Thoughts On Adoption

[Matthew]

Hello Matthew

I have been adopeted with my brothers and sisters in 3 different famillies, i am delighted to hear that you would want to adopt a child rather than have your own as i am the same, however you say u are inexperienced with it i warn you that it is harder to bring up a child from foster homes depending on their upbringing just a warning to ya i have 3 sisters and 2 brothers all the others have had rough lives before adopetion, I thank god for people like you however who want to adopt and safe someone's life.

God bless

jonno

That is definetly something I think about a lot, I might not know what kind of environment the child would be coming from and I know I can't imagine the challenge that would be coming my way if I adopted a child with a past of neglect or abuse etc.

But I don't have to look any further than my own family to see the difference a loving home makes, one group of cousins are all in a bad way with crime/drugs and other various offences and looking at their lives it all began with a mother who did not work, who smoke and drank to excess and ended up being abusive towards them, sometimes using snooker cues to apply 'discipline', if I could get a child away from that kind of environment early maybe they would have a chance at turning back from the kind of life it leads too, I've only seen a little of that life but that's enough to become aware of the horror of it.

I'd strap myself in for a serious challenge but someone has to do it, these kids all deserve better than that.

 

[suthrngirl]

Matthew- my husband was adopted and we also have an adopted son. We have another son who is my biological son. I consider adoption a blessing- I love him as much as I do my other son. My husband and I did not think we were able to have children of our own, so we planned to adopt. Both children have been a joy to have in our lives. I am definitely a proponent for adoption. There are so many children waiting to be adopted. I will say, however, the process needs to be simplified.

 

[ty]

I am definitely a proponent for adoption. There are so many children waiting to be adopted. I will say, however, the process needs to be simplified.

well in fl. my parents went thru fl. baptist childrens home and they took care of almost everything and it didnot cost anything at all fortunatly

 

[QuestionTime]

So I realised that my choice would be to create a life or to save a life, I think I would prefer to save one, I would like to know how others view adoption and is it something you would seriously consider?

Adoption is evil! I am adopted and I have had such a messed up life it's not funny.

A good book to read is called: "The Primal Wound" which goes into great detail on how taking a baby from it's Mother messes that baby's head up bad.

Adoption is a big business and business doesn't care what's best for Mom and Baby, it only cares about money.

How does that stat go... Adoptees only make up about 4% of the general population, but they also make up about 40% of the population in prison? I can't remember the exact prison percentage but it's a shocking number.

If you do choose to adopt it should be a child whose Mother has passed away. Mother's who choose adoption are often greatly pressured to do so and regret it for a lifetime.

Adoption = human trafficking

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

I agree with your points -God putting different things on our hearts

Many of the things on our hearts would not be there, if we had a better education on a particular topic - topics like adoption.

We must be very careful what we attribute to God having put on our hearts, and what is actually our own desires based on our own wisdom - specifically what we think is good.

I know that since the time I first had a conversion to belief in God, many things that I once believed were good I no longer believe to be good. At that time I likewise attributed these things to God's heart, but I grew up and over the years my knowledge has increased. Now my understanding of what is good is much different.

I suppose one example would be a sharp public rebuke from a Pastor/Bishop. In the past I would have thought such things tended to ungodliness. Later I learned what the Bible said on the matter and that Saint Paul was a professional at it.

Quest

 

[Matthew]

QuestionTime,

I do understand there is a bad side to adoption, much trauma can be involved and clearly you know a lot more about that than I do, however, your experience aside adoption can be a very good thing and many people who were adopted speak positively about the experience and what it has meant for them in life, despite the undeniable pain of having been seperated from their birth parents, which of course happens for a variety of reasons.

While many parents, not just mothers, are pressured into adoption many times children are simply abandoned, many times left at hospitals having not even been given a name etc.. it is those kinds of cases I was referring too when I said I could see it as potentially saving a life.

For all the good and bad involved I don't agree that the practice of adoption as a whole can be described as 'human trafficking', that description puts all the focus on the bad sides of it and none on the good sides of it.

 

[seoulsearch]

Adoption is evil! I am adopted and I have had such a messed up life it's not funny.

A good book to read is called: "The Primal Wound" which goes into great detail on how taking a baby from it's Mother messes that baby's head up bad.

Adoption is a big business and business doesn't care what's best for Mom and Baby, it only cares about money.

How does that stat go... Adoptees only make up about 4% of the general population, but they also make up about 40% of the population in prison? I can't remember the exact prison percentage but it's a shocking number.

If you do choose to adopt it should be a child whose Mother has passed away. Mother's who choose adoption are often greatly pressured to do so and regret it for a lifetime.

Adoption = human trafficking


Quest

Quest,

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences. But adoption can be a very wonderful thing.

I was found in a cardboard box in front of a theater when I was about 3 days old. Someone found me, took me to the police, then to an orphanage. I was adopted at the age of six months.

I always say, if I could have chosen my own parents... let's say that God gave me the options of Bill Gates, Donald Trump, or a couple living in a $5000 trailer in a tiny little town in the the midwestern United States... I would have surely made the wrong choice. Instead, God chose for me, and thank goodness for that!

My parents are the best blessing I could have possibly had. They had no idea what they were getting into, and I was not the easiest person to deal with (I'm still rather ornery at times!), but they have been there with every step of the way.

I'm sorry for your pain and pray God will bring the right people into your life to help you as well.

Be blessed,
Kim

 

[adamsmom83]

Adoption is an amazing thing. My younger brother died from a genetic disease and my parents adopted my younger sister. My mom greatly struggled with depression after my brothers death and could not have anymore children. My sister is almost 18 now (we adopted her when she was an infant) and she is just as much as my sister as my older, biological sister. I love them both! I also have 2 cousins that are adopted and they are 2 of my best friends!

 

[Vidy]

My girlfriend and all 5 of her siblings are adopted =P

I personally am unlikely to adopt, but I wouldn't rule it out. Adoption is great, but I don't feel any calling to it (then again, I'm only 17), so I guess Imma have to wait on that one lol.

 

[oopsies]

I have been decided for a while now that if I ever start a family I would like to adopt children rather than have my own, I am wondering if this is a common feeling among Christians or if it is just a personality thing. I have no connection to adoption in my life, through family or friends but my feelings have been going to that direction anyway, and it'd take away of the risk of getting twins.

Having thought about it I realised that putting aside the general unpredictability of life, if I had a child it's future would be assured, the child would be born out of love and cared for by loving responible parents and have the gaurantee of education and healthcare etc..and if the worst happened my wider family would continue to care for them just the same.

There are too many children in this world and many more yet to come who go forward with nothing but an absence laying out before them and a future so devoid of all that should be there that they will likely grow to be a suffering person and that suffering wil spread.

So I realised that my choice would be to create a life or to save a life, I think I would prefer to save one, I would like to know how others view adoption and is it something you would seriously consider?

I too have thought about it but I don't know where it will go.

 

[jonnoboy]

Matthew

Me again, what i love is the fact you are passionate about it and that is what a fostered child needs, plus as a christian i can see you bringing up a child in a loving environment, thats what happened to me adopeted at the age of 2 and now with the best parents in the world, sadly it cant be said for my sisters and brothers there are 6 of us in total, 3 boys and 3 girls, i am 2nd oldest (oldest boy) and i was adopetd with my older sister so us two lived together wiv a family and the other 2 lived together as did the other two we all see each other but are totally different, anyways going back to the convo, they were badly affected by the adoption and for some reason would like to keep in touch with our birth parents, who were on drugs, lived in a b and b, my sister in fact moved into 18 different adddress in 1 year, that affects a child mentally as you can imagine, my older sister now is married (21) and has had 3 misacarriages and is now pregnant again, is a muslim living with an extrmest aswell had money stolen and is threating my family, she blames mum and dad for adoption, my other siblings are heading the same way and once they are 18 they shall find our birth parents, personally i cant understand why they would want to after what they did to us, they could have killed me and my older sister they left me near a cold window for 3 hours and almost died apparantly, I was saved thankfully! Obviously this isnt the case all the time and by no means am i trying to frighten you, i dont know you but already i am gttin the feeling you would make a great parent and i wish you the best of luck, i really do

I shall pray for you, to help with your descion, i hope i havent put you off i just wouldnt want the same thing toi happen to nice people.

 

[aprilrenee1]

NO matter how messed up I feel because of a mother who didnt love me enough to keep me...I wouldnt be alive NOR the person who I am today because of adoption.

Adoption is NOT evil, this is a ignorant post. I was taken out due to abuse and neglect...my parents started as foster parents and wanted us.

It is very hard to sympathize with you right now. I am sorry for your hard time...but to generalize adoption as evil...is wrong.

april

Adoption is evil! I am adopted and I have had such a messed up life it's not funny.

A good book to read is called: "The Primal Wound" which goes into great detail on how taking a baby from it's Mother messes that baby's head up bad.

Adoption is a big business and business doesn't care what's best for Mom and Baby, it only cares about money.

How does that stat go... Adoptees only make up about 4% of the general population, but they also make up about 40% of the population in prison? I can't remember the exact prison percentage but it's a shocking number.

If you do choose to adopt it should be a child whose Mother has passed away. Mother's who choose adoption are often greatly pressured to do so and regret it for a lifetime.

Adoption = human trafficking

Quest

 

[navyairwarrior]

dude, you don't need anyone to tell you the answer to this. There are lots of kids that need good homes. Of course adoption would be a good thing. Me and my wife talk about it also, and we already have a child of our own. You know it is a good thing, so long as you can provide a good loving home.

 

[QuestionTime]

NO matter how messed up I feel because of a mother who didnt love me enough to keep me...I wouldnt be alive NOR the person who I am today because of adoption.

Adoption is NOT evil, this is a ignorant post. I was taken out due to abuse and neglect...my parents started as foster parents and wanted us.

It is very hard to sympathize with you right now. I am sorry for your hard time...but to generalize adoption as evil...is wrong.

april

Greetings April,

I did give an exception to the adoption rule; the death of the Mother. Beyond that there are other circumstances where it can be acceptable. However, I would prefer to err on the side of caution. I've talked to loads of broken birthmothers who were pressured and lied to. I've seen their tears.

I would encourage everyone here to visit an adoption forum - where you can hear what the birthmothers had to suffer through - before rushing to conclusions about how wonderful adoption is.

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

Here I did a Google search and found this link:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/

We were exiled from our babies NOT because we were proven unfit, but because we were vulnerable (young, single, sick, or poor), and lied-to and coerced by social workers, doctors, lawyers, maternity homes, and churches: brokers that made money from selling our babies to a market driven by "consumer" demand.

That's going to be my last post in this thread today because I'm about ready to blow my top.

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

I guess I lied, I'm back for another post.

"THE WICKED SNATCH FATHERLESS CHILDREN FROM THEIR MOTHER'S BREASTS, AND TAKE A POOR MAN'S BABY AS A PLEDGE BEFORE THEY WILL LOAN HIM ANY MONEY OR GRAIN" --Job 24:9-- (forgive the caps I copied and pasted)

If anyone here wants to help children, you help them to stay with their mothers; not adopt them away. The answer is to help mother AND child not just take the child and leave the mother in her suffering.

"Contrary to popular belief, mothers don't go on in this world after "giving up" a child, enjoying their lives and forgetting the child ever existed. Even though people would love to think this is true, its not the reality of the situation for most of us. Our lives are colored by the tramatic event and we are never the same afterwards. Most of us grieve for years .... - Jaymie Frederick, professional searcher and licensed PI

Wow! Most of these mothers grieve for years!!! And who took their babies and left them grieving and scarred for years? Well meaning Christians took them. Sick.

Quest

 

[NoTearsShed]

For about one year now i have been considering adoption, It started off with me not wanting to get married or have kids while i was a child, the having kids for a phobia i have so i taught well i could adopt one if i ever do want kids then it went off from there. Then my taughts & heart started changing, About 4 months ago or so i read a book called "Three little words" in school, its a story of a lady named Ashley of what she went through in the foster care homes & how she & other kids felt.

Id really like to adopt kids or be a foster home or something to help even if its at least one of them =)
Of course id have to have a home, a well paying job & be able to support them a long with a car to take us here to there. But in time God will help me =)
The part which is the best is showing them Love & telling them about God =D Being friends with them & not just parents =)

A couple days ago i looked at the adoption information SADLY it is costly i understand they need money to help the children & feed them & all that but they should not be making couples pay so much for all that paper work, you can't put a price on a child, if anything the stupid government should pay for their expenses & quit wasting money on stupid stuff, like trying to chlone experiments, fixing roads that are perfectly fine & ect..

I understand the adoption process is something to be careful about you dont want evil parents to get a child & hurt them

 

[NoTearsShed]

That is definetly something I think about a lot, I might not know what kind of environment the child would be coming from and I know I can't imagine the challenge that would be coming my way if I adopted a child with a past of neglect or abuse etc.

But I don't have to look any further than my own family to see the difference a loving home makes, one group of cousins are all in a bad way with crime/drugs and other various offences and looking at their lives it all began with a mother who did not work, who smoke and drank to excess and ended up being abusive towards them, sometimes using snooker cues to apply 'discipline', if I could get a child away from that kind of environment early maybe they would have a chance at turning back from the kind of life it leads too, I've only seen a little of that life but that's enough to become aware of the horror of it.

I'd strap myself in for a serious challenge but someone has to do it, these kids all deserve better than that.

God is working through you =)
I admire the fact that you are willing to help those children =)
To get a good idea of what foster kids went thorugh or are going through read a book called
"Three Little Words" By Ashley rhodes-courter

http://www.rhodes-courter.com/

It is her Auto biography of her childhood life & what she went thorugh in foster homes & before she was put in foster homes.
Its touching & its also angering in some parts, especially with somethings they go through in a certain home

 

[Weepingwarrior]

My husband and I have 2 adopted children, as well as 2 boys of mine from a previous marriage. We adopted our children thru the state, because there are so many children in state custody needing families. They were age 4 and 3, and we have had them for a little over 10 years now. If I could give you any advise it would be to learn all you can about the children's history and what kinds of problems they may face that will affect the whole family. Our children had a biological mother that took drugs and drank when she was pregnant with them. They were also moved around alot before we got them and this caused deep lasting problems as well. Children's personalities are formed very early in life, usually by the age of two, and anything that happens before then affects how they develop.

That being said, we were totally unprepared for what challenges we have faced over the years that nearly destroyed our family and marriage. Both children suffered from Reactive Attatchment Disorder, and I would recommend anyone looking to adopt a child over 6 months old to research this disorder to know what they may face. Our son is now 14 and has to take medication for ADHD and Bi-polar disorder and we suspect he also has OCD problems. He has attatched to us a few years ago, but it was a long road. Our daughter is 13 and we are still dealing with RAD, as well as ADD, mild mental retardation and personality problems. She struggles everyday in school and situations here at home. Has many behavioral problems that have lead to many teachers meetings, police meetings and mental health meetings, as well as visits from DHS. She is a very manipulative, troubled little girl and unfortunately, there are no specialist in our area that can deal with her problems, so we have had to manage the best we can and with lots of prayers. My childrens problems have caused me to not be able to work, due to phone calls from school and issues that I need to handle on a moments notice. It has been very isolating for me, because nobody knows how to handle her and she is a very good actress and many that don't see her everyday have no idea of her problems.

So, my advise to you is: if you feel that you want to adopt, please, please, please do your research and make sure your spouse is willing to do the same. I can also tell you that there is no blessing on earth so great as looking into the eyes of your own child on the day of their birth. It is rewarding to see a child you adopt overcome their challenges and see the precious plan of God to have them in your life. Our adopted children have been a great blessing, but also our larges test of strength.

God bless you and direct you.

 

[QuestionTime]

I would like to apologize for my post above. I was getting really emotional. I didn't mean to anger anyone.

Quest