Des' Calvinist Love-In

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

My girlfriend's Reformed Baptist
I really must admit
She hates dipping babies
And I don't want to quit

When I gaze upon the alter
My heart it feels with glee
The resolve will not falter
I'll dump a baby

If I stay with my girl
Our babe will meet the Styx
But I'll have to endure a whirl
Of raging Baptist heelkicks

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

Presby's drink espresso!
Do you think us classless rovers?
How else would we dance
And get blunt those bad hangovers?

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

It's spelled altar not alter
Said the Baptist to the presby
He wanted to show him that spelling
Is something not taken lightly
But the Presby scoffed at such a thought
I'll go ahead and drink my scotch.

See, I tried to show him his spelling faux pas
He needs to write better than he does
But he turns to booze at every turn
Drinking it like dogs
Standing on their paws

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Yes Presbys drink espresso
Only when laced with stiff drink
They drink it anyways
And don't care what Baptists think

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Presbys mix alchy with any drink
Water, milk, soda, setzer, buttermilk
Does not matter the liquid
Alchy makes it go down like silk.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

One, two, three, four
The Presby sneaks out the side door.
Five, six, seven, eight,
Going to the local pub is really great

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Desdichado said:

You're girlfriend is Reformed Baptist
Then there's hope for you yet
She'll show you the cruelty of waterboarding babies
The no no of getting babies wet.

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

The Presbys are going way too far
Putting in baby bottles
Liquor from a mason jar.

Gotta raise 'em right
The readily proclaim
They'll use any excuse
Regardless how lame.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

I cannot spell altar
Spelling is something to which I can't connect
But when in doubt, I'll sing my Psalter
And blame autocorrect

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Autocorrect get blamed every day
For the illiterate's erring ways.
I think that excuse really stinks
Autocorrect gets blamed when
Presbys too much they did drink.

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

She is Reformed Baptist
Must I say it twice?
Curves and river dunking
Are my only vice

Except drinking.

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

Somthing I must point out
Lest I be called a drunken sot
I'd rather be jailed with a mighty shout
Than be immersed in Baptist thought

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Reformed Baptist is the way to go
They have love readily to bestow
But Presbys want others their own ilk
Who like to mix liquor with their milk.

They want sots who are rather unstable
Who don't think twice
When having a Michelob
Whilst at the Lord's table.

Pretzels and beer at the Lord's table
Is the right thing to eat
Clashing like wild horses
Inside the livery stable.

Elbows to the chin
Kicks to the shins
Pokes to the eyes
Knees to the thighs

It's like a donnybrook
Whilst at the Lord's table
Eating and drinking like a crook
Killing each other
Like Cain did Abel

Those drunken bums...

WORD!!!

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

Your poem's absurd!
Who has these tics
But those who say "word."
And rare Reformed Charismatics?

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Absurd, absurd is all Desdichado could say
That's all he's got by the way
He's been thoroghly thrashed
In the battle of wits
He's totaly unarmed
If he was a racecar
He'd have already crashed.

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Come back at me Bro.,
Give me your best serve
I'll hit back down your throat
Or did I strike a nerve?

Desdichado · Jan 2, 2017

Milk your win
For all it's worth
Continue to spin
Revel in mirth

This but one round
In an eternal match
My words will resound
Your tongue I'll snatch

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

Babies at the baptistry
Beer at the bar
Can we do both at the same time,
We have a really fast car.

Waterboarders and drunken bums...

WORD!!!

jennymae · Jan 2, 2017

Dueling with poems? Well, the pen is mightier than the sword.

SovereignGrace · Jan 2, 2017

The sword is mightier than the pen
But you know what stinks?
They believe dunking babies is cool
And having multiple drinks.

Those waterboarding drunken bums...

WORD!!!

Des' Calvinist Love-In

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