Hey everyone,
Recently I was thinking about some times I haven't been interested in dating someone for whatever reasons, and the person then wanted a very clear reason as to why.
If I didn't know the person very well (for example, in an online dating situation where you just met the person or when someone wants to try to fix you up with someone), I tend to just kind of shrug it off because I feel that if I'm not comfortable with the thought of going out with someone I don't even know, why should I be expected to give some sort of detailed explanation?
I did have one case in which the person asking was a guy I'd been friends with for many years, and that was a lot tougher, because I felt I owed him some sort of explanation but didn't want to just say, "I just don't have those feelings between us" without trying to explain my stance.
Some of the guys whom I've met have actually been very aggressive about wanting a reason and won't let it go (if it's an online situation and the person is relentlessly asking without even knowing me, I block them), and in my opinion, this can be very uncomfortable. However, it also makes me feel as if I've made the right decision, because someone who demands answers from me and doesn't even know me is not someone I want to date (just my own opinion.)
What do the rest of you what you think? If you don't want to date someone who wants to date you, do you owe them an explanation? Does it depend on how well or how long you've known them? How do you personally handle the situation?
On the other hand, most of us have had more then our fair share of rejection as well. But in all honesty, I can't remember ever asking someone why they didn't want to date me--I just kind of shrugged it off as him not liking me for whatever reasons. Yes, sometimes I'd feel down or really hurt, but I never asked for a reason why. I guess I figured whatever reason they had was good enough and I just had to get over it. (The one exception, of course, was my ex-husband--I would have preferred that he would have told me HIMSELF instead of finding out through others that he didn't love me anymore and had fallen for another girl, but maybe God spared me that because it would have been too much to bear at the time.)
It might be just me but if someone rejects me, I don't bother to ask why. Maybe I'm just afraid of more hurt in addition to the rejection? Because if I don't ask, I can make up my OWN reasons as to why they don't like me, and maybe that seems less painful than allowing someone else to choose their own reasons and tell you all the things they find unattractive about you. At least if I tell myself something like, "Well, I'm not pretty enough," I still have control over my own rejection, in a twisted kind of way.
How do you personally handle rejection? Do you expect someone to give you a clear reason if they aren't interested in you? Does it somehow help you get over the pain of the person rejecting you?
And if no reasons or explanations should be expected either way, what should you tell the other person?
Recently I was thinking about some times I haven't been interested in dating someone for whatever reasons, and the person then wanted a very clear reason as to why.
If I didn't know the person very well (for example, in an online dating situation where you just met the person or when someone wants to try to fix you up with someone), I tend to just kind of shrug it off because I feel that if I'm not comfortable with the thought of going out with someone I don't even know, why should I be expected to give some sort of detailed explanation?
I did have one case in which the person asking was a guy I'd been friends with for many years, and that was a lot tougher, because I felt I owed him some sort of explanation but didn't want to just say, "I just don't have those feelings between us" without trying to explain my stance.
Some of the guys whom I've met have actually been very aggressive about wanting a reason and won't let it go (if it's an online situation and the person is relentlessly asking without even knowing me, I block them), and in my opinion, this can be very uncomfortable. However, it also makes me feel as if I've made the right decision, because someone who demands answers from me and doesn't even know me is not someone I want to date (just my own opinion.)
What do the rest of you what you think? If you don't want to date someone who wants to date you, do you owe them an explanation? Does it depend on how well or how long you've known them? How do you personally handle the situation?
On the other hand, most of us have had more then our fair share of rejection as well. But in all honesty, I can't remember ever asking someone why they didn't want to date me--I just kind of shrugged it off as him not liking me for whatever reasons. Yes, sometimes I'd feel down or really hurt, but I never asked for a reason why. I guess I figured whatever reason they had was good enough and I just had to get over it. (The one exception, of course, was my ex-husband--I would have preferred that he would have told me HIMSELF instead of finding out through others that he didn't love me anymore and had fallen for another girl, but maybe God spared me that because it would have been too much to bear at the time.)
It might be just me but if someone rejects me, I don't bother to ask why. Maybe I'm just afraid of more hurt in addition to the rejection? Because if I don't ask, I can make up my OWN reasons as to why they don't like me, and maybe that seems less painful than allowing someone else to choose their own reasons and tell you all the things they find unattractive about you. At least if I tell myself something like, "Well, I'm not pretty enough," I still have control over my own rejection, in a twisted kind of way.
How do you personally handle rejection? Do you expect someone to give you a clear reason if they aren't interested in you? Does it somehow help you get over the pain of the person rejecting you?
And if no reasons or explanations should be expected either way, what should you tell the other person?
