All Da Single Ladies (Who Aren't After a Man's Money), Holla Back!!

[GodIsSalvation]

i'm not after a man's money. i work. i have my own. it's not much, but it's enough for me.

my boyfriend told me how much he makes after we became a couple. i already liked him because of his character, not his income.

Lol melita you strike me more as a chocolate digger. Lol, just playing, though I do hope your beau gets you good chocolates for Valentine's Day and hope you both prosper, and also hope lady Violet is doing well too.

 

[CatHerder]

Cat,

This is really interesting--thank you very much for your insight. Maybe I'm a bit naive but I didn't realize men feel as if they'd receive a backlash for trying to say something supportive.

*sigh* It's a sad, sad, world, isn't it?

Well, if I were to say"thank you for looking at me as something other than a meal ticket," it implies that most other women look at men as a meal ticket, or that I think most other women look at men as their meal ticket, or that my personal experience with women has been that they treat me like I'm their meal ticket. I'm kind of slamming other women while complimenting you, which is not how a compliment should work.

I think I have been fortunate to not come across too many of these women - one of the few benefits of being dirt poor. Ha!


I was also pointing out that it is a bit of a double-standard: a woman can say they appreciate a man not treating her as a sex kitten and no one will get upset. Even though she implied that most other men treat women like sex kittens, or she thinks that most men treat women like sex kittens, her experience has been that men treat her like sex kittens, no one will get upset with her for making the comment.

Maybe it's because since women are perceived as oppressed by the "patriarchy" it follows the same unwritten rules of political correctness that make it not okay for white people to say anything about any other race, though the reverse does not apply.
Or maybe it's because we, as a society, accept and devalue men (in a completely different way than we devalue women). Case in point: a news reporter will say: "Seven died in the apartment fire this morning, among the victims: three women" as if that is more tragic than all seven victims being men. Actually, in the media, "man" or "men" are seldom used terms. They tend to only use "man" when he is the perpetrator of a crime. If he is the victim, he is a military "troop" or "officer." The gender of the soldier or the cop is only newsworthy if female.


Back to the topic: I would have no problem complimenting a specific woman, to her face, about anything. If she took it the wrong way....well, she wouldn't. If she were the type of woman to take things the wrong way, we would not have gotten far enough for me to have given her a compliment in the first place. However, I am aware that women (and men) analyze things...and over-analyze things...and that a compliment to a minority could imply that I don't think that it applies to the majority, and people will overreact and get their undies ruffled.

You're right. It is kind of sad, isn't it?

 

[melita916]

Lol melita you strike me more as a chocolate digger. Lol, just playing, though I do hope your beau gets you good chocolates for Valentine's Day and hope you both prosper, and also hope lady Violet is doing well too.

thank you!!! and ms. vi is doing well

 

[CatHerder]

...This also applies to men. Some men are gold diggers too, perhaps it's more of a problem in my generation than others. They look for a "sugar momma" as it is called in the streets. Typically a much older woman. These men shirk their role as men and leaders for worldly wealth gain and so there is disorder...

Please do tell...How does one find this..."sugar momma?"

 

[seoulsearch]

Sorry lady seoul, not meaning to digress too much from the topic. I think it is a good topic though for the pondering. I think the disorder in the role of men and women in our society is interwoven with the subject of gold diggers. I would opine the issue of gold diggers isn't so much an issue of the money itself, but rather respect and order.

The female gold digger doesn't actually respect the man, she just respects money. The gold digger woman eschews to be subservient to men, she will only be serve the man if bribed. If I take away the man's money, the gold digger will fly far away.


This also applies to men. Some men are gold diggers too, perhaps it's more of a problem in my generation than others. They look for a "sugar momma" as it is called in the streets. Typically a much older woman. These men shirk their role as men and leaders for worldly wealth gain and so there is disorder. It is not uncommon for these types of men to cheat on their sugar mommas and do all sorts of Jerry Springer stuff. It's because they don't actually appreciate the woman, they just want her bling.

When things are thrust out of their place there is disorder and when there is disorder there is a cacophony and all the problems that come with it. When everything is in its place there is order and when there is order there is harmony and all the good things that come with it.

GodIsSalvation,

THANK YOU for your respectful reply. Many kudos to you and I appreciate your kind consideration--very thoughtful of you--and again, you have my gratitude and thanks.

Thank you also for bringing up the fact that it can go either way. I work with a wide variety of ages and backgrounds and I'm always interested in what different people from different upbringings think about such topics, especially the younger generation, because that's our future.

I'm definitely not "hip" on all the latest lingo but a young co-worker (about 21) was telling me he knows lots of "bunny guys"(the term he used)--young men who jump from woman to woman for room, board, and benefits.

It also made me think of several of my friends who are single parents whose baby mama/daddy have bounced on to someone else, often creating several more broken home situations in the process. I used to live in a state where not paying child support resulted in jail time, so some of my friends' exes even went so far as to leave the state to avoid payment or arrest.

*sigh* I can't help but feel a bit down when I read all these stories.

Isn't there ANYTHING we can do to improve relationships/understandings/respect between the genders?

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I was also pointing out that it is a bit of a double-standard: a woman can say they appreciate a man not treating her as a sex kitten and no one will get upset. Even though she implied that most other men treat women like sex kittens, or she thinks that most men treat women like sex kittens, her experience has been that men treat her like sex kittens, no one will get upset with her for making the comment.

Hmm, a catherder and sex kittens. Must resist my smart alleck sense of humor.

 

[seoulsearch]

Well, if I were to say"thank you for looking at me as something other than a meal ticket," it implies that most other women look at men as a meal ticket, or that I think most other women look at men as their meal ticket, or that my personal experience with women has been that they treat me like I'm their meal ticket.

Cat,

I know how you cook (like a 5-star restaurant.)

Any woman who DIDN'T use you as a meal ticket (or at least a personal chef) would be crazy.

*ducks and runs*

 

[coby]

Please do tell...How does one find this..."sugar momma?"

Find one who noone wants, a dumped mom with a bunch of small kids, an inhibition zone, who just got dumped by an older man and is extremely desperate, look in a mental institution or something.

 

[seoulsearch]

Or maybe it's because we, as a society, accept and devalue men (in a completely different way than we devalue women). Case in point: a news reporter will say: "Seven died in the apartment fire this morning, among the victims: three women" as if that is more tragic than all seven victims being men. Actually, in the media, "man" or "men" are seldom used terms. They tend to only use "man" when he is the perpetrator of a crime. If he is the victim, he is a military "troop" or "officer." The gender of the soldier or the cop is only newsworthy if female.

You're right. It is kind of sad, isn't it?

I recently read about a civil rights group (comprised of both men and women) that are fighting to "win back" men's rights, such as in situations of child custody and so forth.

But it also brought up the point that in the case of an emergency, men have a right to be saved first, just as much as the women and children.

I suppose this is a subject for another thread, but I found that fascinating. For instance, in the case of the Titanic--presumably, women and children (first class, of course) were to be escorted into the lifeboats first.

Who made the social "rule" that women and children should go first? (I'm not saying this to argue, but rather, I found myself thinking, "Who made up this rule?") I don't know of a Bible passage that says, "If a building catcheth on fire, thou shalt save the women and childfolk first." But is it possible that humans kind of "adopted" this social custom in obedience to God? ("For Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.")

In my childhood home, my father always made sure that my mother and us kids filled our plates first before he took anything. He does that still to this day. I remember when I was a kid and there was all the talk of the Cold War, my dad told us all that if a war did break out and we had only one piece of bread in the house, he would divide it between us and my mom and he would go without.

The modernists would argue that my Dad should have a right to that piece of bread just as much as the rest of us. And I do realize that the "right" is there, but that my Dad would just choose to waive it.

In the modern world, if the ship is sinking, who should be allowed to board the lifeboats first?

It's an interesting question, especially since I very much agree that men need to be taught that they are valued, too.

I may just have to start a thread.

 

[PoetMary]

I came to this party late, but I'll respond to seoul's post (post #34):

I think the reason for this is not that these women are not appreciated, but that there is a double-standard in what women can say vs. what men can say and not get into hot water.

If a woman says "I thank God for all the men (on CC or wherever) who appreciate a woman for more than just her body and who don't objectify women and who do or don't [insert favorite stereotype here]" it's okay and she will not experience much fallout.

However, if a man says "I thank God for all the women (on CC or wherever) who are not gold-diggers and who are appreciative of other things a man may have to offer than and who do or don't [insert favorite stereotype here]" he will be seen as misogynistic.

It will be taken as a slam against womankind.
It will elicit such responses as "wow! I'm sorry you experienced whatever it was that hurt you so much that you think all women are this way!" or
"Perhaps if men in this society stepped up, then women wouldn't be so focused on..." or
"You seem to have such a low opinion of women. I feel sorry for the one who ends up with you."
And he would be given many arguments as to why women are not the way he described.

because basically, it's a back-handed compliment. The man would be seen as not praising the women who are demonstrating the admirable quality, but rather, slamming womankind for not.

So why can a woman say the things above, but a man can't. I dunno...why do any double-standards exist?

I haven't really observed a double standard. When men have come along and made really misogynistic comments about women, I've seen other men post things like:

I don't know where you live/go to church/work, but I know plenty of women who are seeking God/not superficial/etc.
OR
I appreciate a woman who speaks her mind.
OR
I think a woman can be Godly and pursue a career.
OR
I don't think it's fair to blame women entirely for (fill in the blank).

Personally, I get why people get discouraged and maybe a bit cynical from time to time. And sometimes, they need a moment of frustrated exaggeration. A moment of expressed cynicism doesn't necessarily define a person's true philosophy. So, while there are several men who might flippantly say "Women just want a man who has money," if pressed about it, they would quickly admit that they were exaggerating or that there are women out there who aren't so superficial, etc. (The same is true for women who express some negative ideas about men).

I think it's safe to say that we all get frustrated sometimes when we feel like we've really developed parts of our lives and these go unnoticed or unappreciated by the opposite sex. I know to a goodly number of men I read as "uppity" or "irritating" or "aggressive." And while all of that may be true, it's not my entire story. It is sometimes discouraging that my better qualities seem ignored.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

GodIsSalvation,

THANK YOU for your respectful reply. Many kudos to you and I appreciate your kind consideration--very thoughtful of you--and again, you have my gratitude and thanks.

Thank you also for bringing up the fact that it can go either way. I work with a wide variety of ages and backgrounds and I'm always interested in what different people from different upbringings think about such topics, especially the younger generation, because that's our future.

I'm definitely not "hip" on all the latest lingo but a young co-worker (about 21) was telling me he knows lots of "bunny guys"(the term he used)--young men who jump from woman to woman for room, board, and benefits.

It also made me think of several of my friends who are single parents whose baby mama/daddy have bounced on to someone else, often creating several more broken home situations in the process. I used to live in a state where not paying child support resulted in jail time, so some of my friends' exes even went so far as to leave the state to avoid payment or arrest.

*sigh* I can't help but feel a bit down when I read all these stories.

Isn't there ANYTHING we can do to improve relationships/understandings/respect between the genders?

Please do tell...How does one find this..."sugar momma?"

@ Catherder apparently Facebook.

@ seoul never heard of "bunny men" but I think that's a good term.

Best example I know of is a real life story and situation that is quite famous throughout my county. We'll call him K, because he's still alive and I do hope the best for him despite his problems. Basically K is my age, we graduated together. K ended up with a woman that is in her 40s for a few years. She's not like an uber wealthy princess or nothing, she just had her own house and her own car. They'd argue all the time, she'd try to rule over K, K would cheat on her all the time, and her kids and K had a lot of problems given that her kids are closer to us in age than he is to her.

Without going too far into it really one could see how the gold digger problem ties into the disorder of the roles of man and woman as young Colt I think is trying to point out. K didn't really act manly, he did not act as a leader of the household, he had no authority over the woman or her children. The old woman did not really act too womanly either by shacking up with a man half her age and arguing with him on everything and trying to control one of the county's most uncontrollable men. Neither one could respect the other so their relationship was destined to fail, and fail indeed it did.

 

[Colt45Bullet]

@Seoul The rule "Women and children first." Was a sigh of honor, and the men were expected to stay back and help resolve the situation. Thanks to the Titanic disaster, there are now enough lifeboats for EVERYONE on the ship. It is international law, and lifeboat drills are conducted consistently.

 

[seoulsearch]

@Seoul The rule "Women and children first." Was a sigh of honor, and the men were expected to stay back and help resolve the situation. Thanks to the Titanic disaster, there are now enough lifeboats for EVERYONE on the ship. It is international law, and lifeboat drills are conducted consistently.

This is interesting, Colt.

Thank you for an informative and quite fascinating post...

 

[Lynx]

Hmm, a catherder and sex kittens. Must resist my smart alleck sense of humor.

Must... not... like... post...

But I can't NOT like it!

 

[JesusLives]

When I was fresh divorced and in my early twenties a man in his 40's was interested in me. I worked for an insurance company at the time as their receptionist and he would come by my desk and ask me to go out with him and I constantly turned him down. Then the next time he'd come in he would lay down his $20,000.00 commission check on my desk to impress me and tell me all about his fancy car and on and on all the while I am saying no.

So I had dreams of moving to Florida and getting away from Kentucky and my married life failure and I had the date set as to when I was leaving the state for my big move and this guy comes by to again ask me out. Now at this point I am in user mode because I know I am leaving the state and there was a fancy restaurant downtown Louisville that I really wanted to go to before left so I said you can take me on a farewell date. Which we went on and the whole time this guy is trying to talk me into becoming a kept woman... and all the things he can offer me....

Let's just say that dinner was good. But any thoughts of living a life like that being someone's Barbie doll or eye candy at that time I could have been I was in my twenties after all and not too bad looking at the time....But it was just gross and disgusting to me to even think of allowing someone to keep me....Yuck....It wasn't because of religion either that I turned this guy down it was my standards of not wanting to do something like that.

I was discouraged and not too happy with church or God at that time so religion played no part in my decision....

I went on to be a single woman for 35 years as in not remarried. I had relationships but I can promise you money was never a consideration in any of them. So I am here to tell you that not all woman can be bought or that money is the main course.... It isn't...because some of us do make it on our own and don't need or want to be kept or taken care of. That is Blonds 2 cents worth.

 

[JesusLives]

@Tourist
"...Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[SUP]b[/SUP] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[SUP]c[/SUP] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
-Bible Gateway

Would just like to point out that she is to respect and submit to her husband it didn't say all men....just saying...

 

[JesusLives]

I believe that women are below men in power. They should not have any control over a man's household, which, in today's world, is in abundance.

Sounds like you would believe that, however, woman was made out of a rib from Adam's side not a toe bone for him or you to walk all over her... God took a rib from Adams side so she would walk beside him not in front or behind but beside him. We are human and we are equal in God's eyes.

 

[CatHerder]

...
I went on to be a single woman for 35 years as in not remarried. I had relationships but I can promise you money was never a consideration in any of them. So I am here to tell you that not all woman can be bought or that money is the main course.... It isn't...because some of us do make it on our own and don't need or want to be kept or taken care of. That is Blonds 2 cents worth.

oh, you have blond hair? I had no idea.

 

[JesusLives]

That is because you are a woman. Who sinned first? A woman.

She was deceived, Adam knowingly sinned, which is greater or are they both equal in guilt?

 

[JesusLives]

A man is the head of a household. And I grew up on a farm by the way.

Well at least we agree on one point....