Virgin at 23.

Shueitaka · Dec 17, 2016

Hmm I would like to hear some opinions. I have never kissed a girl or gone out on a date with a girl. I have just not met someone who I actually like. Do you think I should just start dating and have fun and see where that leads me? Maybe one of the girls I meet i enjoy being with. Or should I keep waiting to get my first kiss and date and marry the girl I feel is right for me? I forgot to mention that I have been searching for girls who are only virgins so anyone who wasn't I lost interest. Do you think I should just forget about this whole finding a girl who is a virgin like me and waited as well or should I just not care anymore? I'm starting to feel like today's society doesn't care and maybe I shouldn't either. Feels like I'm overthinking since no a days no one cares much. Hmm just unsure and it would be nice to hear some opinions. Thank you.

tourist · Dec 17, 2016

I wouldn't bother dating anyone that I would not consider marrying. As for searching for girls that are virgin I would say that the longer you wait the least likely that will happen. As far as your first kiss is concerned I would not save that until you are married. What is most important should be that you are with the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with and not if she is a virgin or not. Pray for God to chose for you and then be ready to act when the time is right. Don't waste your valuable young years waiting to meet the perfect woman as your not perfect either. I wish you well in this endeavor. Welcome to CC.

cinder · Dec 17, 2016

Shueitaka said:

So what's the problem here? You've been sensible enough to realize that playing around with a girl's emotions (and your own) isn't a wise or nice thing to do. Learn from other people's mistakes in that area, and don't be fool enough to think you can just date and fool around for fun and have either of you walk away and just forget it afterward. If anything that's a great way to weaken and cheapen your future marriage because you'll be teaching yourself to fight the very biochemical mechanisms God designed us with the help us stay strong and committed and feel close to each other. Love is meant to bind us together.

Advice from someone another decade down pretty much the same road you are. Recover the idea of the date from our culture of dating. In other words, find a way to feel free to go to 1 dinner without feeling obligated to say yes to another or spend any more time with said person. The downside of "only date someone you think you could marry" is that it puts tremendous pressure on the relationship from the get go, and there's a lot to be said for letting things develop more organically. As to only considering virgins, well the older you get the fewer virgins there will be around your age. In another decade, if you haven't met the perfect person, you'll probably have ended up either 1) settling for someone you weren't too keen on because you felt like they were the only possibility left if you were going to marry 2) resigning yourself to being single forever or 3) realizing that a person's attitudes and present lifestyle are more important a factor than their past. So I'd advise looking for someone who is committed to the Biblical standard that sex is for between a husband and wife in marriage alone and values the fact that you have waited and honors that, but if they happen to have come to that realization later in life ( or overcome a whole bunch of messed up from being abused or been faithful to a former spouse that just walked out on them) that doesn't mean that their moral compass is no good or that they will be an inferior marriage partner.

Feels like this needs some sort of conclusion, nope don't have one. I guess that's for you to come to for yourself.

Lynx · Dec 17, 2016

I'm 38 and I've never been married, never gone on a date... never bothered with it. If I happen to meet a lady and we hit it off well and wind up marrying, great. In the meantime there's a lot of life to live.

So... what seems to be the problem? I get the impression you are wondering if there's something wrong with you because you are still single.

And by the way, welcome to the forum.

seoulsearch · Dec 17, 2016

I truly wish you the best, I honestly do.

And if I'm wrong, please forgive me, but before I put forth the time and effort into answering, I would like to ask one question.

Are you DotHackZero?

Your original post sounds like a carbon copy of a former user here.

Again, I sincerely apologize if I am wrong, and will give a more detailed answer then. I give you nothing but kudos for holding on to your convictions.

But I'd also like to cut to the chase first just in case before seeing this possibly get dragged out again... and again... and again, because this user had a habit of asking the same questions about virginity and seeking a virgin repeatedly, no matter what or how many people answered.

If you are not Dot, I shall surely apologize profusely several times and hang my head in shame.

wwjd_kilden · Dec 17, 2016

Will you ask her if she is a virgin before or after marrying her?

Seriously:
1 Get to know someone (this should give you some idea as to what she feels about virginity vs sleeping around without ambushing her with such a question)
2 See how you feel about her
3 Ask how she feels about you
4 If you both feel "This is someone I would like to stick with for the rest of my life ... even when things get difficult "... - make it serious

Oncefallen · Dec 17, 2016

seoulsearch said:

My thoughts exactly.......

Ugly · Dec 17, 2016

Shueitaka said:

My issue with the whole 'only marry a virgin' idea is that you are, in a sense, deeming people unworthy or less than for things they may have done in the past and stopped doing. If a girl has sex, then later gets saved and stops having sex. Is a wonderful person and devoted Christian, now she is deemed not worth considering for marriage because of what she did in the past.
This severely limits your choices.

The issue i've observed with people of your mentality, and who are virgins themselves, is that they are unable to cope with the idea that the person they are with was with another. It seems a sort of intolerance and inability to deal with real life situations.

At the end of the day, if you find a solid Christian woman, and she has had sex in the past, but gave it up after getting saved, or even if she made a mistake while saved and repented, the person she's with in the present will be her focus, not those in her past.

While it is genuinely commendable that you have remained a virgin, don't let the fact that you haven't made mistakes in a certain area mean that those who have are any less than you. Because at the end of the day we are All sinners and we All are in need of salvation. Peoples pasts should be just that, their past. God has forgiven them and left their past behind, who are we to hold their past against them and think we are somehow being 'more Christian' by doing undoing God's forgiveness?

jennymae · Dec 17, 2016

seoulsearch said:

Oh boy, sure hope he's that Dot character cuz I sure ain't wanna see you hang your head in shame

.

seoulsearch · Dec 17, 2016

Oncefallen said:

I certainly don't want to be unwelcoming or condemning to a new user.

But I just don't want to see the Singles Forum turn into another 30 rounds of "I Only Want To Marry A Virgin. Do You Have a Problem With That???!!!"

If this IS Dot, it doesn't matter how many times you answer him--he'll just keep on asking, as he did before, for many years.

seoulsearch · Dec 17, 2016

jennymae said:

Thanks, Jenny!

I have no problems apologizing to the entire forum if I'm wrong.

Obviously though, I'm putting pretty high stakes on this to say something.

But as I said... If it IS Dot... If we don't nip it in the bud right now, we're going to see this question asked every couple of days, right up until Armageddon, and then some.

Lynx · Dec 17, 2016

Maybe the original Dot converted to a different religion. I heard of this one religion where when you die and go to their Heaven equivalent, you get a few virgins...

Uh...

Never mind. Hush Lynx.

jennymae · Dec 17, 2016

seoulsearch said:

I remember that now. There was this guy asking this question over and over again.

seoulsearch · Dec 17, 2016

jennymae said:

Yes. It was long before many of the the current crowd got here.

We had a user who would ask about sex, being a virgin, and marrying a virgin at least twice a week--and the other "old timers" here who can remember that user will tell you that I'm not exaggerating.

If our new poster here really is a new member, I invite you to write me a PM and curse me out up one side and down the other--I would completely understand, and will gladly post an apology for all to see in this thread.

But if by some chance, it IS who I think it is... Let's just get this over with now, before it even starts.

PrynceNY · Dec 17, 2016

Nowadays it's rare to find people who are virgins tbh. If you do consider dating one of the most important things to know first is the persons relationship with God. In my opinion it's best to develop a solid friendship before getting romantically involved with someone.

NewWine · Dec 17, 2016

Being married, I won't really comment, except to say that I believe the purpose of dating is to find a spouse, so I wouldn't waste time dating people I wouldn't even consider marrying one day. If you're a virgin, and you're seeking a virgin to marry, that's not out of the realm. It will make things trickier but not impossible. I know many young (and older) women who've decided to wait until marriage, and while I don't follow them around to know for sure, I believe them. They are out there. Keep your head up.

PinkDiamond · Dec 17, 2016

I personally think it's pointless and harmful to obsess over what you haven't experienced yet in life. I know some people that are so self conscious about their lack of dating experience that it crippled them. Honestly, I don't see why it should matter to a Christian woman how many girls you have dated previously. I don't evaluate guys as potential matches based on their romantic prowess, lol. Actually it's likely to be viewed more as a negative. If you are committed to staying a virgin till marriage that is commendable and you shouldn't obsess about your age. It's more about being steady and faithful to God than it is about behind for your age.

I wouldn't date girls you aren't interested in. However, it's not a bad idea to be laid back and go out for coffee or lunch with various girls to get to know them. Don't make too much out of a casual coffee date. You don't always know who could be a good match until you spend some time getting to know them.

Ultimatum77 · Dec 17, 2016

You're phrase "having fun" is a little concerning.....you should want to keep yourself as a virgin for your wife....people may disagree but imo...it's your God given duty to keep yourself for your potential spouse so that you will be really close when you are married and not have to deal with baggage from previous relationships via emotional/physical/or even spiritual scars from random open sex with anyone/everyone......

Do not compromise sexually! Just b/c everyone is saying virginity is out-dated/caveman mentality does not mean they are right in fact open random sex damages your soul more than being disciplined and keeping your virginity......

It is hard sometimes but with the Lord all things are possible! You should pray and not "have fun" as "having fun"/being loose sexually is a sure path to destruction of both your soul and body as Paul said to the Corinthians.

I am a virgin and saving myself for my future wife! -GBU and stay strong you can do it!

Gary · Dec 17, 2016

It amazes me that trolls continue to get responses/advice. When are you people ever going to learn?

zeroturbulence · Dec 17, 2016

seoulsearch said:

Yep. That's why he got banned.

Virgin at 23.

Shueitaka

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