Hello, I'm new here. My name is Laura. I just turned thirty.
I'm having an extremely hard time with being single. I have never been on a date. I used to think it was because of my weight, but I see much bigger women with people all the time. I've watched my best friends date, get engaged, marry, have a baby, have another, and so on. And I used to think that I would be blessed with that, too. But here I am.
I've had some close friends tell me I need to focus on God only. I understand that. But I'm human. I struggle with the fact that marriage is an idol for me. I have surrendered it in prayer over and over again. I've prayed for God to take away the desire for marriage if it's not in His will for me. And nothing.
And lately, I have been turning my back on God. I feel like He won't answer my prayers at all. I'm just... at the end of my rope.
I'm having an extremely hard time with being single. I have never been on a date. I used to think it was because of my weight, but I see much bigger women with people all the time. I've watched my best friends date, get engaged, marry, have a baby, have another, and so on. And I used to think that I would be blessed with that, too. But here I am.
I've had some close friends tell me I need to focus on God only. I understand that. But I'm human. I struggle with the fact that marriage is an idol for me. I have surrendered it in prayer over and over again. I've prayed for God to take away the desire for marriage if it's not in His will for me. And nothing.
And lately, I have been turning my back on God. I feel like He won't answer my prayers at all. I'm just... at the end of my rope.
I'm not going to say you're not married (or dating) because of your weight, or your locale, or because your intended isn't ready. To be honest, I have no idea why you're in the situation you're in.
However, I will say this. Please hear this with love, and if you want, I'll give you my phone number and you can hear it for yourself. I mean it, just ask.
God doesn't owe you anything. God doesn't give into manipulation or goading. God is more concerned about your character than your comfort. God isn't mandated to answer your prayers or give you what you want. And for you to turn your back on God because you aren't getting what you think you deserve or need is a temper tantrum.
Now, your friends have a point, but it's trite. Yes, you should focus on God because he is the author and finisher of your faith. However, I would suggest focusing on yourself too. I suggest finding a strong, female mentor who will kick your bum when you need it. Open up to her and let her see all the scars, bruises, and pride that you have. When and if you're supposed to date, you will. But don't force it. Being friends first really is the best, because there will be times when your friendship with him is all you have.