Des' Calvinist Love-In

[Desdichado]

My girlfriend's Reformed Baptist
I really must admit
She hates dipping babies
And I don't want to quit

When I gaze upon the alter
My heart it feels with glee
The resolve will not falter
I'll dump a baby

If I stay with my girl
Our babe will meet the Styx
But I'll have to endure a whirl
Of raging Baptist heelkicks

 

[Desdichado]

Presby's drink espresso!
Do you think us classless rovers?
How else would we dance
And get blunt those bad hangovers?

 

[SovereignGrace]

It's spelled altar not alter
Said the Baptist to the presby
He wanted to show him that spelling
Is something not taken lightly
But the Presby scoffed at such a thought
I'll go ahead and drink my scotch.

See, I tried to show him his spelling faux pas
He needs to write better than he does
But he turns to booze at every turn
Drinking it like dogs
Standing on their paws

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[SovereignGrace]

Yes Presbys drink espresso
Only when laced with stiff drink
They drink it anyways
And don't care what Baptists think

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[SovereignGrace]

Presbys mix alchy with any drink
Water, milk, soda, setzer, buttermilk
Does not matter the liquid
Alchy makes it go down like silk.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[SovereignGrace]

One, two, three, four
The Presby sneaks out the side door.
Five, six, seven, eight,
Going to the local pub is really great

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[SovereignGrace]

My girlfriend's Reformed Baptist
I really must admit
She hates dipping babies
And I don't want to quit

When I gaze upon the alter
My heart it feels with glee
The resolve will not falter
I'll dump a baby

If I stay with my girl
Our babe will meet the Styx
But I'll have to endure a whirl
Of raging Baptist heelkicks

You're girlfriend is Reformed Baptist
Then there's hope for you yet
She'll show you the cruelty of waterboarding babies
The no no of getting babies wet.

 

[SovereignGrace]

The Presbys are going way too far
Putting in baby bottles
Liquor from a mason jar.

Gotta raise 'em right
The readily proclaim
They'll use any excuse
Regardless how lame.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[Desdichado]

I cannot spell altar
Spelling is something to which I can't connect
But when in doubt, I'll sing my Psalter
And blame autocorrect

 

[SovereignGrace]

Autocorrect get blamed every day
For the illiterate's erring ways.
I think that excuse really stinks
Autocorrect gets blamed when
Presbys too much they did drink.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[Desdichado]

She is Reformed Baptist
Must I say it twice?
Curves and river dunking
Are my only vice

Except drinking.

 

[Desdichado]

Somthing I must point out
Lest I be called a drunken sot
I'd rather be jailed with a mighty shout
Than be immersed in Baptist thought

 

[SovereignGrace]

Reformed Baptist is the way to go
They have love readily to bestow
But Presbys want others their own ilk
Who like to mix liquor with their milk.

They want sots who are rather unstable
Who don't think twice
When having a Michelob
Whilst at the Lord's table.

Pretzels and beer at the Lord's table
Is the right thing to eat
Clashing like wild horses
Inside the livery stable.

Elbows to the chin
Kicks to the shins
Pokes to the eyes
Knees to the thighs

It's like a donnybrook
Whilst at the Lord's table
Eating and drinking like a crook
Killing each other
Like Cain did Abel

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[Desdichado]

Your poem's absurd!
Who has these tics
But those who say "word."
And rare Reformed Charismatics?

 

[SovereignGrace]

Absurd, absurd is all Desdichado could say
That's all he's got by the way
He's been thoroghly thrashed
In the battle of wits
He's totaly unarmed
If he was a racecar
He'd have already crashed.

 

[SovereignGrace]

Come back at me Bro.,
Give me your best serve
I'll hit back down your throat
Or did I strike a nerve?

 

[Desdichado]

Milk your win
For all it's worth
Continue to spin
Revel in mirth

This but one round
In an eternal match
My words will resound
Your tongue I'll snatch

 

[SovereignGrace]

Babies at the baptistry
Beer at the bar
Can we do both at the same time,
We have a really fast car.

Waterboarders and drunken bums...

WORD!!!

 

[jennymae]

Dueling with poems? Well, the pen is mightier than the sword.

 

[SovereignGrace]

The sword is mightier than the pen
But you know what stinks?
They believe dunking babies is cool
And having multiple drinks.

Those waterboarding drunken bums...

WORD!!!