Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?

[jsr1221]

Your worth WOULD be nothing to him, if he made his addiction more important to him than you are.. I would have to see admittance and progress before I enter into a relationship with an addict.

Okay you said you wouldn't want more than the first step. That implies that you're okay with the person admitting there's a problem and taking that step to get help.. but then on the other side you come up with the theory of the guy quitting getting help and secretly looking on it on his phone.. and even worse. So which is it? You're kinda speaking from two sides of the spectrum.

 

[MollyConnor]

I've heard that men who are addicted to porn don't want a real woman anymore. Like they are satisfied with the porn. I'm not just talking about appearance. They actually don't or cannot be with women because they are used to what they do now.

I think that would really hurt my self-esteem and I wouldn't be comfortable as a wife. I would still give them a chance though, if they are truly working hard at conquering their urges.

 

[jsr1221]

Just because YOU recovered does not mean that ALL addicts do or will. And AA did nada to help my ex-bf Carl. :/ I'm sure it helps many, but not all.

Hence how I've said you've had men in your past that causes you to think the way you do and have the perspectives of men with addictions that you do? The saying is true that one bad apple ruins it for all.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Your worth is not bases on one mistake. Or one slip. God forgives us for so much and repeatedly. I try to do the same. Be loving, be forgiving. As long as its progress and its mot consuming to him and hes looking to the Lord then i will forgive small mistakes. Because were humans, we sin. We hurt. Were selfish. But that does mot decrease our value to God. And it will not decrease my value either as long as im or he or anyone is improving. There will be many many times i will mess up or be selfish in life. That does not mean i dont love or value those around me who get hurt in the progress.

You don't know much about the twisted values of an addict, do you? They will do anything for that addiction. ANYTHING. Cut off friends and family. Lie and cheat. Sneak around and hide their addiction, place it before ANYTHING or ANYONE else. And if he shuts you out completely, to the point where you cant even have contact with him, then you become worthless and expendable to him.

 

[AbigailZeke]

Hence how I've said you've had men in your past that causes you to think the way you do and have the perspectives of men with addictions that you do? The saying is true that one bad apple ruins it for all.

Is it that hard to drop a subject? This argument is pointless. The goal is to help the OP not to prove who's right and wrong (I'm no exception).

 

[jsr1221]

I've heard that men who are addicted to porn don't want a real woman anymore. Like they are satisfied with the porn. I'm not just talking about appearance. They actually don't or cannot be with women because they are used to what they do now.

I think that would really hurt my self-esteem and I wouldn't be comfortable as a wife. I would still give them a chance though, if they are truly working hard at conquering their urges.

First sentence actually isn't true. Most men are embarrassed by it, which is why more often than not it is kept from a wife or girlfriend. The addict wants out but can't seem to break free of the cycle because of the guilt and shame.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hence how I've said you've had men in your past that causes you to think the way you do and have the perspectives of men with addictions that you do? The saying is true that one bad apple ruins it for all.

Would you rather I tell them to stay and get their skulls bashed in when their partners inevitably snap and beat them?

 

[freakingout]

I've heard that men who are addicted to porn don't want a real woman anymore. Like they are satisfied with the porn. I'm not just talking about appearance. They actually don't or cannot be with women because they are used to what they do now.

I think that would really hurt my self-esteem and I wouldn't be comfortable as a wife. I would still give them a chance though, if they are truly working hard at conquering their urges.

I'd much rather be a with a real girl even in a non-sexual way than porn. Really I'm the type that's waiting for marriage for sex.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hence how I've said you've had men in your past that causes you to think the way you do and have the perspectives of men with addictions that you do? The saying is true that one bad apple ruins it for all.

Okay, next time I'll say, "stay with him and let him bash your brains in". :/

 

[jsr1221]

Is it that hard to drop a subject? This argument is pointless. The goal is to help the OP not to prove who's right and wrong (I'm no exception).

I'm actually going to bed. Laptop died quite a while ago. Not sure why I'm still here on my phone. Laptop dying was God's way of saying enough with this. Should have listened but was talking to someone on here simultaneously.

 

[Deepdistress21]

You don't know much about the twisted values of an addict, do you? They will do anything for that addiction. ANYTHING. Cut off friends and family. Lie and cheat. Sneak around and hide their addiction, place it before ANYTHING or ANYONE else. And if he shuts you out completely, to the point where you cant even have contact with him, then you become worthless and expendable to him.

I do very much so. Ive just had different experiences with addicts. And I don't judge them all the same way.
Ive had addicts addicted to far worse things then porn in my life and seen them overcome it. And ive seen how they're genuinely sincerely with all of their heart grateful for the support and love I gave them through the hard times that helped support and give them the strength to overcome it.
I don't judge all on the few that did not overcome it and hurt me. Everyones different. Everyone should have support and encouragement and be believed in. Hope and love.

Goodnight all.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Is it that hard to drop a subject? This argument is pointless. The goal is to help the OP not to prove who's right and wrong (I'm no exception).

I agree. Let's stop with all these hypothetical situations and focus on the OP.

 

[jsr1221]

Okay, next time I'll say, "stay with him and let him bash your brains in". :/

Right, because that is exactly what I meant and I am a proponent for abuse. Especially considering I grew in a home with abuse, and have issues to this day because of it... Sarcasm doesn't help with the situation.

 

[Sirk]

So because you struggle with something it has to be 24/7 every waking moment focus on it thing? Thats insane. And to truly get over something like a porn addiction it takes time as well to prove your over it. When your an adult in a relationship you prioritize and Ccmpartmentalize things. Just like you make time for work, you make time for god, you make time for family etc.

However you wanna justify it.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Right, because that is exactly what I meant and I am a proponent for abuse. Especially considering I grew in a home with abuse, and have issues to this day because of it... Sarcasm doesn't help with the situation.

Well, people obviously think I should tell them to stay and get killed, instead of getting out of it and run, sooooooo... And actually I'm being serious, not sarcastic. I'll tell them that and see what kind of reaction I get from y'all then. Sometimes staying and working it out is impossible.

 

[MollyConnor]

First sentence actually isn't true. Most men are embarrassed by it, which is why more often than not it is kept from a wife or girlfriend. The addict wants out but can't seem to break free of the cycle because of the guilt and shame.

What I meant was that men probably want a real woman as a wife or girlfriend, but they can't be with her anymore because their body wants the porn instead. Their mind wants the girl, their body can only perform with porn. That's probably why they are embarrassed.

 

[Deepdistress21]

If its a physically abusive relationship yes staying is stupid.
That's a completely separate topic from a porn addiction tho.

 

[jsr1221]

What I meant was that men probably want a real woman as a wife or girlfriend, but they can't be with her anymore because their body wants the porn instead. Their mind wants the girl, their body can only perform with porn. That's probably why they are embarrassed.

I really want to respond to this but I'm going to have to at a different time because I really need to get off this thread.

 

[Tintin]

Both men and women (if they're into visual porn or emotional porn) should get Christian counselling before they enter a romantic relationship. At the very least they should have an accountability partner/mentor.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Okay you said you wouldn't want more than the first step. That implies that you're okay with the person admitting there's a problem and taking that step to get help.. but then on the other side you come up with the theory of the guy quitting getting help and secretly looking on it on his phone.. and even worse. So which is it? You're kinda speaking from two sides of the spectrum.

It happens. Those are those who get help for awhile, then relapse and fall back into the cycle of "I can stop if I want to."