Can't accept my girlfriend's past
- Thread starter Paulie
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I think @Delphinium and @MollyConnor really got what the real problem is. Different values, different understandings that bother me so much. And yes, I am the one to blame for getting involved with her in the first place, I understand that, and I hold myself responsible for that. But why you all ignore the fact she isn't even a Christian?
G
I know people warn against marrying too young, but it seems like really it is the ideal. If the marriage is happy, it sure saves the men and women years of loneliness and heartache. After I wrote my post, I started thinking about all the women I know who married shortly after high school and are still married to their husbands, and I number at least 25. Some of these couples have been married 20, 30, or 40 years.
And therein lies the problem. She isn't a Christian, which you obviously knew BEFORE you even started dating her.. Anyhoo, even Christians have a sordid past, of things that they're ashamed of. YES, (gasp) even Christians sin. 
As a Christian, you know that you're unequally yoked to her, and you can't forget or forgive her past, so WHY are you still with her? You claim to love her, then prove it. Either forgive her past, or let her go and move on.
As a Christian, you know that you're unequally yoked to her, and you can't forget or forgive her past, so WHY are you still with her? You claim to love her, then prove it. Either forgive her past, or let her go and move on. 
This girl has no regrets about her past and isn't interested in a relationship with God nor one of integrity with you. You're not going to find peace with this girl nor her actions because they don't line up with the word, besides which, she's not genuinely repentant in the least.
Great advice Tourist! Find a girl that is interested in God and His word for our lives, not one who flips you off with her immorality and has no interest in even a discussion about it much less changing for the better. Focus on God and His will for your life, I'm positive this girl and those of the kind won't be a part of it.
And therein lies the problem. She isn't a Christian, which you obviously knew BEFORE you even started dating her.. Anyhoo, even Christians have a sordid past, of things that they're ashamed of. YES, (gasp) even Christians sin. As a Christian, you know that you're unequally yoked to her, and you can't forget or forgive her past, so WHY are you still with her? You claim to love her, then prove it. Either forgive her past, or let her go and move on.
As a Christian, you know that you're unequally yoked to her, and you can't forget or forgive her past, so WHY are you still with her? You claim to love her, then prove it. Either forgive her past, or let her go and move on.
You are being a fool. YOU can't change her. YOU can't make her open her eyes and accept Jesus. And what do you mean you can't leave her? You're not married to her, so you're free and clear to just up and leave. Turn her over to God and move on... IF you truly loved her as much as you say you do, her past with men wouldn't bother you to the degree that it does. Sounds more like you want her to conform to being the kind of woman that YOU want her to be: pure, chaste, and virginal. But she isn't and that's just eating you up inside... So by staying with her, you're really just making yourself miserable, because every time you look at her, you see her in bed with a guy who isn't YOU..
You can hope from here to eternity. She's NOT regretful or ashamed of her past. And if she's not Christian, it's highly unlikely that her conscience will prick her hard enough into repenting and accepting Jesus. You're serious about wanting to stay with a person whose past you can't get out of your mind, because you're angry and resentful that she had sex before marriage. And you're even more bothered that it wasn't with YOU. Neither one of you wins here. You're a Christian who wants to stay with a non-believer who sleeps around, and she's a woman who obviously likes sowing her wild oats and has no intention of changing..
She had sex with one guy. Whether it was 1 or 100, she had sex with a guy who wasn't you, and that's what's bothering you so badly about her past. And don't twist my words, I never said you don't love her. I SAID you want her to be who YOU want her to be. But she's not and you can't change that. As a Christian, you know better than to be unequally yoked with a person like her. Stay with her and grow more and more resentful of her, OR obey God and stop being unequally yoked with an unbeliever who has no regrets about her sexual past.
You're probably correct that you don't love her how you should. In fact it is apparent, and you are incapable.
Christ must not have forgiven you much. You sound like the servant who was forgiven much but demands everyone else repay him, or he casts them in prison, Matthew 18:21-35.
Some more points to ponder:
You are like diablos, accusing others.
She doesn't owe you forgiveness for her past.
You're wanting a non-believer to live like a repentant Christian when your own behavior shows not even you live like one.
I am not saying these things to give you info, but that you'd yourself repent. You are on an unsustainable path.
Christ must not have forgiven you much. You sound like the servant who was forgiven much but demands everyone else repay him, or he casts them in prison, Matthew 18:21-35.
Some more points to ponder:
You are like diablos, accusing others.
She doesn't owe you forgiveness for her past.
You're wanting a non-believer to live like a repentant Christian when your own behavior shows not even you live like one.
I am not saying these things to give you info, but that you'd yourself repent. You are on an unsustainable path.
Would your rather be with a virgin that shows absolutely no interest in living a spiritual life or a woman with a past with a possibility to know and love God.? I believe that this is the essential question you should be asking yourself. If you yourself are indeed perfect than you need to wait for Miss Perfect. Unfortunately, this type of woman does not exist. This type of guy doesn't exist either.
G
This is going to be unpopular, but that never stopped me posting my opinions. Do you love her? If you never talk to or see her again, would it break your heart? When you imagine life without her, does it make you die a little inside? If you answer "yes", then try to work it out.
As far as shared values are concerned, there are many people who are not Christians who behave more like Christians than professed Christians behave. You probably share more values than you think.
It's really not complicated.
I don't have time now, but there is a poem I would like to share. It starts "If I were a king in Babylon, and you were a Christian slave."
As far as shared values are concerned, there are many people who are not Christians who behave more like Christians than professed Christians behave. You probably share more values than you think.
It's really not complicated.
I don't have time now, but there is a poem I would like to share. It starts "If I were a king in Babylon, and you were a Christian slave."
T
Because you ARE Christian and you are NOT acting like it.
I don't care of she is Christian, Muslim, or Jewish, no one deserves to try to be guilt tripped and disliked because of what they did in their past.
No one deserves to have the person that they are today totally discredited because people can't let go of their past.
It's you're fault you got involved with a non-Christian so I'm not blaming her at all for not being Christian. I fully recognize that she isn't a Christian. I also fully recognize that you got involved with a non-Christian and this is your problem not hers.
Yes, to all the questions above. I'm absolutely positive on this one.
I know she's a good person, and she doesn't resent Christ, she is discouraged by what she sees in these "so called Christians" you mentioned in the post. People in church, who are interested only in money, who look at you like you're nothing and people who are there only cause they don't have an identity, so they need protection and to feel part of something. Christians are not slaves, they're strong individuals with high moral values. Unfortunately what I see in these churches, are a few people who actually know what's going on, and the rest of them are either bigots or faceless beat down by life "individuals", but that's a strong word cause there's nothing individual in them.
I know she's a good person, and she doesn't resent Christ, she is discouraged by what she sees in these "so called Christians" you mentioned in the post. People in church, who are interested only in money, who look at you like you're nothing and people who are there only cause they don't have an identity, so they need protection and to feel part of something. Christians are not slaves, they're strong individuals with high moral values. Unfortunately what I see in these churches, are a few people who actually know what's going on, and the rest of them are either bigots or faceless beat down by life "individuals", but that's a strong word cause there's nothing individual in them.
T
You should really take a look in the mirror....
So far everyone else is doing everything wrong and you aren't.
She couldn't possibly be discouraged by a Christian trying to make her apologize and feel awful about what she did in the past?
She wouldn't possible be discouraged by awful boutique Christian whom she's dating totally disregarding her feelings simply to try to make himself feel better?
So far everyone else is doing everything wrong and you aren't.
She couldn't possibly be discouraged by a Christian trying to make her apologize and feel awful about what she did in the past?
She wouldn't possible be discouraged by awful boutique Christian whom she's dating totally disregarding her feelings simply to try to make himself feel better?