Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ higher

[Tommy379]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I can relate.

A stay-at-home parent is a one thing; kids are best raised by their own parents. A stay-at-home spouse is a different issue. As long as the marriage is strong, it's not a problem. If there is a divorce, the earner will end up paying the ex for that decision for the rest of their lives (in some places) or at least a long time. What a crock.

I think alimony should be absolutely cut off after five years maximum; the amount of time it takes to earn a degree and get a job. Unfortunately, the courts don't agree with me... yet.

/Rant off. Back to your regular happy Singles programming.

Fortunately for me, she married that agent of satan two weeks after the divorce is final.

 

[Innerfire89]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Now this is just my opinion.
But it seems best when the wife helps the husband with things like making him a sandwich or throwing his laundry in the wash machine while he's out working, and he should be working hard, putting in his best at his trade to bring home the bacon. Then there's having children, a mother can't have a baby and go back to work the next day, and it supposed to be good for children to breast feed.

Then we have the system of the husband loves and the wife submits, the wife earning more money could end up giving the wife authority over the house and the husband having less say so, that doesn't work well.

But the main thing to look at is if husband and wife are building each other up, which seems easier with traditional gender roles.

 

[Amberlight]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

What really matters is if they are equally yoked spiritually, how much they truly love one another...we aren't really born again to be successful, we are born again to serve...wealth and success come from God...it is all His anyway...

The truth is said by woman of God.

I sincerely think so many have wrong idea what marriage is.
Marriage is not contract between man and woman it is holy union done by God.
It has absolutely NOTHING to do with finances looks status or ambition.

No wonder so many marriages fail.
No wonder so many men feel they are seen as meal ticket.
No wonder why so many women feel they are objectified.

Just few words from the good book.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Amen

 

[cinder]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I don't want a woman who needs me, I rather one just want me.

I feel the same way about men to the greater extent, I never want the pressure of someone needing me or expecting me to bail him out of difficult circumstances or poor life decisions. And I'd really look for mutuality in the relationship: I'd want him to be interested in the same things and to have the mental power to think critically and more thoroughly and deeply about them. While that technically doesn't mean I'll immediately disqualify anyone without a degree; it does mean that a guy who has completed college is much more likely to fit that qualification. As to the finance thing, I grew up in fairly prosperous professional home and while it's cliche there is something valid to the whole idea of continuing to live in the manner to which I'm accustomed. So while how the guy manages his money is a far more important concern than how much he makes; a lower income and a desire for lots of nicer more expensive things would leave me with concern that I'm about to become a source of spending cash.

I hear about that dynamic with my brother and his girlfriend, she's pretty financially undisciplined and since she's with someone "rich" now ( he's a hard worker and makes more than minimum wage) she seems to feel more free to either indulge her wants or just be less dedicated to her job. That tends to leave someone feeling much more used than loved and I can do without that.

 

[Tommy379]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I'll say this too, if I get married again, I'm keeping the government out of the marriage. The covenant of Three only. I'm not going to another courthouse for a marriage license and divorce decree again.

 

[Lynx]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I feel the same way about men to the greater extent, I never want the pressure of someone needing me or expecting me to bail him out of difficult circumstances or poor life decisions. And I'd really look for mutuality in the relationship: I'd want him to be interested in the same things and to have the mental power to think critically and more thoroughly and deeply about them. While that technically doesn't mean I'll immediately disqualify anyone without a degree; it does mean that a guy who has completed college is much more likely to fit that qualification. As to the finance thing, I grew up in fairly prosperous professional home and while it's cliche there is something valid to the whole idea of continuing to live in the manner to which I'm accustomed. So while how the guy manages his money is a far more important concern than how much he makes; a lower income and a desire for lots of nicer more expensive things would leave me with concern that I'm about to become a source of spending cash.

*Lynx crosses cinder off his list of potential dates and wanders off to tinker with another soundtrack.

 

[cinder]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

*Lynx crosses cinder off his list of potential dates and wanders off to tinker with another soundtrack.

I'm flattered to have ever made the list (and shocked that you were keeping one at all), but I don't think I could afford to support your music habit.

Besides I'm allergic to kitties.

 

[Lynx]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Actually I already have all the gear I want - computer, MIDI keyboard, EWI-USB MIDI controller.

But to some music nerds that is black heresy, saying you already have all the music gear you want...

 

[garet82]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Nope. I dont aggree with the statement above, coz i hv no issue or even think about that.

I deffinatelly aggree if one day i marry thats because we love each others, acceptence each others, supporting n listening and become good friends in all conditions.
I must be his misding rip he is looking
I believe its in HIS time my pray will answer amen

 

[garet82]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Actually I already have all the gear I want - computer, MIDI keyboard, EWI-USB MIDI controller.

But to some music nerds that is black heresy, saying you already have all the music gear you want...

Lol you are very funny Lynx

 

[Conversationand]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I want to be successful. But to me success has diddly squat to do with what other people see of me. I want to progress and do better for my own sake. That's success and it's not necessarily tied to a salary number. As for a spouse, if she makes good money or better money than me, that's fine, leadership and submission are not predicated on dollar amounts (though admittedly it helps the dynamic). To me it's valuable that she knows how to be poor, no matter how much money we make. I think her making more money than me would be more difficult for her than it would be for me. Women have trouble with being led in the first place (your desire will be for your husband). It would be easy for her to say, I'm bringing the money and the sex (because most of the time women are positioned as the supply and men as the demand) what are you bringing to the table? My older sister is victim to this goods and services based mentality. She walked away from the faith a long time ago. She makes less and will be making much less than her husband. She's not into cooking and housekeeping, and she tells me she doesn't feel like she has enough to bring to the relationship because she doesn't make the kind of money he does. Breaks my heart. Her desire is for her husband and she's trying to share the responsibility of headship. I couldn't imagine what she'd be like if she were the breadwinner for them. Probably, she'd place everything she's feeling now in his lap while being backed by cultural cues for the responsibility of men.

 

[Dino246]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

The truth is said by woman of God.

I sincerely think so many have wrong idea what marriage is.
Marriage is not contract between man and woman it is holy union done by God.
It has absolutely NOTHING to do with finances looks status or ambition.

No wonder so many marriages fail.
No wonder so many men feel they are seen as meal ticket.
No wonder why so many women feel they are objectified.

Just few words from the good book.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Amen

In principle, I agree with you. However, I would strongly caution anyone considering marriage to someone with no money, ambition, or status, and to whom they aren't attracted, that they are being about as foolish as they can be.

To put it another way... prior to marriage, your eyes should be wide open; after marriage they should be half-shut. Typically we fallen humans do things the other way around.

 

[OneFaith]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

So true, that is the world for ya.
But also, while I do not subscribe to it, I can definitely see where the implications of how well or not someone has invested in themselves may be a factor in why one would tend to shy away from people not as well educated or with dimmer job or money creation prsopects.

Sometimes it’s not their fault. Sometimes someone can't “invest in their self.” I was kidnapped at 16, hidden in a dark basement for years, and came out of it with a child to raise. I then struggled with minimum wage jobs that gave me as low as ten hours a week sometimes. I couldn’t afford a car. I tried for three years to get my diploma from night school, but my babysitter/driver made me absent too much to get credit. So I got my GED, then just as I was starting a community college, I became handicapped from carrying heavy groceries home for miles, cause I had no car.

So because my biological mother kick me out at 16 so that her rich bf would marry her, I’m doomed to never find Mr.Right, or even be considered important?

 

[cinder]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Sometimes it’s not their fault. Sometimes someone can't “invest in their self.” I was kidnapped at 16, hidden in a dark basement for years, and came out of it with a child to raise. I then struggled with minimum wage jobs that gave me as low as ten hours a week sometimes. I couldn’t afford a car. I tried for three years to get my diploma from night school, but my babysitter/driver made me absent too much to get credit. So I got my GED, then just as I was starting a community college, I became handicapped from carrying heavy groceries home for miles, cause I had no car.

So because my biological mother kick me out at 16 so that her rich bf would marry her, I’m doomed to never find Mr.Right, or even be considered important?

Trying to think of a good and honest response to this, but I feel like I've got nothing. Best I can say is that no one who hears your story would be able to think you haven't done everything you can and then some to better yourself and provide for you child after some pretty horrible circumstances. And while presidents, businessmen, and other worldly successful types might not give you a second glance, I don't think I have the words to express how precious you endurance and faith are to God in light of your life, or how much potential you have to bring God and his life to others who the world considers lost and least and broken. As to your importance, I'm sure you're the most important person in the world to your child and if that child doesn't already realize what an amazing person you are; one day your child will.

 

[Galatea]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

It's less about finances and more about a parity of likes and dislikes and interests. I could not honestly fall in love with a man who does not read. It is incomprehensible to me. I think one of the major reasons why I am in love with the man I love is because he is a reader and has read prodigiously. I think men are more able to marry unintelligent and uneducated women than women are able to marry unintelligent and uneducated men. Stupidity in women can appear cute and sweet. In men, it appears buffoonish. Plus, overeduacted women can appear to be witchy. This is a problem with highly educated women. They don't have the same appeal as wide eyed ingenues. This is exactly why women often "play dumb". Marilyn Monroe is a prime example. She was well read with a high IQ and interested in literature. But that would have been fatal to her image.

 

[JosephsDreams]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

It's less about finances and more about a parity of likes and dislikes and interests. I could not honestly fall in love with a man who does not read. It is incomprehensible to me. I think one of the major reasons why I am in love with the man I love is because he is a reader and has read prodigiously. I think men are more able to marry unintelligent and uneducated women than women are able to marry unintelligent and uneducated men.

6 - Stupidity in women can appear cute and sweet.

In men, it appears buffoonish. Plus, overeduacted women can appear to be witchy. This is a problem with highly educated women.

10 - They don't have the same appeal as wide eyed ingenues.

This is exactly why women often "play dumb". Marilyn Monroe is a prime example. She was well read with a high IQ and interested in literature. But that would have been fatal to her image.

Can't say I agree with sentence numbers 6 and 10.

In general, men and women, it seems higher education levels leads to increased separation from God. Ego? Pride? Irrational rationalization?

 

[Lynx]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

JosephsDreams: I dunno, Isaac Newton was a christian. He saw no conflict between science and religion. (Of course this was before Darwin and his theory.)

Perhaps more education provides more possible answers to a given question, and when some people reach a certain level of education they pick the wrong answers.

 

[toinena]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

I can't say higher education has made me more distant from God. It has made me more humble about things I don't know, though. Perhaps I ask too many questions, but that has always been my nature. I have never left God out of my studies, and many times I have seen He blesses me with favor during examns and admission. Sometimes I have to balance what the Bible says and my heart tells me is truth and what the academics and parts of my brain accept as truths though.

 

[Hellooo]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

...income?
Woman, do you have a problem marrying down>

The NY Times says younger woman, I don't recall the exact age group, but from around 25 to 34, are staying single in larger numbers and longer then any time in American history due to them having a problem finding a co-equal man in education and income.

I'm on the older side of that age range at 31...i would say that I'm not looking to "marry down"...ive had a few dating experiences that have made me realize i prefer someone who has ambition (although not for its own sake), and someone who has similar values. maybe it's a little easier to overlook things like unemployment when you're in your teens and early twenties, when most young people are still finding themselves.

I read an interesting article about how a record number of single women are becoming first time home buyers. They are the biggest demographic buying homes after married couples. Anecdotally, I've been seeing and hearing that to be the case. I think it speaks to a lot of things (and these aren't not necessarily positive)...more women enrollment in universities over men, women outperforming men in terms of grades throughout school (which I don't think is an indicator of female/male intelligence at all, there are other factors for that but that's a whole other story)

the big drawback particularly for women hoping to have babies while they're young, is that the men in their age range aren't necessarily wanting to commit or even prepared..it totally makes sense biologically to "marry up" (conversely, it makes sense as well why family minded men are attracted to younger women)

 

[ChandlerFan]

Re: Do men have a issue marrying "up"? I.e., woman better educated then them & w/ hig

Not at all! I know a lot of guys who would admit that they married up. It would be unfortunate for someone to let pride get in the way of a good thing.