Premarital Sex in Mid~Life

[spunkycat08]

Question for the christianchat members...

A male in his fifties and a female in her forties meet each-other for the first time back in 1995 at work. They get to know each-other as friends, and then they begin dating.

Both of them are Christians.

But since both of them have a disability that enables then to receive benefits they cannot marry due to government regulations, and so they have to be happy just dating each-other.

So what does this couple do when they feel the urge to become intimate considering the fact that if they do marry their benefits will go away? And what if their disabilities prevent them from working full-time?

 

[Born_Again]

Well, it is what it is. I don't see a disclaimer in scripture. I guess you would have to define what constitutes a biblical marraige.

 

[seoulsearch]

Question for the christianchat members...

A male in his fifties and a female in her forties meet each-other for the first time back in 1995 at work. They get to know each-other as friends, and then they begin dating.

Both of them are Christians.

But since both of them have a disability that enables then to receive benefits they cannot marry due to government regulations, and so they have to be happy just dating each-other.

So what does this couple do when they feel the urge to become intimate considering the fact that if they do marry their benefits will go away? And what if their disabilities prevent them from working full-time?

This is a really good question, Spunky.

If you don't get many answers here, would you please consider turning this into a thread?

I'd really like to know what people say, because I've known older people who say they won't get married (and have significant others) because they'd lose various benefits and/or for tax purposes.

Truthfully, as much as I'd like to have a special someone... in some ways I'm almost glad I don't, just because it cuts way back on the whole mess of temptation.

 

[Utah]

Question for the christianchat members...

A male in his fifties and a female in her forties meet each-other for the first time back in 1995 at work. They get to know each-other as friends, and then they begin dating.

Both of them are Christians.

But since both of them have a disability that enables then to receive benefits they cannot marry due to government regulations, and so they have to be happy just dating each-other.

So what does this couple do when they feel the urge to become intimate considering the fact that if they do marry their benefits will go away? And what if their disabilities prevent them from working full-time?

God judges our heart. If it makes them feel better they can pledge their love and lifetime commitment to one another to God in the presence of a few witnesses (brethren). Problem solved.

 

[Ugly]

Question for the christianchat members...

A male in his fifties and a female in her forties meet each-other for the first time back in 1995 at work. They get to know each-other as friends, and then they begin dating.

Both of them are Christians.

But since both of them have a disability that enables then to receive benefits they cannot marry due to government regulations, and so they have to be happy just dating each-other.

So what does this couple do when they feel the urge to become intimate considering the fact that if they do marry their benefits will go away? And what if their disabilities prevent them from working full-time?

May want to make this a thread for yourself, as Seoul suggested. Rather than hijacking another's thread.

 

[Ugly]

Hi~ I am a middle-aged single female. I have been on my own since I was divorced very young. Recently I have been quite unexpectedly blessed with a good, kind Christian man in my life. I believe I was just as unexpected in his own life. I strongly feel God had a plan for us.

We both are taking everything rather slow, but I know our mutual feelings are growing very strong. There has been discussion over any "romantic" to "intimate" involvement. I feel that we both want to know there is genuine and lasting love, and a confessed commitment, maybe a even betrothal, before any intimacy occurs- we have not even shared a first kiss for fear of going too far.

It is becoming a little frustrating, and I guess my thought is that God will bless our union if we know our hearts are pure. I do believe intimacy will help us to grow stronger in our real love. Not yet, but maybe before we might be able to arrange for a formal marriage.

If we are to hold our hearts captive to one another, and ask God to have His hand continued in this beautiful blessing, can we trust that it can be true and right? Our lives are half over and a lot of living on our own has been very lonely for far too long. Life on Earth is short. I am guessing we do not need a license to "love," but rather hearts that are filled with a purity of intent, and God to.bless us as we move forward in Him.

To break down your question in a more plain approach that sounds less romanticized, here's what you're asking:
So I met this great guy. We want to take Commitment slowly. But not sex. We're a little older and tired of waiting to have sex. And since we're serious enough to, one day, way down the road, want to be married, does that still make it ok to have sex before marriage? Because we can hold off on marriage no problem, but we can't hold off on sex. But this is about LOVE not lust. So ignoring scripture is ok, right?

Your wording makes it clear you are trying to steer answers in the direction of what you want to hear. How do I know? Because I've done the same thing myself. But no matter what wording you use the bible is very clear. No sex before marriage. Doesn't matter if you're in love. Doesn't matter if you're 'going' to marry. Doesn't matter how old you are or how long you've had to wait. No means no. It's a difficult truth to deal with, I know. But in the end we all know in our hearts the right answer, no matter what our bodies tell us.

 

[spunkycat08]

May want to make this a thread for yourself, as Seoul suggested. Rather than hijacking another's thread.

Where is that mentioned on this site?

 

[kaylagrl]

You don't have to swing for the fence every time you step up to the plate. Bunt, walk, get hit by a pitch for crying out loud, but don't be hitting any home runs before you're married. Molly is right, you already know this. The longer the wait, the sweeter the reward physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Why couldn't I have had you for a sex ed teacher, it would have been a lot less embarrassing and a lot more funny. "don't be hitting any home runs before you're married" best advice ever. lol

 

[JosephsDreams]

Question for the christianchat members...

A male in his fifties and a female in her forties meet each-other for the first time back in 1995 at work. They get to know each-other as friends, and then they begin dating.

Both of them are Christians.

But since both of them have a disability that enables then to receive benefits they cannot marry due to government regulations, and so they have to be happy just dating each-other.

So what does this couple do when they feel the urge to become intimate considering the fact that if they do marry their benefits will go away? And what if their disabilities prevent them from working full-time?

I don't know if I would touch this one. But I am of a general mind that while the civil is not as important as the spiritual, it does carry some weight.

 

[JosephsDreams]

So on a related topic. Wife divorces husband after 9 years of marriage. First marriage for both, He remarries more then a few years later, but the woman never remarries, just bounces around living with a few different men over the years.
The mans second wife dies, and eventually the ex husband and ex wife occasionally start to see each other.
Can they have sex with Gods approval? The bible says your married to your first spouse except for adultery.
I say they can't, they have to be re-married to have Gods seal of approval.
Anyone want to offer a comment?

 

[Swede17]

Well, I guess you are having some difficulty in understanding my lyrical style of writing. Never, not ever did I say anything about our wanting to take commitment slowly, but in fact I expressed our shared desire to find lasting commitment before we were to be intimate. It's strange to have people be slightly combative on a Christian site. I'm sure you meant well, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, but next time try to open your heart and mind to a clearer understanding before you unleash words that might hurt another. It's been a hard day, I forgive any misunderstanding on your part. I had hoped only that people may kindly offer up some ideas of how best to find solace in this difficult situation. We all know the best answer here is always to seek our solace, and our answers through Jesus. But maybe some of the folks on this site should try walking in another person's shoes for a time. Food for thought.

 

[JosephsDreams]

Well, I guess you are having some difficulty in understanding my lyrical style of writing. Never, not ever did I say anything about our wanting to take commitment slowly, but in fact I expressed our shared desire to find lasting commitment before we were to be intimate. It's strange to have people be slightly combative on a Christian site. I'm sure you meant well, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, but next time try to open your heart and mind to a clearer understanding before you unleash words that might hurt another. It's been a hard day, I forgive any misunderstanding on your part. I had hoped only that people may kindly offer up some ideas of how best to find solace in this difficult situation. We all know the best answer here is always to seek our solace, and our answers through Jesus. But maybe some of the folks on this site should try walking in another person's shoes for a time. Food for thought.

I want to say that while they may have been no governmental type requirement centuries ago, there still was usually a ceremony among family and friends which the town or area knew of that was a public proclamation that these two people are committing themselves to each other, and are not longer available to others.
So even if you don't do a civil, maybe do something similar like that?
Regardless, you guys will both be fine whatever you decide. You both sound like loving, intelligent, spiritual people. Whatever you choose, if you keep God first, pray very day together, keep God in the center, you'll be all right.
God bless your union.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I intend to do the best thing, and wait until God has divined the time to consummate our love, and maybe that will be after I wear a ring upon my finger.

I guess my question is... why NOT put the ring on your finger first?

All debate about what makes a marriage "real" aside (I agree that documentation from the government isn't what makes a marriage), why not marry this man in every way possible, and then enjoy your lives together without worry about whether you've done it the right way or whether you are setting the best example for other Christian brothers and sisters?

It sounds like you have everything in it's proper place spiritually, so I am not understanding why you would want to avoid the "ring on the finger" part.

 

[Swede17]

Thank you so much for your very kind words! God bless you!

 

[Swede17]

I think that will happen... I pray so! Thanks and God bless you!

 

[coby]

It was civil. They had a binding document and there were rules if a man would divorce. Malachi says your lawful wife. Ever wondered why gays want rights to be really married for the government and hetero's don't but believe they're married in God's eyes when they live together?

 

[jeremyPJ]

Oh look, another sex thread..... Why is this becoming so common? Take a cold shower and read a book.

Just don't read any "Fifty Shades of Grey" books.

 

[JosephsDreams]

It was civil. They had a binding document and there were rules if a man would divorce. Malachi says your lawful wife. Ever wondered why gays want rights to be really married for the government and hetero's don't but believe they're married in God's eyes when they live together?

It was civil with the some peoples, but with many it was not.

 

[coby]

It was civil with the some peoples, but with many it was not.

They had a ketubah.
The ketubbah (plural is ketubboth) was a legally binding document whose primary purpose was to protect the bride.

Jewish Wedding Customs and the Bride of Messiah
Marriage in the Bible

 

[tourist]

You can still become married in the eyes of God while not actually becoming married in the eyes of the state. These are really two separate things. I'm not saying that this is what I would do but it is an option. It is imperative that God be at the center of any relationship. There has to be total commitment and trust knowing that once becoming intimate there is no going back, legally or otherwise.