Would You marry without dating?

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Would you marry someone without dating them ever?

  • I would love it that way, but I don't believe anyone would

    Votes: 1 4.2%
  • Yes, I am doing that now

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • That's always been my plan

    Votes: 1 4.2%
  • Is that possible?

    Votes: 4 16.7%
  • I may consider it later

    Votes: 1 4.2%
  • That is a bad idea

    Votes: 8 33.3%
  • Dating is the better/best/only way to do it

    Votes: 3 12.5%
  • I don't know about that

    Votes: 4 16.7%
  • I did that and got married

    Votes: 2 8.3%
  • Tried that, never worked well

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    24
Aug 12, 2013
306
69
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#61
In my opinion in this case you are talking about dating without commitment."For example, lets say you are a woman, you met a guy, you guys talked a lot over the days or years, none of you ever asked the other out. He meets you one day and proposes."

I would say in that scenario that you dated her casually( you talked,you spent hours weeks months years talking) but no commitment no exclusivity you can still like or talk to other men/women.


Yes it is possible but for me it is not a good idea Marriage is a serious thing. A commitment for life. Jumping into marriage without getting to know each other first will going to be a disaster in my opinion, because even after marriage there are still some things about marriage and about your spouse that you still don't know.


Please can I ask, how long you've been married now? 25 years? 30 years? 40 years? 50 years? If you are with her more than those years I've mentioned I can say that it works for you :)
All saying is in general, is that you all someone "will you date me? Yes. "

That's all there is to it. What commitment is there in that? Just labeling someone that they are yours before marriage? Whenever they want, they can leave you and no law or anything holds them to any consequences of leaving you, lying to you, not providing for you or even marrying someone else or having sex with another person. Most Guys tell me this, young adult men, "If you want a girl to date you or marry you, even just for the sex, you got to do this to her, say stuff like this to her, but her this and that, when she says this-do that, etc. Then when you propose she'll marry you, and then you won't need to buy her stuff, say that stuff anymore, but she'll still have sex with you and she'll just get over the fact you changed. She'll mature and get over it like everything else. Just don't let her catch you cheating if you are. "

When I hear this all the time, it disgust me, but they won't stop bringing it up to me randomly, even strangers! Women are more often than not used at sex toolsand other things. Women focus on the way they are treated, so if a guy can convince them he cares so much then she marries him, then he won't have to put in that effort anymore because he's already got what he wants. He won his prize. Now he can stop the sweet stuff if he wants. Not all guys completely stop, bit it often waters down a whole lot more because he never cared much truly in the first place. It's not only men who are like this either, it's just that I see it more often men are that way. I'm pretty sure it's quite natural. But it's terrible you don't find more men waiting to save the kisses, sex, sweet romantic talk for marriage. You don't need that stuff to love or get to know someone if you want to marry them. Talking isn't everything, but to simply know a man or woman is godly things can work out. Some people in my family married without sex and kissing or anything romantic before marriage, and they've been married over 30 years. They dated, but see, all that was just talking at work and eating or talking about what you believe, what goals you have, how many kids you want, etc. There was no need for them to buy gifts, sweet talk, call each other sexy names or kiss and make out. They spoke about who they were, what they want, how they feel about each other and why they think they would be good for marriage. Their marriage is wonderful, especially compared to most people's. So the dating was just talking pretty much. But I can do all that and not date, and I did. But when guys saw I didn't dare my wife, they tried to tell me she isn't going to marry me if I don't ask her out, because she'll think I don't want her. But instead of listening to them, I know if it's God's will and if she truly wants me, she will end up marrying me and she will keep holding on to be with me, plus I let her know I liked her a lot. The was no need to date. She wanted me, so she waited for me to propose. I did. That simple. There is no need for commitment before marriage. A man simply takes a look at the will of God, his life, the women around him and who God wants him to be with or even in his own opinion who he wants to be with, when he decides he can let the woman know he wants to marry her. She can do the same and decide if she wants to, if she needs to know more first or if she understands the man enough to know she wants to marry him or not. They can get to know each other more or marry or just decide it will never happen. Marriage is commitment, giving up yourself to be for someone else and no longer yourself, you are giving yourself to them. That isn't needed or even a part of dating except to imagine it without being held under any consequences of they cheat or do anything, they can just say "yeah, I cheated, but what are you going to do about it? I'm not your husband or wife." many guys say they will never marry, but they will be dating forever. Why? For sex with many different girls, bragging about who had sex with more girls and how they are all different in bed or if his buddy can have her next week end when he gets bored with this girlfriend. Some guys want romance and love, yes, it's not always just about sex. But some guys don't want to go through the thought of the ever possibly being a divorce, because many of us know the woman usually takes the kids,house, and he ends up almost losing all his money the next countless paychecks going to child support and such. They try to get the love and everything they want from the woman without marrying so they won't likely suffer possible financial consequences. There are some other reasons too.

I don't see why dating would have any reality to commitment. You can both think there is, but in reality you can do whatever you want and not be held off have any biblical comeback to say they are wrong from breaking a commitment. But you can do that in marriage.
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#62
what you are even saying about what I said is quite stupid honestly. When I say you're likely to be lied to, that means that we are simply in a world with a lot of bad people who are using other people and then after marriage just look at the divorce rate why people are likely getting divorced is because of the type of people we have around the world to marry. a bunch of people lie to get someone to like them they put on a bunch of Acts to get people to like them they start fantasizing in their head that their love is real and then they start proposing to each other and say they want to get married and then before you know it all that stuff becomes a lie and then they want a divorce. when I say likely I don't mean everyone. You're saying it like I do mean everyone is that way. but I don't mean that at all I mean that is there is a huge majority of people who don't have the love of the Lord and if they get married it's highly likely they're going to have a terrible marriage like most marriages today. I work around thousands of people literally, I meet people every single day around the city, guys are always telling me how they want to use women how they don't care about the women's feelings how they plan to get them to like them to marry them just to use them as a tool, and a bunch of women just want to say how they want to go off and have sex and have fun and party and made some cool guy and some women are liking these guys that act like they love this woman but the guys really are just planning to use the woman.

these days there are more divorces than there is lasting marriages. And there are more marriages that are lasting where the spouses hate each other and stay away from each other and fight all the time more than there is marriages that have a loving happy family. if you simply look at almost everyone's family in this world like all your friends all your other family members all the strangers out in this world almost anybody you can meet from work or school, they will most likely all them will tell you they have pretty bad time for their families and most kids will tell you they don't have a father or a mother. is simply common sense to know that when you meet someone today in this world it's easy to put on a fake good side to get someone to like you, but it's going to take time to realize if that side of them is really fake and is really the real them a very evil selfish person or not.

With you saying people can cheat and lie and do all that stuff to you after marriage, yeah that's right, but you know what it's highly unlikely a true Christian would do that to their spouse. If you go marrying some worldly person that's likely the person that's going to do it. yes I'm sure all of us at some point lie to almost everybody, but to lie about who you are completely just to get somebody to like you that's not going to be the kind of lie that you're going to have in a marriage. someone who would cheat on you, it's always possible someone could fall into such Temptations of sex and stuff, But a true loving spouse of God would repent and they would not cheat again. If they were foolish enough to keep repeating that process at least they would always be repenting and feel bad for it that is simply the heart a Christian would have by the Holy Spirit living in them. When you have your spouse's who lie and cheat and they don't give a crap and they keep pursuing that, that's not a Christian partner that you have married. dating is mainly a thing dating is mainly the most popular way to win a woman's heart and they use it with all these fake acts saying all these Charming words, buying her gifts, and touching and kissing and all that junk just to win her over and then all that dies out after marriage because once he has finally won her he doesn't need to put on this act anymore because he already has her in his grasp. I have seen this happen over and over again too many young people these days and it makes me sick. And in another way it breaks my heart to see all these innocent young people being fooled by some other idiot that's just selfish. again this isn't referring to every single person on the earth, obviously. But this is extremely common stuff I am talking about. and you may think I'm just going crazy and I'm such an idiot but you got to understand we're talking about marriage here that leads to other children that leads to the population of the entire world and here we have two young idiots one falling for someone's tricks and one using someone for them self and then that ruins the lives of their own it ruins their marriage it ruins the children's life after them and then those children grow up running into the same exact problem because they didn't have parents to teach them how to find the right spouse and to recognize it is the person God wants them to marry, instead you have a bunch of young people going around even in school thinking they want to date and marry somebody for fun and pleasure and romance and someone to be close to so they don't feel lonely anymore, and all of those things are okay but it's not okay when they miss the whole purpose of marriage.

again what you and I have even said isn't the purpose of why I asked this question you just led us onto another subject.

but my dating Theory actually is proven to be very successful. Everything I thought it would do it did for me and even someone else I know tried it out and it works better for them than dating did. and I'm not even the first one to think of this or actually even close to any of the first people who have done this. Dating is a very recent thing that humans didn't always do to marry someone and besides dating it wasn't always arranged marriages. I got to know my wife without dating her, I got to know her well enough and spending enough time with her to realize she is not a big fat liar she's not putting on a fake ax because I know how to recognize that type of stuff in someone If you're just trying to win me over and make me like them or if they're actually being their selves. More than half of my girlfriends when I dated wouldput on those fake sweet little Acts. so I didn't marry those women and I never gave them my lover my heart because I could tell there not being themselves. and now even after marriage my wife doesn't lie to me and I don't lie to her and she doesn't cheat and either do I and I believe it is going to stay that way, because I see God in our marriage. before I married her I saw God in her heart and she recognized God in mine and down the road we knew it was the will of God for us to marry.

so sure you'll get your little fake Christians you'll get your worldly people who love to lie and cheat. But you find a right Godly person and they won't do such a thing. I'm sure some of them will slip up somewhere in sheet but they would come back and repent if they were truly a person of God. But if you're stupid enough to go and marry some worldly person then don't come back blaming your spouse or anybody else of what happened to you because you married some worldly average person who loves to lie and cheat.

This is nothing personal against anyone, it's simply the truth all around us that has been repeating for many years to many people, in fact, to the majority of couples today. I know a Christian man who has been handling divorces and marriages for decades, he knows more than half of marriages today across the world don't work out and they start from dating, childhood, being tricked to make you think someone is why they are not, and even most causes for divorce aren't cheating and lying. People actually make a bigger deal about that during dating for some reason. But it's still very bad when it happens during marriages.

Ummm.... WHAT? Seriously, I read this post of yours three times and if someone offered me a million dollars to define what it's implying, I'd be at a total loss. :rolleyes:

Perhaps you should post what God says on the matter and maybe the truth would be clear. Don't be presumptuous and assume you've cornered the market on relationships. Try to slow down, take some deep breaths, and line your thoughts up with God's Word. And please attempt to use proper punctuation while you’re writing because I get dizzy reading a wall of text of run-on sentences. Thank you. ;)
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,110
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#63
the best thing to do in EVERYTHING in life is to seek the Lord. we have the Holy Spirit, Who is so good to us and faithful.

i dated my 1st boyfriend. then one day, the Lord said to me it was over. a few days later, he brought it up, and we broke up. even though the Holy Spirit told me ahead of time, it still hurt. i still went through the emotions, but i'm so grateful! i learned a lot from the relationship and the break up. i realized how much growing up i needed to do! God is so good!

5 years later, i met my husband. we dated. we got engaged. we got married. lol.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,110
2,302
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#64
lol! i just remembered when i told my friend that my now husband and i were meeting up to go to an art museum. she said, "oh yay! a first date!" i said, "wait.. what? it's a date? i just thought we were hanging out together."

she said, "nope! it's a date."

:ROFL::ROFL::ROFL:
 
Aug 12, 2013
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#65
So true, do we even know ourselves fully? Hopefully, we keep growing.
Not even in a thousand years can people fully understand each other. Only the Lord knows us like thatand we even change pretty often, so it takes time for people to keep up with understanding where we are the same and how we have changed. Even if you dated someone, got to know them 100 percent, at such a young age almost everything about them is going to change within just a few years. Good things and bad things. They aren't always going to completely remain as the person you knew them to be. So if you're looking to see if you'll just like them and if they change and you don't anymore, those are one of the reasons Divorcements happen a lot, the couple just don't like each other for their changes. But that's why we need Gods love in our marriages. No matter what happens or how they change, if they become better or worse, we should still love them. That's why arranged marriages with someone you never met can still be a great thing, if you're willing to love and want them still no matter what.
 
Jan 27, 2015
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#67
what is very funny to me is everybody with the most negative things to say to all the disagree with me are always senior members. Doesn't that refer to more of the elderly? Those people who lived in the little goody good days when everything was much more peaceful and marriages were much more successful than they are today. You people don't understand what it's like to be young in the times we live in today. It's nowhere near the same of what it was even just two decades ago. sure you might have some brain knowledge to understand it, but the physical experience of it is always completely different then the brain could ever surpass alone
That refers to how long they've been on this site, not on this Earth! :LOL::ROFL:
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
680
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#70
Thats bad idea.
Personally to decide someone to marry someone is a super big decision one in a life. If we dont know that person well thats can be dangerouse and wont work well i think.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
32,744
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Florida
#72
Dating is a pointless exercise if you don't consider the person that you're dating to be a possible future spouse. If you love the person that you're dating why wait months or years to propose, and even with that have a lengthy engagement? If you know what you want then why waste precious years before getting married.?

From my own personal experience after a couple dates you should have a good idea whether or not to pursue the relationship. If it is worth pursuing then it is worth taking bold positive action in the direction of marriage, otherwise the relationship should be ended. People can be so tentative about considering marriage due to fear of commitment or rejection, wasting precious time anxiously waiting for a perfect spouse, preferably a virgin, never married, no children, and waiting for all the "T's" to be crossed, the "I's" dotted and all the lights green before proceeding. in such cases there are some that will be waiting for a long time passively waiting for God to simply drop a spouse into their lap.

Pursing a relationship is a calculated risk but if you allow God to play a part in finding your heart's desire than at some point you just have to roll the dice and see what happens. That's the way I played the game and it is working out fine.
 
Dec 17, 2018
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#73
I suppose it depends on how you define "dating."

The actual concept is relatively new, but prior to "dating" people generally courted each other before marriage, a practice that is practically dead in our society. In a courtship, you are more regulated when you are around your partner.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
15,321
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Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#74
I suppose it depends on how you define "dating."

The actual concept is relatively new, but prior to "dating" people generally courted each other before marriage, a practice that is practically dead in our society. In a courtship, you are more regulated when you are around your partner.
Yes, I like it for Christians. Courtship needs to be brought back. That can progress into group or double dates where the youngsters have chaperoned access. Most newlyweds remind me of the Johnny Cash - June Carter song "We Got Married in a Fever." :cool:
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
26,675
3,854
113
#75
Dunno, see, at my age, dating for any length of time could be a lifetime!

And, if Jennifer Aniston isn't seeing anyone right this minute........and has some weird psychotic desire to get hitched to an old man..........well.......

RING DEM BELLS!



:)
 

rong

Active member
Nov 20, 2018
125
120
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china
#76
Dating is a pointless exercise if you don't consider the person that you're dating to be a possible future spouse. If you love the person that you're dating why wait months or years to propose, and even with that have a lengthy engagement? If you know what you want then why waste precious years before getting married.?

From my own personal experience after a couple dates you should have a good idea whether or not to pursue the relationship. If it is worth pursuing then it is worth taking bold positive action in the direction of marriage, otherwise the relationship should be ended. People can be so tentative about considering marriage due to fear of commitment or rejection, wasting precious time anxiously waiting for a perfect spouse, preferably a virgin, never married, no children, and waiting for all the "T's" to be crossed, the "I's" dotted and all the lights green before proceeding. in such cases there are some that will be waiting for a long time passively waiting for God to simply drop a spouse into their lap.

Pursing a relationship is a calculated risk but if you allow God to play a part in finding your heart's desire than at some point you just have to roll the dice and see what happens. That's the way I played the game and it is working out fine.
I agree with you very much, but I have never met such a decisive man, I wasted a lot of time and feelings, then the man hesitated for a few months and then disappeared.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
32,744
10,681
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Florida
#77
I agree with you very much, but I have never met such a decisive man, I wasted a lot of time and feelings, then the man hesitated for a few months and then disappeared.
One day you may meet such a decisive man who will sweep you off your feet. The guy probably hesitated because he really didn't know what he was searching for in a relationship or even if he truly desired marriage.
 

rong

Active member
Nov 20, 2018
125
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china
#78
One day you may meet such a decisive man who will sweep you off your feet. The guy probably hesitated because he really didn't know what he was searching for in a relationship or even if he truly desired marriage.
Thank you for your encouragement. I am waiting for god's preparation. I need patience and faith
 

VincentG

Prodigal son
Aug 25, 2018
1,755
920
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#79
I think you should date..or hang out ..walk the sands of the beach and talk get to know the person real good...the likes and dislikes see if your compatible and prepare to take the next step very seriously and with cautions.
 

rong

Active member
Nov 20, 2018
125
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china
#80
Your suggestion is good, but I don't have a beach or a date. At least not now
I think you should date..or hang out ..walk the sands of the beach and talk get to know the person real good...the likes and dislikes see if your compatible and prepare to take the next step very seriously and with cautions.