How should I pursue her, without being pushy and keeping God first?

[zeroturbulence]

One time my soul came untied and I tripped!!

 

[Magenta]

I do though the "proper words" are "soul knit" just as David and Jonathan "knitted souls"(loved each other as themselves) despite being quite different them being "friends" we can have our souls "knit" with others in which in a sense you "feel there trials" not something one would want to be "seeking" if you aren't "sure" about someone whether "friend" or possible "lover".

1 Samuel 18:1 And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.... 3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.

​

The OP has spoken as if he already has some kind of tie to the young
woman, though she seems not to return his affection and regard.​

 

[Ugly]

Thank you, everyone, for your input!

A majority of you have responded the way I was imagining, which I guess means that I already knew what to do - I just wanted a second opinion from others like myself. I saw a couple replies mention something about how being pushy is selfish. I don’t believe that to be true - as a man, it’s our biblical role to pursue the women God has set out for us. There is a fine line between pursuing, and being a pushover. My question was more related to the pursuit, without getting to that point of being pushy. Sorry if it confused anyone.

Secondly; there seems to be a debate on the “soul-tie” I mentioned. While there is no actual, direct, reference to the word - the soul tie is referring to human behavior and psychology. A soul tie is created when the other person you’re interested takes top priority over everything else in your life - they essentially become an idol, becoming all that you think about, all the time, constantly. I do not believe in soul mates, however, a soul tie can definitely be something that we create with another human being. I’m not talking about “dividing your soul” or kitting them together; this is purely a figurative analogy that helps explain human behavior. Some people wholeheartedly believe in this theory, while I only look to it for its biblical references.

Read through this article for some more information: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.compellingtruth.org/amp/soul-ties.html


Like I’ve said before; God is still calling me to pursue her. This decision comes after weeks of fasting, so I do not take it lightly. However; I’m going to pray about the methods you all suggested. I’ve been feeling like I should step back, watch her grow in Him, and once both her and God are ready - they’ll let me know. But for now, I’m not going to let that stop me from what I love doing (I haven’t let it so far, otherwise what’s the point). I know that both her and God will let me know if anything changes, even in my own life.

If you all have any more suggestions, keep em’ going.

Thanks again!

People said you were being pushy because you Were. Not because we misunderstood.
And pursuing a woman that wants to be pursued is not the same as chasing after someone that already told you no and you keep pushing anyways. That IS selfish. Try to rearrange it however you want to pacify your conscience, but she already told you where she stood and you tried going after her anyways. Even as far as using your parents as a manipulation tactic.
She may be healed enough but simply not appreciate your way of dealing with her and your lack of respect for her answer.

 

[joefizz]

Scripture please Joe

Gladly!...
1 Samuel Chp. 18 verses 1-3(KJV)
And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David,and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
And Saul took him that day,and would let him go no more home to his father's house.
Then Jonathan and David made a covenant,because he loved him as his own soul.
-It's regarding friendship not lovers but still it's a good point that one's soul can knit with another's as if it were one's own soul even just as friends!

 

[theteebow]

People said you were being pushy because you Were. Not because we misunderstood.
And pursuing a woman that wants to be pursued is not the same as chasing after someone that already told you no and you keep pushing anyways. That IS selfish. Try to rearrange it however you want to pacify your conscience, but she already told you where she stood and you tried going after her anyways. Even as far as using your parents as a manipulation tactic.
She may be healed enough but simply not appreciate your way of dealing with her and your lack of respect for her answer.

Here’s the thing, though, she hasn’t even told me “no”. Or “I’m not interested” even, that’s why I’m here. All of my attempts have been to gain her respect as a friend, my intentions have been completely selfless. It’s not like I’m trying to purposefully get to know her even though she said “no” because she hasn’t told me - either directly or indirectly.

Either way; until she tells me she isn’t interested (which again, she hasn’t) then I’ll keep standing by in case something changes. Also; you’re really the only one who thinks I’m being pushy. Which to my recollection - I haven’t. You should probably read through my first post again, I think you might have missed some context. Regardless, I still value your feedback.

Thanks all.

 

[ChandlerFan]

So there are definitely ways things can be more complicated than the simplistic way I like to lay it out, but basically in my mind, the most ideal person to date is someone you have befriended that you like spending time with and who feels the same way. It sounds like she made it pretty clear when you initially asked her out that she wasn't ready for that, and I would say the best thing you can do is pursue her friendship without any additional intentions or strings attached. At this point, while she hasn't said she isn't interested, she has said that she isn't ready, so if you are going to have any type of relationship with her, it's going to have to be friendship. This sounds ironic I know, but your only chance of becoming more than friends is to begin as friends and eventually move from there, and the only way you can be a true friend to her in a way that is going to make her feel comfortable and secure is to drop any notion in your mind that a relationship is going to happen. So yes, you have to pursue friendship with her with the mindset that friends is all you will ever be. Your primary reasoning for being her friend cannot be that you hope it will turn into a relationship eventually because you will act differently in that case, and that is a lot of pressure to put on her.

With that said, I would do things that are normal for friends to do as well. Having her over to play games with you and your parents isn't necessarily in the realm of normal, so you probably want to keep hanging out in ways that are really casual and in groups.

 

[Huckleberry]

I'll try to keep it brief, however.......This is a long post, so please get comfortable - grab some popcorn or whatever.

Two observations:
-You either don't understand the word "brief",
or you say things you don't actually mean.
-You apparently think your situation will fascinate complete strangers to
the point that they will want to immerse themselves into it like a movie.

Conclusion:
You take yourself too seriously and seem self-absorbed.
Women are dramatic enough by themselves.
What they need is someone who's calm and balances them out.
You'll know Miss Right when you meet her.
She'll be the one who's all-in-all-the-time.

 

[jameen]

If you have experience courting women, then you should pursue her based on the character of the man she likes.

You have to ask her about what kind of man whom she likes to be her romantic partner.

you don't need to be pushy. just show respect to her and show your sincerity on her.

but I suggest that you should pray to our God that He should give you the sign if she is the one that He wants to be your romantic partner like when Isaac prayed to God when he wants to find a wife for his own.

 

[Lighthearted]

Two observations:
-You either don't understand the word "brief",
or you say things you don't actually mean.
-You apparently think your situation will fascinate complete strangers to
the point that they will want to immerse themselves into it like a movie.

Conclusion:
You take yourself too seriously and seem self-absorbed.
Women are dramatic enough by themselves.
What they need is someone who's calm and balances them out.
You'll know Miss Right when you meet her.
She'll be the one who's all-in-all-the-time.

Yep...that last sentence Huck said...

 

[theteebow]

Two observations:

-You either don't understand the word "brief",
or you say things you don't actually mean.
-You apparently think your situation will fascinate complete strangers to
the point that they will want to immerse themselves into it like a movie.

Conclusion:
You take yourself too seriously and seem self-absorbed.
Women are dramatic enough by themselves.
What they need is someone who's calm and balances them out.
You'll know Miss Right when you meet her.
She'll be the one who's all-in-all-the-time.

Yes, because wanting to hear what other believes say makes me a self-absorbed person. If you read through the rest of my replies, you’d know that it isn’t the case. Don’t be so quick to judge.

Also; I wanted to keep the post short - but it turned out to be a lot longer. It was supposed to be a joke, not because I think you all would be “fascinated” by my story - who do you think I am? A middle schooler?

 

[joefizz]

Here’s the thing, though, she hasn’t even told me “no”. Or “I’m not interested” even, that’s why I’m here. All of my attempts have been to gain her respect as a friend, my intentions have been completely selfless. It’s not like I’m trying to purposefully get to know her even though she said “no” because she hasn’t told me - either directly or indirectly.

Either way; until she tells me she isn’t interested (which again, she hasn’t) then I’ll keep standing by in case something changes. Also; you’re really the only one who thinks I’m being pushy. Which to my recollection - I haven’t. You should probably read through my first post again, I think you might have missed some context. Regardless, I still value your feedback.

Thanks all.

This situation is all too "familiar" indeed very similar except for one thing,"you haven't effectively told her anything" how can you expect an "answer" if you don't "state your case" in some fashion to her?
I mean you don't wanna be "rushing things" but if you keep "silent" it will drive you crazy "wondering" I'm no "expert" myself God certainly knows I have "acted somewhat irrationally" but I believe a "relationship" doesn't spark from a bunch of "what ifs".