Having a hard time.

[DuchessAimee]

Hello, I'm new here. My name is Laura. I just turned thirty.

I'm having an extremely hard time with being single. I have never been on a date. I used to think it was because of my weight, but I see much bigger women with people all the time. I've watched my best friends date, get engaged, marry, have a baby, have another, and so on. And I used to think that I would be blessed with that, too. But here I am.

I've had some close friends tell me I need to focus on God only. I understand that. But I'm human. I struggle with the fact that marriage is an idol for me. I have surrendered it in prayer over and over again. I've prayed for God to take away the desire for marriage if it's not in His will for me. And nothing.

And lately, I have been turning my back on God. I feel like He won't answer my prayers at all. I'm just... at the end of my rope.

I'm not going to say you're not married (or dating) because of your weight, or your locale, or because your intended isn't ready. To be honest, I have no idea why you're in the situation you're in.


However, I will say this. Please hear this with love, and if you want, I'll give you my phone number and you can hear it for yourself. I mean it, just ask.



God doesn't owe you anything. God doesn't give into manipulation or goading. God is more concerned about your character than your comfort. God isn't mandated to answer your prayers or give you what you want. And for you to turn your back on God because you aren't getting what you think you deserve or need is a temper tantrum.


Now, your friends have a point, but it's trite. Yes, you should focus on God because he is the author and finisher of your faith. However, I would suggest focusing on yourself too. I suggest finding a strong, female mentor who will kick your bum when you need it. Open up to her and let her see all the scars, bruises, and pride that you have. When and if you're supposed to date, you will. But don't force it. Being friends first really is the best, because there will be times when your friendship with him is all you have.

 

[cinder]

This may sound like an odd statement, but I have never been one to date someone by first approaching someone because of attraction, then get to know them in hopes of dating and having a future. Anyone I have had a relationship with has been someone I started out as a friend with and during that friendship, I just got to that point where I was like "she has those qualities I would like to get to know better. I want to be around her more." Her physical attributes have always been icing on the cake.

Dear all guys who agree with the above statement,

If you exist, please come out of hiding. There are some wonderful but not physically perfect ladies out there who would like to meet you.

 

[tourist]

Hello, I'm new here. My name is Laura. I just turned thirty.

I'm having an extremely hard time with being single. I have never been on a date. I used to think it was because of my weight, but I see much bigger women with people all the time. I've watched my best friends date, get engaged, marry, have a baby, have another, and so on. And I used to think that I would be blessed with that, too. But here I am.

I've had some close friends tell me I need to focus on God only. I understand that. But I'm human. I struggle with the fact that marriage is an idol for me. I have surrendered it in prayer over and over again. I've prayed for God to take away the desire for marriage if it's not in His will for me. And nothing.

And lately, I have been turning my back on God. I feel like He won't answer my prayers at all. I'm just... at the end of my rope.

After a horrific divorce in 1984 I remained single and celibate for 18 years. For the last 3 years of that time period I prayed everyday for God to search and bring to me the woman of my dreams. I met my wife on-line in AOL Romance Christian Singles. That was a dating site, CC is not, or so I have been informed more than once. We were married 4 months later in 2002. She was the most beautiful spiritual woman I have ever known. We were very much love and faithful to each other for our entire marriage until Jesus took her from me in February of this year. I focus on Jesus every day. Jesus knows our hearts and understands the pain of loneliness as He was separated from his Father when He took upon my sins and died for them on the cross. This separation lasted 3 days as we calculate time but in the eyes of Jesus, a thousand years is a day and a day a thousand years. That is a lot longer than the 18 years that I was alone. I am struggling with loneliness also and I urge you to continue to pray to God for your true heart's desire. I know first hand that miracles can and do happen every day. God Bless You.

 

[just_monicat]

Dear all guys who agree with the above statement,

If you exist, please come out of hiding. There are some wonderful but not physically perfect ladies out there who would like to meet you.

fyi : physically perfect ladies do not exist!

we all have issues, flaws, and short-comings. and the good news is, no one has to be attractive to the masses, but just one, right person.

i find that to be very comforting. : )

and i have no doubt there is a guy for whom you are perfect for.

 

[tourist]

Hi.. My name is Misty. I'm 30 and never been on a date either .. and like you I always say its a weight issue. It does get very discouraging at times ... please don't let it get you discouraged to the point that you turn your back on God. I have for years prayed that if it's not in God's plans for me to marry that he'll give me grace to accept it and live a content single life for Him. For the most part that's exactly what I am.. content... but I do have times where I feel like I'm missing out on so much. The desire for marriage has never left me for one second ... it's still here strong as ever. Whenever I pout about how everyone else in the world has a boyfriend except me.. my little sister reminds me that if I had no standards that I could have one too.... If I got to the desperate " anyone will do" attitude.... and she's right.. but I don't just want anyone. I NEED a spiritual leader... someone who will love the Lord and love me and be willing to serve the Lord. Good things are worth waiting for aren't they ? Don't give up. Pray for me and I will pray for you. If you need to talk you can pm me. God bless you.

Keep praying! And hold to your standards. Tonight I will pray for all the lonely people in the world including yourself. There is no such thing as a weight issue in a relationship. It a matter of love really...

 

[Pipp]

Keep praying! And hold to your standards. Tonight I will pray for all the lonely people in the world including yourself. There is no such thing as a weight issue in a relationship. It a matter of love really...

Thanks feller

 

[wisebeardman]

snoring is a big dealbreaker though.

 

[biscuit]

Hello, I'm new here. My name is Laura. I just turned thirty.

I'm having an extremely hard time with being single. I have never been on a date. I used to think it was because of my weight, but I see much bigger women with people all the time. I've watched my best friends date, get engaged, marry, have a baby, have another, and so on. And I used to think that I would be blessed with that, too. But here I am.

I've had some close friends tell me I need to focus on God only. I understand that. But I'm human. I struggle with the fact that marriage is an idol for me. I have surrendered it in prayer over and over again. I've prayed for God to take away the desire for marriage if it's not in His will for me. And nothing.

And lately, I have been turning my back on God. I feel like He won't answer my prayers at all. I'm just... at the end of my rope.

Establishing a relationship for marriage is work that you will have to initiate and work on. It doesn't hurt to have God assisting you along the way. There are some really good workshops, seminars, books and etc. on relationships, dating & marriage. For some women it is just natural for them when it comes to relationships & men while others have to be instructed along the way.

 

[SabbieWabbie]

Why do people seem to think if you talk about weight you are saying that's the only way a man will find you attractive enough to date. No, that is rubbish. If this is why he wants to date you- then run! It's not about choosing someone based on their appearance- it's about the habits and the attitudes that come along with being overweight. You can't change a scar, but you can change your weight- for yourself, for your children and for the people that love you.

Healthy weight is for living long, for enjoying your marriage (As a MARRIED Christian you should be having THE BEST sex) weight can make that difficult. Besides that, weight can compromise your health, while you may be healthy now, carrying all the excess weight around in the long haul has consequences, and people know that it cuts life short, would you want a short life for your spouse? These things run through my mind when I consider a future spouse. Do I want my children and my children's children to carry on being unhealthy? Change starts with me. I want to be healthy and here to enjoy my children and my children's children, I want to do things with them, take them places that require me not to be huffing and puffing while playing catch.

At probably the heaviest weight I ever was, I dated someone who saw ME, saw beyond the weight, and he took a real interest in me, I mean I was REALLY heavy. He did physical things with me- we went biking, we went kayaking, we went hiking and I hated it all!! I had started to lose weight, and oneday he sat me down and had a real heart to heart with me, told me all the positive qualities he sees in me and that it would pain him to see me get sick because of something like weight, or not carry children because of weight (this is putting more than me at risk) or die early in a zombie apocalypse (he said kidding after saying that, it was a intense conversation and the mood had to be lightened) Anyway, I don't understand why people get so defensive and say things like, "they have to love you for your inside" if you let yourself get overweight and you don't take care of yourself, do you even love you for your inside? Loving you for you, for who you are behind the physical appearance is a given, not if's but's or maybe's. God wants what's good for us, and being overweight is not good, and there is no way to sugar coat that with some feel good stuff because we gonna eat that sugar too, lol.

 

[IloveyouGod]

I'm picturing God looking from high above and laughing at us saying you ladies and gentlemen are wasting your time n' effort not knowing that when and if I want you to be with someone I'll do it in a blink of an eye. My power and authority will surpass ALL your expectations/imagination/fear and thinking. So at this point knock yourselves out!!

 

[tourist]

snoring is a big dealbreaker though.

Hopefully, by the time that happens it will be a done deal, signed, sealed and delivered. At that point it will not be a "deal breaker" any more. Annoying perhaps...

 

[wisebeardman]

Hopefully, by the time that happens it will be a done deal, signed, sealed and delivered. At that point it will not be a "deal breaker" any more. Annoying perhaps...

uhhh no. one thing I won't deal with is snoring. it is one thing that will put me into a mode of rage. like having to hear nails on a chalk board for 7 hours strait....

 

[just_monicat]

uhhh no. one thing I won't deal with is snoring. it is one thing that will put me into a mode of rage. like having to hear nails on a chalk board for 7 hours strait....

and how do you know that you don't snore? thus providing an equally compelling irritant?

or the non-snoring woman you marry becomes a snorer in her later years???

honestly, i HATE snoring, but i can't imagine that being the deal breaker i'd be hanging my hat on. i'd like to think there are some options that exist for the weary and sleepless.

earplugs anyone?

 

[wisebeardman]

and how do you know that you don't snore? thus providing an equally compelling irritant?

or the non-snoring woman you marry becomes a snorer in her later years???

honestly, i HATE snoring, but i can't imagine that being the deal breaker i'd be hanging my hat on. i'd like to think there are some options that exist for the weary and sleepless.

earplugs anyone?

its the sound I can't stand it.

earplugs won't work for me. something in my ear would drive me up the wall. just like I can't stand having something hang on my face (like sunglasses) I have to be able to hear everything when I sleep (and yes I do hear when asleep) im like a dog I can be asleep someone pull in the drive I hear it and wake up.. then I am mean cause they woke me up (never a good idea to wake me up)

when you have spent pretty much your entire life alone, you become VERY set in your ways. and when something disrupts those ways you are not happy.

 

[A_Friend_In_Christ]

God does not owe anyone anything, but why do some selfish people who never give back to anyone seem to have it all?

They have a husband or wife, kids a house and pretty much everything else. I know you are going to say sometimes life is not fair.

To me a person does not have to be perfect. Believing in God and country and having a good Christian heart is better than a perfect 10 in looks only.

 

[hoss2576]

God does not owe anyone anything, but why do some selfish people who never give back to anyone seem to have it all?

They have a husband or wife, kids a house and pretty much everything else. I know you are going to say sometimes life is not fair.

To me a person does not have to be perfect. Believing in God and country and having a good Christian heart is better than a perfect 10 in looks only.

There is an old quote that says "the greenest grass is over the septic tank." Simply put, it may look pretty but underneath it could be real stinky. You just don't know. You are seeing a family, kids, and a house, but there may be oh so much more you don't see. It isn't about fairness, it is about not comparing your life to anyone else' life. It is coveting which is of no benefit to you. I don't mean to be full of cliches, but take it to extremes. Kurt Cobain had a child, rock star wife, and mansions and committed suicide. I don't mean to take it to such extremes, but don't worry about how someone else' life stands in comparison to yours. Right now you have freedoms, some married folks envy.

Sometimes others have different things than we do because they are using a different play book. Those who don't help others and don't give back are focused on the short game, and we as believers are focused on the end game and how to live the best life along the way.

 

[IloveyouGod]

God is a Just Judge, period. So whether we're being shallow looking at the kids, house, pets and what have you. OR being deep looking at all the details, at the end of the day we DO NOT care or compare because we know our Father is a loving fair God.

God does not owe anyone anything, but why do some selfish people who never give back to anyone seem to have it all?

They have a husband or wife, kids a house and pretty much everything else. I know you are going to say sometimes life is not fair.

To me a person does not have to be perfect. Believing in God and country and having a good Christian heart is better than a perfect 10 in looks only.

 

[llc84]

I just wanted to say thank you for the welcome, insight, and replies!

I don't do the best at explaining myself sometimes. Let me try a bit again:

I just do not think that my life will ever be "right" if I'm not married at some point. I look at people (as was mentioned by someone) and I think, "Why them? What did I do so wrong that God would bless them with a family and not me?" Especially when He knows my heart. And the ones that bullied me? That cuts deeply. I mean it hurts.

I've cried myself to sleep for years over this but it's gotten particularly rough as of lately. My age, my dad (had a very rare cancerous tumor, it's been removed, now he's 6 hours away learning to basically walk again), and just my life in general scares me. I don't want to be alone.

And no, I don't think God owes anything to me... But I'm human and I don't understand a lot of this. I don't understand why I'm going through this or why when I pray for God to take these desires away from me, He doesn't.

As far as my weight, I could definitely learn to eat and live healthier than what I am right now. But I also have hypothyroidism and possibly PCOS, and it's hard. With all of that on top of everything else? I start to think I'll never have my prayer of marriage and a family answered.

 

[Pipp]

I just wanted to say thank you for the welcome, insight, and replies!

I don't do the best at explaining myself sometimes. Let me try a bit again:

I just do not think that my life will ever be "right" if I'm not married at some point. I look at people (as was mentioned by someone) and I think, "Why them? What did I do so wrong that God would bless them with a family and not me?" Especially when He knows my heart. And the ones that bullied me? That cuts deeply. I mean it hurts.

I've cried myself to sleep for years over this but it's gotten particularly rough as of lately. My age, my dad (had a very rare cancerous tumor, it's been removed, now he's 6 hours away learning to basically walk again), and just my life in general scares me. I don't want to be alone.

And no, I don't think God owes anything to me... But I'm human and I don't understand a lot of this. I don't understand why I'm going through this or why when I pray for God to take these desires away from me, He doesn't.

As far as my weight, I could definitely learn to eat and live healthier than what I am right now. But I also have hypothyroidism and possibly PCOS, and it's hard. With all of that on top of everything else? I start to think I'll never have my prayer of marriage and a family answered.

I have PCOS too.. it's a pain in the bootay for trying to lose weight.

 

[llc84]

^ oh yes, so much! I don't know if I have it, but everything is pointing towards so.