Why Don't We Hear About Single Christian Women Looking for Husbands in Other Countries?

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,384
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#21
Oh good! I see those ads too, and I never seen ads trying to get women to marry foreign men, but I thought that was because Google Knows All and was sending me those ads because Google Knows I am a guy.

Nice to know... well, it's not really nice, but it's informative to know everybody gets the same ads, at least in this subject.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
3,109
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#22
haha well why dont you just say you are looking for a dream husband and be done with it.
There are probably sites that cater for you if you look hard enough but they might be sperm donor sites. Or just make your own....why not?

There has always been a market for brides but in this world (sorry, its still amans world last time I looked) women dont generally need to look for husbands.

why I dont know, I suspect some business about adam being first and eve being made out of adam.

western men who think asian women are submissive are likely to get a shock when they find that asian women actually call the shots in marriages. It has always been that way but they are deluded to think women are submissive. if fact, in the olden days the men had to BIND womens feet so they couldnt even walk to control women.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,384
3,831
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#23
No idea sorry. Maybe its just in your church but I would say its about fifty/fifty even split men going to a womans country and women going to a mens.

dont know about the advertising but well the sex trade is kinda confused a lot with prostitution. so women dont usually advertise or men would get the wrong idea and think shes for sale.

You have some odd ideas about east vs west seoul. But generally and I say this myself...eastern cooking is way tastier than western cooking. No matter who is chef.

I think its time to educate people that women are complex creatures and not all fit to steretoypes.
as for christian women generally most are happy in their relationship with the Lord and dont need to go looking for anyone else. Its more of a fend the guys off thing for christian women.
Lanolin you have some odd beliefs about other people's beliefs. You also confused prostitution with mail order brides... although to be fair, a lot of guys who are ordering brides from other countries make the same mistake. o_O

Maybe you should visit the USA some day. What seoulsearch mentioned is accurate.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
3,109
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#24
i do recall reading a book about a kiwi woman who lived in Pamerston North. If you have any idea where that is you might have some idea why she was so desperate to find someone not from that area lol.

anyway she made her own lonely hearts club dating site thing and found a sailor and ended up eloping with him and sailing around the world, and marrying him and having his baby. So it is possible. ANd it is more common than you think.

my own mum left hong kong and met my dad, here in nz although she wasnt advertising. I know tonnes of women who married people overseas...or those that came and met people here or on travels so maybe its just your circle of friends.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,371
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#25
haha well why dont you just say you are looking for a dream husband and be done with it.
There are probably sites that cater for you if you look hard enough but they might be sperm donor sites. Or just make your own....why not?


There has always been a market for brides but in this world (sorry, its still amans world last time I looked) women dont generally need to look for husbands.

why I dont know, I suspect some business about adam being first and eve being made out of adam.

western men who think asian women are submissive are likely to get a shock when they find that asian women actually call the shots in marriages. It has always been that way but they are deluded to think women are submissive. if fact, in the olden days the men had to BIND womens feet so they couldnt even walk to control women.
Lol... This is another hallmark of your posts. You always take whatever I write as being something completely literal that I'm asking for myself, when it's actually just me throwing out topics over which I hope people can have meaningful discussions.

99.9% of my threads are simply my observations of the world and me asking, "Why are things this way? What have you all seen and experienced, and what do think about it?"

I am in no way interested in looking for some imaginary man (or in your words, sperm donor) in a foreign country on a site that is all about taking easy cash grabs from lonely people (let alone starting my own,) but thanks. :ROFL:
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
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#26
I was racking my brains trying to remmeber the book...

it was called 'Sea Fever from first date to first mate' by Angela Meyer.

and the dating site was called The Man Bank.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,371
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#27
i do recall reading a book about a kiwi woman who lived in Pamerston North. If you have any idea where that is you might have some idea why she was so desperate to find someone not from that area lol.

anyway she made her own lonely hearts club dating site thing and found a sailor and ended up eloping with him and sailing around the world, and marrying him and having his baby. So it is possible. ANd it is more common than you think.

my own mum left hong kong and met my dad, here in nz although she wasnt advertising. I know tonnes of women who married people overseas...or those that came and met people here or on travels so maybe its just your circle of friends.
This is really interesting, as you're in a situation where you've seen this quite often. Where I live, it's just not as common. But even here in the US, it might be an everyday occurence in larger areas like New York or California. I've always lived in small-town areas.

What kinds of challenges have you seen these couples-from-different-worlds go through?

There are lots of other things to take into consideration as well as to why this might happen more in some areas than others. I know it's very popular for military men to take brides (or second brides) in various foreign countries where they are stationed, so in smaller countries where there are lots of tourists or military personnel, I would guess that this is probably seen as being quite normal under those circumstances.

I had a friend whose father worked as a teacher on a military base in the Philippines, and he talked about seeing two waves of kids during his teaching career. The first wave of kids he taught were the children of the Americans and their American wives; the second wave of kids was from the Americans leaving their American wives for young Filipino brides, or taking them as mistresses.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
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#28
well no need to take offence seoul. I dont need to be told how to read your posts everyones got a different view on life.....

so dont be surprised should I respond in my own way as I am not you.....
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
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#29
well in nz as we are an island with a smallish population that is rather quite different from where you live in a huge continent with heaps of people in all different states.

International travel and immigration was quite common before covid so...it does present challenges but nz is actually quite relaxed about different cultures marrying.
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
3,782
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#30
There is an older couple at church who are now in their seventies. They were introduced to each other when they were in their forties. He is Greek and she is from the Phillipines. It is his second marriage, her first.
They have a huge communication problem as they both speak their own language but are both quite poor in their english language, yet that is the only language they share in common thus can communicate in. It is difficult to watch as they seem to be operating in a high frustration level.
They have now been married for thirty odd years. She became quite ill about ten years ago and he has been basically caring for her although she is fairly independent.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,371
2,752
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#31
well no need to take offence seoul. I dont need to be told how to read your posts everyones got a different view on life.....

so dont be surprised should I respond in my own way as I am not you.....
No worries and no offense taken.

Like you, I was simply explaining my point of view. :cool:

It's just me trying to explain the way I think, and being slightly surprised that with as many replies as you've made to my threads, you apparently still don't realize this about me.

No problem though. I don't mind elaborating if I have the time, and thank you for the opportunity. :)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
3,109
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#32
in regards to filipinos cultures well the reason so many filipino women marry foreigners is there is ashortage of men in their own country and not all are eligble to marry...and many filipino women have had to work overseas more so than filipino men as they are recruited as nurses. so many do find spouses overseas and end up staying.

while my mum and her sister found nz hubands (still chinese though) all their brothers and sisters married spouses from hong kong who came and settled here.

the second generation its only my cousin born here who married a kiwi while most of my other cousins are unmarried. even when they have gone overseas they have not married. I think you need to be in a postion to marry when you are ready, mostly because you want to raise a family and some places its easier to do that than others. for example, its not so easy to raise a family in hong kong althougn people can do it...growing up in a crowded city isnt seen as ideal.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,460
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#33
There is one filipino lady married to a kiwi in my church although I dont know their background they are an older couple. They are lovely and dont seem to have communication issues althoug she did habe trouble finding work.
My next door neighbour married a filipino wife he met there but am not sure if they came back here to live.
I had a workmate who was filipino but the thing is her culture is very catholic and they place huge emphasis on family and marriage. american influence is also very strong, many speak english with an american accent

I am not sure why the huge influx of mail order brides from there but I suspect economic difficulties make fidning a spouse difficult for women in the Phillipines. it used to be the same with Russians.

some countries have a big gender imbalance, mine has a man drought. Apparently there are plenty of eligible men in australia, but I dont particularly want to live in Australia lol. although I knew several whove moved over there mostly for a better life. and some that have moved back as it was too hot.

Ive just been reading some shocking stats on how exploited filipino nurses are in my country. But then my country hasnt always a great track record for immigration and labour. so many immigrants are just underpaid for what they do.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,499
808
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#34
Hey Everyone,

I was just thinking about the fact that I've often read about men who look for love online in foreign countries (meaning, for this thread, any country other than the one they are living in or identify with.) Several years ago here in Singles, we had a few middle-aged men (in their 50's) who were very enthusiastically encouraging Christian men to look for young brides in Asian countries. I remember one specifically saying that "American women are poison," and therefore, a man's best chance was to look overseas.

Over the years, I've personally known about 15 married couples in which the spouses were from completely different countries and cultures. In the past, I've written some threads about the unique challenges they've told me they face, but this thread is not about that.

Rather, I'd like to ask -- if Christian men feel led by God to seek young wives from other countries, why aren't Christian women doing the same?

As I've said, I've known some couples who fit this category, but it was always the husband who had actively pursued options in other countries, and not the wife. So why don't we see this in reverse? I've never met, or even read about, a single couple in which the woman was the one who was actively pursuing men in other countries through dating sites that advertise foreign spouses, etc. Why not? (I'm sure there must be a few out there, but why would it be so rare?)

* Is it because the men are seen as being the ones who should pursue, and therefore, women shouldn't be pursuing men? (If so, why,, and are they, allowed to pursue men within their own country?)

* Is it because more men are in a position to hunt for foreign spouses than women? (For example, they don't have kids or have enough leniency in their custody agreements to be able to pursue someone in another country.)

* Is it because women just aren't interested in this kind of option?

I would really be interested in hearing your feedback.

Please note -- I'm neither encouraging nor condoning this for either gender. If a person feels led by God to pursue a spouse in another country, who am I to say anything?

But ladies, if you DID decide to look for men in other countries:

* Would you be more likely to look for someone who is younger (as the men seem to do), about your age, or older?

* Would you travel to the country to meet him, or would you want him to come to your country instead? And would do you think you'd wind up moving to his country, or would you expect him to move to yours?

I know that duplicate threads are usually frowned upon, but I am going to copy this and put it up in the Family Forum as well. I'm interested in what both singles and married have to say about this, and know that the best way to try to glean from both groups is to post in both forums.

Looking forward to an interesting discussion!
I couldn’t view your profile to see what country you’re from. I think USA(?). I think the gender roles are very different in the countries people are looking for wives. A submissive wife who is all about cooking and cleaning is more attractive to a man than a domineering, oppressive husband may be to a woman.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,274
2,806
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#35
The basics of attraction...

Men like fertility..
Men like a supporting uplifting personality in a woman..
Men like a woman to show signs of being a loving mother..

Woman like men who are strong.. Woman like to be with a man who they think can defend them..
Woman like men who are good providers.. Men who will be able to pay all the bills when she is having children and needs the support..
Woman like men who have high social status.. Woman want to marry UP..

Western men can find all three of their wants by casting their net all over the world.. A woman can tick all his boxes from Burma and she can be a dirt poor villager from a subsistence agriculture family..

Western woman on the other hand are far less likely to find a man from such circumstances attractive.. A man who is dirt poor is not an attractive proposition to a woman..

Lets face it.. Western men,, even ones of average wealth are considered rich in many third world countries and have no problem attracting high quality woman in those third or second world countries..

Western woman want to marry UP to a man if higher status and wealth.. As western woman have become more wealthy by gaining qualifications and entering into higher paid professional carriers the numbers of men who tick their boxes becomes less and less and less.. It's basic maths..

A millionaire woman only wants to marry a multi millionaire husband.. A female CEO of a top company wants to marry a billionaire.. So the most successful a woman is in earning higher salaries the smaller and smaller are the numbers of men who tick her boxes.. Her CEO male equivalent has a huge choice of woman.. He can see a nice young lady who is working as a waitress at the place where he does lunch and she can tick all his boxes and he can peruse her with a high chance of success..
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
8,625
4,985
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#36
Mostly I think it comes down to how gender roles and cultures go together. A western man may like the idea of a meek submissive wife who expects him to run things and is happy to stay home and raise a family and cook and clean. A western woman is much less likely to want to become part of a culture where women have fewer rights and a more socially if not legally restricted place in society. So I think there is something appealing to western men about marrying women from another (usually more conservative and patriarchal) culture that just doesn't appeal in the same way to western women marrying men from those places.

This is absolutely the number one reason. I don't think anything else comes close.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,499
808
113
#37
i do recall reading a book about a kiwi woman who lived in Pamerston North. If you have any idea where that is you might have some idea why she was so desperate to find someone not from that area lol.

anyway she made her own lonely hearts club dating site thing and found a sailor and ended up eloping with him and sailing around the world, and marrying him and having his baby. So it is possible. ANd it is more common than you think.

my own mum left hong kong and met my dad, here in nz although she wasnt advertising. I know tonnes of women who married people overseas...or those that came and met people here or on travels so maybe its just your circle of friends.
My sister left Canada to travel abroad. She ended up in NZ also. She’s now married with a bunch of sons. Maybe it’s just the kiwi men have a way with travellers.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,384
3,831
113
#38
The basics of attraction...

Men like fertility..
Men like a supporting uplifting personality in a woman..
Men like a woman to show signs of being a loving mother..

Woman like men who are strong.. Woman like to be with a man who they think can defend them..
Woman like men who are good providers.. Men who will be able to pay all the bills when she is having children and needs the support..
Woman like men who have high social status.. Woman want to marry UP..

Western men can find all three of their wants by casting their net all over the world.. A woman can tick all his boxes from Burma and she can be a dirt poor villager from a subsistence agriculture family..

Western woman on the other hand are far less likely to find a man from such circumstances attractive.. A man who is dirt poor is not an attractive proposition to a woman..

Lets face it.. Western men,, even ones of average wealth are considered rich in many third world countries and have no problem attracting high quality woman in those third or second world countries..

Western woman want to marry UP to a man if higher status and wealth.. As western woman have become more wealthy by gaining qualifications and entering into higher paid professional carriers the numbers of men who tick their boxes becomes less and less and less.. It's basic maths..

A millionaire woman only wants to marry a multi millionaire husband.. A female CEO of a top company wants to marry a billionaire.. So the most successful a woman is in earning higher salaries the smaller and smaller are the numbers of men who tick her boxes.. Her CEO male equivalent has a huge choice of woman.. He can see a nice young lady who is working as a waitress at the place where he does lunch and she can tick all his boxes and he can peruse her with a high chance of success..
Gonna have to disagree with you on this one. Of course I can't speak for the women, but most of the men I know don't fit your "slave to their biological imperatives" stereotype.

Granted there are a few out there who fit what you describe. From what I've observed, those guys don't think much about anything. But the majority of males I know actually use their brains when choosing anything they deem important - doubly so when choosing a spouse.

As often as you have mentioned this stereotype about men, I have to wonder what kind of men you know. They can't be setting good examples for the boys in your area...
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
1,204
886
113
46
#39
Looking for love is like looking for a fight. When you push, somthin is gonna give, usually in a bad way.
 
C

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow

Guest
#40
Oppps! You guys are talking about us Filipinos 🤣

Word for today : There's a big difference between a godly christian single woman and a single Victoria's secret woman...

Unfortunately, yes ...there are perhaps Filipinas dating foreigners who have this reason... I understand the perception about the poor gold digging filipinas is widespread...but many of us understand that not all westerners are rich. And there are hardworking Filipinas working hard and do not depend on anyone else to feed them or take them out of the Philippines. Many Filipinas are able to support themselves, travel outside Philippines,settle in a foreign country depending only themselves. But I understand that there are bad ones too...



Not all of us filipinas are corrupted by poverty and willing to throw ourselves at someone for a chance to escape it.... some of us are just looking for love too.... I'd never marry for money because choosing that path is lonely and miserable. 😊