1 Samuel 18:27 - How Many Foreskins Are You Worth - And From Where Should They Be Sourced?

[Charlesiii]

LAND SAKES ALIVE!!!!

I have to admit, @Charlesiii, you've done something not many people can do -- you've stunned me into NEAR SILENCE and rendered my petulant peculiarities for prose just about IMPOTENT (I assure you, that has NOTHING to do with the fact that we're talking about foreskins, honest...)

LOL. Thank you for your hilarious feedback post, and your encouragement. I was a little apprehensive that the playful aspect of the thread would not be received in the manner it was intended. The kind posts I've received from you and others have alleviated these concerns, as well as made me laugh out loud!

Also, I'm pleased that your "stunning into NEAR SILENCE and rendering of your petulant peculiarities for prose just about IMPOTENT" has nothing to do with the fact we're talking about foreskins, because the bank is going to owe you a good number in interest shortly (remember the equity matter discussed in the other thread), and you shouldn't be bashful about what's owed you when it comes time to collect. (Just remember to wear gloves! )

I am so overtly overwhelmed by your unparalleled expertise, I'm not sure I could ever possibly think of a suitable answer!!!

After 17 years and writing over 1,100 threads on this forum, I've finally seen someone who can COMPLETELY WIPE ME OFF THE MAP -- WITH ONE THREAD.

Seoulsearch shall now exit left in complete and utter awe of THE KING, no doubt about it!

You, Good Sir, have topped any and everything I have ever written on this forum -- combined -- with a thread of which the likes we've never seen, and that which we will likely never see again. Everything I write from henceforth shall be seen as chicken scratch by comparison.

Thanks again for the compliment, but totally different to my thoughts when I composed it. I remember thinking "Seoulsearch would have made this so much funnier", but I'm pleased you enjoyed. One funny thread (if it is that) certainly does not nearly equate to the decades of prose and enjoyable content you have contributed, but it still means a lot that you said this. Also, I can't take full credit for the title - it was someone else's suggestion and courage to mention that even got me to consider posting. When I realised at least one other person might share a similar sense of humour to me, I gave it a shot.

First of all, I'm utterly stunned that you got this thread approved, as it unanimously blows ANYTHING I've EVER tried to get away with OUT OF THE WATER!!!

I will forever bow to you in ENDLESS ADMIRATION.

Lol. I think that it is mentioned fairly solidly in the bible means its worthy of discussion, albeit it is gross/morbid in the context, also. But I know/feel the societal pressures you mean.

In an attempt to blubber out a hollow shell of, in the infamous words of Gwen Stefani, "I Ain't No Holla Back Girl," and so I must therefore demand fierce action for a chance to win my hand.

While I can't quite say HOW MANY foreskins I would be worth, I CAN say one thing:

I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow -- and I will NEVER, EVER look at Loyalty Program Rewards EVER THE SAME -- again!!! (What do you MEAN you're only offering me a measly free jar of peanut butter?? Do you KNOW how many foreskins were dropped at my door just yesterday??!!)

LOLOL. I must admit, taking the deliveries dropped off in a sack at your door does sound kinda messy, even if it is superior to a free jar of peanut butter. Perhaps we should create a CC crypto token (if anyone at CC has the expertise) to capitalise on the benefits of the currency whilst minimising the messiness? 4SKN could be the ticker label, maybe, with cold storage highly recommended?

Since every good movie hero from the 80's now has his own female counterpart, I can easily imagine the modern-day equivalent, CONNIE The Barbarian,

Being asked, "What is best in life?"

And her calmly replying: "To see an endless pile of foreskins before me -- as the price one is willing to pay for mine hand!!"

All in a velvet-lined box, and all ethically, locally, and environmentally responsibly sourced (without harming any animals!!), of course.

I love the idea of CONNIE The Barbarian, and think she should star in future discussions. The endless pile of foreskins before her would be quite the eyesore, though... Perhaps she could wear dark tinted glasses, so she didn't go blind straightaway?

I definitely appreciate her idea of all the foreskins being sourced ethically, locally, and in an environmentally responsibly manner (and obviously, without harming any animals!!), but we'd need to tighten up on the legal side, as some groups might try to intervene on the environmental or animal side if we don't do our due diligence and provide watertight legal disclaimers.

Also, despite CONNIE's admirable goal, given the endless nature of her pile, we'd need some sort of contingency plan for when the world finally does run out of uncircumcised philistines... It's alleged by some environmental groups that these are an endangered species already...

 

[Lanolin]

It was less what the item was and more what the item indicated. It symbolized 200 of Saul's enemies killed.

Actually he only asked for 100. David chose to kill 200.

It does remind me of a line from KOTOR though. Star wars, knights of the old republic, that is. On Tatooine the corporate representative wants you to kill a certain number of sand people and bring their personalized gaffi sticks as proof that you have killed them.

"Sticks? You don't want their heads?"

"If you were me, which would you want dumped out on your office floor?"

Michal was the Princess, since she was Kings Saul's daughter. She had a high price and couldn't just marry anybody. David had to prove his loyalty to the new Kingdom, it wasn't just about Michal.

There aren't that many Princesses today, aristocracy seems to have died out in many countries. Now royalty marry commoners, because its become too incestuous.

There was a thing in the US where rich heiresses went to Europe to marry royalty or aristocracy so that they could be chatelaines and bring their money to pay for the upkeep of grand estates. I think it was called Dollar Princesses, and they did this in the gilded age in the late 19th century.

Grace Kelly was one who married into Royalty but she was already wealthy or came from a wealthy family.

If you were merely middle class, or a 'commoner' you were looked down upon and seen as a social climber. And that was true of modern day women who married into Royalty, both Kate and Meghan were ragged for it. Commoners meaning they had no title or land or family wealth.

Cinderella was classic rags to riches fairytale, except Cinderella was originally rich, so it was a riches to rags to riches fairy tale, she wasn't actually that poor to begin with. Nowadays women can earn a living and be independent and not necessarily be an heiress to be wealthy, but it sure helps.

 

[Levib]

And I thought killing a lion was a bit much.

In Kenya, to propose for marriage, they would kill a lion and bring it to the brides father.

 

[Lanolin]

@Charlesiii is proving quite the jester. I don't know where he came from, he just seemed to appear on CC out of nowhere.

 

[RodB651]

need some sort of contingency plan for when the world finally does run out of uncircumcised philistines.

Lol !!!

Charlesiii after much thought, I'm going to declare you "Hero of Christian Chat" for August.

Well done Sir!

 

[seoulsearch]

Someone should probably point out that the reason such an unusual dowry was requested is because Saul was hoping David would be killed in the process. So gentlemen beware if someone is asking for body parts as a dowry it's just possible they want you dead rather than wanting to marry you.

I'm trying to imagine implementing this with any unpleasant single men anyone might have to deal with -- ask them to marry a certain woman whose foreskin bride price is so high, they'll be risking their lives to collect it.

 

[Levib]

I'm trying to imagine implementing this with any unpleasant single men anyone might have to deal with -- ask them to marry a certain woman whose foreskin bride price is so high, they'll be risking their lives to collect it.

You try that with me, you’d better be ready to pay up. Just sayin, I know a prize when I see one.

 

[seoulsearch]

You would have to substitute the skins. She doesn't have 200 enemies you can kill to get the foreskins. I don't think she has 20 enemies. She might have 2. Somewhere.

LOL!!

I'm pulling this post from another thread...

While I appreciate Lynx's vote of confidence, I can assure everyone that I have plenty of enemies.

However, I've also heard they've all mysteriously gone into hiding... which might pose an additional challenge.

So apparently, any poor chap trying to win my hand would first have to find my enemies, leading to the engagement -- then actually skin them -- and bring me my tributes so that we can move on to the wedding!!!

Ok, I'm in.

 

[Levib]

LOL!!
However, I've also heard they've all mysteriously gone into hiding... which might pose an additional challenge.

So apparently, any poor chap trying to win my hand would first have to find my enemies, leading to the engagement -- then actually skin them -- and bring me my tributes so that we can move on to the wedding!!!

How sure are you they’ve gone into hiding as opposed to ‘collected’?

That hands as good as mine… Muahahahah

 

[seoulsearch]

Thanks again for the compliment, but totally different to my thoughts when I composed it. I remember thinking "Seoulsearch would have made this so much funnier", but I'm pleased you enjoyed. One funny thread (if it is that) certainly does not nearly equate to the decades of prose and enjoyable content you have contributed, but it still means a lot that you said this. Also, I can't take full credit for the title - it was someone else's suggestion and courage to mention that even got me to consider posting. When I realised at least one other person might share a similar sense of humour to me, I gave it a shot.

While I greatly appreciate your kind words, there is NO possible way I could have EVER made this thread funnier than you!!!

The fact that you would go to the trouble of actually listing and describing, in immense detail, every level and scale of "skin count" had me laughing so hard that I was wheezing and in tears.

I could only get through about 5 of your entries at a time because I had to keep pausing to take a breath!!!

The fact that someone who is as vastly intellectual and an excellent writer as you would derive even the slightest bit of amusement from reading anything I have to say is honestly one of the best compliments I have ever received!

Thank you so much!!!

However, I uphold that with only one thread, you have officially won the Singles Forum Top Crown (at least, to me.)

LOLOL. I must admit, taking the deliveries dropped off in a sack at your door does sound kinda messy, even if it is superior to a free jar of peanut butter. Perhaps we should create a CC crypto token (if anyone at CC has the expertise) to capitalise on the benefits of the currency whilst minimising the messiness? 4SKN could be the ticker label, maybe, with cold storage highly recommended?

As someone who spends a lot of time looking at ticker symbols (abbreviations for company names on the stock market,) your suggestion of "4SKN" as a ticker name had me laughing so hard I couldn't see!!!

I suppose that just as with cryptocurrency, we'll have to come up with some kind of fancy security slogan to parallel the promotion of cold wallet storage (For anyone who might now know, "Not your keys, not your cryto!" is what they use now.)

Perhaps a slogan like, "Don't Slack on Solutions! Secure Those Skins!" would be worthy of our newly minted 4SKN.

(Now I'm wondering if NFT digital "representations" would do -- or would they have to be backed by REAL skins??!!)

And considering the commodity at hand (uh... maybe I should have worded that another way,) I'm thinking COLD STORAGE is MOST DEFINTELY in order. Proper preservation is paramount!!

I love the idea of CONNIE The Barbarian, and think she should star in future discussions. The endless pile of foreskins before her would be quite the eyesore, though... Perhaps she could wear dark tinted glasses, so she didn't go blind straightaway?

I definitely appreciate her idea of all the foreskins being sourced ethically, locally, and in an environmentally responsibly manner (and obviously, without harming any animals!!), but we'd need to tighten up on the legal side, as some groups might try to intervene on the environmental or animal side if we don't do our due diligence and provide watertight legal disclaimers.

I'm delighted that you've welcomed the newest member to the Cast of Characters here in Singles.

Along with @Lanolin's beloved giraffes, which have now graced several threads, we are definitely going to have to think of ways to further incorporate the long-standing, obviously unquestionable wisdom of Connie the Barbarian(ette.)

That is -- whenever she's not busy overthrowing The Patriarchy, of course!

(I don't think she takes appointments for interviews. Maybe we'll have to convince her to wear a recording device when she's out on the battlefield that we can carefully glean for more timeless quotes.)

Also, despite CONNIE's admirable goal, given the endless nature of her pile, we'd need some sort of contingency plan for when the world finally does run out of uncircumcised philistines... It's alleged by some environmental groups that these are an endangered species already...

And although Connie wants to support the harvest of LOCAL crops, preferably within our own community, she also understands that such a commodity might be limited.

Therefore, we might have extend our hunt of the nether regions -- to the other surrounding regions -- and across the globe.

May foreskins in every land abound -- and never go extinct!

 

[seoulsearch]

How sure are you they’ve gone into hiding as opposed to ‘collected’?

That hands as good as mine… Muahahahah

"Gone into hiding" sounds much gentler than "collected -- and cashed out".

I'm trying to make it sound like they at least had a fighting chance...

 

[Levib]

"Gone into hiding" sounds much gentler than "collected -- and cashed out".

I'm trying to make it sound like they at least had a fighting chance...

Don’t worry, they are safe and I’m already spoken for by @Lanolin .

 

[Lanolin]

Um what?

So Lynx has found out...there is more than one way to skin a cat?
Is this where the phrase comes from?

I am finding this all very confusing. Now there's a Connie the Barbarian? There is only one Conan the Librarian.

 

[zeroturbulence]

 

[Lynx]

Um what?

So Lynx has found out...there is more than one way to skin a cat?
Is this where the phrase comes from?

I am finding this all very confusing. Now there's a Connie the Barbarian? There is only one Conan the Librarian.


View attachment 293410

Don't drag me into this. This is YOUR mess to clean up.

 

[Charlesiii]

While I greatly appreciate your kind words, there is NO possible way I could have EVER made this thread funnier than you!!!

The fact that you would go to the trouble of actually listing and describing, in immense detail, every level and scale of "skin count" had me laughing so hard that I was wheezing and in tears.

I could only get through about 5 of your entries at a time because I had to keep pausing to take a breath!!!

The fact that someone who is as vastly intellectual and an excellent writer as you would derive even the slightest bit of amusement from reading anything I have to say is honestly one of the best compliments I have ever received!

Thank you so much!!!

However, I uphold that with only one thread, you have officially won the Singles Forum Top Crown (at least, to me.)

Lol. Thank you!

As someone who spends a lot of time looking at ticker symbols (abbreviations for company names on the stock market,) your suggestion of "4SKN" as a ticker name had me laughing so hard I couldn't see!!!

I suppose that just as with cryptocurrency, we'll have to come up with some kind of fancy security slogan to parallel the promotion of cold wallet storage (For anyone who might now know, "Not your keys, not your cryto!" is what they use now.)

Perhaps a slogan like, "Don't Slack on Solutions! Secure Those Skins!" would be worthy of our newly minted 4SKN.

(Now I'm wondering if NFT digital "representations" would do -- or would they have to be backed by REAL skins??!!)

And considering the commodity at hand (uh... maybe I should have worded that another way,) I'm thinking COLD STORAGE is MOST DEFINTELY in order. Proper preservation is paramount!!

I'm thinking, unfortunately, might need to be "some skin in the game" so to speak, at least to begin with. We'll wear gloves and the usual biohazard PPE of course, unless we can find some contractors... Connie the Barbarianette's natural desire to "landscape" her empire will provide the perfect cover to digitize and tokenize, as the surrounding lands are depleted of uhh... her preferred currency / material. We will, of course, have to exert care over her "business overthrowing The Patriarchy".

And although Connie wants to support the harvest of LOCAL crops, preferably within our own community, she also understands that such a commodity might be limited.

Therefore, we might have extend our hunt of the nether regions -- to the other surrounding regions -- and across the globe.

May foreskins in every land abound -- and never go extinct!

Lol. Once we introduce our crypto, I can assure you that our new uh... currency... will indeed never go extinct. No matter if Connie the Barbarianette insists on creating a mountain range that can be seen from the moon!

 

[Lynx]

Barbarianette is too clunky. Try Barbarette.

 

[Charlesiii]

Barbarianette is too clunky. Try Barbarette.

Barbarette sounds like either a Beach Boys song or a female barber. I'm having doubts anyone is going to pay the desired bride price if we try that...

 

[Lanolin]

Don't drag me into this. This is YOUR mess to clean up.

Wot??
You the one who posted the original thread in the way-back machine!
That you found and posted here!

Why do I have to do EVERYTHING??

 

[Lanolin]

Barbarette sounds like either a Beach Boys song or a female barber. I'm having doubts anyone is going to pay the desired bride price if we try that...

But she would make a great edition to the Barber Shop quartet! Like an extra Spice/Beach Girl!

Also....virgin hair is worth a lotta money....

I'm thinking Britney Spears for the job. She famously shaved her own head. She got revenge on that nasty paparazzi.