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Third, just because you get married does not mean you will stop looking at porn and masterbating. Not in the least bit. Looking at porn perpetuates your fear of relationships and it greatly reduces the likelihood of finding a woman you will find attractive. Zone is very right. You need to do your homework. What pornography does to the psyche is astounding.
T
^^I think it is important for you to understand that. I really think the issue is you being hurt about someone you were attracted to, as a result of this, you may seem lead to disregard a "love life" entirely. Dude, let me be honest and real with you. A a typical "nice guy" we are going to deal with rejection. Its just that simple and plain. I dont know if you have an older brother or not..or some older guy that can sit down and talk to you. You cant be afraid of rejection..You have an attraction to girls..its relevant..dont deny those feelings..its nothing wrong with it. Every man is going to experience rejection when courting females ..thats just the way it is. Even attractive males, do not get every female he is tries to talk to. But you have to keep trying. For instance..the first time I saw my wife..I thought she was completely out of my league..HOWEVER.. as I watched her from a distance..I made up in my mind "I will not leave this place without talking to this person..and letting her know that I would like to get to know her" LOL... I took a leap of faith to speak with her. TO MY SURPRISE ..she was receptive to me speaking to her. We became friends first..etc..etc. To make a long story short...IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I MADE IN MY LIFE..I want to point out that I did not have a long time frame to react..I just did it. I think you need to keep giving love a try..Im one of those "nice guys" too and it happen for me.
When I was 13, my parents' marriage took a turn for the complete worse, where one day the Cops were called out. My father had beaten my mother that day, and my father was arrested for spousal battery. My mom didn't press charges against my dad, but things didn't get better later. My father and mom would argue all the time, and all I wanted to do was run away from it all. I sometimes went to sleep early just so I wouldn't have to see it. I retreated into my room and started spending more and more time doing things like video games & pornography, escaping into a virtual fantasy world. I didn't want to be where I was. I felt stuck, and I didn't like being me. I would have loved to have been someone other than me for the longest time. A stretch of time had me wishing I were dead. I utterly felt hopeless and lived a miserly existence. There really wasn't anyone to run to for me. I only had myself in my corner, and I felt boxed in. Now I feel that I am more social behind closed doors on ChristianChat than in real life in front of real people.
I was a loner in high school, and I am an introvert. But was my loner ways and isolated lifestyle more of a pension for fear? Was I only using introversion as an excuse for being afraid of people? I think so unfortunately. Even when I was in my state looking at pornography, what I really wanted to find is love. What's weirder is that I thought I found true love with a girl on screen. I thought they did love me. Now I know it's all fake. I had been living on fake love this whole time. I know that is not what I truly want. I truly want a real relationship with a real individual person. I want to finally do all the things that people in love do and finally have real intimacy shared.
However, I must say that I am afraid to let people get that far. I tend to back away from everyone in life. I just lack trust of people with things. Plus, I don't like being a burden on others. I don't like having everyone else taking care of me. So even though I'm in a recovery program, I still struggle with it. There is still a lot of self-will & striving going on inside of me. If it were possible, I would just like to have this solved in a way where no one else would have to find out. So what I do is tend to hide everything inside this little chamber called my heart. But everything eventually comes out in a disgusting way, and everything eventually leads to destruction being like this.
I could say that I need a relationship but I think that all I could really use is some courage, confidence, and gratefulness. After all God has done for salvation, I really should never ask for anything more than his will. But sadly, I have. I have been asking for more. I have been asking for a marriage that I know in my heart should never happen. I know I'm unfit in my mind, but my heart has still the desire. I hate that I have the desire, but hating the desire doesn't make it go away. Every day, I am reminded that I'm a 23 year-old guy who has never been kissed, been on a date, or even had a girlfriend. I went through high school and college without one date. For 23 years, I have been the dateless guy while everyone else has been dating people. I feel like everyone else has found someone, yet I haven't been even able to get out of my way. There have been many days where I felt like a loser before because I haven't done anything like that. I hate to say it, but I still hold a grudge because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend. There is still in a sense a bitter root inside of me because I wanted something I have never had while everyone else basically has.
Then I feel like a dork because I feel like I'm so needy and whiny. I hate the polar opposites I have been going through now. I really don't like to have to feel this way. I just want to go to the side where I am only content in God's will and nothing more. I want to finally get my joy in serving God, and not in being with some woman. It's just sucks because I don't know how to surrender this desire. It's been me forever. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and I have been doing it grudgingly. If I know a relationship is the last thing I need in my life, why do I still want it so bad?
TyC113:
Im praying for you man. I realize you did not have an older brother/sibling that can sit you down and talk to you about various things in life. Your situation is not a complex one. Based upon what you wrote, it seems as if its just you and your parents, therefore you do not have anyone at home to relate to. I was fortunate to have an older brother to learn various things about the opposite sex to help me understand, since my biological father was not in the picture. Therefore; I will "play" big brother to you: SO here goes
1. You are attracted to females, and you desire a relationship with them. I am a Christian and everything, and I will say there is nothing wrong with that. That is how God made you.
2. Your past hurt with rejection is hindering you from acknowledging point #1.
3. Porn is being used as a crutch, for your built up sexual tension. This facilitates your addiction.
4. Again playing big bro, your communication skills needs to improve in order to be comfortable speaking with females.
5. Point #3 will hinder you from #4 because when watching porn you "feel" as if you've had an intimate experience with these 2-dimensional women
6. Being blunt, you need to keep trying at #4, practice makes perfect. Anything can be improved
7. Pray that God will increase your confidence, women like that..just being real bro
8. Last but not least do not believe this is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE..There is someone for everybody. Lots of guys suffer rejection..This will help you in the end appreciate your wife once you find her.
Im praying for you man. I realize you did not have an older brother/sibling that can sit you down and talk to you about various things in life. Your situation is not a complex one. Based upon what you wrote, it seems as if its just you and your parents, therefore you do not have anyone at home to relate to. I was fortunate to have an older brother to learn various things about the opposite sex to help me understand, since my biological father was not in the picture. Therefore; I will "play" big brother to you: SO here goes
1. You are attracted to females, and you desire a relationship with them. I am a Christian and everything, and I will say there is nothing wrong with that. That is how God made you.
2. Your past hurt with rejection is hindering you from acknowledging point #1.
3. Porn is being used as a crutch, for your built up sexual tension. This facilitates your addiction.
4. Again playing big bro, your communication skills needs to improve in order to be comfortable speaking with females.
5. Point #3 will hinder you from #4 because when watching porn you "feel" as if you've had an intimate experience with these 2-dimensional women
6. Being blunt, you need to keep trying at #4, practice makes perfect. Anything can be improved
7. Pray that God will increase your confidence, women like that..just being real bro
8. Last but not least do not believe this is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE..There is someone for everybody. Lots of guys suffer rejection..This will help you in the end appreciate your wife once you find her.
T
It's not like I don't want to stop using pornography. I know how soul killing pornography is. It has to be the worst mistake I have ever done. What I would love to do with a time machine so that I wouldn't have ever seen it. Now my mind is filled with thoughts now, and I am afraid of them. I am afraid of every tempting thought and every temptress. Whenever I see a pretty girl or someone like that, I know I am in lust and I know I am sinning. I really hate the fact that my feet rush to do evil. But they do all the way. So you see, I am scared of myself as much as I am afraid of women. I have no self-control and am a slave to this.
This sucks so much. There are literally times where I cannot get out of bed it's so addicting. And during the day things get worse. Resisting this gives me so much anxiety all day long. I sometimes wonder if I will suffer from a heart attack or a stroke from all the stress this gives me. All I really want to do is resist and stop, but I basically think I just need a quick fix. Anything to basically get away from the anxiety pulsing through me. The thing I use is what creates my anxiety most.
And I hate that it brings me to a place of loneliness. Lonelier than I am now. I took a look now, and I truly don't have any friends who come to see me. Ever since Christ came into my life, I actually have been led to a lonelier life than before. I had maybe one or two friends who would call perhaps. But my relationships now have all disintegrated. I barely see my friends, and even when I do it's just basically sports. I have sports friends without having authentic relationships. I really don't know anybody authentically. I honestly don't know if I have a God-honoring relationship or mentor that I would look to. Even at church, it's all in the surface level. No depth. My parents, the same way. I honestly don't know anybody, and nobody really knows the real me. The real me is too cowardly to come out front. And take off the facade. I love God, yet I don't do what he says.
I would give my left arm to just have no sexual drive to be honest (I hope it doesn't come to that).. But all I do really right now is just avoid girls. I don't even get near girls because the powerful drive inside of me. If I get close to a girl, I just get depraved, evil, wicked thoughts that really scare me. If you knew what I had truly thought, you wouldn't be my friend. I basically don't like that I have these thoughts inside of me. I have a depraved heart and a not-so-beautiful mind. I hate what comes out of my heart some times. There are plenty of times that are good, but then there are moments that are especially wicked. I am so discouraged and feel like the pits for all this. Sometimes I feel like giving up, though I don't want to. I don't see the finish line right now. Aren't things supposed to be getting better by now? Why isn't there any progress? Still on the spiritual milk of life. Leading a double life.
Part of me wonders if I have a lion inside of me for me. I have an aggressive roar that is waiting inside. But all I am is the little lamb. I don't even know courageous living. I just know the scared, safe lifestyle. I'm tired of being shy, quiet me. I am tired of feeling like a scaredy-cat. I want to be able to approach people and not be scared of the opposite sex. I would like to finally have the ability to get a date. I would love to actually feel like I haven't missed out on life. I would love to actually be in a relationship and have a traveling companion instead of being by myself. I hate spending Fridays at home, Saturdays at work, and Sunday with myself. I really hate feeling like I don't have anybody to love, or have anybody love me. But what I hate most is being addicted to it. I am a sex addict, and I need to perhaps leave all those past dreams dead. It's best that way. My dreams need to die. Right now, I'm a monster and sex brings out my inner beast. The monster must be stopped.
What I would give to be an eunuch right now. I would just love to be an eunuch.
I'm a closet freak.
This sucks so much. There are literally times where I cannot get out of bed it's so addicting. And during the day things get worse. Resisting this gives me so much anxiety all day long. I sometimes wonder if I will suffer from a heart attack or a stroke from all the stress this gives me. All I really want to do is resist and stop, but I basically think I just need a quick fix. Anything to basically get away from the anxiety pulsing through me. The thing I use is what creates my anxiety most.
And I hate that it brings me to a place of loneliness. Lonelier than I am now. I took a look now, and I truly don't have any friends who come to see me. Ever since Christ came into my life, I actually have been led to a lonelier life than before. I had maybe one or two friends who would call perhaps. But my relationships now have all disintegrated. I barely see my friends, and even when I do it's just basically sports. I have sports friends without having authentic relationships. I really don't know anybody authentically. I honestly don't know if I have a God-honoring relationship or mentor that I would look to. Even at church, it's all in the surface level. No depth. My parents, the same way. I honestly don't know anybody, and nobody really knows the real me. The real me is too cowardly to come out front. And take off the facade. I love God, yet I don't do what he says.
I would give my left arm to just have no sexual drive to be honest (I hope it doesn't come to that).. But all I do really right now is just avoid girls. I don't even get near girls because the powerful drive inside of me. If I get close to a girl, I just get depraved, evil, wicked thoughts that really scare me. If you knew what I had truly thought, you wouldn't be my friend. I basically don't like that I have these thoughts inside of me. I have a depraved heart and a not-so-beautiful mind. I hate what comes out of my heart some times. There are plenty of times that are good, but then there are moments that are especially wicked. I am so discouraged and feel like the pits for all this. Sometimes I feel like giving up, though I don't want to. I don't see the finish line right now. Aren't things supposed to be getting better by now? Why isn't there any progress? Still on the spiritual milk of life. Leading a double life.
Part of me wonders if I have a lion inside of me for me. I have an aggressive roar that is waiting inside. But all I am is the little lamb. I don't even know courageous living. I just know the scared, safe lifestyle. I'm tired of being shy, quiet me. I am tired of feeling like a scaredy-cat. I want to be able to approach people and not be scared of the opposite sex. I would like to finally have the ability to get a date. I would love to actually feel like I haven't missed out on life. I would love to actually be in a relationship and have a traveling companion instead of being by myself. I hate spending Fridays at home, Saturdays at work, and Sunday with myself. I really hate feeling like I don't have anybody to love, or have anybody love me. But what I hate most is being addicted to it. I am a sex addict, and I need to perhaps leave all those past dreams dead. It's best that way. My dreams need to die. Right now, I'm a monster and sex brings out my inner beast. The monster must be stopped.
What I would give to be an eunuch right now. I would just love to be an eunuch.
I'm a closet freak.
TyC113:
I think you do need a mentor to help you understand things. You have to realize, as a new christian, that every thought is not your own. The enemy sends unclean thoughts, or speaks to you through your mind. You do not have to entertain lustful thoughts even though they may come. You will never get to a point where all of your thoughts are clean, the devil will make sure of this..okay. Do not be guilty when unclean thoughts come up..just rebuke the in the name of Jesus. As for as the porn is concern, make no mistake about it..porn is very destructive to your mind. Porn is something not to be played with..period..it can create a preverse mind. As i told you before, you need to down load K9 Web protection on your computer..This program screens out pornographic material,and some live streaming sites. The only way you can access the site is using a password. Have someone create a password for you that you do not know. This will help eliminate online porn use from your computer. Let me tell you something, the devil wants you to continue in a cycle of stunting your social growth, and using porn to pacify your sexual tension..dont fall for it. It is time for you to get out of your comfort zone.
You have to overcome your fears. This is a challenge presented to you..GOD wants you to remove this idol in your life. God gives us free will ..he will not make you do anything. IF you are serious about ridding yourself of porn..you need to start fasting (food) on a weekly basis. You created the porn addiction..which took time..now you have to destroy it..which will take time.
I think you do need a mentor to help you understand things. You have to realize, as a new christian, that every thought is not your own. The enemy sends unclean thoughts, or speaks to you through your mind. You do not have to entertain lustful thoughts even though they may come. You will never get to a point where all of your thoughts are clean, the devil will make sure of this..okay. Do not be guilty when unclean thoughts come up..just rebuke the in the name of Jesus. As for as the porn is concern, make no mistake about it..porn is very destructive to your mind. Porn is something not to be played with..period..it can create a preverse mind. As i told you before, you need to down load K9 Web protection on your computer..This program screens out pornographic material,and some live streaming sites. The only way you can access the site is using a password. Have someone create a password for you that you do not know. This will help eliminate online porn use from your computer. Let me tell you something, the devil wants you to continue in a cycle of stunting your social growth, and using porn to pacify your sexual tension..dont fall for it. It is time for you to get out of your comfort zone.
You have to overcome your fears. This is a challenge presented to you..GOD wants you to remove this idol in your life. God gives us free will ..he will not make you do anything. IF you are serious about ridding yourself of porn..you need to start fasting (food) on a weekly basis. You created the porn addiction..which took time..now you have to destroy it..which will take time.
J
This is the temptation from hell called the ticket "i am lonely". Even in marriage there could be lonliness. We were created for God's Love to fill us, not LUST. It is an opportunity for you to be be involved in a secret imagination with another. The bible warns of evil imaginations, the times you captivate yourself a prisoner of this is when you feel the most empty and lonely. It is a very soul depleting, deprivation, and starvation, of the real LOVE, and Satisfaction between a man and women with JEsus in the middle between both of you, this is real........
J
TyC113
i know, i understand all that.
you're focused on self and what-ifs.
i go back to what i said before.
right now you're injured; disabled and; and on the path to destruction - girls marriage and relationships don't and won't matter if you don't focus on getting free from pornography.
i think you're looking for a way to avoid dealing with the problem head -on.
stop thinking about anything other than becoming a very serious and dedicated addict fighting his enemy - committed to learning all you can about the thing that has you in bondage. learn everything about what it REALLY is, and what it is for.
it's offered up everywhere as a means for men (mostly black men, btw) to destroy themselves.
it renders MEN INCAPABLE OF MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP - that's the goal of the smut vendors - to make merchandise of you, and destroy you
and any women you come into contact with.
do you want to be a passive vitim or do you want to FIGHT.
FIGHT
zone.
i know, i understand all that.
you're focused on self and what-ifs.
i go back to what i said before.
right now you're injured; disabled and; and on the path to destruction - girls marriage and relationships don't and won't matter if you don't focus on getting free from pornography.
i think you're looking for a way to avoid dealing with the problem head -on.
stop thinking about anything other than becoming a very serious and dedicated addict fighting his enemy - committed to learning all you can about the thing that has you in bondage. learn everything about what it REALLY is, and what it is for.
it's offered up everywhere as a means for men (mostly black men, btw) to destroy themselves.
it renders MEN INCAPABLE OF MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP - that's the goal of the smut vendors - to make merchandise of you, and destroy you
and any women you come into contact with.
do you want to be a passive vitim or do you want to FIGHT.
FIGHT
zone.
Last edited:
T
TyC113:
Im praying for you man. I realize you did not have an older brother/sibling that can sit you down and talk to you about various things in life. Your situation is not a complex one. Based upon what you wrote, it seems as if its just you and your parents, therefore you do not have anyone at home to relate to. I was fortunate to have an older brother to learn various things about the opposite sex to help me understand, since my biological father was not in the picture. Therefore; I will "play" big brother to you: SO here goes
1. You are attracted to females, and you desire a relationship with them. I am a Christian and everything, and I will say there is nothing wrong with that. That is how God made you.
2. Your past hurt with rejection is hindering you from acknowledging point #1.
3. Porn is being used as a crutch, for your built up sexual tension. This facilitates your addiction.
4. Again playing big bro, your communication skills needs to improve in order to be comfortable speaking with females.
5. Point #3 will hinder you from #4 because when watching porn you "feel" as if you've had an intimate experience with these 2-dimensional women
6. Being blunt, you need to keep trying at #4, practice makes perfect. Anything can be improved
7. Pray that God will increase your confidence, women like that..just being real bro
8. Last but not least do not believe this is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE..There is someone for everybody. Lots of guys suffer rejection..This will help you in the end appreciate your wife once you find her.
Im praying for you man. I realize you did not have an older brother/sibling that can sit you down and talk to you about various things in life. Your situation is not a complex one. Based upon what you wrote, it seems as if its just you and your parents, therefore you do not have anyone at home to relate to. I was fortunate to have an older brother to learn various things about the opposite sex to help me understand, since my biological father was not in the picture. Therefore; I will "play" big brother to you: SO here goes
1. You are attracted to females, and you desire a relationship with them. I am a Christian and everything, and I will say there is nothing wrong with that. That is how God made you.
2. Your past hurt with rejection is hindering you from acknowledging point #1.
3. Porn is being used as a crutch, for your built up sexual tension. This facilitates your addiction.
4. Again playing big bro, your communication skills needs to improve in order to be comfortable speaking with females.
5. Point #3 will hinder you from #4 because when watching porn you "feel" as if you've had an intimate experience with these 2-dimensional women
6. Being blunt, you need to keep trying at #4, practice makes perfect. Anything can be improved
7. Pray that God will increase your confidence, women like that..just being real bro
8. Last but not least do not believe this is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE..There is someone for everybody. Lots of guys suffer rejection..This will help you in the end appreciate your wife once you find her.
I honestly would love to be single and personally celibate. But I don't know anybody who is dedicating to that. I don't know anyone who is honestly doing that. I'd like to meet them.
T
I began thinking today, and I began to think about how addicted to sex I am. I really have to admit to myself that I am flat-out addicted to sex. I have a "pornified" brain, and I really must say that it is completely destructive and depraved are my sexual desires. I was thinking about Proverbs 7 where it says "Many are her victims. He house is the road to the grave. Her bed leads to the den of death". And if I had to honestly say that I was completely destroyed by pornography and illicit sexuality, it would be the honest truth. Pornography really has led to a multitude of confusion and pain in my life. I would have to say that I would probably be more well-adjusted if I were not bound to pornography & sexual drives for so long.
I was reading about these killer women crime stories today, and I was noticing with every single story there seemed to be a sexual affair that caused and led to murder. It was like watching the bait take the hook and fall hook, line, and sinker to their destruction. So many stories were led to a destructive and horrible death because of lustful, lascivious behavior between a couple. Usually a temptress caused a downfall and death to someone. In a sense like Proverbs 7. Her feet go down to death. It just was scary to me and all the while spoke to me. I am scared now. I am scared because I know that as destructive as I have been through the use of pornography, it will only get worse if I don't decide to make a change.
Thankfully, I have never been physically intimate with anyone, but it does scare me in a sense. When I read James 1:13-16 speak of desires gives birth to sin which gives birth to death, that verse has always stuck out to me every time I read it. I am so scared because I just think that is a depiction of my life. I have been basically futile at resisting temptation, and when you add in a real woman as my temptation, it would only be tougher. I am a sex addict, and at some times my libido is so far out of control that stupidity just follows. I don't think being around another person would really help my case.
But the main reason those stories scared me today is because they reinforced a previous belief I held and still hold. I have previously observed relationships end in divorce and abuse, so I grew up fearing romance and relationships. I have never had a relationship because I was always afraid that it would result in pain for me. I tended to choose the path of least resistance, but those paths tend to lead to nothing more but empty treasure. The terrible tales of failed relationships really had scared me away from marriage, and those fears were manifest today. I definitely was afraid to step up to the plate and pursue a woman because I was afraid that the relationship would end up in destruction. My thing is that I never wanted to enter a relationship where I end up losing at love. I never wanted to lose at love. The heartbreak would be too devastating. I also never want to hurt anyone else. I never want to bring someone pain. So if that means staying single, I would.
That has been the decision basically.
I was reading about these killer women crime stories today, and I was noticing with every single story there seemed to be a sexual affair that caused and led to murder. It was like watching the bait take the hook and fall hook, line, and sinker to their destruction. So many stories were led to a destructive and horrible death because of lustful, lascivious behavior between a couple. Usually a temptress caused a downfall and death to someone. In a sense like Proverbs 7. Her feet go down to death. It just was scary to me and all the while spoke to me. I am scared now. I am scared because I know that as destructive as I have been through the use of pornography, it will only get worse if I don't decide to make a change.
Thankfully, I have never been physically intimate with anyone, but it does scare me in a sense. When I read James 1:13-16 speak of desires gives birth to sin which gives birth to death, that verse has always stuck out to me every time I read it. I am so scared because I just think that is a depiction of my life. I have been basically futile at resisting temptation, and when you add in a real woman as my temptation, it would only be tougher. I am a sex addict, and at some times my libido is so far out of control that stupidity just follows. I don't think being around another person would really help my case.
But the main reason those stories scared me today is because they reinforced a previous belief I held and still hold. I have previously observed relationships end in divorce and abuse, so I grew up fearing romance and relationships. I have never had a relationship because I was always afraid that it would result in pain for me. I tended to choose the path of least resistance, but those paths tend to lead to nothing more but empty treasure. The terrible tales of failed relationships really had scared me away from marriage, and those fears were manifest today. I definitely was afraid to step up to the plate and pursue a woman because I was afraid that the relationship would end up in destruction. My thing is that I never wanted to enter a relationship where I end up losing at love. I never wanted to lose at love. The heartbreak would be too devastating. I also never want to hurt anyone else. I never want to bring someone pain. So if that means staying single, I would.
That has been the decision basically.
D
Have you ever tried to speack with a counselor about this? Sometimes sexual addictions are emotionally based. I found this on the web.
From: What Causes Sexual Addiction? | Psych Central
I think it might be a good idea to find a church that has a family/marriage counselor. I have seen people get free of porn addictions thru deliverance but that won't be of value if there is an emotional cause for it.
Research also has found that sex addicts often come from dysfunctional families and are more likely than non-sex addicts to have been abused. One study found that 82 percent of sex addicts reported being sexually abused as children. Sex addicts often describe their parents as rigid, distant and uncaring. These families, including the addicts themselves, are more likely to be substance abusers. One study found that 80 percent of recovering sex addicts report some type of addiction in their families of origin.
I think it might be a good idea to find a church that has a family/marriage counselor. I have seen people get free of porn addictions thru deliverance but that won't be of value if there is an emotional cause for it.
T
Have you ever tried to speack with a counselor about this? Sometimes sexual addictions are emotionally based. I found this on the web.
From: What Causes Sexual Addiction? | Psych Central
I think it might be a good idea to find a church that has a family/marriage counselor. I have seen people get free of porn addictions thru deliverance but that won't be of value if there is an emotional cause for it.
From: What Causes Sexual Addiction? | Psych Central
I think it might be a good idea to find a church that has a family/marriage counselor. I have seen people get free of porn addictions thru deliverance but that won't be of value if there is an emotional cause for it.
P
If you have read all this and now have got to this entry you are looking for help. Dued its hard. Not that. Life it sounds like you have alot of shame. In side and out. Addiction is very tricky it makes you feel bad so you do it. When you feel good you do it. When you are bord its some thing to do. Try this its the long road but it might get you to where you are trying to go. Shame is the key. Satin will keep you in shame to keep you doing the same bad deed. You are saved by Christ you have no more shame. If you use this to not do better it will back fire. It sucks that our God had to die on the cross for us. But he did. Think of a type rope walker. Its ok to use the net. The problem comes when you dont try to get back on the rop. Its not even bad to lay on the net to rest, think on how you fail, or even to focus on the rop. Falure come when you dont care about the rop any more. Words to watch out for. I cant it will never happen, other people are doing it, so on and so on. Its even ok to say these things. In fact your going to. Just dont beleav them. Get back up and get on the rope.
There has been some really good advice already but I think I have something to add. First, TyC you aren't addicted to sex you are addicted to the "no strings attached" sexual affair with yourself. You don't have to try to please anybody else. You don't even have to take a shower and buy dinner. Pornography is just the catalyst to getting off. Even if you had a girlfriend you shouldn't be having sex until you are married. Some people are in romantic relationships only to satisfy their urges and that's wrong too. Listen closely. Read and reread this. You do not have to submit to your urges! I struggled for years and years. I tried everything and I mean everything. This is what finally tamed even the temptation of it. I understood what being dead in Christ means. It means to honestly desire nothing for this world. Not sex. Not food. Not friends. Not popularity. Not money. Once you understand that you will know what living in the Spirit actually means. Now to clear some things up. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy any of these things but I don't crave them. I work out of town and only see my wife one out of three weeks. I have no other desires for sex while I'm gone. This world and this flesh are meaningless. The only thing that matters is what you do for Christ. I now get more enjoyment out of His Word and prayer and Christian music. It is quite liberating. If you have accepted Christ as Lord then submit to Him and not all the fleshy desires you have. That will release the Lion you know is in you. You will be courageous because there really is nothing to fear. If you meet a woman great if you don't great. Trust the Lord. We are not here to satisfy these decaying vessels. I hope you can understand this.
F
I don't say this to call attention to myself, but I only do this to get something off my chest. I only say this because I want to be real and authentic and because I can always need encouragement. I would hate to be living a lie and to be concealing something really destructive inside of me that can hurt my relationship with God. So bear with me as I begin a confession.
When I was ten years old (around then), I have been addicted to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a sex tape that was made by another friend's mom and dad. It was "supposedly" private, but apparently it was no secret for me. I saw it, and I saw my friend's mom nude. To this day, I still remember the day that I first saw it and remember it in a sense. It still holds memory in my brain. Who would have known that at around that time in the fifth grade would lead me to looking more and more as a teenager?
I didn't just start with pornography. I took progressive steps there. I would look at the uncut music videos on television, the late-night erotica, Girls Gone Wild, HBO, Cinemax, and would watch racy movies all the time. All of this later escalated into looking for and finding internet porn. My parents did not have any knowledge that I had been doing this. I kept all of this a secret from them and from everyone. All throughout my teenage years, my problem just grew and grew.
A couple of viruses, a couple times getting caught, a couple times staying up until 4:00 a.m., never could stop me from looking at it. I was just addicted to it. It was almost as if I couldn't function without doing it. My life was just consumed by pornography. I bowed to it and to the women on the screen. I would look at it for perhaps 6, 7, 8 hours a day after getting home from school. I would do my homework during lunchtime and skip lunch just so I would have more time to look at porn when I got home. I didn't really do sports or arts and dedicate myself to them because I would dedicate myself to pornography after school. The worst part was that no one could ever catch on that I had problems inside. I was just a really good hider. I was a straight A student, an advanced student, and on the academic team in high school. People just knew me as some really nice guy.
But I never felt like I was a nice guy. I always felt like a pervert. I couldn't ever focus on girls. I would always objectify them, lust for them, and peek at their bodies. I really couldn't do well with girls. I didn't do well talking to them and didn't really have good relationships at all with people in general. Girls and guys. I guess I spent so much time inside looking at pornography that I really didn't know how to love another person beside myself. Plus, I didn't want anybody to know that I was addicted to pornography because I didn't want anybody else to find out. So I had no real relationships and struggle with the ones I had. I always felt I was holding back because I couldn't talk about this. And the pornography would always help me with my anxiety issues.
So from 11 to 21, I would daily go on the computer and masturbate to pornography. I couldn't kick the habit at all. It was stuck to me and the pictures and videos would replay in my head over and over again. I really was so enslaved to it. Gratefully, I never entered into any relationships or anything. I haven't even been on a date in my life. I'm grateful for not doing that. Then at age 21, I gratefully found Christ. Better yet, he came into my life. I gave my life to Him and I love it now. The only thing is that 2 years later, I am still in a struggle. I go to recovery groups and have told some people about my issues. My church for the most part knows the problem. But it's still a struggle and it's still a fight to go against it. I feel like I am not hopeless and powerless to stop it. The power of God dwells in me. The only thing is that I find myself still having urges.
I still am having urges and having the thirst to look at pornography and all. It's the hard part for me. And these urges create in me tons of fear and anxiety. I honestly don't want to sin against God, but I am still having problems and they are calling my name. I really hate that I still have these now. I would honestly love to never feel them, but sadly I do. I have gone a couple of weeks as of now without looking at pornography. I just need some help as to keep holding on and to keep fighting. I need help with having self-control. I am growing so afraid that I will fall and do it. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of myself and afraid of failing God. I know that it's possible and I know I could do it. I really don't want to do it. Please help me. I need it.
When I was ten years old (around then), I have been addicted to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a sex tape that was made by another friend's mom and dad. It was "supposedly" private, but apparently it was no secret for me. I saw it, and I saw my friend's mom nude. To this day, I still remember the day that I first saw it and remember it in a sense. It still holds memory in my brain. Who would have known that at around that time in the fifth grade would lead me to looking more and more as a teenager?
I didn't just start with pornography. I took progressive steps there. I would look at the uncut music videos on television, the late-night erotica, Girls Gone Wild, HBO, Cinemax, and would watch racy movies all the time. All of this later escalated into looking for and finding internet porn. My parents did not have any knowledge that I had been doing this. I kept all of this a secret from them and from everyone. All throughout my teenage years, my problem just grew and grew.
A couple of viruses, a couple times getting caught, a couple times staying up until 4:00 a.m., never could stop me from looking at it. I was just addicted to it. It was almost as if I couldn't function without doing it. My life was just consumed by pornography. I bowed to it and to the women on the screen. I would look at it for perhaps 6, 7, 8 hours a day after getting home from school. I would do my homework during lunchtime and skip lunch just so I would have more time to look at porn when I got home. I didn't really do sports or arts and dedicate myself to them because I would dedicate myself to pornography after school. The worst part was that no one could ever catch on that I had problems inside. I was just a really good hider. I was a straight A student, an advanced student, and on the academic team in high school. People just knew me as some really nice guy.
But I never felt like I was a nice guy. I always felt like a pervert. I couldn't ever focus on girls. I would always objectify them, lust for them, and peek at their bodies. I really couldn't do well with girls. I didn't do well talking to them and didn't really have good relationships at all with people in general. Girls and guys. I guess I spent so much time inside looking at pornography that I really didn't know how to love another person beside myself. Plus, I didn't want anybody to know that I was addicted to pornography because I didn't want anybody else to find out. So I had no real relationships and struggle with the ones I had. I always felt I was holding back because I couldn't talk about this. And the pornography would always help me with my anxiety issues.
So from 11 to 21, I would daily go on the computer and masturbate to pornography. I couldn't kick the habit at all. It was stuck to me and the pictures and videos would replay in my head over and over again. I really was so enslaved to it. Gratefully, I never entered into any relationships or anything. I haven't even been on a date in my life. I'm grateful for not doing that. Then at age 21, I gratefully found Christ. Better yet, he came into my life. I gave my life to Him and I love it now. The only thing is that 2 years later, I am still in a struggle. I go to recovery groups and have told some people about my issues. My church for the most part knows the problem. But it's still a struggle and it's still a fight to go against it. I feel like I am not hopeless and powerless to stop it. The power of God dwells in me. The only thing is that I find myself still having urges.
I still am having urges and having the thirst to look at pornography and all. It's the hard part for me. And these urges create in me tons of fear and anxiety. I honestly don't want to sin against God, but I am still having problems and they are calling my name. I really hate that I still have these now. I would honestly love to never feel them, but sadly I do. I have gone a couple of weeks as of now without looking at pornography. I just need some help as to keep holding on and to keep fighting. I need help with having self-control. I am growing so afraid that I will fall and do it. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of myself and afraid of failing God. I know that it's possible and I know I could do it. I really don't want to do it. Please help me. I need it.
T
I feel so miserable right now. Anxiety is just ruling and fear is just prevailing over me. I feel like it's hard to even somehow experience God right now. I feel like I am going to drown inside the sea of failure. That's what I feel right now. I feel like a complete failure, and right now hearing my mother speak about me leads me to begin thinking how much of a failure my life is right now. I am just not being anything God wants me to be right now. I'm a sex addict, an unworthy loser. I basically live a life below where the purpose of me should be at. I am not living up to any of my expectations. And I really don't know if I have any confidence that the future will change right now.
Everything in my past was motivated to potentially find the lady of my life and make her the happiest girl in the world. Now I know I could never find her unless I clean my life up from the mess that it is now. My life is such a mess right now. I am basically broke (with 9,000 in student loans in college), living with my parents. I really feel like a major loser right now. I have never really grown up. I feel like an overgrown child. A boy in man's clothes. I am a man-child. I really don't like being this way. I just don't know what to say about myself.
There really isn't anything to hang my hat on right now. I have nothing to show for what life is right now. I am not really established into a career, established with any housing, no wealth, and no lady love. I have nothing now. I'm too broke to even have any of those things. Who would date a guy who really can't buy her the nice things her heart desires? Life is misery right now. I am basically right now feeling like I am living for nothing. I feel like I am chasing after wind. Everything I have worked for has escaped me. I feel like I will never get that girl for me and have that happy marriage I hoped for. I feel like I will never have that person who I can say I love and she love me. It's all over right now. I feel like I've got nothing. It's all a waste, man. Everything has been stripped away for me. I have basically lost everything. They have all been washed away at sea. Now I have to question what is there to keep me living right now. Defeat is on the way for me, and right now I feel like giving up is a pending option.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick..
I thought victory was potentially on its way, but I feel like victory is so far off for me. I feel like I am going to be defeated any minute now and find out that I have run a vain race. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for a while, but I feel like I am starting to have more of them. I feel like I am going down. Just as I was floating. My once joyful demeanor is all gone, and I feel nothing but sorrow. I feel like my sexual addiction has completely robbed me of the joy and peace I really want to have. I feel like I can't tell anyone about this either. I really don't want anybody to know about this. My soul is completely downcast. And what's weird is that I wanna live, yet I am afraid to live at the same time.
I think I am masking my celibacy in my fear of being naked with another. I feel like I struggle with intimacy and openness. I just am a mask-wearer. I don't even know what intimacy is. My first kiss is a fear, asking a girl out is fear, everything is a fear. Fear has killed me.
Everything in my past was motivated to potentially find the lady of my life and make her the happiest girl in the world. Now I know I could never find her unless I clean my life up from the mess that it is now. My life is such a mess right now. I am basically broke (with 9,000 in student loans in college), living with my parents. I really feel like a major loser right now. I have never really grown up. I feel like an overgrown child. A boy in man's clothes. I am a man-child. I really don't like being this way. I just don't know what to say about myself.
There really isn't anything to hang my hat on right now. I have nothing to show for what life is right now. I am not really established into a career, established with any housing, no wealth, and no lady love. I have nothing now. I'm too broke to even have any of those things. Who would date a guy who really can't buy her the nice things her heart desires? Life is misery right now. I am basically right now feeling like I am living for nothing. I feel like I am chasing after wind. Everything I have worked for has escaped me. I feel like I will never get that girl for me and have that happy marriage I hoped for. I feel like I will never have that person who I can say I love and she love me. It's all over right now. I feel like I've got nothing. It's all a waste, man. Everything has been stripped away for me. I have basically lost everything. They have all been washed away at sea. Now I have to question what is there to keep me living right now. Defeat is on the way for me, and right now I feel like giving up is a pending option.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick..
I thought victory was potentially on its way, but I feel like victory is so far off for me. I feel like I am going to be defeated any minute now and find out that I have run a vain race. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for a while, but I feel like I am starting to have more of them. I feel like I am going down. Just as I was floating. My once joyful demeanor is all gone, and I feel nothing but sorrow. I feel like my sexual addiction has completely robbed me of the joy and peace I really want to have. I feel like I can't tell anyone about this either. I really don't want anybody to know about this. My soul is completely downcast. And what's weird is that I wanna live, yet I am afraid to live at the same time.
I think I am masking my celibacy in my fear of being naked with another. I feel like I struggle with intimacy and openness. I just am a mask-wearer. I don't even know what intimacy is. My first kiss is a fear, asking a girl out is fear, everything is a fear. Fear has killed me.
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E
Brother, I understand your pain. I've felt like a failure once before. I actually entered depression on that. Felt like I wasn't being what God wanted me to be. I know, I know. Porn, sex, fame, fortune, and lust, also know as "love" (it's not), are what drowned me, suffocated me, and held me captive. Hold on. Pray, and talk to the Father, your Daddy in heaven, about your struggles. He knows already, but let your soul out to Him. That's what I did, and gradually my life began to change... I know it's tough, but Jesus loves you, and wants to renew your heartbroken spirit. It's ok... I know, and Jesus loves you, and so do I. Can't dare see you experience this heart-break. But God knows all, and He's telling you to let go of the burdens you're carrying (Matt. 11:28-30)He cares about you (1 Peter 5:7)... Love you, and I'll pray for you asap... He knows, dry your tears, He knows.
~Your baby sister,
Enane
~Your baby sister,
Enane
E
I feel so miserable right now. Anxiety is just ruling and fear is just prevailing over me. I feel like it's hard to even somehow experience God right now. I feel like I am going to drown inside the sea of failure. That's what I feel right now. I feel like a complete failure, and right now hearing my mother speak about me leads me to begin thinking how much of a failure my life is right now. I am just not being anything God wants me to be right now. I'm a sex addict, an unworthy loser. I basically live a life below where the purpose of me should be at. I am not living up to any of my expectations. And I really don't know if I have any confidence that the future will change right now.
Everything in my past was motivated to potentially find the lady of my life and make her the happiest girl in the world. Now I know I could never find her unless I clean my life up from the mess that it is now. My life is such a mess right now. I am basically broke (with 9,000 in student loans in college), living with my parents. I really feel like a major loser right now. I have never really grown up. I feel like an overgrown child. A boy in man's clothes. I am a man-child. I really don't like being this way. I just don't know what to say about myself.
There really isn't anything to hang my hat on right now. I have nothing to show for what life is right now. I am not really established into a career, established with any housing, no wealth, and no lady love. I have nothing now. I'm too broke to even have any of those things. Who would date a guy who really can't buy her the nice things her heart desires? Life is misery right now. I am basically right now feeling like I am living for nothing. I feel like I am chasing after wind. Everything I have worked for has escaped me. I feel like I will never get that girl for me and have that happy marriage I hoped for. I feel like I will never have that person who I can say I love and she love me. It's all over right now. I feel like I've got nothing. It's all a waste, man. Everything has been stripped away for me. I have basically lost everything. They have all been washed away at sea. Now I have to question what is there to keep me living right now. Defeat is on the way for me, and right now I feel like giving up is a pending option.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick..
I thought victory was potentially on its way, but I feel like victory is so far off for me. I feel like I am going to be defeated any minute now and find out that I have run a vain race. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for a while, but I feel like I am starting to have more of them. I feel like I am going down. Just as I was floating. My once joyful demeanor is all gone, and I feel nothing but sorrow. I feel like my sexual addiction has completely robbed me of the joy and peace I really want to have. I feel like I can't tell anyone about this either. I really don't want anybody to know about this. My soul is completely downcast. And what's weird is that I wanna live, yet I am afraid to live at the same time.
I think I am masking my celibacy in my fear of being naked with another. I feel like I struggle with intimacy and openness. I just am a mask-wearer. I don't even know what intimacy is. My first kiss is a fear, asking a girl out is fear, everything is a fear. Fear has killed me.
Everything in my past was motivated to potentially find the lady of my life and make her the happiest girl in the world. Now I know I could never find her unless I clean my life up from the mess that it is now. My life is such a mess right now. I am basically broke (with 9,000 in student loans in college), living with my parents. I really feel like a major loser right now. I have never really grown up. I feel like an overgrown child. A boy in man's clothes. I am a man-child. I really don't like being this way. I just don't know what to say about myself.
There really isn't anything to hang my hat on right now. I have nothing to show for what life is right now. I am not really established into a career, established with any housing, no wealth, and no lady love. I have nothing now. I'm too broke to even have any of those things. Who would date a guy who really can't buy her the nice things her heart desires? Life is misery right now. I am basically right now feeling like I am living for nothing. I feel like I am chasing after wind. Everything I have worked for has escaped me. I feel like I will never get that girl for me and have that happy marriage I hoped for. I feel like I will never have that person who I can say I love and she love me. It's all over right now. I feel like I've got nothing. It's all a waste, man. Everything has been stripped away for me. I have basically lost everything. They have all been washed away at sea. Now I have to question what is there to keep me living right now. Defeat is on the way for me, and right now I feel like giving up is a pending option.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick..
I thought victory was potentially on its way, but I feel like victory is so far off for me. I feel like I am going to be defeated any minute now and find out that I have run a vain race. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for a while, but I feel like I am starting to have more of them. I feel like I am going down. Just as I was floating. My once joyful demeanor is all gone, and I feel nothing but sorrow. I feel like my sexual addiction has completely robbed me of the joy and peace I really want to have. I feel like I can't tell anyone about this either. I really don't want anybody to know about this. My soul is completely downcast. And what's weird is that I wanna live, yet I am afraid to live at the same time.
I think I am masking my celibacy in my fear of being naked with another. I feel like I struggle with intimacy and openness. I just am a mask-wearer. I don't even know what intimacy is. My first kiss is a fear, asking a girl out is fear, everything is a fear. Fear has killed me.
Brother, I understand your pain. I've felt like a failure once before. I actually entered depression on that. Felt like I wasn't being what God wanted me to be. I know, I know. Porn, sex, fame, fortune, and lust, also know as "love" (it's not), are what drowned me, suffocated me, and held me captive. Hold on. Pray, and talk to the Father, your Daddy in heaven, about your struggles. He knows already, but let your soul out to Him. That's what I did, and gradually my life began to change... I know it's tough, but Jesus loves you, and wants to renew your heartbroken spirit. It's ok... I know, and Jesus loves you, and so do I. Can't dare see you experience this heart-break. But God knows all, and He's telling you to let go of the burdens you're carrying (Matt. 11:28-30)He cares about you (1 Peter 5:7)... Love you, and I'll pray for you asap... He knows, dry your tears, He knows.
~Your baby sister,
Enane