Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?

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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#61
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,651
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#61
jsr1221 said:
By that definition any woman in any type of relationship would have to participate in fixing her man, because all men struggle with something. See how that doesn't make sense?
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And all too often, women DO try to "fix" their men. Been there, foolishly did that for TEN years before I smartened up and gave up on his sorry self. And he wasn't even addicted, just cheated constantly and had alot of complex problems that were wayyyyy beyond MY capacity to deal with.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#62
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#62
blue_ladybug said:
You tickle me. NO, I'm not. He has a choice, and if he chickens out, it affects me as much as it does him. (Some) addicts don't want help, or they're too embarassed to admit they have an addiction. Once again, like Willie said, it's selfish and unfair of that person to put the other in that position. Get help for the addiction BEFORE we get into a relationship..
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Getting help for the addiction is admitting that the person does struggle with it. So lets go back to the actual op question. Would you give a guy that struggles with porn a chance? You know a problem isn't just fixed right then and there after one appointment, right? The struggles and temptations don't just magically go away. The first appointment is a step in the right direction and the start of getting help.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#63
#63
seoulsearch said:
I think anyone who asks this also has to flip it around and ask how they would feel in the reverse situation.

Would you give a girl who struggled with being turned on by images/videos of other countless other men and their bodies to the most intimate degree, would you give her a chance at being your girlfriend?
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Good question, my answer would be the same see post 59. :)
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#64
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#64
blue_ladybug said:
And all too often, women DO try to "fix" their men. Been there, foolishly did that for TEN years before I smartened up and gave up on his sorry self. And he wasn't even addicted, just cheated constantly and had alot of complex problems that were wayyyyy beyond MY capacity to deal with.
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Which is why I said you're projecting your situation onto others. Hence how you described a scenario about a person chickening out while going to get help. Not everyone is like that. Hence, those that have actually been through recovery and are in recovery. And if the woman thinks it's her job to fix him, then the woman has co-dependency issues she needs to work on. And it shows she's not ready for a relationship. Co-dependency ruins a relationship just as much as an addiction.
 
C

CharlieGrown

Guest
#65
#65
jsr1221 said:
Getting help for the addiction is admitting that the person does struggle with it. So lets go back to the actual op question. Would you give a guy that struggles with porn a chance? You know a problem isn't just fixed right then and there after one appointment, right? The struggles and temptations don't just magically go away. The first appointment is a step in the right direction and the start of getting help.
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Porn addiction is a "problem" when the addict is not in a relationship. It is adultery, a sin, when the addict is in a relationship. Terminology matters.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#66
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
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#66
jsr1221 said:
Getting help for the addiction is admitting that the person does struggle with it. So lets go back to the actual op question. Would you give a guy that struggles with porn a chance? You know a problem isn't just fixed right then and there after one appointment, right? The struggles and temptations don't just magically go away. The first appointment is a step in the right direction and the start of getting help.
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IF he got help before we engage in a relationship, and was making progress, I might consider it, but it would take awhile for him to prove to me that he had it conquered.. And yes, I know it doesn't magically go away after one appointment with a professional. :) There is no instant "cure" for any addiction.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#67
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,651
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#67
jsr1221 said:
Which is why I said you're projecting your situation onto others. Hence how you described a scenario about a person chickening out while going to get help. Not everyone is like that. Hence, those that have actually been through recovery and are in recovery. And if the woman thinks it's her job to fix him, then the woman has co-dependency issues she needs to work on. And it shows she's not ready for a relationship. Co-dependency ruins a relationship just as much as an addiction.
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I KNOW not ALL addicts are like that. I don't HAVE a situation, nor am I projecting anything onto anyone. I have an opinion on this subject, but I'm not forcing anyone to think the same as I do. Like another poster said, each person is different.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#68
#68
jsr1221 said:
Getting help for the addiction is admitting that the person does struggle with it. So lets go back to the actual op question. Would you give a guy that struggles with porn a chance? You know a problem isn't just fixed right then and there after one appointment, right? The struggles and temptations don't just magically go away. The first appointment is a step in the right direction and the start of getting help.
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While a problem isn't fixed overnight, there should still be positive progress. If you're a girl and your guy is looking at other women on the street...eyeballing them....and he said he has control over his problem...the chances are he still does not, has not made enough positive progress and it's better off not wasting your time on a lecherous dude....

Woman shouldn't have to make excuses for a guy who has wandering eye problems, saying "oh he's just a guy it's what they do" that's bs.....if you're a woman don't put up with that garbage.....you should be the apple of his eye and not feel like your battling his eyes for his attention....if a guy is a Christian and can't control his eyes....he needs to get right with God about it plain and simple....
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#69
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#69
blue_ladybug said:
IF he got help before we engage in a relationship, and was making progress, I might consider it, but it would take awhile for him to prove to me that he had it conquered.. And yes, I know it doesn't magically go away after one appointment with a professional. :) There is no instant "cure" for any addiction.
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It's no different than an alcoholic having the urge to drink. Or a food addict having the urge to binge eat. A porn addict will still have the temptations. If you believe conquering it is not having the temptations, then you're going to get disappointed. If by conquering it means not having relapsed, then yes. Progress is being made. Having temptations is not relapsing. Jesus was faced with temptation. He never relapsed. In fact, he never lapsed to begin with.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#70
#70
jsr1221 said:
It's no different than an alcoholic having the urge to drink. Or a food addict having the urge to binge eat. A porn addict will still have the temptations. If you believe conquering it is not having the temptations, then you're going to get disappointed. If by conquering it means not having relapsed, then yes. Progress is being made. Having temptations is not relapsing. Jesus was faced with temptation. He never relapsed. In fact, he never lapsed to begin with.
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It will take time but having a relationship while the opp sex is addicted to porn is a bad mixture for disaster....and it's best avoided if possible to help the other person heal faster from their addiction.....your surroundings/people can "trigger" you/cravings if you struggle with porn addiction so it's best to avoid the opp sex until you get yourself under control imo.....
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#71
Jul 7, 2013
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#71
CharlieGrown said:
Porn addiction is a "problem" when the addict is not in a relationship. It is adultery, a sin, when the addict is in a relationship. Terminology matters.
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Porn is still a sin when a person is not in a relationship. So I'm not really sure where you're going with this.
 
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Deepdistress21

Guest
#73
#73
Dont give up or get discouraged! :)
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#74
Jul 7, 2013
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#74
Ultimatum77 said:
It will take time but having a relationship while the opp sex is addicted to porn is a bad mixture for disaster....and it's best avoided if possible to help the other person heal faster from their addiction.....your surroundings/people can "trigger" you/cravings if you struggle with porn addiction so it's best to avoid the opp sex until you get yourself under control imo.....
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The best way to conquer a porn problem is to not have technology. If you do have technology, you have an accountability partner and use something like covenant eyes or xxx watch. Those are apps that require you to share your search history with someone. Everything you search gets sent in an email at the end of the week to your accountability partner, and it flags if you searched for any type of porn.
 
F

freakingout

Banned
#75
Sep 4, 2016
42
0
0
#75
jsr1221 said:
I think it's really important to read what the op actually. He asked if girls would give someone that struggles with porn a CHANCE. Nowhere did he ask if women would be willing to fix the problem for him, nor do I even think that is what he was implying. If I was seeing a woman or was getting close to, I would want her to be up front with me with something she struggled with. Rather than possibly finding out down the road. With my ex, she had mental illness. I knew that. I didn't realize how severe until something in her past caused her to relapse with it, and it ultimately ended our relationship. It's better to know ahead, rather than find out later.
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Right, I'm not asking girls to fix it. I'm just asking for grace when I do find a girlfriend, and I fail. I need someone that'll be be able to encourage me even though I might have failures.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#76
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#76
freakingout said:
You guys do realize that when I say that I struggle with it, I do mean I'm trying to beat it right?
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I've tried saying it from the beginning along with Deepdistress21. Folks haven't been listening, though.
 
AbigailZeke

AbigailZeke

Beloved
#77
Mar 11, 2016
3,055
242
63
Singapore
abigail.pro
#77
Someone who's addicted to porn, needs help from God, a church, a real friend/friends, a support group. I think some of us here are misunderstanding the role of a girlfriend.

Obviously, a porn-addict is not ready for a relationship. Can we all agree to that? If that's a yes, then there's no point arguing OP.

I'm a girl and I won't accept a boyfriend who struggles with porn. Is that judgement? No, it's called "looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted." Galatians 6:1
 
C

CharlieGrown

Guest
#78
#78
jsr1221 said:
Porn is still a sin when a person is not in a relationship. So I'm not really sure where you're going with this.
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the thread title is asking girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend? You could have titled it:
girls would you give a guy who lusts after digital depictions of women and all that suggests a chance as a boyfriend?
 
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Deepdistress21

Guest
#79
#79
jsr1221 said:
The best way to conquer a porn problem is to not have technology. If you do have technology, you have an accountability partner and use something like covenant eyes or xxx watch. Those are apps that require you to share your search history with someone. Everything you search gets sent in an email at the end of the week to your accountability partner, and it flags if you searched for any type of porn.
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Thats actually a really cool idea. Ive never heard of that. I imagine that could be really helpful
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#80
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,651
113
#80
jsr1221 said:
It's no different than an alcoholic having the urge to drink. Or a food addict having the urge to binge eat. A porn addict will still have the temptations. If you believe conquering it is not having the temptations, then you're going to get disappointed. If by conquering it means not having relapsed, then yes. Progress is being made. Having temptations is not relapsing. Jesus was faced with temptation. He never relapsed. In fact, he never lapsed to begin with.
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That's because Jesus was perfect. But you can bet that if he wasn't God in human form, Jesus would have had sin issues of his own. He WAS fully human, ya know. As well as fully divine, which means he couldn't sin even if he wanted to..
 
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