Thank you Lynn! I will admit I can be that mom. I believe because my mom stayed on us constantly about keeping a clean house. My dad always taught cleaning the house is showing appreciation for what God has blessed you with. My mom always comes over and tells me wha isn't cleaned lol
I agree with you, I use to always think why did God give the sabbath just because He's God I don't see him needing it. It was for a reason, as I'm learning. Now as far as what day should be our sabbath?
Yes after, he he's off today, I'm going to talk to him I need help and I'm getting worn down a lot. Thank you very very very much for your encouragement and advice. Even telling me about your experience that helps a lot!
This post confirms what I thought. You are a perfectionist, and you can’t live up to your mom’s standards!
First, you should not be doing everything. It is not a good way to raise a child. My kids started doing dishes at age 5. My husband and I both worked with the kids, teaching them how to do it, checking back from time to time, to see what they had forgotten to do. It was a great skill for all 4 kids to learn. Then they learned how to do their own laundry, including folding the clothes. Next it was how to make beds. I remember visiting my German MIL once. My oldest son made his bed. My MIL walked into the room, said it wasn’t good enough, tore the bed apart and remade it! My son was stunned, and I know why my husband can’t make s bed on his own, to this day, although he can rebuild an engine without batting an eye! That’s called learned helplessness! Getting discouraged because your efforts aren’t good enough. Perfectionist moms do that to their kids!
My son showed her, though. That same son was in a dorm university. We took her to visit, his room was spotless, his bed was perfect. She kept asking how a boy could be that neat and tidy. You learn by practicing!
I was working 3 days a week, hubby was out of town for weeks or months at a time. The kids started in on household chores. The oldest son did a weekly checklist of what had to be done. On Saturday, they all had to do 3 jobs. They would run downstairs to sign up for their favourite jobs, and get them done. In return, we paid for hockey, drove them to 5 am practices and games all over Canada. So they learned skills and responsibilities, ended up with careers coming out of hockey, including coaching and scholarships! Win-win! Oh, and they are all happy and successful, good marriages, wonderful grandchildren, who also help out. One pair of a 4 and 5 year old can clean the playroom and their rooms in fast time. And they are so happy!
Oh, I forgot about the toilets! My daughter was 3 when we started the check list, she always ending up with cleaning the 3 toilets. Years later she told me how lucky she was to get the toilets, because it was so nice getting them clean, and they were clean! (She got figure skating paid for, practises 6 days a week! That was her choice of sports, she ended up competing at provincial levels, becoming a coach to put herself through her second university degree!)
So, start by teaching your son how to help around the house. You are doing him no favours by letting him be lazy, because you can do it faster or better. Raising children means teaching him to contribute and to be responsible for his own things. It will be hard to change the bad pattern, but stick to it, because he will be better in the long run.
As for you, lessons in ignoring your mom’s sharp, meddling tongue. She is provoking you, which the Bible says is wrong. Don’t yell at her, but firmly and respectfully tell her to stop meddling. If she continues, ban her from your house. Or bring out the vacuum/duster/mop and thank her for the offer to help.
As for your husband, make him pick up his own clothes, wash, dry and iron them. If he puts up with this overwork abuse at work, it doesn’t mean he should be escaping his duties. And yes, men can cook and clean, but you have to give them the opportunity to do it.
The reason I’m saying this, is because I was so busy, my body broke down and I became sick. When I finally had no choice but to stop doing things, my house was a disaster! I hired a housekeeper, and hubby had to pick up the slack. I also realized that changing the oil in the 2 cars twice a year didn’t come close to the weekly duties of shopping for food, making meals, doing all the household laundry, and thousands of other things women do. Especially since I started working full time, it wasn’t right for me to be doing so much, and hubby agreed!
And do keep your job. It gets you out if the house, it will keep you in the workforce. If something happens to your husband, you have some financial security. I think staying home full time, not interacting with other people would increase your perfectionism, and leave you in worse shape than you are now!
Finally, take some time for yourself, and especially for God. Read a chapter or 2 of the Bible a day, and pray. God will give you peace!
