Sexual Harassment in the Workplace..Advice??

[skylove7]

This should be a Seoul Search thread...
Kim you are so beautiful and caring btw...lol

But I beat you to it on this topic lol

So friends....
Help me....
What do you do...or advise a Christian women to do?
I will never 'lie' to you friends....
Honesty is my one good quality lol

I am not special...or educated...or a dream in disguise...

I am honestly a good heart....with a past of some regrets...
I live for GOD now....
And my heart is more beautiful because of Him!

My reason for this thread....
IS because I can't lie to you!
I have been out of work awhile.....
I ask no one for money for I am NOT a gold digger lol
I'd dug long ago if I was...believe me lol


But I can't lie...
I am trying so hard to break from this 'home cocoon' and get out there working again....
But being single for years...
I have been pinched....poked...grabbed...verbally treated like a piece of meat by jerks on the job....

Once I lost a good job....
Because the HR wouldn't believe my story...
So help me please friends....
Give me courage
If you will....
To get back out there as a single woman...
I miss independance...
I miss being me!


Thoughts?
Thank you
I love you!

 

[AbigailZeke]

Oh my goodness Sky! Is there any way you can work for a Christian company?

 

[Jilly81]

See if you can find a small, family-run business for which to work; one run by folks who share your values. Better yet, self-employment, though that's not the best choice for everyone.

"Lord, please help her find the best place; guide her to the right one. In the name of Jesus, amen."

Hope things go well !

 

[BeyondET]

Speak softly and carry a big stick

 

[skylove7]

Awww
I wish Abing....
Christian jobs are hard to come by in my area baby doll!

 

[wwjd_kilden]

Not sure what advice to give, but I'll be praying

 

[skylove7]

Aww
Thank you Jilly....
Miss you!
You should post more often!
We loves ya!

 

[skylove7]

Lol thank you Astrid!
Love you....
And thank you BeyondET...
My dear friend I love you too!

But I'm just a girl ET lol

I don't wanna carry a big stick lol
No fair lol

A girl wants rainbows and butterflies in the bad world

But yea...
God is on my side!
Hugs baby doll!

 

[seoulsearch]

Speak softly and carry a big stick

Now days, a taser would be preferable.

 

[skylove7]

I tell you all the truth!
Lol
I am not much in life but I sure do beg Jesus to let me whoop the devil after death!

Jesus be like...
"I won't let choo!"

I be like....
"Please Jesus....let me get one crack at whoopin the devil for all this misery...."


Jesus be like....
"I love You...but I got this!"



Yesssss!




Love you all!
I am proud of you.....
Be strong!
Hugs an lovins'

 

[skylove7]

Lol
True Kim true!
I love your post!

 

[kaylagrl]

Now days, a taser would be preferable.

I was about to say that,I own one...

 

[skylove7]

Lol
What about Aqua Net hairspray from the 80s KaylaGirl?

That stuff could hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa....
And ruin the ozone layer....
Rollseyes

 

[seoulsearch]

On a serious note, Sky, I am VERY sorry you've had to deal with this--and were not believed. It's all too common, and working for a Christian company would not make you exempt. In fact, I would argue that in some cases, a Christian organization would urge an employee to be quiet all the more because of the fear that it would make the church (or beloved Christian figurehead) look bad. This is similar to my Christian high school in which you never saw a student who was pregnant--not because they didn't exist, but because they were asked to leave. (Pastor's daughters were not exempt, seeing as this also happened to my own pastor's daughter.)

A while back I wrote a thread about a "girl" name "Carrie" who was going through a case of sexual harassment at work. Interestingly, after I wrote the initial post, a good number of people questioned whether or not "Carrie" was even being sexually harassed at all, and many said she was making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. Over time, I added a few more details about the situation and then some complained that everything should have been stated up front in the first post.

However, I explained that this is the very reason why I wrote the thread the way I did--because it usually happens in bits and pieces, a little at a time, and so the question becomes, how much does one put up with, and when do you start to do something about it? Is the person imagining things, or is this really something to be concerned about? You don't know the answers all at once, so how far do you let it go before things cross over into "unacceptable"?

I changed the age and some of the identifying details, but "Carrie" was actually me. It was very interesting to see how so many from the Christian community responded--after reading many of the answers, I would have definitely been very hesitant about seeking help from a Christian community, though I do understand that everyone these days wants to make sure no one is falsely accused.

As most people know, I'm a huge advocate of seeking help when needed. However, I also know that in the real world, this is a lot harder than it seems because all too often, the victim is holding the losing hand. Most companies want to protect themselves, their reputations, and their star people at any cost, and they hold all the power. After all, their survival is at stake, and in today's economy, no want wants "bad publicity" (much like my Christian high school.)

All I can say is that for myself, in some situations, I've ignored it. In other cases, I've actively sought out a change in shifts, a transfer to another department or store, or have honestly prayed that God would prevent me from having to deal with that person. (Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.)

The terrible truth is that in a lot of work situations, sexual harassment is a given. Even if the other employees never give you any trouble, it's been my experience that you then have to deal with harassment from the customers, and no employer is going to reprimand a paying customer unless it's an extreme situation (and even then, if they're making a big purchase, chances are, exceptions will be made.) I've worked at a few places (just regular, everyday stores) where older men were frequently trying to solicit young female employees for paid sexual services, and nothing was ever done, even though they complained to the management.

I've had people PM me here with sexual harassment stories that make my skin crawl, and I feel immensely sorry for them. I want to tell everyone to go for help immediately, but know that in real life, it can be more of an ideal than anything of substance. It's those times when you know God sees what goes on... but wonder why He doesn't seem to do anything about it.

I don't know what the answers are, but we love you Sky, and I hope you find work in which you are blessed. *hugs Sky*

 

[Ultimatum77]

Now days, a taser would be preferable.

Ah man you beat me to it....dang....but it's true a taser can answer a lot of questions on CC....it would truly be an "enlightening" experience full of "shock and awe" hehehe

 

[ramx2016]

Hows bout doing an in-home daycare? My wife did that for years and made decent $$...

Or UBER?

Look at me solving all the worlds problems!

 

[Willie-T]

This isn't the same thing, but it worked well for me.

I was working for a really decent black guy. But, after awhile, he hired a very prejudiced black guy in a position above mine. This guy was a real piece of work. All kinds of radial stuff. Even telling us he was going to get rid of all us honkeys, get the whole company "black", like it should be, etc.

One day when he was going extra strong, I engaged him in a conversation where he let fly a bunch of this _____. When I had enough, I thanked him, and openly lifted a small tape recorder, with its "recording" light glowing red, out of my shirt pocket. I told him I thought the boss might be interested in hearing his views.

I thought he was going to turn white, on the spot.

He actually beat me to the boss' office. When I walked in, the boss asked me if I had done this. I said, "Do you want to hear it?" He said he did......... (but my boss was a smart man) He sent the supervisor out of the office first. Then, he asked me again. I told him, "No, I recorded nothing, but I DID have the <REC> light on, right out there."

My boss said, "I didn't think you would do that, I know you would have just whipped his ass before you did that.", and he laughed. It wasn't long before the Supervisor was let go.

You might actually have to record their words, but this is just a suggestion, and you can make up your own mind on it.

 

[Ultimatum77]

This isn't the same thing, but it worked well for me.

I was working for a really decent black guy. But, after awhile, he hired a very prejudiced black guy in a position above mine. This guy was a real piece of work. All kinds of radial stuff. Even telling us he was going to get rid of all us honkeys, get the whole company "black", like it should be, etc.

One day when he was going extra strong, I engaged him in a conversation where he let fly a bunch of this _____. When I had enough, I thanked him, and openly lifted a small tape recorder, with its "recording" light glowing red, out of my shirt pocket. I told him I thought the boss might be interested in hearing his views.

I thought he was going to turn white, on the spot.

He actually beat me to the boss' office. When I walked in, the boss asked me if I had done this. I said, "Do you want to hear it?" He said he did......... (but my boss was a smart man) He sent the supervisor out of the office first. Then, he asked me again. I told him, "No, I recorded nothing, but I DID have the <REC> light on, right out there."

My boss said, "I didn't think you would do that, I know you would have just whipped his ass before you did that.", and he laughed. It wasn't long before the Supervisor was let go.

You might actually have to record their words, but this is just a suggestion, and you can make up your own mind on it.

Very good advice!

 

[seoulsearch]

Willie,

I really liked your post, but I just wanted to ask--when is it considered illegal to record someone and use it as proof against them?

I've been given the advice to record someone before, too, but have also been told by others that this can be illegal (and that you might be the one getting into trouble for recording them.)

 

[seoulsearch]

If it's a situation in which a recording wouldn't be considered illegal, what do you all think about recording someone on your phone?

For example, if it's a situation in which you are being unlawfully touched and you are making it clear that it's unwanted, could you legally make a video recording on your phone and use it a proof?

It just seems like the courts would find a way to use it against you. "Invasion of privacy" and all that garbage. Never mind that the jerk/jerkette is invading YOUR privacy...

Or they'd say, "See? This person is into 'lewd' things, like recording someone and watching them... Surely they invite such behavior..."

I'm pretty pessimistic when it comes to sexual harassment cases. All too often, it seems like the perpetrator wins.