Des' Calvinist Love-In

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SovereignGrace

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2016
5,455
236
63
I spoke with Edwards, Desdichado, my friend
The sunglasses and flowers on lapel
Has, in his eyes, caused you to sin
And with his sword, you he'd impel

WORD!!
 

SovereignGrace

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2016
5,455
236
63
Tick tock tick tock
No booze nor baby in sight
12:00 noon on the face of the clock
No baby to waterboard
No ale to drink, egad what a fright

He staggers through town
Upon his face a ghastly frown
In hopes of finding a baby, a beer
Something, someone he hope comes his way
To set at ease his mind in malady

He hunts high and low
And also in between
He finds he takes a woman's baby
Whilst sitting on her knees.

He drinks an ale a glass of wine too
I'll show them foolish Baptists
Waterboarding babies
Is what we Presbyterian do

He's caught by the local authority
Placed in jail then on trial
Found guilty of drunkenness and kidnapping
His sentence the cruelest of sorts
To walk without baby or beer 10,000 miles
In nothing but his undershorts

The sentence twas hard but back in that day
Courts were stern with the sentences they gave
We don't care how you act in your church
In public you act up, we'll bodily hurt

The old divine made it to the end of his street
Before collapsing and giving up the ghost
10,000 steps he could not take
He tripped and fell hitting his head on the lamp post

The moral of the story tis wise to heed
Your ale and baby best not be your innermost need
You'll end up like the old divine
Dead at the end of the homeless soup line

Those drunken bums...


WORD!!!
 
Last edited:
T

Tinuviel

Guest
...this thread has gone a bit strange :D
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
Give me sleep I say
I need the strongest tonic
To forget the great sun's ray
And antics most moronic

Sleep come unto me
I cannot find it at my service
Damnation nips upon my heels
If I miss my Reverend's verse

Sleep please arrive
The tankard has run dry
And if I do not rest
I shall surely die

Sleep blessed sleep!
I've found some to steal
In a class on evangelism
A Baptist reinvents the wheel

Mic drop!
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
Unlike your salvation, the direction of this thread is up to you.

We just like Reformed slam poetry. Rappn' that Geneva street beat by way of London by way of Detroit.

...this thread has gone a bit strange :D
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
Fear SovereignGrace!
Fear his righteous might
He doth need no sword
and he shall set you right

With great muscles pink
He's the size of the mountan
The star will pick you up
And scald you in his fountain
 

stonesoffire

Poetic Member
Nov 24, 2013
10,665
1,829
113
Wowzer...I missed a lot arguing, I mean debating, no, posting...yes that's better....in the tongues again thread. Love the poems...now I shall see what I've missed...to page 1!

My mouth is really dry....tripping over my tongue...tee hee..
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,465
16,378
113
69
Tennessee
Unlike your salvation, the direction of this thread is up to you.

We just like Reformed slam poetry. Rappn' that Geneva street beat by way of London by way of Detroit.
Detroit, home of Motown. Grew up in the suburbs there.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
Baptists go to heaven
This is surely known
They fly there like ravens
From maiden to crone

Baptists are in glory
Take it to the bank
It's promised in the story
They'll march in holy rank

Their role in Heaven's great
I wouldn't want to quash
An eternity of service
The Presby's clothes they wash
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
This thread has taken turn after turn. I love it.

Wowzer...I missed a lot arguing, I mean debating, no, posting...yes that's better....in the tongues again thread. Love the poems...now I shall see what I've missed...to page 1!

My mouth is really dry....tripping over my tongue...tee hee..
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,465
16,378
113
69
Tennessee
Cruising in my car with the top down
Dragging down the streets of Motown
I would stop at all the local bars in town.

With hair down to my collar
Picked my pool cue up and holler
"Hey, it's time to lay your money down!"
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
The Baptist band was brilliant
I could not deny
My liturgical soul was valiant
But how the singer graced the sky!

Music overwhelmed me
Blessed me to the bone
Carried further up life's tree
With every brilliant tone

But a mosher told me something
I ran out in a rant
The music that had me in glory's ring
Now forced an angry pant

As I turned the corner
My mistake I came to view
I missed the Baptist church
Wandr'd to a concert
By U2
 

88

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
At least it wasn't Black Sabbath...
 

88

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
I heard a guy preaching a week ago that got saved in a Deep Purple concert 45 years ago----God spoke to Him audibly----he responded and is still going strong...
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,480
2,545
113
Deriving Des: Spiritual Reflections in Classical Iambic Pentameter



Yo hair be all like sticky stack,
Yo glasses be all bricky brac,
Yo friends be all like wicky wack,
And I be all like choo choo choo.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
Name a Baptist poet
And I'll commence to laughter
Name a Baptist theologian
And I'll be hanging on a rafter

Where are they?
Their worship leaders jolly
All sound like Green Day
And look like Buddy Holly

Name a Poet and a Thinker
And I will call a surgeon
Or seek the solace of a shrink
For all you have is Spurgeon

And James White...admittedly...
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
Okay Sovereign Grace, I think the poetry balance is back to zero.

Come at me!
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
The Lord works in mysterious ways.

I heard a guy preaching a week ago that got saved in a Deep Purple concert 45 years ago----God spoke to Him audibly----he responded and is still going strong...
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
A poem to rule them all
And in the light I bind them
Not since man's great fall
Have such words been winding

On SovereignGrace
Small praise I do adorn
He may a Baptist be
But at least he's Reformed

SovereignGrace
A name mighty and true
To slam it in disdain
Is something I would rue

He's not a Charismatic
He's not a Pentacostal
No cause to be spastic
No cause to be hostile

He's neither Roman Catholic
Nor Eastern Orthodox
His head has no miter
He dons no Papist smocks

A liberal Methodist he is not
He laughs at Unitarians
No place for such belief
He calls them all barbarians

I'm loathe to tell him
Lest he strike his favorite minion

But I repeat:
His pastor is a Dispy
And his Deacon is Arminian

Apostates
 

SovereignGrace

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2016
5,455
236
63
Presbys stagger along the way
In battle regalia of beautiful array
Their swords are rather dull
Their armor rusty and dusty
But with liquor their bellies are full.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!