what happens when the looks we're so attracted to in the moment crumble to dust as the years go by?
 

true_believer

Active member
Sep 24, 2020
430
235
43
#80
The thing I keep thinking about as I'm reading the posts about how important looks are and wouldn't it be such an awful thing in the world to be married to someone you're not attracted to is, what do the people saying this plan on doing when or if that happens?

I caught some faux "headline" today about some boy band heart throb from "back in my day" -- AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys. I liked some of their songs but wasn't into them at all, however, I had a few friends who were NUTS over them, wallpapering their rooms with band's posters and glossy photos.

One thing I've been learning as I go on is that it's kind of funny how time can be the great equalizer. Poor AJ doesn't look like a teen idol anymore. He's apparently bald (at least in the picture I saw,) and looks like a middle-aged dad, which I think he is. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But he definitely doesn't look like the fresh-faced "hunk" that my friends were swooning over 20 years ago.

But for the people here who are old enough, look up some recent photos of a teen crush you had from at least 15+ years ago; 20 is probably better. Chances are, they're not going to be the same level of eye candy as they once were. Back when I was in my hometown, it was a bit surreal to occasionally see one of the beautiful, popular kids from my school around town -- and now they have wrinkles, pot bellies, and double chins. I'm not saying that as a criticism -- I'm just saying, looks change drastically.

And if celebrities like Mr. McLean and Britney Spears, who have access to every trick of the trade available in order to stay looking young and beautiful can't pull it off, how could the average person ever expect to do that?

So what happens if you marry someone you might think is super attractive at the time, but, life happens? They have a baby. They lose their hair. They gain 20 pounds and can't seem to shake it. They become ill, and it drastically changes their physical appearance. As much as we try to hold back the hands of time, the creases and lines of the roadmap of our life starts to permanently settle into our faces.

The Bible warns us that outer beauty is fleeting. But yet there is no denying that attractiveness is something that affects every person's decision.

But what happens when the looks we're so attracted to in the moment crumble to dust as the years go by?
Looks are a "hook" or "beacon" for initial attraction. If the other person doesn't have personality, compassion, compatibility,etc. to sustain a connection. Then looks are are of little consequence.