Would You marry without dating?

[cinder]

Before I met my spouse, I met other girls I thought of marrying, I didn't date all them. They wanted to marry as well. I didn't though. Later I met my wife and didn't ever date her either. I didn't want to at first either. I met other girls I thought about, but it was clear later on she was who god wanted me to marry. so we married without ever dating and she wasn't the only one on my mind.

So at the risk of bringing up painful memories, why does your profile say you're not married then?

 

[Xethea]

Well since you think @cinder cannot comprehenend you, since this is a Christian forum, where love should be the keyword according to 1 Corinthians 13.

Please @Xethea Simply define the word dating, according to what you think it is. It is simple. Just do that in few sentences. It will help.

So persons won’t have to answer without any comprehension to your question.

You see, I'm not referring to dating in a specific way, because this is a website and I don't know anyone here personally, this is a question where the word dating should obviously be noticed that it is vague and to be viewed by your own personal interpretation of dating. Dating is done differently by everyone, even in culture. As simply as I'm asking it, I'm not caring what you do when you date or what is dating in your culture, it is that in general- would you marry without dating them- however you do it, whatever dating is in your area/culture/family/etc- whatever dating is to you, if you didn't then would you marry them still or do you require dating someone?
That's why I don't need to rephrase this, if I do, I have to give more meaning a specific way which would change the basic point of my question. It would become a different kind of question and I would be getting answers based and a different view about dating be viewed my way way or someone else view of it rather than all of us just accepting and judging from our own views of dating.

However you see it, would you marry someone without it?

Please tell me that at least makes sense enough now to get what I'm asking.

 

[Xethea]

So at the risk of bringing up painful memories, why does your profile say you're not married then? View attachment 191636 View attachment 191636

I haven't updated it probably since years ago when I first made this. That's why. I haven't used this account for a couple years after I made it until this year. Plus even on stuff like facebook, I don't leave much personal information in my status stuff, I only give it out on messages to people I feel like saying it to.

 

[CharliRenee]

Yeah but tone doesn't change the meaning. I also been texting and typing this question on quiz sites, facebook and emails. This is the only time and place someone, in fact multiple people now, can't seem to comprehend the questions meaning. Never expected to come across such a pathetic response such as that. It's English. No fancy or complicated words. No long words involved. About a subject we all are involved with in this world even at the age of being children. Even before kids go to school, they can read this and understand what it's asking. They've already proven that. But oh well, some can understand it, some can't. I rephrase it, I give examples and you people still can't understand. I'm not the problem, it's your understanding of you have that many things to help you understand and yet you still don't get the message.

Whoa there, slow your role there. Just like with how much a student learns is dependent on the way it is delivered by a teacher, so is true with regards to the understanding of a threads content. You might want to make your points without demolishing the character and intelligence of the reader. Perhaps, I am being insulting to your character now. If I am, I apologize but at least perhaps it will serve to show you what it is like on the receiving end of harsh things said.

 

[Poinsetta]

A date can be like a little intro. But you never finish learning a person. ❤️

 

[Xethea]

Whoa there, slow your role there. Just like with how much a student learns is dependent on the way it is delivered by a teacher, so is true with regards to the understanding of a threads content. You might want to make your points without demolishing the character and intelligence of the reader. Perhaps, I am being insulting to your character now. If I am, I apologize but at least perhaps it will serve to show you what it is like on the receiving end of harsh things said.

This has been going on for such a long time, with even the other words and ways these people who know how to talk to me and yet they claim they can't understand it, and they say it's basically my problem- no, it's theirs. It's not my fault they cannot understand a question I have asked thousands across the world and they are the first to not get it after how many rephrases and examples and other things. I've given far too much for them to blame me for them not understanding what the question I gave means.

Some people here understood it correctly and easily, a few didn't, some think I'm asking something more complicated that needs more detail but I'm not, I'm asking a simple and vague question.

If you haven't realized, this is how it's turned out with them;

I ask would you eat sandwiches with peanut butter but without jelly?
They say I need to be more specific, I need to rephrase it, and others say yes, no, I haven't tried it before. So I get some answers from people who understand. These people who don't understand want to know, "is that crunchy peanut butter? Is it creamy? Does that include high fructose corn syrup? "
But I'm not getting to get such an answer. Whatever kind of pb you want to decide from, choose! I don't care what kind of pb or jelly it is! I'm just asking in general would eat the peanut butter sandwich without jelly?
Would you marry and just eat the pb sandwich, or do you require having to date like having jelly on your sandwich?

 

[CharliRenee]

A date can be like a little intro. But you never finish learning a person. ❤️

So true, do we even know ourselves fully? Hopefully, we keep growing.

 

[CharliRenee]

This has been going on for such a long time, with even the other words and ways these people who know how to talk to me and yet they claim they can't understand it, and they say it's basically my problem- no, it's theirs. It's not my fault they cannot understand a question I have asked thousands across the world and they are the first to not get it after how many rephrases and examples and other things. I've given far too much for them to blame me for them not understanding what the question I gave means.

Some people here understood it correctly and easily, a few didn't, some think I'm asking something more complicated that needs more detail but I'm not, I'm asking a simple and vague question.

If you haven't realized, this is how it's turned out with them;

I ask would you eat sandwiches with peanut butter but without jelly?
They say I need to be more specific, I need to rephrase it, and others say yes, no, I haven't tried it before. So I get some answers from people who understand. These people who don't understand want to know, "is that crunchy peanut butter? Is it creamy? Does that include high fructose corn syrup? "
But I'm not getting to get such an answer. Whatever kind of pb you want to decide from, choose! I don't care what kind of pb or jelly it is! I'm just asking in general would eat the peanut butter sandwich without jelly?
Would you marry and just eat the pb sandwich, or do you require having to date like having jelly on your sandwich?

Listen, before I take my creamy peanut butter and grape jelly and get on down the road, I just want you to know that I understand getting frustrated, wanting to be understood. I commend your persistence even against opposition, but I assure you rephrasing with insults and impatience only causes more lost in translation. Don't you think you already have your answers and that as soon as you feel it taking your peace, it is time to move on? God Bless you brother, you and yours.

 

[CharliRenee]

Just saw this in another thread and thought, hey I know....

 

[melita916]

I like pb and jelly. why would I eat a pb sandwich without jelly?



just kidding

brother, everybody wants to be understood. when we don't understand, we ask questions. it's a discussion board, and we all come from different parts of the world and are in different parts in our walk with Christ. we have different backgrounds. some have English as a 2nd language. oh and we all have different experiences.

but let everything we do bring glory to our Savior.

 

[AuntieAnt]

I was wondering what your motive was, but I see you summed it up here.

Why I think dating is bad:
1. you can be cheated on
2. you're likely being lied to about love and feelings
3. someone is likely using you
4. you will lose them as your friend
5. your spouse in future wont want you with them
6. its only an imagination, it doesn't really create anything or change anything
7. anything you do dating to get to know someone, you can do without dating. I did.

Seriously, every single one of those points you list are conjecture. You can’t make a generalized statement like, “You’re likely to be lied to,” about everyone who dates. Sheesh. People can cheat, lie, and abandon you after they marry you, too. Even FRIENDS can backstab and betray you, for that matter. But I’m sure you’re convinced of whatever you’re selling on this thread. You’re certainly not taking anything anyone posts into careful consideration, only contradicting them with your dating-is-bad theory.

By the way, why would a happily married man invite single women to pm him about their personal lives? Not a good idea, sport.

 

[Xethea]

Given his many questionable and even fallacious polls in the last couple of weeks, I think he's quite comfortable with people using their own definitions of his key terms.

I've asked him what the purpose of these polls is... with no answer. That tells me a lot.

It's not that I've refused to answer your question it's the fact I haven't been online to answer the question. It's nice to think very highly of yourself though isn't it?

the purpose is to see what most people on a Christian website would think about dating before marrying someone. It's that simple just like the question asks. I'm not trying to learn anything, nobody else is apparently trying to learn about it, everyone is just stating their own opinion if they would everyone is just stating their own opinion if they would personally date someone everyone is just stating their own opinion if they would personally marry someone themselves without ever dating that person they are going to marry, or if Christians think you need to date somebody or you only would before you would marry someone. I've been asking this question for countless Years to all sorts of Ages from the youngest little kids to the oldest adults who already had their spouse die by age, and I am just curious on his website what you people would do. And it wouldn't be nice for people to understand that you do not have to date somebody to know who they are and to know if they are the one for you to marry. for someone to believe that or not, it's good to see many different opinions and personal feelings about why someone would do or not do that that way people can gain understanding from a good or a bad perspective in a Godly way rather than some worldly person who doesn't know what love is or what marriage is even about.

but in general the purpose of it was just to see what you people think in your own personal opinions

 

[Xethea]

I like pb and jelly. why would I eat a pb sandwich without jelly?



just kidding

brother, everybody wants to be understood. when we don't understand, we ask questions. it's a discussion board, and we all come from different parts of the world and are in different parts in our walk with Christ. we have different backgrounds. some have English as a 2nd language. oh and we all have different experiences.

but let everything we do bring glory to our Savior.

honestly I don't think it had anything to do with how smart they are or their English skills, I think that they were just wanting the question to be something else and thinking it needs to be more of a complex question rather than being so vague. I think they were just thinking on the question too much rather than literally just taking it for what it is. they didn't understand because they probably think I'm trying to say something else or I'm referring to dating as something specifically, and they're saying they don't understand because I didn't describe it specifically that way, but I'm not supposed to because that's not the point of the question that will change the purpose of the question that will lead to different kinds of answers but that's not the kind of answers I'm trying to get. I'm pretty sure if they just understood that from the beginning then they could have answered the question if they just understood how they get was and that I I wasn't referring to dating as anything specific.

 

[Mel85]

Yeah but tone doesn't change the meaning. I also been texting and typing this question on quiz sites, facebook and emails. This is the only time and place someone, in fact multiple people now, can't seem to comprehend the questions meaning. Never expected to come across such a pathetic response such as that. It's English. No fancy or complicated words. No long words involved. About a subject we all are involved with in this world even at the age of being children. Even before kids go to school, they can read this and understand what it's asking. They've already proven that. But oh well, some can understand it, some can't. I rephrase it, I give examples and you people still can't understand. I'm not the problem, it's your understanding of you have that many things to help you understand and yet you still don't get the message.

Obviously if you’re receiving multiple responses from different people regarding your question/s, then maybe you should explain your OP in a way that people understand. Like some have said already, this is an international site where different people will interpret views and opinions in different ways.

Just so you must know, English is my second language, but you don’t see me throwing insults and being extremely rude about your OP. All I suggested was to reword it in a simplistic way so that I can understand, if you can’t even do that, then don’t bother and quit throwing shade.

 

[Mel85]

I've been asking this question for countless Years to all sorts of Ages from the youngest little kids to the oldest adults who already had their spouse die by age, and I am just curious on his website what you people would do.

You keep saying that you’ve asked this question for countless years - are you not satisfied with the answers?

 

[Mel85]

I was wondering what your motive was, but I see you summed it up here.



Seriously, every single one of those points you list are conjecture. You can’t make a generalized statement like, “You’re likely to be lied to,” about everyone who dates. Sheesh. People can cheat, lie, and abandon you after they marry you, too. Even FRIENDS can backstab and betray you, for that matter. But I’m sure you’re convinced of whatever you’re selling on this thread. You’re certainly not taking anything anyone posts into careful consideration, only contradicting them with your dating-is-bad theory.

By the way, why would a happily married man invite single women to pm him about their personal lives? Not a good idea, sport.

 

[maxwel]

Would you marry someone without ever dating them?
Did you know you can? Do you think that is a good or bad idea?
PM me and I can tell you how.

There aren't many women I'd want to marry even AFTER dating them.

...

 

[Xethea]

I was wondering what your motive was, but I see you summed it up here.



Seriously, every single one of those points you list are conjecture. You can’t make a generalized statement like, “You’re likely to be lied to,” about everyone who dates. Sheesh. People can cheat, lie, and abandon you after they marry you, too. Even FRIENDS can backstab and betray you, for that matter. But I’m sure you’re convinced of whatever you’re selling on this thread. You’re certainly not taking anything anyone posts into careful consideration, only contradicting them with your dating-is-bad theory.

By the way, why would a happily married man invite single women to pm him about their personal lives? Not a good idea, sport.

what you are even saying about what I said is quite stupid honestly. When I say you're likely to be lied to, that means that we are simply in a world with a lot of bad people who are using other people and then after marriage just look at the divorce rate why people are likely getting divorced is because of the type of people we have around the world to marry. a bunch of people lie to get someone to like them they put on a bunch of Acts to get people to like them they start fantasizing in their head that their love is real and then they start proposing to each other and say they want to get married and then before you know it all that stuff becomes a lie and then they want a divorce. when I say likely I don't mean everyone. You're saying it like I do mean everyone is that way. but I don't mean that at all I mean that is there is a huge majority of people who don't have the love of the Lord and if they get married it's highly likely they're going to have a terrible marriage like most marriages today. I work around thousands of people literally, I meet people every single day around the city, guys are always telling me how they want to use women how they don't care about the women's feelings how they plan to get them to like them to marry them just to use them as a tool, and a bunch of women just want to say how they want to go off and have sex and have fun and party and made some cool guy and some women are liking these guys that act like they love this woman but the guys really are just planning to use the woman.

these days there are more divorces than there is lasting marriages. And there are more marriages that are lasting where the spouses hate each other and stay away from each other and fight all the time more than there is marriages that have a loving happy family. if you simply look at almost everyone's family in this world like all your friends all your other family members all the strangers out in this world almost anybody you can meet from work or school, they will most likely all them will tell you they have pretty bad time for their families and most kids will tell you they don't have a father or a mother. is simply common sense to know that when you meet someone today in this world it's easy to put on a fake good side to get someone to like you, but it's going to take time to realize if that side of them is really fake and is really the real them a very evil selfish person or not.

With you saying people can cheat and lie and do all that stuff to you after marriage, yeah that's right, but you know what it's highly unlikely a true Christian would do that to their spouse. If you go marrying some worldly person that's likely the person that's going to do it. yes I'm sure all of us at some point lie to almost everybody, but to lie about who you are completely just to get somebody to like you that's not going to be the kind of lie that you're going to have in a marriage. someone who would cheat on you, it's always possible someone could fall into such Temptations of sex and stuff, But a true loving spouse of God would repent and they would not cheat again. If they were foolish enough to keep repeating that process at least they would always be repenting and feel bad for it that is simply the heart a Christian would have by the Holy Spirit living in them. When you have your spouse's who lie and cheat and they don't give a crap and they keep pursuing that, that's not a Christian partner that you have married. dating is mainly a thing dating is mainly the most popular way to win a woman's heart and they use it with all these fake acts saying all these Charming words, buying her gifts, and touching and kissing and all that junk just to win her over and then all that dies out after marriage because once he has finally won her he doesn't need to put on this act anymore because he already has her in his grasp. I have seen this happen over and over again too many young people these days and it makes me sick. And in another way it breaks my heart to see all these innocent young people being fooled by some other idiot that's just selfish. again this isn't referring to every single person on the earth, obviously. But this is extremely common stuff I am talking about. and you may think I'm just going crazy and I'm such an idiot but you got to understand we're talking about marriage here that leads to other children that leads to the population of the entire world and here we have two young idiots one falling for someone's tricks and one using someone for them self and then that ruins the lives of their own it ruins their marriage it ruins the children's life after them and then those children grow up running into the same exact problem because they didn't have parents to teach them how to find the right spouse and to recognize it is the person God wants them to marry, instead you have a bunch of young people going around even in school thinking they want to date and marry somebody for fun and pleasure and romance and someone to be close to so they don't feel lonely anymore, and all of those things are okay but it's not okay when they miss the whole purpose of marriage.

again what you and I have even said isn't the purpose of why I asked this question you just led us onto another subject.

but my dating Theory actually is proven to be very successful. Everything I thought it would do it did for me and even someone else I know tried it out and it works better for them than dating did. and I'm not even the first one to think of this or actually even close to any of the first people who have done this. Dating is a very recent thing that humans didn't always do to marry someone and besides dating it wasn't always arranged marriages. I got to know my wife without dating her, I got to know her well enough and spending enough time with her to realize she is not a big fat liar she's not putting on a fake ax because I know how to recognize that type of stuff in someone If you're just trying to win me over and make me like them or if they're actually being their selves. More than half of my girlfriends when I dated wouldput on those fake sweet little Acts. so I didn't marry those women and I never gave them my lover my heart because I could tell there not being themselves. and now even after marriage my wife doesn't lie to me and I don't lie to her and she doesn't cheat and either do I and I believe it is going to stay that way, because I see God in our marriage. before I married her I saw God in her heart and she recognized God in mine and down the road we knew it was the will of God for us to marry.

so sure you'll get your little fake Christians you'll get your worldly people who love to lie and cheat. But you find a right Godly person and they won't do such a thing. I'm sure some of them will slip up somewhere in sheet but they would come back and repent if they were truly a person of God. But if you're stupid enough to go and marry some worldly person then don't come back blaming your spouse or anybody else of what happened to you because you married some worldly average person who loves to lie and cheat.

This is nothing personal against anyone, it's simply the truth all around us that has been repeating for many years to many people, in fact, to the majority of couples today. I know a Christian man who has been handling divorces and marriages for decades, he knows more than half of marriages today across the world don't work out and they start from dating, childhood, being tricked to make you think someone is why they are not, and even most causes for divorce aren't cheating and lying. People actually make a bigger deal about that during dating for some reason. But it's still very bad when it happens during marriages.

 

[Xethea]

There aren't many women I'd want to marry even AFTER dating them.

...

Me either

 

[Xethea]

I was wondering what your motive was, but I see you summed it up here.



Seriously, every single one of those points you list are conjecture. You can’t make a generalized statement like, “You’re likely to be lied to,” about everyone who dates. Sheesh. People can cheat, lie, and abandon you after they marry you, too. Even FRIENDS can backstab and betray you, for that matter. But I’m sure you’re convinced of whatever you’re selling on this thread. You’re certainly not taking anything anyone posts into careful consideration, only contradicting them with your dating-is-bad theory.

By the way, why would a happily married man invite single women to pm him about their personal lives? Not a good idea, sport.

what is very funny to me is everybody with the most negative things to say to all the disagree with me are always senior members. Doesn't that refer to more of the elderly? Those people who lived in the little goody good days when everything was much more peaceful and marriages were much more successful than they are today. You people don't understand what it's like to be young in the times we live in today. It's nowhere near the same of what it was even just two decades ago. sure you might have some brain knowledge to understand it, but the physical experience of it is always completely different then the brain could ever surpass alone