Addiction Confession (Help!)

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TyC113

Guest
#1
#1
I don't say this to call attention to myself, but I only do this to get something off my chest. I only say this because I want to be real and authentic and because I can always need encouragement. I would hate to be living a lie and to be concealing something really destructive inside of me that can hurt my relationship with God. So bear with me as I begin a confession.

When I was ten years old (around then), I have been addicted to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a sex tape that was made by another friend's mom and dad. It was "supposedly" private, but apparently it was no secret for me. I saw it, and I saw my friend's mom nude. To this day, I still remember the day that I first saw it and remember it in a sense. It still holds memory in my brain. Who would have known that at around that time in the fifth grade would lead me to looking more and more as a teenager?

I didn't just start with pornography. I took progressive steps there. I would look at the uncut music videos on television, the late-night erotica, Girls Gone Wild, HBO, Cinemax, and would watch racy movies all the time. All of this later escalated into looking for and finding internet porn. My parents did not have any knowledge that I had been doing this. I kept all of this a secret from them and from everyone. All throughout my teenage years, my problem just grew and grew.

A couple of viruses, a couple times getting caught, a couple times staying up until 4:00 a.m., never could stop me from looking at it. I was just addicted to it. It was almost as if I couldn't function without doing it. My life was just consumed by pornography. I bowed to it and to the women on the screen. I would look at it for perhaps 6, 7, 8 hours a day after getting home from school. I would do my homework during lunchtime and skip lunch just so I would have more time to look at porn when I got home. I didn't really do sports or arts and dedicate myself to them because I would dedicate myself to pornography after school. The worst part was that no one could ever catch on that I had problems inside. I was just a really good hider. I was a straight A student, an advanced student, and on the academic team in high school. People just knew me as some really nice guy.

But I never felt like I was a nice guy. I always felt like a pervert. I couldn't ever focus on girls. I would always objectify them, lust for them, and peek at their bodies. I really couldn't do well with girls. I didn't do well talking to them and didn't really have good relationships at all with people in general. Girls and guys. I guess I spent so much time inside looking at pornography that I really didn't know how to love another person beside myself. Plus, I didn't want anybody to know that I was addicted to pornography because I didn't want anybody else to find out. So I had no real relationships and struggle with the ones I had. I always felt I was holding back because I couldn't talk about this. And the pornography would always help me with my anxiety issues.

So from 11 to 21, I would daily go on the computer and masturbate to pornography. I couldn't kick the habit at all. It was stuck to me and the pictures and videos would replay in my head over and over again. I really was so enslaved to it. Gratefully, I never entered into any relationships or anything. I haven't even been on a date in my life. I'm grateful for not doing that. Then at age 21, I gratefully found Christ. Better yet, he came into my life. I gave my life to Him and I love it now. The only thing is that 2 years later, I am still in a struggle. I go to recovery groups and have told some people about my issues. My church for the most part knows the problem. But it's still a struggle and it's still a fight to go against it. I feel like I am not hopeless and powerless to stop it. The power of God dwells in me. The only thing is that I find myself still having urges.

I still am having urges and having the thirst to look at pornography and all. It's the hard part for me. And these urges create in me tons of fear and anxiety. I honestly don't want to sin against God, but I am still having problems and they are calling my name. I really hate that I still have these now. I would honestly love to never feel them, but sadly I do. I have gone a couple of weeks as of now without looking at pornography. I just need some help as to keep holding on and to keep fighting. I need help with having self-control. I am growing so afraid that I will fall and do it. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of myself and afraid of failing God. I know that it's possible and I know I could do it. I really don't want to do it. Please help me. I need it.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#2
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#2
I have been reading about brain imagery and brain repair. My friend was a stroke victim and had to redo his brain. There is also a lot of work being done that centers around cells and how they react to environment. It is all fascinating, and helpful for everyone of us, as we cope with how our brain works. Our thoughts and what we do make physical changes in our brain. That is why God tells us what to think about in
Phip 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable--if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise--dwell on these things.

God gave you a desire for sex, and pleasure in it. God also gave us marriage and guides us to finding one partner. These drives can be turned to drives for other things, such as work for the Lord.

Our society is distorting these gifts from the Lord with changing it into misuse of them. The sexual revolution and the ideas associated with it has so undermined our family as a God ordained unit that even those marriages under God still do not think of the extended family as true family. So our godly sex drive is driven off in ungodly outlets.

You are so blessed by the Lord that you have an understanding of this. Even your physical brain cells are changing so your thought pattern is changing to reflect this. When you have sex urges, simply know God made you that way and there are godly outlets for those urges. Each time your mind turns to ungodly outlets put a X on that thought so your brain doesn't reinforce that path and think of a godly outlet for the urge.
 
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danschance

Guest
#3
#3
I hear your honesty and your pain. There is a way to be free of pornography. I can send you the info in a private message, if you want.
 
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TyC113

Guest
#4
#4
RedTent said:
I have been reading about brain imagery and brain repair. My friend was a stroke victim and had to redo his brain. There is also a lot of work being done that centers around cells and how they react to environment. It is all fascinating, and helpful for everyone of us, as we cope with how our brain works. Our thoughts and what we do make physical changes in our brain. That is why God tells us what to think about in
Phip 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable--if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise--dwell on these things.

God gave you a desire for sex, and pleasure in it. God also gave us marriage and guides us to finding one partner. These drives can be turned to drives for other things, such as work for the Lord.

Our society is distorting these gifts from the Lord with changing it into misuse of them. The sexual revolution and the ideas associated with it has so undermined our family as a God ordained unit that even those marriages under God still do not think of the extended family as true family. So our godly sex drive is driven off in ungodly outlets.

You are so blessed by the Lord that you have an understanding of this. Even your physical brain cells are changing so your thought pattern is changing to reflect this. When you have sex urges, simply know God made you that way and there are godly outlets for those urges. Each time your mind turns to ungodly outlets put a X on that thought so your brain doesn't reinforce that path and think of a godly outlet for the urge.
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Thank you so very much for this, RedTent. But there are times that I feel like I could have a lot less of the desire. Or better yet, none of the desire. I am so scared that I have this desire inside of me. I honestly sometimes don't like that I have this desire. I would love to just desire God and nothing else at all. But that isn't happening. I still desire sex, and it freaks me out. I am pretty much scared. And that fear only makes it worse. I need to beat the fear of it all. I just don't get my fears regarding sex & sexuality. It makes me uncomfortable.
 
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twill

Guest
#5
#5
This book was the catalyst for me getting right with God. Since its out of print and the copyrights have expired, it can be found here: http://www.davidcox.com.mx/library/B/Brengle-Way_of_Holiness(b).pdf
I sincerely believe this will help you. It helped me so much!

*It's a very short book, but you may have to get into it a little before you see how it relates to you.
 
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Water1944

Guest
#6
#6
Tyc, first I want to tell you I admire both your faith and your honesty. I truly believe one of the things that makes God very proud of us is what you did here. I hope you understand something important-a 10 year old boy being put in the position of seeing a sex tape, and seeing his friend's mom nude, that is child abuse pure and simple. I know you said your friend showed you the tape, I blame the parents big time. From that point on, that child's relationship with sex, women is forever changed. Most parents and adults know this. It may help you in the future, to always remember, this is not something you did, this is something that was done to you. It grew into a problem from there, but that was the start. Sex is a blessing, a gift from God. I'm sure His plan for you includes a wonderful, healthy relationship with a fellow believer. I have faith that God can and will help you overcome this. Now you are a man, worthy of having a life free from this burden. Do not give in. Talk to a therapist, find a church mentor you can trust to help hold you accountable. I know it's easy to say to stay strong when I'm not the one with the problem. To me, it's so unfair how this started. I have an 11yr old son. I want him to grow into a man, faithful to God and given every chance to be a wonderful husband and father. I also want the same for you. I am praying for you. God's blessings on you.
 
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TyC113

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you for the book all the way. But there are so many questions that I have in my mind. I have been in a state where I was examining my past. I have such an hyperactive imagination, and I tend to imagine things that are never going to be real. But I have wondered what makes me want to do it all the more. And I have come to the realization that I am often afraid of myself, for a couple of reasons. I know how capable I am of sinning and how capable of running towards evil things. I am afraid to be alone. If I am alone and there's no one there to monitor, it's just a war and it's exhausting. I need to have better accountability and stronger friendships. Maybe it wouldn't hurt me so much.

The other thing that this addiction has done has scared me away from real relationships. I don't know if I turned to porn because I was afraid of girls or my porn use caused me to be scared of girls, but I know I have great anxiety with girls. I am seriously anxious and nervous with women. I really cannot be around girls and be comfortable. Girls are just beautiful to me, and they are just really attractive. As soon as I get around a pretty girl, I am shaking inside and out. I just get freaked out and really shrink away. That is probably why I haven't done anything with a real person in my life. When you're so afraid that you can't even get past "Hello", you know you're in for trouble. What I want to do in my mind is completely opposite of what I truly want. I am just not a man of courage. I really am a coward.

Being a coward really has hurt me in a lot of ways. Everything about my life has basically screamed coward. Fear usually wins out at the end of the day. I am controlled by it. I just haven't been the Christian I would like to be because of my cowardice. I haven't even helped someone find God and find Christ because I am afraid to walk on water. I am afraid that I will drown whenever I start walking. I am afraid of honestly rejection. I am used to the pain of rejection, and Jesus is calling me to try and reach people who are going to in turn reject me. I am worried that they will say no if I evangelize to them and won't reach anybody. I would just love it if I could just convert one nonbeliever to Christ, but I am afraid to even try. I'm not sure if I could be a good witness. I don't want to turn people away from seeking Jesus and just winning no souls. With all this fear, I basically live life in a shell. I really haven't lived life the way I would have liked. I am just bleh. It's not as productive or world-changing as I would have liked. I just haven't been up to standard as I would like.

Fear is such a killer. I would like to be more courageous and brave and manly, instead of being a cowardly, anxious, worrywart. I'd like to be more confident, but right now I'm the cowardly lion.
 
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Water1944

Guest
#8
#8
We are all sinners and are capable of running towards evil. I think it's a sweeping statement to label yourself as a coward. God calls many people to simply plant the seed of faith. Pray to God for the chance to witness about Him. Ask Him for both the challenge to do so, and to provide you with both the words and the strength to do so. When it happens, don't look around you like I did-where did those words come from?! They came from you, and God put them there. Maybe this is where God wants your focus to be. The best thing may be not to be thinking about relationships right now. At some point, maybe you will have to become first the young man that never dated, to become the man ready to handle it. Healing takes time.
 
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James2v18

Banned
#9
Jul 10, 2013
54
0
0
#9
TC113,

After you have tried everything and lost your hope ask Saint Jude and the blessed Virgin Mary to pray for you (it is not worshipping! it would be like asking me to pray for you, except I'm not Holy, and yes God allows them to hear us. He wants us to help each other in our salvation. I don't understand why Protestants don't get that?). Then say a Rosary once a day. Say a Hail Mary when you get the urge. Besides God, the devil fears Jesus' mother. Wear a miraculous medal if you can. 3 times a day stop yourself from doing something you want to do. Like don't eat ice cream when you want to. Do the dishes when you just want to go to bed. Call your mother when you don't feel like it. Tell God this is for you. And pray as hard as you can for others, besides yourself. Once a week if not everyday, do something really unexpectedly nice to someone.

I know, I know many Protestants would never do these. But TC113 this will work.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#10
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#10
Caution. Adult dialoge. Viewer discretion advised.






Pornography is a tough one. No matter how much you pray, how much others interceed, no matter how much Christ dwells in you, as long as you're in this flesh you're going to be subject to organs, hormones, and nueral pathways designed solely to make you horny. Sorry to be blunt here, but pornography is a blunt subject if you want to address it head on. And that's what it comes down to, here and now, in the flesh. Don't feel guilty about being human, because for right now you have no other choice. Well, few. God understands that, that's why He sent Christ to die fo us. And not that there aren't consequences to individual sins, there are, but His forgiveness of our flesh is per lifetime, not per occurrance.

So the battle is not to be rid of the urges (as the Borg say, resistance is futile), but how to manage them. You must have a plan. That includes confessing your failures, and asking forgiveness. Pray the Blood of Christ be poured out upon and within you, and for the cleansing it brings in both spirit and body to wash out and 'dial back' the urgings of the flesh. Pray the Holy Spirit be poured out upon you as well, cleansing and washing you clean, and then filling your spirit to be stronger against the flesh. Be specific in your prayers. And realize that the enemy and his minions are going to use that flesh of yours, they're going to taunt and tease and do their best to entice you. Heck, they've built a global society around it. Be aware of that, and like the verse paraphrases, if your HBO causes you to sin then cut it off. That or your hand, but I'd try the HBO first :)

Know how I 'cured' my porn addiction? I came here. I told myself that when I was tempted, I would come here first, and that if 30 minutes later I was still worked up I'd go ahead. I'm still here. I challenge you to do the same.
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#11
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
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#11
No wonder you said you were leaning toward celibacy.
You're conflicted by the sin and the promise.
The sin of sexual desires being answered by dead images,
against the God made fruit of sexual intercourse between a man and his mate.
- These aren't the same.
- - In no way, no how are they even resemblant.

God will give you your mate, but you must stop the viewing of pornography first.
He will help you,.....but you must let him.
(Don't be surprised if she suddenly shows up, because He knows how strong that pull is).
Just trust God and stop! - O.K? - (Do your best!!.....He will do the rest)
Answer the Holy Spirit also, in truth, faith, and with tears....O.K?
 
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TyC113

Guest
#12
#12
RickShafer said:
No wonder you said you were leaning toward celibacy.
You're conflicted by the sin and the promise.
The sin of sexual desires being answered by dead images,
against the God made fruit of sexual intercourse between a man and his mate.
- These aren't the same.
- - In no way, no how are they even resemblant.

God will give you your mate, but you must stop the viewing of pornography first.
He will help you,.....but you must let him.
(Don't be surprised if she suddenly shows up, because He knows how strong that pull is).
Just trust God and stop! - O.K? - (Do your best!!.....He will do the rest)
Answer the Holy Spirit also, in truth, faith, and with tears....O.K?
Click to expand...
Well, yeah, I definitely know that I have sexual desire. Too much to be honest with you. I am still figuring out whether celibacy is for me, but I know I want to stop pornography. I don't even get the thrill from pornography. The fantasy factor is what's the appeal. I would rather if I were to copulate be in my wife's arms, not in the arms of some one night stand. I've always desired romance, but what I didn't know what that I was enchanted by it. I have been entranced by romantic love and thought that as marriage. Now I know what marriage is. My rose-colored glasses are off now. I know that marriage is a hard thing, filled with a lot of hardship. Right now, with all the issues that I have in my life, I know that marriage would only be made harder for me. So I know marriage isn't an option for me right now. What I am wanting to do now is burn my idolatry of marriage & sex.

I had made an idol out of marriage, and now I don't even know if I want to be married. I don't know if marriage is the thing for me. Now that I know what the Bible says about marriage, I don't even know if it's a good choice. I mean, nothing can compare to being with Christ, right?
 
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JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#14
Apr 26, 2012
2,589
74
48
#14
TyC113 said:
I still am having urges and having the thirst to look at pornography and all. It's the hard part for me. And these urges create in me tons of fear and anxiety. I honestly don't want to sin against God, but I am still having problems and they are calling my name. I really hate that I still have these now. I would honestly love to never feel them, but sadly I do. I have gone a couple of weeks as of now without looking at pornography. I just need some help as to keep holding on and to keep fighting. I need help with having self-control. I am growing so afraid that I will fall and do it. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of myself and afraid of failing God. I know that it's possible and I know I could do it. I really don't want to do it. Please help me. I need it.
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God bless you, TyC.

You said: "I really hate that I still have these [urges] now." I must tell you, I have never looked at pornography in my life, and I can't say I have no urge to look at that which is forbidden. So I hope you see that it's not a sin to be tempted. Your urges probably will diminish with time, but don't expect to have your natural man totally removed.

I think you should pray, not to have no desire for it, but to have the power to overcome it. Ask to be filled with The Holy Spirit, and to receive all power to resist temptation.

Luke 11:13: 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Also, one thing I learned, be totally honest with God. We can't judge our own heart, so don't tell God how much you want to quit, or tell Him you'll never look at it again. Being human, your flesh doesn't want to quit. Just be honest. Your spirit wants to cease all evil behaviors, but your flesh wants to keep on sinning.

I am praying for you! -JIM
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#15
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
59
0
#15
TyC113 said:
Well, yeah, I definitely know that I have sexual desire. Too much to be honest with you. I am still figuring out whether celibacy is for me, but I know I want to stop pornography. I don't even get the thrill from pornography. The fantasy factor is what's the appeal. I would rather if I were to copulate be in my wife's arms, not in the arms of some one night stand. I've always desired romance, but what I didn't know what that I was enchanted by it. I have been entranced by romantic love and thought that as marriage. Now I know what marriage is. My rose-colored glasses are off now. I know that marriage is a hard thing, filled with a lot of hardship. Right now, with all the issues that I have in my life, I know that marriage would only be made harder for me. So I know marriage isn't an option for me right now. What I am wanting to do now is burn my idolatry of marriage & sex.

I had made an idol out of marriage, and now I don't even know if I want to be married. I don't know if marriage is the thing for me. Now that I know what the Bible says about marriage, I don't even know if it's a good choice. I mean, nothing can compare to being with Christ, right?
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You'd be surprised. God likens man and wife to Christ and His body:

Ephesians 5:23-33King James Version (KJV)

[SUP]23 [/SUP]For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[SUP]24 [/SUP]Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[SUP]26 [/SUP]That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[SUP]27 [/SUP]That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
[SUP]28 [/SUP]So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[SUP]29 [/SUP]For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[SUP]30 [/SUP]For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[SUP]31 [/SUP]For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
[SUP]32 [/SUP]This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

[SUP]33 [/SUP]Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

It's amazing how the Holy Spirit can make a completely new creation out of two people......(But He can).
Consider it my man! You are not past saving, ..."there is no temptation that has beset you but that which is common to man. - Out of all of them, He makes a way of escape."

God bless you brother.
 
M

mary70

Guest
#16
#16
TyC113 said:
I don't say this to call attention to myself, but I only do this to get something off my chest. I only say this because I want to be real and authentic and because I can always need encouragement. I would hate to be living a lie and to be concealing something really destructive inside of me that can hurt my relationship with God. So bear with me as I begin a confession.

When I was ten years old (around then), I have been addicted to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a sex tape that was made by another friend's mom and dad. It was "supposedly" private, but apparently it was no secret for me. I saw it, and I saw my friend's mom nude. To this day, I still remember the day that I first saw it and remember it in a sense. It still holds memory in my brain. Who would have known that at around that time in the fifth grade would lead me to looking more and more as a teenager?

I didn't just start with pornography. I took progressive steps there. I would look at the uncut music videos on television, the late-night erotica, Girls Gone Wild, HBO, Cinemax, and would watch racy movies all the time. All of this later escalated into looking for and finding internet porn. My parents did not have any knowledge that I had been doing this. I kept all of this a secret from them and from everyone. All throughout my teenage years, my problem just grew and grew.

A couple of viruses, a couple times getting caught, a couple times staying up until 4:00 a.m., never could stop me from looking at it. I was just addicted to it. It was almost as if I couldn't function without doing it. My life was just consumed by pornography. I bowed to it and to the women on the screen. I would look at it for perhaps 6, 7, 8 hours a day after getting home from school. I would do my homework during lunchtime and skip lunch just so I would have more time to look at porn when I got home. I didn't really do sports or arts and dedicate myself to them because I would dedicate myself to pornography after school. The worst part was that no one could ever catch on that I had problems inside. I was just a really good hider. I was a straight A student, an advanced student, and on the academic team in high school. People just knew me as some really nice guy.

But I never felt like I was a nice guy. I always felt like a pervert. I couldn't ever focus on girls. I would always objectify them, lust for them, and peek at their bodies. I really couldn't do well with girls. I didn't do well talking to them and didn't really have good relationships at all with people in general. Girls and guys. I guess I spent so much time inside looking at pornography that I really didn't know how to love another person beside myself. Plus, I didn't want anybody to know that I was addicted to pornography because I didn't want anybody else to find out. So I had no real relationships and struggle with the ones I had. I always felt I was holding back because I couldn't talk about this. And the pornography would always help me with my anxiety issues.

So from 11 to 21, I would daily go on the computer and masturbate to pornography. I couldn't kick the habit at all. It was stuck to me and the pictures and videos would replay in my head over and over again. I really was so enslaved to it. Gratefully, I never entered into any relationships or anything. I haven't even been on a date in my life. I'm grateful for not doing that. Then at age 21, I gratefully found Christ. Better yet, he came into my life. I gave my life to Him and I love it now. The only thing is that 2 years later, I am still in a struggle. I go to recovery groups and have told some people about my issues. My church for the most part knows the problem. But it's still a struggle and it's still a fight to go against it. I feel like I am not hopeless and powerless to stop it. The power of God dwells in me. The only thing is that I find myself still having urges.

I still am having urges and having the thirst to look at pornography and all. It's the hard part for me. And these urges create in me tons of fear and anxiety. I honestly don't want to sin against God, but I am still having problems and they are calling my name. I really hate that I still have these now. I would honestly love to never feel them, but sadly I do. I have gone a couple of weeks as of now without looking at pornography. I just need some help as to keep holding on and to keep fighting. I need help with having self-control. I am growing so afraid that I will fall and do it. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of myself and afraid of failing God. I know that it's possible and I know I could do it. I really don't want to do it. Please help me. I need it.
Click to expand...
' hi. Keep fighting it please
 
J

Jamjay

Guest
#17
#17
First off,i want u to know what u've done is d correct step:sin exposed will eventually loose its grip on u.
I was 12 yrs of age when i went to my friend to play PS1...after playing,he switched it over to video and there and then i watched my first porn.It was d seed satan always wants to put in every young life....months l8r it yield fruits of masturbation.It turned into an addiction...i watched porn and searched d web 4 nude pic,masturbation became mature and yield fornication...worst of,it became a source of reducing stress.I became extremely addicted to porn and masturbation...which made me look at girls as only objects to satisfy my lust...i was so lost.Then 2007 i was accepted in college,there i heard about d power of d cross,i gave my life to Christ but i wasn't serious about it bcoz i still go to mosque and go to church,i wasn't aware of d true meaning of grace and d power of d cross.So i started smoking weed and everything grew grew into a whole new level...having sex almost everyday and after that i'll watch porn videos or masturbate,d desire was so intense that i'll masturbate in campus...but in all this God(Christ) was planning to reveal Himself to afresh.Yr 3 i had a very bad break-up with a girl and it was hard on me that i felt like dying.Luckily a friend evangelised to me and i gave my life to Christ again but still i wasn't that serious bcoz i still went to mosque(i'm 4rm a tribe which is one of d largest muslim communities in west africa).I still masturbated and had vigorous sex frequently....imagine i'll jump over my window,scale walls by 2am in d morning in remote areas which had no electricity just to av sex....last year i came across a preacher who carefully explain to me what Christ did on d cross 4 me and what His grace really meant and encouraged me to start over in my walk with God and to God be d glory my life has never been d same.God has replaced those old habits with a constant thirst 4 Him,i can nw pray and my life is now free 4rm all those things.I now hate even ordinary movies,hip pop music,and all forms of lust.
I'm now free and my point is if God can set a pervert like me free so can u...i dont want u give up.Go to a bible believing church and find a true man of God and explain to him....d problem why d "churches" nowadays r so powerless is that instead of them preaching a wholesome Christ who died once and 4 all 4 all men,they preach a Christ who died 4 either prosperity or wisdom or some...anyways i hope that my testimony will help u.
One last thing,d feelings u av now show that u've not become a true christian yet...no offense...d Apostle Paul in one of his letters said e used to feel d same way b4 he met Christ as Lord and Saviour,but when His Spirit comes into u,u'll not b aving difficulties to pls God.
And even when u become a true child of God,u'll still av sexual feelings...i av them...this shows that u r still a man bt by His grace,He will teach u how to be self-controlled.Titus 2:11-13.
And when u repent,pray earnestly to Him everything and also tell Him u've giving up d right to d that sin ever again.
 
I

isaria

Guest
#18
#18
I praise you and the replying threads for such writings and for what profess and good you have done with your addictions and overcoming them.

I shall not write of my experiences and being but shall say that as well as prayer you could swap the pornography for something good for you.
A woman you give money to on a porn site may say "buuuut daaaaddyyyyy iiiiiiiiim good for yooouuu" because she wants money and maybe power of you and (they often say daddy "sugadaddys" that watch and pay.
Other woman are tricked into files and no nothing about the files of them being on line and they not paid for it but the organised crimers are ones get money while girl who was silly nada.
There are some really bad people make a lot of money on pornography and a lot of people are used and used as puppets , drugged, tied up , etc.
Spend that money on your self instead.
Or if you spend $10 watch a porn file maybe spend $ 1 of that ten to charity and $9 for your self.
Something positive and uplifting for body and soul.

"they" may argue "buuuuut daddyyyyy iiii make you feeeeel gooooood" and maybe you argue masturbating makes me relaxed but does it really?
First minute after orgasm your muscles relax?

Maybe spend money on a massage by a professional (not sexual massage).
Or massage chair (cost 2 dollars)
Jog and sauna also good.
Swim.
Find other sites on internet.
Maybe a dating site or a christian dating site you can chat with a nice lady and date each other "on line" by having "dates" where you meet online to chat with eachother.


When you are aroused into feeling mad and throbbing then maybe massage your hands instead of your "love wand".
Have a shower, prayer, go to sleep, exercise.


Yes, there is bad brain washing and hypnotherapists...
I was given a cd hypnotherapy sounded like running water and helicopters and he whispered to me subconscious but these things happen maliciously to harm and damage you.
Maybe some sects do it or some people want use you, control, manipulate or steal from you.


God bless and best wishes with over coming addiction and meeting a good woman to marry.
 
T

TyC113

Guest
#19
#19
RickShafer said:
You'd be surprised. God likens man and wife to Christ and His body:

Ephesians 5:23-33King James Version (KJV)

[SUP]23 [/SUP]For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[SUP]24 [/SUP]Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[SUP]26 [/SUP]That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[SUP]27 [/SUP]That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
[SUP]28 [/SUP]So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[SUP]29 [/SUP]For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[SUP]30 [/SUP]For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[SUP]31 [/SUP]For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
[SUP]32 [/SUP]This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

[SUP]33 [/SUP]Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

It's amazing how the Holy Spirit can make a completely new creation out of two people......(But He can).
Consider it my man! You are not past saving, ..."there is no temptation that has beset you but that which is common to man. - Out of all of them, He makes a way of escape."

God bless you brother.
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Let me try to answer this, please.

Yeah, I know marriage can be a great thing and the Lord blesses it, but I don't know if I should even think about getting married. I just don't think I am fit to marry, to be honest. I have been thinking about whether or not celibacy is right for quite some time. After reading 1 Corinthians 7, I honestly have had questions as to what I should do in terms of following God. I honestly don't know if I could have a wife and still follow the Lord. Plus remember, no one needs someone to complete them. I am not going to be completed by anyone. I only desire to let the Lord complete me. I will not conform to what the world wants. So if I don't find love, I will not be sore and sad. What should it matter if I remain sexless forever?

In my past, finding love was the biggest dream for me, and I really would rather not go back to that state of continually chasing that. I think that it's time to let that dream die.

Sometimes I feel like I am the type that should just stay single. The only problem is that I wonder if I am making this decision because I am afraid or because I really want this. I would have to say that I am comfortable with the decision most of the time, but I also know that there are times that make me uncomfortable. It is a little more lonesome without that person there. Plus there are societal expectations that a person has to be married. Then there is the drive, the drive. I really would like to get help with this. I think if I could get past the fear and stop being afraid, then I could be just fine with being single.

This is just a decision-making time. I hope to get some help so that I could answer this riddle once and for all.

1 John 5:21 Keep yourselves from idols.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#20
Apr 22, 2013
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#20
TyC113 said:
I don't say this to call attention to myself, but I only do this to get something off my chest. I only say this because I want to be real and authentic and because I can always need encouragement. I would hate to be living a lie and to be concealing something really destructive inside of me that can hurt my relationship with God. So bear with me as I begin a confession.

When I was ten years old (around then), I have been addicted to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a sex tape that was made by another friend's mom and dad. It was "supposedly" private, but apparently it was no secret for me. I saw it, and I saw my friend's mom nude. To this day, I still remember the day that I first saw it and remember it in a sense. It still holds memory in my brain. Who would have known that at around that time in the fifth grade would lead me to looking more and more as a teenager?

I didn't just start with pornography. I took progressive steps there. I would look at the uncut music videos on television, the late-night erotica, Girls Gone Wild, HBO, Cinemax, and would watch racy movies all the time. All of this later escalated into looking for and finding internet porn. My parents did not have any knowledge that I had been doing this. I kept all of this a secret from them and from everyone. All throughout my teenage years, my problem just grew and grew.

A couple of viruses, a couple times getting caught, a couple times staying up until 4:00 a.m., never could stop me from looking at it. I was just addicted to it. It was almost as if I couldn't function without doing it. My life was just consumed by pornography. I bowed to it and to the women on the screen. I would look at it for perhaps 6, 7, 8 hours a day after getting home from school. I would do my homework during lunchtime and skip lunch just so I would have more time to look at porn when I got home. I didn't really do sports or arts and dedicate myself to them because I would dedicate myself to pornography after school. The worst part was that no one could ever catch on that I had problems inside. I was just a really good hider. I was a straight A student, an advanced student, and on the academic team in high school. People just knew me as some really nice guy.

But I never felt like I was a nice guy. I always felt like a pervert. I couldn't ever focus on girls. I would always objectify them, lust for them, and peek at their bodies. I really couldn't do well with girls. I didn't do well talking to them and didn't really have good relationships at all with people in general. Girls and guys. I guess I spent so much time inside looking at pornography that I really didn't know how to love another person beside myself. Plus, I didn't want anybody to know that I was addicted to pornography because I didn't want anybody else to find out. So I had no real relationships and struggle with the ones I had. I always felt I was holding back because I couldn't talk about this. And the pornography would always help me with my anxiety issues.

So from 11 to 21, I would daily go on the computer and masturbate to pornography. I couldn't kick the habit at all. It was stuck to me and the pictures and videos would replay in my head over and over again. I really was so enslaved to it. Gratefully, I never entered into any relationships or anything. I haven't even been on a date in my life. I'm grateful for not doing that. Then at age 21, I gratefully found Christ. Better yet, he came into my life. I gave my life to Him and I love it now. The only thing is that 2 years later, I am still in a struggle. I go to recovery groups and have told some people about my issues. My church for the most part knows the problem. But it's still a struggle and it's still a fight to go against it. I feel like I am not hopeless and powerless to stop it. The power of God dwells in me. The only thing is that I find myself still having urges.

I still am having urges and having the thirst to look at pornography and all. It's the hard part for me. And these urges create in me tons of fear and anxiety. I honestly don't want to sin against God, but I am still having problems and they are calling my name. I really hate that I still have these now. I would honestly love to never feel them, but sadly I do. I have gone a couple of weeks as of now without looking at pornography. I just need some help as to keep holding on and to keep fighting. I need help with having self-control. I am growing so afraid that I will fall and do it. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of myself and afraid of failing God. I know that it's possible and I know I could do it. I really don't want to do it. Please help me. I need it.
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I have a very similar story brother. You are not alone. This sinful addiction is a monster. It is horrific. Many people, especially women, cannot understand it. I can completely and totally relate to how you felt while engaging in it. WHILE YOU REMAIN IN YOUR FLESH SATAN WILL CONTINUE TO TEMPT YOU WITH THIS. I wish i could say I have dealt with this once and for all and that's that. But the truth is, just like the alcoholic, this is a DAILY battle waged between your flesh and your Spirit. It is up to you to decide DAILY which one you will DAILY feed and which one you will let starve. Pray often EVERY day, read Scripture EVERY day, commune with other Christians, like here, EVERY day. If I decide deliberately or not to have a "Spiritual fast" even for just a day, I open the door for my flesh to get a foothold. And not just porn, or lustful thoughts, but other sins as well such as anger, drunkenness, lying, etc... However the more you feed the Spirit the stronger your resistance will become. I pray in Jesus name that you will DAILY overcome this sin. Amen.
 
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