What Does "Moving On" Look Like?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Grace-Like-Rain's thread about people realizing whether or not they are healing has been on my mind a lot, and this thread is a bit of a continuation of her original theme.

Several weeks ago I was thinking of someone I knew years ago whom I had a major falling out with--and we never spoke again. Because of certain situations in that person's life and in my own, I will most likely never be able to speak to that person again (it's just one of those things... I know that trying to find or contact this person would interfere with their life, and with mine, too.)

I miss the friendship we had very much. And I've felt a lot of sorrow over the years over how badly our friendship ended. But, I try to pray regularly for this person and wish them all the best.

During a recent prayer session, I believe God was telling me, about the situation, "Kim, (this person) still cares about you, even to this day, but they have moved on with their life."

The phrase "moved on with their life" really hit me.

What does "moving on" look like? And how does one know if they have really moved on?

I know many people who have suffered enormous losses, tragedies, and heartaches. Weeks, months, and years have passed. Maybe they've moved to different places, gotten married, had children, taken different jobs... But all of those things don't necessarily mean someone has "moved on", because even though life might change, many people are still living in their past over and over again, day after day. Life might move on, but they don't.

And so I sit here myself thinking of some things in my past and wondering how this concept applies to my own life.

How do you feel one can tell that they have really moved on?

 

[Jeff_56]

go by what scripture says --- in part what the apostle said "forgetting what lies behind, pressing forward to what lies ahead ....." (see it in context for fully picture/meaning)....

also taking everything, all that we ever think about, to yahweh in prayer with thanksgiving and lay it all before him (our whole life, past,present and future) and don't take it back --- turn to yahweh and learn from HIM. (this will upset everyone's cart, as it is not humanly fathomable - GOD WITH MEN!??!? GOD CARING!?!?! -

and cannot be understood by men, unless GOD grants it from heaven (because HIS WAYS are not our ways, HIS THOUGHTS NOT our thoughts, and
human wisdom, human knowledge, human understanding FAILED and always FAILS
to see or to understand HIS KINGDOM/HIS WAY in CHRIST JESUS).

pray pray pray..... and keep praying, keep seeking GOD'S WORD and GOD'S WAY.

HE never disappoints those who trust HIM, who are called according to HIS purpose.

there is a lot more,

a lot more, written in Scripture that pertains to this , very much, very fully, completely and without lack. GOD KNOWS. man doesn't.

 

[seoulsearch]

I had also wanted to mention this as an example--the old romantic comedy When Harry Met Sally.

Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal play a man and a woman who are just friends... for several decades... and then finally wind up together. But long before that happens, each person goes through a major relationship they just can't get over, even though each person dates several other people afterward.

In one scene, Sally confronts Harry about the fact that he's (dated) "almost every woman in New York, but I don't see that turning (his ex-wife) into a distant memory)" any time soon.

It doesn't have to be a romantic situation, of course. I was thinking of someone else I know who always talks about the wrong a particular family member has done to her by abandoning her, even though it's been years since she's seen or talked to that person. She's gone on to have her own family and live in a different area, but she always goes back to this major source of grief in her life. And I'm not saying this in criticism, because we've all been there.

How would one be able to tell that they were over these situations... and have moved on with their lives?

 

[lilbittie]

This is a deep tread. I'm going to enjoy reading everyones' s responses.

I've been through the ringer with relationships of all kinds. The best way for me to describe how I know I moved on is excepting that those relationships were not in a Godly nature. All my life I have been singled out from my immediate family, distant family, friends, my ex husband and his family because I believed in everything from the bible. More recently I asked a pastor who happens to be my customer (I cut his hair) a question on how do you know when to throw your hands up in the air and walk away from all this drama? He told me that God sometimes takes you away from relationships to get you to become closer to him or to protect you. When I thought about this it made sense to me. Something just clicked and I had an overwhelming feeling of calm. I realized in that moment a lot of the hurt and guilt had been lifted that I carried around for a long, long time. I'm happier now than I have been my whole life. This is how I know I've moved on.

I hope this helps answer your question.

 

[AsifinPassing]

A little less like this:



...and a little more like this:




Accepting. Admitting. Surrendering (to God, as in, letting it go). Leaving.

It's saying, "Here you go, God. I don't know what to do with this, and can't really deal with it. I've realized what it is, and I don't want it anymore. I'm out. I'm leaving this behind. Please take this. I'm tired of carrying it. God, I'm giving this to you, and do with it what you will. I'm not living this way anymore."

 

[MollyConnor]

[video=youtube;moSFlvxnbgk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk[/video]

This is what it looks like! ^

No but seriously, when you have moved on from a person you have loved in the past (like romantic love) it's when you are comfortable and happy that they have found someone else or are married now. I used to like a guy in high school. I knew him for years and we went on a few dates but we didn't have the same beliefs so it didn't work out. Now I know I'm over him because it doesn't hurt me that he's married with someone else and has children. I'm actually really happy and know that the Lord has someone else who is better suited for me out there.

But in your situation you are talking about a friend and maybe that is an answer only God can give you. It seems to me that this friend of yours cares about you still and always will but he/she has moved on. The past is there in the past and they are not letting it affect them right now. If you do want to come back into the picture, I think it would be a good idea because you said they still care about you. So the ball is in your court. Do you want to be friends again with this person? Or do you think it's best to leave the past where it is and just move on?

I think you really miss them and want a friendship with said person again. I hope it all goes well!

 

[seoulsearch]

I deeply appreciate everyone's responses and will enjoy reading what people have to say...

Molly, thank you for your kind words.

It grieves my heart that I will not be able to be friends with this person again. I don't want to get into their business but it's kind of like if you have a male (opposite gender) friend who gets married--contacting him is no longer appropriate, most especially when his wife (spouse) never approved of you as a friend in the first place (even though you were friends long before they met.)

That's not exactly the situation but very similar, and yes, I do still feel sad over this person, but I know God will help me move on.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

I don't think anyone can truly depict what it "looks" like, but Kim, my heart goes out to you.

 

[Olerica]

I don't know what it looks like. I still ache for friendships that have passed... and not even from dramatic means, just the drift. I look back at times with them and feel joy and melancholy.

I don't know how you 'move on', but I feel like those memories are scrap books and they no longer make me hurt. And I pray when these people are brought to my memory.

 

[Shannon50]

I agree with what lttbit said about how sometimes God may remove a relationship inorder for you to depend on Him more fully. Or perhaps he didn't remove the relationship, but that "All things work together for Good to those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose". (Roman's 8:..28?)

There is a good group of sermons on "Brokenness" from Charles Stanley that I downloaded to my phone and listen to-- that might help guide you through the moving on, if the removal of the relationship is to strengthen your relationship with him.

I think moving on is a process, and I don't know any other way but to pray that God will help you to let go. It sure is painful, but there is healing in the pain.

 

[Jeff_56]

suppose there was an invitation to walk with the risen resurrected savior messiah king yahshua hamashiach tonight (about 2 hours from now wherever you are).....

to talk directly with him, to listen to him without interruption , to ask him any question that came up or was bothering you, to find out what to do the rest of this week.....

and to know that you know that you know the rest of the summer(or winter if you're down under) was going to be orchestrated perfectly,
and likewise next autumn, next winter, and so on for the rest of your life..... (as long as yahweh permits and accomplishes) ......

and that the shepherd himself comforted you and told you he will be with you all the rest of the days of your life on earth with absolutely no exception.....

would that change your outlook ?

 

[jeremyPJ]

I kind of understand this phase in my life, which I've only truly understood in the last couple of years, though I've seen it coming for a while and contemplated it very much. I have literally (or am still in the process of) getting rid of things in my life, both physical and portions of my personality or which has bound to my soul through time, dumped it and moved on.

I'm not sure if I ever really prayed on it or not, its more of a gut feeling of "tired of being "there", if you understand. There are a few hard personal lessons I've learned lately, some I had forgotten and needed reminded of. I'm thankful, because I see my situations clearer now in my life. I know what I want, what I don't want, and what I will not tolerate.

And I have been blessed with a rekindling of an old friendship that helps too...A good therapist too.
I am also, for once not in a big hurry to start a new relationship. Before, I was always "pushed" by other people, and it always ended badly. I just don't mingle with that type of people anymore. I guess perspective is the key.

I don't have all the answers, but my perspective is much clearer now.
I'm wishing you all the best Kim!

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Unforunately my experiences aren't as in depth as some people's, but I think that "moving on" is when you genuinely hope for the well-being and positive future for your ex. There may be times when you're sad they're gone, but someitmes that can just be the sadness of lonliness and not for that specific person. And sometimes we just miss them. I think it just can be different for other people.

 

[ERICA821]

This thread has both helped me and made me laugh (good laughs!). I'm experiencing heartache right now. It has been hard letting it go because I thought we had a real future together and I had never felt this way before. I think you all have very good advice- accepting that God allows things like this to happen to either bring us closer to Him or to protect us. I can accept that. It helps me to "move on". Though I still miss this person, I wish them happiness. I believe for me- this happened this way to bring me back to God. Any relationship that takes you further away from God is one that isn't blessed by Him. I get that now.

Maybe moving on is just accepting what has happened and trusting God with my future.

 

[seoulsearch]

suppose there was an invitation to walk with the risen resurrected savior messiah king yahshua hamashiach tonight (about 2 hours from now wherever you are).....

would that change your outlook ?

No, because I did all that even more when this person was part of my life.

I met this person a few years after my divorce and they were instrumental in helping me move forward in my Christian walk. We would go on fasts and talk about them, encouraging each other, and discussing what we felt God was working on in our lives. I know some people will say, "You're not supposed to tell anyone!! There's your problem, it's between you and the Lord!!"

But God also tells us to be practical. I have a very addictive personality, which is why I've never been into drugs or alcohol. I never wanted a reason to become addicted to those things. However... If I say I'm going to fast one meal a day for 40 days, and the end of 40 days, I'll be like, "This was really, really hard, but I feel like God taught me so much..." and I'll go another 40, sometimes trying to make the "rules" more stringent every time. Having someone in my life I could share this with helped keep me in line and focused on the reason I had tried to begin with--to get closer to God.

I don't have that kind of connection with anyone now and my Christian walk has actually been stalled because of it. I have been praying a long time to find another mentor/confidante.

But I know God works things out for the good of those who love him.

I do hope everyone will continue to share because your thoughts help me understand what others go through as well.

 

[tourist]

[video=youtube;moSFlvxnbgk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk[/video]

This is what it looks like! ^
QUOTE]

You have this exactly right. Moving on means letting go with that which is hindering you from moving forward in a positive direction in your life.

I moved on after the death of my wonderful second wife early last year. To survive I had to let go of the pain and suffering, of my own and that of my late wife.

That's right. "Let it go..."

 

[p_rehbein]

.......................

 

[JesusLives]

I was married to my first husband a little over 6 years I think the thing that helped me move on from him was the fact he didn't love me any more and when I realized that even though it was a very painful situation..... inside I felt like what is the point? If someone doesn't love you.....you certainly can't force them to love you. So it paved the way for me to move on...

My daughter's father whom I never married even though he asked me to do so more than once I got stuck on and had a hard time moving on and wasted 35 years as he did move on and married, but then again he really didn't as years later we met up again and he said he had made a mistake getting married and asked me to be his second wife....he was middle eastern and they can have two wives at the same time....I told him that might work for you but it does not work for me as I don't share well with others. The difference between situation one and situation two.....We did both still love each other, but I respected that he was married and flat out told him there would be no second marriage for him or any fooling around out of respect for his wife. Not to mention the adultery issue....which is a biggie.....

I was able to move on after him also eventually..... as he passed away in 2010, but it took death to get me to make the move. Life can be so complicated at times...

I am extremely happy now and have moved on to living life again with one tourist partner to travel with till the end of the journey of course God is our pilot we will leave Him in the drivers seat.

 

[CatHerder]

Hey Everyone,

*SNIP*

What does "moving on" look like? And how does one know if they have really moved on?

I know many people who have suffered enormous losses, tragedies, and heartaches. Weeks, months, and years have passed. Maybe they've moved to different places, gotten married, had children, taken different jobs... But all of those things don't necessarily mean someone has "moved on", because even though life might change, many people are still living in their past over and over again, day after day. Life might move on, but they don't.

And so I sit here myself thinking of some things in my past and wondering how this concept applies to my own life.

How do you feel one can tell that they have really moved on?

We have to acknowledge that God is our healer. Time alone does not heal all wounds, but time is something that God uses in our healing.

Following a tragedy - a death, breakup, or what-have-you, we need time to process events and feelings. Though this may seem a cop-out answer, this is not going to be the same for everybody.

In particular, I have read that men who suffer the loss of a spouse tend to remarry quickly if it was a good marriage, often, sooner than their family members are ready for them to. This isn't because they aren't still hurting (but remember that especially in the case of long term illnesses, some begin the grieving process months before the death of a loved one)...and of course, they can't really replace their wife, as the new relationship will be unique. It's more about the positive feelings he had with her. In a weird way, it's kind of a compliment to the woman his deceased wife was.

In other types of situations, we need time for introspection - to look at our own behavior and what contributed to a break up. "Why did I act this way?" "Was I angry? Insecure? Overly needy? Clingy?" "Why did I choose this person?" "What signs did I ignore?" "Why did I compromise in this area?"

Over time, hopefully a lesson will have been learned. We are not likely to wake up one day and declare ourselves "over it" and "ready." However, provided we haven't let our negative experiences become our identity, and depending on our emotional maturity and our willingness to let God be in control, we may realize that despite being still somewhat hurt, we have been ready to let someone else in - to risk being vulnerable - for a while now.

 

[NukePooch]

What does "moving on" look like? And how does one know if they have really moved on?

For me, it's this:



In my life, it's recognizing what was in the past now is happening all over again...learning from it, and making different (hopefully better) choices.

If you are still making the same decisions in response to the same situations, you are only moving in a circle.