I'm looking for….

[cinder]

… a new church (c'mon those of you who know me didn't really think this was going to be a dating thread did you ?).

So to explain… no no there is too much, let me sum up.

I was overseas for 3 years and in that time my "home chuch" has changed a lot. I have also changed a lot and the two of us no longer seem like a good fit. So I am officially in the market for a new church home. But I realize that pretty much all of my past church searches have been over before they've begun and so I have no good system or list of criteria etc. to evaluate a church that I visit as to whether it is really a place I want to commit to. And I'm definitely not a "it feels nice here, I like how I feel here so that must make it good" type of person (though the converse of that "this place just annoys me and rubs me the wrong way" is reason for me to consider leaving.

So I'm seeking the advice (and hoping to immortalize it on the internet for posterity or others in such a situation) of my fellow awesome CC people. (Yes cinder is asking for advice instead of giving it, rare occurrence but life is kind of crazy confusing right now).

So questions to ponder:

1) What do you like about your current church (if you have one)? What made you decide that you wanted to start attending there? What do you look for in a church?

2) What would be some red flags about a church that would make you think twice about joining it?

3) Knowing that you'll probably never find somewhere that 100% matches your ideal, how much in agreement with beliefs and practice do you feel you need to be to become part of a church?

4) What personal preferences, even if they are just preference, are worth holding out for?

5) Got any checklists or criteria? I'd love to see them.

Thank you awesome CC peeps. (Not awesome people need not respond, but if you're asking yourself if you are awesome enough to respond, the answer is yes you are, so get typing).

 

[Dino246]

Criteria #1: A church where Jesus is preached, praised, prayed to and (pardon the lack of persistent alliteration) evident.
Criteria #2: A church where I (as a newcomer) feel welcomed, encouraged, affirmed, included, challenged and generally "at home".
Criteria #3: A church where both children and coffee are welcome in the 'sanctuary'.

Just my $0.015.

 

[Lynx]

First you must pin down what you believe. Only then can you find a church. It's no good finding a church where they are friendly if they don't preach the truth.

And some churches that preach the whole truth do it with... well, with an antagonistic attitude. "I'm right and you're wrong and you'd better say I'm right or you're not part of my group." So yeah, the feel of the place is important.

For me, I know when I walk through the door of a church I'm visiting whether it's a "right for me" church. Before I talk to the first person, before I ask about their doctrine, I can just feel it. When the God that I worship in my church is in that church, it's just something you feel.

 

[Ugly]

Cookies. They must have cookies.

 

[Lynx]

No, that's the Dark Side that has cookies. (In the voice of Yoda) Beware, beware, beware the cookies!

 

[VioletReigns]

Fresh from the oven.

​

 

[Lynx]

"Come to the dark side... we have cookies!" has been around since long before photoshop.

 

[JesusLives]

I like my church for several reasons, the lesson that sticks with me the most is becoming more and more like Jesus. Preaching the gospel of salvation is very important because after all it is all about Jesus and not about us.

I have been in many different singing groups affiliated with my church and been to a lot of different churches singing and one thing I notice is the diversity in cultures it is like walking into a united nations meeting. Which reminds me of my family where even though there are many different religions represented or the lack there of the family I come from is also very diverse and open to different races and cultures so I feel very comfortable at my church because it says to me you are welcome here it doesn't matter who you are or where you come from.

Teaching the Bible truth and loving God with all your heart and soul and loving your fellow man and being able to show that even in adversity. Learning to pray for your enemies and showing kindness even when it is not shown to you. Being an ambassador for God and allowing the Holy Spirit to dwell in your heart showing God's love even to the unlovable.

Many of the churches I have been in over the years while singing I most always felt at home even though I wasn't a member there as there is a unity that binds us together....I love the church I belong to because it just feels like I'm home wherever I go and I think that is because I go to meet God there and I find Him.

 

[JesusLives]

Did several of you mention cookies?

 

[cinder]

Cookies make me fat, so absence of cookies might be a plus. Speaking of cookies there are some in the freezer. I didn't bake any of them, I was just forced to move into this den of temptation.

Thanks for all the advice so far.

 

[Abing]

Rock music should be allowed.

 

[cmarieh]

A pastor told me once during a staff meeting that a huge indicator whether it is a Godly church is if the children are it's primary focus because they are our future and need to be brought up in the admonition of the Lord. If this ministry isn't and they have their focus elsewhere it's a good indicator something else is wrong.

I also look at how members interact with each other because when you are new more often than not you get a lot of attention, but looking at others will tell you how it is on a weekly basis.

 

[PoetMary]

I think it's important to attend a church that has the BREADTH of the Kingdom in it. So, instead of being a mostly young, hipster church, or an older, traditional church, having a mix of old and young, families and singles, rich and poor, etc., matters to me.

Also, how they deal with children is important. If people complain about crying babies, or if all moms with crying babies are expected to exit the church, etc., that bothers me.

As far as what it MUST have for me--the liturgy.

 

[MissCris]

I think the biggest thing for me is what a church teaches about salvation. If they're preaching that we can somehow earn it, if they're saying that we HAVE to do anything other than believe and accept Christ...then they've missed the point, and if they've missed the Most Important point, then it's not a church I want to be part of.

 

[Pemican]

For me the first consideration is the quality and depth of teaching. Does the pastor know his stuff and can he communicate it. I have a head full of what this "stuff" consists of but I'm not going to get into it here. Is the priority of the church the teaching of God's Word or is it something else, like "programs" that get everyone busy, running around in circles, as perpetual baby believers, who never get sound teaching and never grow up.

The second consideration is, can I learn from this pastor or not. There are some pastors, who might otherwise be great, but there is something about them that drives me crazy. For example, it could be the sound of their voice. I know I'm sensitive to sound and some voices really bother me. I can't listen to them, and therefore I can't learn from them. You can fill in your own particular criterion.

Good fellowship will follow good teaching. There is usually someone around with the gift of baking so I'm not too worried about that aspect.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Cinder!

Everyone else here has made some great points I don't just want to repeat, but there is something I'd like to add.

Along with accurate Bible teaching and an inclusive community, of course, it's also become very important to me to find a church that has the same "interests" as I do, if you will.

Due to various life situations I've had to find new churches several times over the past 10 years, and I've found that it seems to take me an average of visiting about 6 new churches in a new location before I find one. I've felt immensely blessed in my searches to finally find churches who have smart money management and believe in giving to causes I really believe in.

Let me give you some examples: I grew up in churches that thought nothing of being a million dollars in debt and then taking on more debt to add on to the building, etc. even when they really had no reason to (they felt that if they built something to show off--a new wing, a new music school, etc. the people would flock to it and give enough money to pay off not only these new expenses but also their already exorbitant debts.)

When searching for a new church two years ago, I visited one in which the pastor was extremely excited because they had raised enough money to give away something like 5 large-screen TV's and a number of iphones in order to draw people in. I live next to an area that has part of the poorest population in the state. Somehow... giving away electronics just didn't meet up with my personal vision of how to serve the community. I'm not docking it at all, I'm just saying, this just wasn't my style.

Rather, I felt led to another church that not only has its money under control (a reasonable budget with no outrageous debts), but they use their money to host frequent food and water drives, world missions, and to aid young people who want to go into ministry with their school tuition fees.

It's not that money was my focus, but rather, the heart of the leading pastor and the church. I'm not saying these other churches were wrong, but it's just that a focus of providing like food, shelter, and education is much closer to my heart than giving away electronics or adding on to a church building when the congregation isn't even growing.

 

[Roh_Chris]

Well, to be honest, I am expecting the law of averages to hold true among the small community of CC Singles regulars. At least one of us has to post a thread here, looking for dates or asking for dating advice. However, the probability of you being that member of the small sample to reflect this outcome is quite remote; my money is on seoulsearch and donkeyfish07.

Anyway, back to the topic, all your 5 questions can be shrunk into a single question "How do you know when you have found a good church?" I will now answer this question -

I know I have found a good church, when -
1. It is not like my present church, where people are whipped into a frenzied chaos, under the guise of "being filled in the Holy Spirit".

2. The pastor does not act like he is a Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter character. (If you don't know what I am talking about, PM me and I will show you a video. It made me very sad, but I do not want to put it up for public viewing here.)

3. The church does not exhibit any of the symptoms of being a cult - claiming to be superior, controlling its members, being opaque about its operations, etc. (Remember the link you sent me about how to know if my church was a cult or not?)

4. The church not only preaches about love, but also practices it. And this is best seen in the way the church welcomes members who are on a "comeback" trail.

I would not want to talk about the size of the congregation, the wealth of the church, etc. because those are matters of personal preference.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

1) What do you like about your current church (if you have one)? What made you decide that you wanted to start attending there? What do you look for in a church?

I have several what I like about the ones I go to the most:
- Friendly and welcoming people who talk to both old members and new ones.
- Focus on Jesus in the preaching
- Extra activities like bible classes
- A feeling of it being genuine (not just going through the motions)


2) What would be some red flags about a church that would make you think twice about joining it?
I am a bit skeptical of churches that just read from scripture, sing a psalm and that's it. Makes me wonder if they reflect on what they read. I also don't fully "trust" very ... uh ... "charismatic" churches (I was a bit stunned once upon entering a church where everyone was speaking in tongues and no one interpreting)


3) Knowing that you'll probably never find somewhere that 100% matches your ideal, how much in agreement with beliefs and practice do you feel you need to be to become part of a church?

Hmmm. Not sure. They have to be clear that Jesus is the only way to God, died for our sins and that we are saved by faith

4) What personal preferences, even if they are just preference, are worth holding out for?
Well, when given the choice I prefer churches that have at least a few lively worship songs.
And I like it if there is a gathering before/ after church, rather than everyone running off home

 

[tourist]

Maybe there will be some single available guys there.

 

[Lynx]

Maybe there will be some single available guys there.

No no no, you've got it backwards. You go to a new church for the single purpose of finding those guys. Flirt to convert, you know.