Millennials and hooking up
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Well they didn't invent it, but I think it happens in part because many of the normal relationships that people draw strength from, are breaking down. Families are unstable and identities become fractured. So people look for symbolic intimacy to take the place of all the things they are missing, even if they don't know they're missing them. In a sense, people using other people as drugs.
That and the general meaning of sex as a powerful act that ties people together and creates new life is being watered down by narcissistic ethics and a world losing touch with the truth.
I believe it will be solved ultimately by relationship with God which will bring other relationships into the right shape. But in the meantime the brokenness it causes will make some people look for something deeper and more meaningful.
That and the general meaning of sex as a powerful act that ties people together and creates new life is being watered down by narcissistic ethics and a world losing touch with the truth.
I believe it will be solved ultimately by relationship with God which will bring other relationships into the right shape. But in the meantime the brokenness it causes will make some people look for something deeper and more meaningful.
C
We prayed this morning that they would repent and come back to God and the church. It's a huge problem. I was on a christian Dutch dating site once where you could immediately in a list see how people thought about important things. There were 3 men that said they wanted to wait before marriage.
I believe it can be solved. Unbelievers don't know their right from their left hand. There was hope for Nineve. Where sin abounds grace abounds more.
Even Sodom could have been saved if the miracles Jesus did would have been done there.
I believe it can be solved. Unbelievers don't know their right from their left hand. There was hope for Nineve. Where sin abounds grace abounds more.
Even Sodom could have been saved if the miracles Jesus did would have been done there.
U
Why? - They are taught to have lack of committment/holding onto anything whether it be a person, relationship, education, a new iphone, morals, fads.....It's live in the moment and then change like a chameleon to the next "groovy/trendy" thing/action...
Can it be solved? IDK it would have to start with un-brainwashing this mentality from the youth...which is enabled by corporate greed (you're not cool if you don't have the latest iphone type thing)...So barring a crazy change i see this trend continuing even worsening to the point where "family" will no longer be a "nuclear family" but children will be taken care of in a commune/village type association with no rules....Husband and Wife will be archaic terms in the future, as generic terms like significant other/ partner will be the new terms of the future generations.....and marriage will not be a "contract" so to speak but something of the past as hook-ups will be the new norm....and the media is conditioning people for this type of society by subliminally advertising this in distopia type movies like hunger games and divergent...while the masses are slowly programmed to this "open" lifestyle...
Can it be solved? IDK it would have to start with un-brainwashing this mentality from the youth...which is enabled by corporate greed (you're not cool if you don't have the latest iphone type thing)...So barring a crazy change i see this trend continuing even worsening to the point where "family" will no longer be a "nuclear family" but children will be taken care of in a commune/village type association with no rules....Husband and Wife will be archaic terms in the future, as generic terms like significant other/ partner will be the new terms of the future generations.....and marriage will not be a "contract" so to speak but something of the past as hook-ups will be the new norm....and the media is conditioning people for this type of society by subliminally advertising this in distopia type movies like hunger games and divergent...while the masses are slowly programmed to this "open" lifestyle...
I think that the culture today is a huge part of this type of behavior, not just young people themselves.
First of all, people are used to choices. Companies that don't offer hundreds or thousands of choices don't last very long. No one wants to stick with the same thing forever. If you could choose only one food to have every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? If you could shop at only one store, which one would you pick? If you had to listen to only one song until the end of time, what song would be on your very singular playlist?
Likewise, if people are used to having a hundred different choices just for dinner, for many, the thought of choosing one--and only one--person for the rest of your life can be quite daunting, and, let's be honest, most people see this as boring.
They ask themselves, "Why would I have to limit my romantic choices to just one person when there are billions of others out there?" In some ways, I think Christians are even worse in some respects (hear me out) because they believe that God sure wants them to be happy, have the perfect relationship, and has The Perfect Person out there. If something, anything, or even nothing goes wrong (boredom sets in), they then decide that surely God has "Something Better for Me" out there and it's time to move on.
Second, I also don't believe it can be entirely blamed on the young people themselves. How many people do you know today who are unmarried and living with a partner, or single with kids and going through an endless string of relationships? (I'm speaking of a non-Christian situation here--this is not at all or in any way meant to disregard or disrespect our hard-working single parents who are obeying God's commands when it comes to dating.)
My point is that if the young people of today see their own parents living with someone and hooking up, what else would we expect them to be doing?
People talk about "the good old days" when people stayed together, and I do think part of that is true. But I also think we're seeing a snowball effect from a cultural attitude that has been decades in the making. "Back in the day" people stayed with each other, but it was often out of obligation or because there was no where else to go (divorce and breakups were much more socially taboo). I highly suspect that many people of those days (not all, of course, but many) probably would be doing the same things as today, it's just that back then, it wasn't as socially "acceptable".
First of all, people are used to choices. Companies that don't offer hundreds or thousands of choices don't last very long. No one wants to stick with the same thing forever. If you could choose only one food to have every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? If you could shop at only one store, which one would you pick? If you had to listen to only one song until the end of time, what song would be on your very singular playlist?
Likewise, if people are used to having a hundred different choices just for dinner, for many, the thought of choosing one--and only one--person for the rest of your life can be quite daunting, and, let's be honest, most people see this as boring.
They ask themselves, "Why would I have to limit my romantic choices to just one person when there are billions of others out there?" In some ways, I think Christians are even worse in some respects (hear me out) because they believe that God sure wants them to be happy, have the perfect relationship, and has The Perfect Person out there. If something, anything, or even nothing goes wrong (boredom sets in), they then decide that surely God has "Something Better for Me" out there and it's time to move on.
Second, I also don't believe it can be entirely blamed on the young people themselves. How many people do you know today who are unmarried and living with a partner, or single with kids and going through an endless string of relationships? (I'm speaking of a non-Christian situation here--this is not at all or in any way meant to disregard or disrespect our hard-working single parents who are obeying God's commands when it comes to dating.)
My point is that if the young people of today see their own parents living with someone and hooking up, what else would we expect them to be doing?
People talk about "the good old days" when people stayed together, and I do think part of that is true. But I also think we're seeing a snowball effect from a cultural attitude that has been decades in the making. "Back in the day" people stayed with each other, but it was often out of obligation or because there was no where else to go (divorce and breakups were much more socially taboo). I highly suspect that many people of those days (not all, of course, but many) probably would be doing the same things as today, it's just that back then, it wasn't as socially "acceptable".
M
I saw a speech by Dinesh D'Souza recently. He spoke on how America is leaving it's Christian values because most of us are not Christian anymore and how it's affecting the nation as a whole. It's not looking good. He said Christian values will be going down at the ends. First it's not convenient to carry a baby for 9 months. Then it won't be convenient to have a 3 year old child or a 9 year old child. If our Christian values are gone, why would we put up with having to do hard things like raising a child or in this case, waiting till marriage? Why even get married at all? This is something we are seeing nowadays with the Feminists and MGTOW movements.
I'm not saying all Feminists or MGTOWs avoid marriage, but I know many of them do.
[video=youtube;95ZJxV7x2_o]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ZJxV7x2_o[/video]
I'm not saying all Feminists or MGTOWs avoid marriage, but I know many of them do.
[video=youtube;95ZJxV7x2_o]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ZJxV7x2_o[/video]
**disclaimer** My statements are broad generalizations based on my personal observations.
I would agree that changes in our culture are the fuel behind the fire, but for different reasons.
The Millennials are the first generation to have never known a world without social media, and as social media has become more pervasive people are becoming more self centered and narcissistic. The irony is that as people perceive themselves to be more connected through Facebook, etc. they in reality are less connected than they ever have been before. Millennials (IMO) are by far more concerned with their image on social media than they are about actually developing tight knit interpersonal relationships.
This same generation grew up seeing their parents divorce, then bounce from one relationship to the next before finally settling into another marriage (or long term live in) that may or may not have lasted. As a result many of them have decided that long term relationships are just too much trouble to maintain.
Add entitlement to the mix. The millennials have grown up with parents who failed miserably at providing a stable home environment because they were too busy running after their own happiness. Rather than spending the time it takes to raise children, they spent their time making money so they could pay someone else (daycare, after school programs, etc) to raise their children and then attempted to assuage their guilt by giving their children everything they wanted without giving them what they needed (discipline, guidance, time).
We (Gen X'ers) have raised a generation of narcissistic, disconnected, entitled children and they are acting as such. "Hooking up" rather than developing long term emotional relationships are the symptom, not the problem.
I would agree that changes in our culture are the fuel behind the fire, but for different reasons.
The Millennials are the first generation to have never known a world without social media, and as social media has become more pervasive people are becoming more self centered and narcissistic. The irony is that as people perceive themselves to be more connected through Facebook, etc. they in reality are less connected than they ever have been before. Millennials (IMO) are by far more concerned with their image on social media than they are about actually developing tight knit interpersonal relationships.
This same generation grew up seeing their parents divorce, then bounce from one relationship to the next before finally settling into another marriage (or long term live in) that may or may not have lasted. As a result many of them have decided that long term relationships are just too much trouble to maintain.
Add entitlement to the mix. The millennials have grown up with parents who failed miserably at providing a stable home environment because they were too busy running after their own happiness. Rather than spending the time it takes to raise children, they spent their time making money so they could pay someone else (daycare, after school programs, etc) to raise their children and then attempted to assuage their guilt by giving their children everything they wanted without giving them what they needed (discipline, guidance, time).
We (Gen X'ers) have raised a generation of narcissistic, disconnected, entitled children and they are acting as such. "Hooking up" rather than developing long term emotional relationships are the symptom, not the problem.
S
I fail to see "hooking up" as a strictly millennials issue. As if casual sex was a new concept? Casual sex in the west became the rage as soon as the birth control pill was approved by the FDA - hence the sexual revolution of the 60s.
But casual sex has been around long before that. Do we not refer to prostitution as "the oldest profession" due to the fact that it's basically been around...well, forever? When you read about historical figures from the 18th and 19th centuries who died from syphillis, do we just assume that only their husbands or wives had it? Of course not! They were sleeping around!
The world has ALWAYS been the world. And the world has ALWAYS been a disrespecter of marriage. Cheating on your spouse is hardly a new concept; how many other attractive slaves do you think Potiphar's wife had slept with before she decided to make a play for Joseph? People have ALWAYS hooked up, even when marriage was more prevalent than singleness. So what's the REAL difference today?
People talk. And they talk openly, publicly. They boast now.
You weren't going to brag about your adulterous escapades in ancient Hebrew - THEY WOULD STONE YOU. So obviously, the two of you would keep your mouths shut! Even when the Romans took over and forbade the citizenry to execute each other, Paul STILL had to write to the church in Corinth and say, "You have a kid in your membership who is sleeping with his stepmother, and you're somehow PROUD of this...as if 'at least he's in church' is a reason not to judge him? No, you dummies, that's how the world rolls, so cast him out into the world!"
Shame was the great motivator. Abortion is far from a new concept as well, so even before birth control, you could cover your indiscretions by forcing a miscarriage early in the pregnancy, and no one would be the wiser. The shame of divorce? In the Catholic church (which was, for many centuries, the only church in the west), divorce was strictly verboten; divorce meant excommunication, and there was nothing more shameful than to be kicked out of the ONE club that basically everyone (except the Jews and Muslims) was allowed to be in.
No one is ashamed anymore.
Hooking up isn't by any means a millennial problem. It's a HUMAN problem. Since the dawn of humanity on earth, because we are flesh, and flesh is sinful, selfish, and defiant against God. The only difference now is that we don't hide it anymore.
But casual sex has been around long before that. Do we not refer to prostitution as "the oldest profession" due to the fact that it's basically been around...well, forever? When you read about historical figures from the 18th and 19th centuries who died from syphillis, do we just assume that only their husbands or wives had it? Of course not! They were sleeping around!
The world has ALWAYS been the world. And the world has ALWAYS been a disrespecter of marriage. Cheating on your spouse is hardly a new concept; how many other attractive slaves do you think Potiphar's wife had slept with before she decided to make a play for Joseph? People have ALWAYS hooked up, even when marriage was more prevalent than singleness. So what's the REAL difference today?
People talk. And they talk openly, publicly. They boast now.
You weren't going to brag about your adulterous escapades in ancient Hebrew - THEY WOULD STONE YOU. So obviously, the two of you would keep your mouths shut! Even when the Romans took over and forbade the citizenry to execute each other, Paul STILL had to write to the church in Corinth and say, "You have a kid in your membership who is sleeping with his stepmother, and you're somehow PROUD of this...as if 'at least he's in church' is a reason not to judge him? No, you dummies, that's how the world rolls, so cast him out into the world!"
Shame was the great motivator. Abortion is far from a new concept as well, so even before birth control, you could cover your indiscretions by forcing a miscarriage early in the pregnancy, and no one would be the wiser. The shame of divorce? In the Catholic church (which was, for many centuries, the only church in the west), divorce was strictly verboten; divorce meant excommunication, and there was nothing more shameful than to be kicked out of the ONE club that basically everyone (except the Jews and Muslims) was allowed to be in.
No one is ashamed anymore.
Hooking up isn't by any means a millennial problem. It's a HUMAN problem. Since the dawn of humanity on earth, because we are flesh, and flesh is sinful, selfish, and defiant against God. The only difference now is that we don't hide it anymore.
Not really. Even AIDS didn't stop it in the 90's.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God
2 Timothy 3:1-5
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God
When I said that hooking up is not the problem but the symptom I did not intend to imply that the hook-up culture isn't an issue in and of itself. I was looking at it in the same way as saying that in the case of a person with a brain tumor headaches aren't the problem but the symptom. You can treat the headaches all day long, but it doesn't solve the REAL problem. Treat the real problem and they symptoms tend to clear up all by themselves.
I would likewise agree that the hook-up culture will have long lasting effects. The culture in and of itself promotes emotional detachment which feeds on itself. The more kids hook-up the more they feel empty, the more they feel empty the more they hook-up for the temporary sense of attachment.
The very thing that this generation needs to be fulfilled is the same thing that they run from. God designed us to be emotionally relational creatures (ultimately to engage with Him) and when we reject that design we will inherently be unhappy.
I would likewise agree that the hook-up culture will have long lasting effects. The culture in and of itself promotes emotional detachment which feeds on itself. The more kids hook-up the more they feel empty, the more they feel empty the more they hook-up for the temporary sense of attachment.
The very thing that this generation needs to be fulfilled is the same thing that they run from. God designed us to be emotionally relational creatures (ultimately to engage with Him) and when we reject that design we will inherently be unhappy.
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I sorta have a similar view, but kinda different. Personally I don't think the problem is people hooking up, but rather that they don't stay together. Lol but then again this is not really a problem I have ever had lol, though I see it a lot in my peers. Not just my generation either. If anything the older people do this more than my generation. Not even saying they started it, but they're still doing it.
I think on the cultural aspect of it, the culture for our societies from the late 20th century to now is highly secularized. Secularism has led to an erosion of honor and loyalty and love. The people are confused, they don't know any better.
I think on the cultural aspect of it, the culture for our societies from the late 20th century to now is highly secularized. Secularism has led to an erosion of honor and loyalty and love. The people are confused, they don't know any better.
One reason why I posted this is...
The former female friend of my husband who was born in 1983.
He met her a couple of months before we started dating each-other.
According to my husband, she told him that she...
Is a Christian
Was raised in a strict religious household
Is a minister's daughter
Goes to church every Sunday
Is involved in Church activities
Basically they were neighbors who lived at the same apartment complex.
Then one day she asked him to come over to her place because she wanted to talk about something regarding the male from of my husband's whom she was spending time with. According to her, the male friend took advantage of her while the two of them were spending time alone at his place. She wanted my husband's help with the problem. He told her he would help her but only as a friend.
After that conversation, she began spending time with my husband at his place. He did not invite her over. She came to his place. At that time my husband treated the situation as two friends spending time together.
Then he began noticing that she was leaving her bra and underwear on his bathroom floor.
After the first time this happened, he told her that he was dating someone, me. Her response was "That is OK.. Whatever.. I do not care." Then she left her bra again at his place.
How she portrayed herself and her actions did not match.
The impression I get when someone, male or female, leave their underwear on the bathroom floor is that they either 1) want to hook up or 2) want a casual sexual encounter.
The former female friend of my husband who was born in 1983.
He met her a couple of months before we started dating each-other.
According to my husband, she told him that she...
Is a Christian
Was raised in a strict religious household
Is a minister's daughter
Goes to church every Sunday
Is involved in Church activities
Basically they were neighbors who lived at the same apartment complex.
Then one day she asked him to come over to her place because she wanted to talk about something regarding the male from of my husband's whom she was spending time with. According to her, the male friend took advantage of her while the two of them were spending time alone at his place. She wanted my husband's help with the problem. He told her he would help her but only as a friend.
After that conversation, she began spending time with my husband at his place. He did not invite her over. She came to his place. At that time my husband treated the situation as two friends spending time together.
Then he began noticing that she was leaving her bra and underwear on his bathroom floor.
After the first time this happened, he told her that he was dating someone, me. Her response was "That is OK.. Whatever.. I do not care." Then she left her bra again at his place.
How she portrayed herself and her actions did not match.
The impression I get when someone, male or female, leave their underwear on the bathroom floor is that they either 1) want to hook up or 2) want a casual sexual encounter.
C
A girl in the student's home where I lived. My she was totally loose. She had been raised very religious. Just went to the non christian neighbour and hung out there all the time etc. But I saw her lately. They were married and had 3 kids. A lot here hook up but it's not that they don't marry. Most do when they get kids. One friend is still not married, living together for 20 years with kids. They just don't see the use of marriage since most people in Holland aren't christian and now that it's considered normal you see christians thinking it's normal.