So when the Bible says in Luke,
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
What does this mean?
The word is the same in Romans 9. Both words mean to hate/detest. But when Jesus uses the word, we have to look at the rest of scripture. He obviously was making a comparison between the love for him in comparison to anything else. If the choice is him or our parents, or our wife/husband, or our children, etc., then he is the one we choose. He gets priority. Jesus contradicts himself if anyone thinks he literally means hate them. Seems to be using hyperbole to make a point or contrast or comparison.
Compare that from Luke to this from Matthew to understand what he means:
34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Compare Romans 9 to:
Malachi 1
1 This is a divine revelation. The Lord spoke his word to Israel through Malachi.
2 “I loved you,” says the Lord.
“But you ask, ‘How did you love us?’
“Wasn’t Esau Jacob’s brother?” declares the Lord. “I loved Jacob, 3 but Esau I
hated.
I turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the jackals in the desert.
4 “The descendants of Esau may say, ‘We have been beaten down, but we will rebuild the ruins.’
“Yet, this is what the Lord of Armies says: They may rebuild, but I will tear it down.
They will be called ‘the Wicked Land’ and ‘
the people with whom the Lord is always angry.’ 5 You will see these things with your own eyes and say, ‘Even outside the borders of Israel the Lord is great.’
Then consider these from Proverbs and Psalms
Proverbs 6
16 There are six things that the Lord
hates,
seven that are an
abomination to him:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that make haste to run to evil,
19
a false witness who breathes out lies,
and
one who sows discord among brothers.
Psalm 11
5 The Lord tests the righteous,
but his soul
hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.
6
Let him rain coals on the wicked;
fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup.
Some translations render this as "hates with a passion" in Psalm 11.
Context.