Addiction Confession (Help!)

You may be to young to decide if you never to marry but maybe you do not wish to marry YET.
One reason may be as you not met any suitable lady yet or and may feel shy .
You can chat here or on christian date site and start chat with some one.

Maybe you study to be priest.
When you finished you may like marry.
maybe priesthood is wonderful job made for you.

Best wishes for you and your decision what actions to take.
God bless

Well, I am not Catholic (have nothing against Catholicism), and I don't know which road to take. I just think that this is the time to start making decisions. I am starting to get questions now about if I am dating or if I have a girlfriend. A lot of people are starting to ask questions, and I hate having to ask questions about this. So I would like to have an answer about this in some way. I just need it revealed what purpose is with this.

I will admit that I am truly shy. It's definitely the reason why I haven't had a real girlfriend, date, or kiss in my lifetime. I actually am pretty much a fearful person. I am what the Bible calls a "slave of fear" many moments in life. For some reason, I lack the courage to go after and pursue girls. I really have never been involved with anybody, and it really all has to do with being fear-oriented. I tend to shy away from girls, especially the ones I find particularly attractive. I honestly have so many fears, and I know they are illogical. Yet the fear's power (shyness) reigns supreme.

What I also hate the most is that I feel like I am fighting a war on the inside. I really desire to be the nice guy and be the role model that God desires me to be, yet at the same time I still have this sex drive that always kicks inside. I really feel like I have some sort of sexual monster inside of me, and it often wants to possess me. I really don't want to do anything against God, but I hate it calling out to me. I feel like I am fighting a war between being the nice guy and hopeful man of God and the sexual lustful dog in heat. Right now, the sexual, lustful side is the part that is winning.

And that is such a major fear for me. I honestly want to wait until marriage to have sex. Yes, I'm still a virgin. I do not want to engage in any premarital hanky-panky, but with a world that so easily engages in it, I don't know that I will meet anyone who will respect that. The world at large seems to laugh at my convictions, as they see it ridiculous. I honestly don't know anybody right now my age who has the same scruples as I do. I'm a 23 year-old male virgin. That has me going against cultural tides of casual sex and cohabitation. I feel like I am an anomaly right now. I read somewhere that by the age of 25, only 5% of people will have never had intercourse. That wouldn't be so bad if that was not something people wouldn't make fun of and shame people for. There's this deal called "prude shaming", where they make fun of people who have basically remained virgins in what they feel is "abnormal". It's definitely apparent that the world seems to hate chastity & anybody desiring chastity. So I know they would make fun of me, like the 40 year-old virgin.

I honestly wouldn't care if the girl was/wasn't a virgin, but for me it is a big deal that I stay one. I personally don't want to lose my virginity until I put a ring on the hand and say "I do". But the temptation is just so powerful, and it frightens me. I am afraid of being tempted because I'm afraid I will not be able to say no to it. I'm afraid I will give in and become sexually immoral. Yet that is exactly what I become whenever I look at pornography.

So there is this hatred of what tempts me, and I end up hating that I look. And I'm afraid the entire time that I keep looking. It's like I don't hate it enough to stop. It's like the temptation overrides me. It's like the fear doesn't stop, but only drives me closer to it. I feel like throwing up whenever I feel the temptation, like imagining my first kiss or lustful thoughts in general. I know I am wrong for the thoughts, and I just want them to stop. I just want the temptation to end for me. I want to be free from the monster inside of me. I just want to be free from it all. My sex drive torments me.

What wouldn't I give to just have little to no sex drive! I would so love to just be unsexual. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this high libido all day long. I feel like it's a curse to have this. I know that for marriage it's great, but I am not even sure if I should even get married. I have so many problems (especially with this addiction) that I really shouldn't even consider. I honestly should not ever get married if I cannot shake this. I'm not sure if I could be the man she would need to have. I'd think I'd fail if I were to try it. But that doesn't the temptation. Nor the fear.

You can find ways to master your inner "monster" as you say and chanel your sexuality in a constructive and positive way.

Maybe if you are afraid of woman you can meet one on the internet and chat and when you do meet you can meet in public and not "go home for a coffee".
You can chat that you will marry and then meet irl to make sure she is not lieing her profile and then make arrangements to marry her.
You can chat for long time even.

I chated with a man for over 3 years, almost daily.
Was a heartbreaking and horrid to loose that and then be alone and since then i have no real communications internet.
Think it stopped as he was interacting with a bad person I want nothing to do with in any way shape or form.
That may of been one of reasons.
If you say "it was in half" but it was not and it was not the same and one suffer and other buzzed. Maybe it was 10% and surrounded by enemy the rest.One might of looked and felt bad but been good and another looked perfect and felt wonderful like on drugs but actually been very very bad.
For things are not alwsys as they seem.


You may be miserable if you were asexual.
If you never rised and shined with your "love wand" .
You should maybe feel blessed you have a sexual drive and thank God for such as it can bring great things in your future.
You can meet wife make love and make children.
Good things can come from it.

Your studies could help you master all these feelings as well as give you focus and direction of christianity as you do not know which church type you wish be part of.

Well, I really don't think of my sexual drive as a good thing. I don't truly think that I should even get married. There is no way I would want to have kids. I don't want to raise a second generation of me. Plus, I really should never even consider it. I am in no way, shape, or form in a good state to even consider being married. I don't have any part of it together right now. I really am not in a good position to even think about any of that stuff. I'm not sure if I would be able to do marriage well. I'm pretty sure marriage is not even right for people like me.

Then again, I also would like to be completely disinterested in any of this stuff. That is what gets at me too. I hate that there is such an interest in this, from everyone around me. I hate that everyone seems to be so interested in getting married, and that marriage is the ideal in life. I just don't want to be interested in any of this stuff. I really don't want to be married. I really don't want to be interested in any of this stuff. If I were "asexual", I would simply then be able to focus on things that have nothing to do with sex. I really would just like for all this to go away, and for me to surrender my sex drive. It honestly has done more pain than pleasure for me. It's a nuisance.

I honestly do not want to have this much longer. I just do not want to ever give myself over to sensuality, but I really don't know what to do to cure this. I guess the only way is to avoid sex and avoid all things related. I guess that's one way. I honestly want to be procreative, or sexual. I think I have had enough sex for my lifetime, don't you? I think it's finally time I am done. If I can't shake this, then I don't want to ever consider anything. I'd rather die than hurt anyone else with my addiction. So I hope to say this to the possibility of marriage: We're through.

You may be upset and emotional about it now but that may pass.
If that is how you feel right now you can wear chasity belt and study to be priest or something else while living without sex.
If you feel sex is something you do not want in your life maybe you can give yourself a couple years without it and then you may be wanting it and ready for it and have met someone you wish to share it with.
If you make the decision and you truly mean it then you can do it and you can live that way.
A chasity belt may help you not think of sex .
You can start a new life and maybe arise 5 am for morning prayers and do so always and do things good for you during your "sex break" time.
You may become very changed and deepen yourself for when you do and will have sex in future it may be different type of sex than you ever thought.
It may indeed be something holy and sacred and you may prayer before hand to ask God to help make it a act of love.
Hope you feel more peace with it all soon.
You are so young and the drive can drive a man mad from what i told
so take another road? Drive another way for a while.
It your choice how you choose deal with it and what action you will take.
Best wishes for and to you and god bless.

I know there have been alot of replies but I must respond. I know all too well about porn addiction. But let me first address how to overcome porn addiction. Realize that temptation will always come, ESPECIALLY when you are trying to live a christian life. Therefore, if you feel you are not strong enough to overcome this here is what you should do.

1.Fasting: You should go on a fast(from food & drink) atleast one day in a week. However, when fasting there is a good way to do it and a not so effective way to do it. Fast on a day that you are free from distractions, (not a day when you're at work or school) While on a fast, listen to inspirational messages, songs, read the bible and pray. Additionally, go to your nearest Barnes & Noble or Books a Million store and read various christian inspiration books to pass time.

2. Accountability:If you are serious about getting rid of porn addiction, you should have someone you are accountable to..whenever and if you do "mess up"/relapse. This should be a trustworthy, Godly person.

3.Safe guards: Again, if you are serious about ridding yourself of porn addiction I recommend downloading porn filtering software that is FREE. I suggest downloading K9 Web protection..which can be downloaded on your computer and android phones. Make sure when you are installing this on your computer..that some one else creates a password..that you do not know. As a result of this, you will not be able to access any porn sites EVEN IF you wanted to.

If you do these three things, there is no way that you could continue your porn addiction..Trust me ..I know. As for as the marriage thing is concerned..I think you may be too young to be so certain that you should not marry. You have a natural attraction to women..(hence the porn addiction) therefore..in time your communication skills will improve and you will find a suitable mate. There are plenty of guys..that did not have a lot of girlfriends..etc.. in highschool and college. Myself included..but I found my soul mate at the age on 27. Hopefully this will help you

Well guess what, courage is being scared to death and STILL doing the right thing. Hang in there. Wait on the Lord. Pray CONSTANTLY for strength. And listen to God; if He tells you that you need to get away from the temptation (i.e., the Internet) for a while, do it! Obey Him and you won't regret it. And trust Him. He's promised you rest and peace if you're obeying and walking in all the light He has given you! Read your Bible! CONSTANTLY! More than you're on the Internet if need be! And what was said before is a good idea… if you're already on the Internet, go to CC instead! And stay there UNTIL THE TEMPTATION IS GONE! Ask around for some good Christian literature for guys dealing with this problem… I've heard some good things about Joshua Harris! FIGHT THIS THING AND DON'T GO DOWN! HOLD ONTO GOD! HEAVEN'S ROOTIN' FOR YA AND SO ARE WE!

Yeah. I think the sex fast will be a big help for someone like me. I really am hoping so at least. This is a need for control, and I feel like this is needed at all times. Maybe my drive will start to become more dormant if I don't exercise it. Maybe it will just become less of a hassle for me. I just don't want to basically be the way it is now, that's for sure. So maybe this would help.

But I really don't think of celibacy as a temporary thing. I would only think of it as a lifestyle decision. I would really hope it would be something I would stick with. I really hope that I could be a true celibate and live without anything sexual, period. Then I hope that I can make this decision and be truly free from it. Advancing and making disciples.

The irony is that while I can stay online and be anonymous talking about this, I struggle mightily with doing this in real life with real people. I struggle with being addicted to online sex, but I am so afraid of getting close to real people. I don't know how that works. It just seems crazy to me. I don't even know if I would have the guts to even go up to some girl and ask her out on a date. I just seem scared. Scaredy-cat.

I wonder if fear can be as strong as the sexual temptation. I think that fear is so powerful, and so damaging. I honestly fear how hypersexual I am. It just kicks at me sometimes. It's like an appetite for me, and I can't stand it. I just hate how I am enslaved to it. It needs to stop. I honestly would not care if I never had sex and stayed a virgin. I just want this to go away.

What you fear you create.

TyC113

former hard core drug addict here.
delivered by the Hand of The Great God and Savior.
set free, and i mean totally free.

but i know addiction.

....

you have to want freedom enough.

pornography is an especially destructive addiction.
there's really no other like it.
it will destroy you.
that's what it's for.

the very best advice i can offer you:

start researching the topic - big time.
avoid any pictures, images or illustrations if they come up in your searches.
click away immediately.

find text only information about it.

learn about IT.
pornography.

forget about the sex drive part, and the marriage part.
put those aside.

you have got to know your enemy - pornography.

find out everything you can about when it became mainstreamed,
who is dishing it out to the world,
what it does to your body and mind,
what happens to you later.

find out who profits from your destruction.

know your enemy.

this is a war, and the war is on you.

study. research. get serious - get determined - to fight.

when you find out what pornography really is, and what it is for,
i have a pretty good hunch you'll be on your way.
you've been captured. fight.

remember - the goal is to get free.

you have been enslaved by enemies who are working to destroy you.

fight.

zone.

[h=3]I am praying for you,

Isaiah 41:10[/h][SUP]10 [/SUP]So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I need help wondering if I am afraid of marriage. I will post a little more about my life story, but I wonder if I am truly afraid of being around anybody because I am afraid of marriage, and more appropriately failing a wife and divorce.

I am a woman, but your story is pretty much my own. I actually just got over this addiction a month ago out of know where. I started this addiction when I was 6 years old. I saw someone I knew masterbating and I tried it. Any how, I hid it very well, too. No one knew until I told them a couple years back when I thought I was over it and then my family and I moved and my stress and anxiety got to me and I started up again. No one, to this day, knows about me going back to that. Find out what triggers it? I found that movies or shows about gorgeous men did that for me and bordome. No one really understands that no matter how much you tell us to look to GOD and pray, which we already know to do, it is not going to help. We want a simple answer to the problem. Thing is, there isn't one. But, honestly, celibacy is not a solution. Maybe just until you get rid of this issue, but it is mainly a way of not moving on past the problem. I just had a Bible study about celibacy last night. Many people do not know that the Catholic Church is well-known for there pornography and molestation problems BECAUSE of celibacy. We are ment to have mates. GOD made us that way. You can go to a temporary Christian camp that doesn't allow electronics of any kind or food and fast and dwell on the Word for a while, but do not look at abstaining from the way GOD made uss all as a permanent solution. I got over my addiction in a hotel room while my 3 brothers and my mom were sleeping at about 4am. I had unlimited access to the Internet and nobody was awake to catch me. I fought it as much as I could saying "I don't have to do this.", "I am in control.", but eventually my will gave out and I was just about to go to the site I always go to when I looked over at my sleeping family. A thought popped into my head that never worked before that moment: "I don't want to let them down.". I have no idea why that worked(it had to be Yeshua), but from that day on I have had only minor urges and nothing more. Sometimes GOD will get rid of it for you.

you're hooked on porn.
you will not be capable of a relationship if you don't overcome.
fight it.

I definitely agree Zone that I shouldn't do this, but what if your chief trigger is a big dose of fear? What if your fear causes you to go wayward? Proverbs 29:25 "Fear of man is a powerful snare, but he who trusts in the Lord is kept safe". I tend to have a fear that is unhealthy for me, and I have terrible urges to act out and be crazy. I tend to get afraid of things, especially women. I tended in the past to run away from girls because I was just too tempted by them. Girls were just so hard to approach and talk to for me, and I really didn't know any girls that were truly into me. I was a nerd in school, and the girls just passed over me. Girls didn't want me. But if I had to be honest with you, I was afraid to go after girls. I instantly assumed rejection. Whenever I saw a really gorgeous girl, I instantly assumed that she was out of my league and could not go after her. I was afraid that I would be seen as a loser basically. I dealt with really low esteem and really lowered myself to where I thought I needed 'that girl' to make me feel special.

Then add in that I used to watch pornography and listen to love songs (which are also damaging). I used to listen to love songs all the time, where they were all needy. I ended up being a needy lovebird, falling in love for anything that I wanted to complete me. That left my heart scarred by years of rejection. Girls that I did have crushes would never like me back and it hurt a lot to hear their "No". After one girl rejected me, I actually was diagnosed with depression. For about six months, I took antidepressants and Xanax to help me become less depressed and anxious. And what was the root cause for this? It was the result of looking for love in places other than God's arms. So I basically vowed that I would never fall in love again. For a long time I gave up on love and stopped trying. I still don't know if that was safe.

So I grew afraid to be in love. I am afraid to be in love, and take the risks. But I am also afraid of the sexual attraction. I am afraid I will get too aroused and just be out of control. Like Joseph with Potiphar's wife, I really don't want to defile a woman, and ultimately sin against God this way. I really struggle with lust, and I fear that getting around a girl would only make my struggles even worse. But my main desire is to find a great girl, marry her, and love her like I am loving myself. Bones of my bones, flesh of my flesh. Yet at the same time, I really have always wanted to be that close to somebody to where I say I love them. I have always wanted a relationship with such depth that they would just know me. I have never had that type of relationship before. All my relationships are so superficial to be honest. I don't have anybody that I don't know beyond surface level. Matter of fact, I struggle letting people get past the surface. I honestly don't know if they would like me that way. So to have more meaningful and satisfying relationships is something I really want, and it's such a struggle for me.

So right now, I am fighting a war. I am in a war of not wanting find love, yet still desiring companionship. I am in a war, and I feel like I am losing it too.

Dilemma.

Let's discuss the medical side of sex first. What you're addicted to isn't touch, it's chemicals in the brain. The more you orgasm, the more your brain craves it. You solve this problem the same why you would with any other addiction-- abstinence. However, you will experience heavy withdrawal. Expect depression, cravings, nervousness, fidgeting, nausea, and headaches. The average length of time it takes to recover physically from a masterbation addiction is 6 months. The emotional side of things isn't that quick or easy.


Second, you will not recover unless you're serious about it. Do you have a sponsor? Do you attend group? Are you honest with yourself? Do you have active accountability partners? Do you attend a 12 step program?


Third, just because you get married does not mean you will stop looking at porn and masterbating. Not in the least bit. Looking at porn perpetuates your fear of relationships and it greatly reduces the likelihood of finding a woman you will find attractive. Zone is very right. You need to do your homework. What pornography does to the psyche is astounding.


Lastly, if your thought processes are really in the dire straights you claim they are, then I would recommend counseling.

All of these you should's and reasoning usually doesn't work. We are living in an age where the Lord has let man know a lot of things that they didn't before, and the church seems dead set on ignoring them.

If you look at such things as brain imaging that tells how the brain works (the additive brain, too) and how the brain can be changed and formed it would be helpful. You can go to scripture for the same thing, but there is a lot of scripture and we tend to pass it over. In Phil 4:8 it tells us to watch what thoughts we allow to come to us. God doesn't explain that we actually shape the physical brain by our thoughts, just says to do it. People think they have no control that thoughts just come and they have to accept them, and the bible doesn't tell us that is a fallacy. You can guide your thought. So when we look at what has been discovered about our brain and thoughts, the Christian often tosses it out even though it agrees with and explains scripture.

We are told to meditate on God's word in Psalms, like in Ps 119:148 I am awake through each watch of the night to meditate on your promise. New studies tell us the wonders of meditation, and being without God, they say to just sit saying aaah. Do a search on meditation, it will tell you a lot. God says to mediate on his word, meditation is to fill your mind and body with God. When the doctors go on and on about aaaah, think what God can do.

I was emotionally abused as a baby and young person, my reaction was that I am so terrible I cause bad things. When I found out that wasn't so, I felt I was free of that thought. One day it rained so the kids couldn't go out to play and I found myself wondering what I had done to cause that. It dawned on me that I wasn't free of that way of thinking. It was the 60's, no net available. So I went to the library. It said reactions can go to the subconscious, and to reprogram you do this, and this, and etc. It worked.

TyC113
i know, i understand all that.
you're focused on self and what-ifs.

i go back to what i said before.
right now you're injured; disabled and; and on the path to destruction - girls marriage and relationships don't and won't matter if you don't focus on getting free from pornography.
i think you're looking for a way to avoid dealing with the problem head -on.

stop thinking about anything other than becoming a very serious and dedicated addict fighting his enemy - committed to learning all you can about the thing that has you in bondage. learn everything about what it REALLY is, and what it is for.

it's offered up everywhere as a means for men (mostly black men, btw) to destroy themselves.
it renders MEN INCAPABLE OF MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP - that's the goal of the smut vendors - to make merchandise of you, and destroy you
and any women you come into contact with.

do you want to be a passive vitim or do you want to FIGHT.

FIGHT

zone.