I want to be social but I dont want to be

[Lanolin]

What do you say to someone who confuses you like this.
They say they want friends but then make no effort to make friends. Or they only want to be your friend and nobody elses.
Or people that say your my only friend.

I feel very uncomfortable around people that do this.

Why would you announce to someone that they are the ONLY friend they have. This does not make me feel special. It makes me feel weird. Why me?

 

[tourist]

Why would you announce to someone that they are the ONLY friend they have. This does not make me feel special. It makes me feel weird. Why me?

Perhaps you are the one that God has chosen for them.

 

[Lynx]

It's hard to be a friend at somebody.

No wait! Come back! I'm trying to be friends at you!

 

[CharliRenee]

It's hard to be a friend at somebody.

No wait! Come back! I'm trying to be friends at you!

BAM at the @..

 

[CharliRenee]

Well, it does put pressure on you, lol, doesn't it? I wonder how you will handle this situation.

I have an aquaintence who I never reach out to, and I never hear from her, which is ok with me. She got a hold of me the other day to express, with great detail, her sadness that I don't reach out more. , I told her that I apologized and if she needed or wanted to talk in the future to let me know.

My dearest friends locally are ones that are busy and have other friends. I mean we do enjoy our time together, but it is not obligatory, filled with expectations.

 

[Smooth]

Well, it does put pressure on you, lol, doesn't it? I wonder how you will handle this situation.

I have an aquaintence who I never reach out to, and I never hear from her, which is ok with me. She got a hold of me the other day to express, with great detail, her sadness that I don't reach out more. , I told her that I apologized and if she needed or wanted to talk in the future to let me know.

My dearest friends locally are ones that are busy and have other friends. I mean we do enjoy our time together, but it is not obligatory, filled with expectations.

I have friends I haven’t seen or communicated with in years because life gets in the way, and we may never communicate again on this side of Heaven, but they are my friends. True friends you keep in your heart.

 

[CharliRenee]

I have friends I haven’t seen or communicated with in years because life gets in the way, and we may never communicate again on this side of Heaven, but they are my friends. True friends you keep in your heart.

That was beautifully expressed.
❤@true friends you keep in your heart. I agree!!!

 

[Deade]

What do you say to someone who confuses you like this.
They say they want friends but then make no effort to make friends. Or they only want to be your friend and nobody elses.
Or people that say your my only friend.

I feel very uncomfortable around people that do this.

Why would you announce to someone that they are the ONLY friend they have. This does not make me feel special. It makes me feel weird. Why me?

Well, I don't think that someone wanting to monopolize you is about friendship, that is more like ownership. Some relationships are like that. They are not about love, they are about ego and jealousy.

 

[Dusty59]

Most people have many friends. why would you only want one?

 

[cinder]

What do you say to someone who confuses you like this.
They say they want friends but then make no effort to make friends. Or they only want to be your friend and nobody elses.
Or people that say your my only friend.

I feel very uncomfortable around people that do this.

Why would you announce to someone that they are the ONLY friend they have. This does not make me feel special. It makes me feel weird. Why me?

I'd ask them why. Why if they want friends do they seem to make so little effort to make friends? Why do they want to be your friend and no one else's? If you can't have such a discussion how strong is the friendship really? And why would it make you feel weird and uncomfortable to be the only friend someone has?

 

[Lanolin]

I could send an email to this person saying one word WHY?

It is far too confusing. Or I could just ignore them and not answer. And block my phone. It is an old workmate they rang me out of the blue. Now just cos i went with them for one thing they expect me to go with them to everything.

 

[Deade]

I could send an email to this person saying one word WHY?

It is far too confusing. Or I could just ignore them and not answer. And block my phone. It is an old workmate they rang me out of the blue. Now just cos i went with them for one thing they expect me to go with them to everything.

I don't know what to tell you Lanolin, but if you do the second thing will you be prepared to tell them why you blocked them?

Maybe just confront them now and ask why they want to monopolize you. Like I said, really sticky friends are dangerous. They want to own you.

 

[Lanolin]

I don't know what to tell you Lanolin, but if you do the second thing will you be prepared to tell them why you blocked them?

Maybe just confront them now and ask why they want to monopolize you. Like I said, really sticky friends are dangerous. They want to own you. View attachment 201894

Yep cos they annoying and ring at inapporpriate times. And I dont use my phone for that. I did say that, cos it costs me to txt and if its not that important and they want to have a screeds long conversation I cant really answer.

Yea, I am wary. I just said, if you want to be sociable, go help a neighbour. Or if they want to join a group but feels awkward for first time, ask one of the members to see if any can carpool with you.

They then said they would rather know a few people than many not at all. Im tired of explaining how, you can make friends with other people and dont have to know every single person. But if you dont go to meet new people, you wont ever get to know them.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Hm....People sometimes have anti-social tendencies, I know I do. Has the person been going through some family/life difficulties that you know of? They may need to visit a support group for whatever is going on, or maybe seek a professional if something deeper is going on.

And I'm sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you sadly can't control how people interact with others socially. All you can do is support them if that's what you want to do.

 

[CharliRenee]

Well that is your choice and maybe a right one, I do not know.

just to consider..

What if you expressed what the issue is, as to avoid their further or future stumble. You know, try at least bring them clarity. I mean what if you took a few minutes and explained, in a concise and kind way, what it is that is unsettling. Who knows maybe if you enlightened the individual, this person could understand what they are doing to contribute to failed friendships. I mean not everything can or should be fixed. However, giving the person the benefit of the doubt, since this person seems to respect you, you could be just the helpful tool needed to make life and interactions not so challenging for this person.

Seems it might be worth the effort or just more headache. It is challenging because even if the person "fixed" their approach, you might still not have time or energy for another friendship, especially one that has lots of expectations.

Unmet expectations are ugh!!!

 

[zeroturbulence]

What do you say to someone who confuses you like this.
They say they want friends but then make no effort to make friends. Or they only want to be your friend and nobody elses.
Or people that say your my only friend.

I feel very uncomfortable around people that do this.

Why would you announce to someone that they are the ONLY friend they have. This does not make me feel special. It makes me feel weird. Why me?

I've told a couple people in the past that they were my only friend because it was true.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Yep cos they annoying and ring at inapporpriate times. And I dont use my phone for that. I did say that, cos it costs me to txt and if its not that important and they want to have a screeds long conversation I cant really answer.

Yea, I am wary. I just said, if you want to be sociable, go help a neighbour. Or if they want to join a group but feels awkward for first time, ask one of the members to see if any can carpool with you.

They then said they would rather know a few people than many not at all. Im tired of explaining how, you can make friends with other people and dont have to know every single person. But if you dont go to meet new people, you wont ever get to know them.

This is actually quite a simple thing to reason out. And one that perhaps you should be more understanding about.
The two most common reasons a person may say such things...
1) introverted - introverts Are social people, they simply go about socialization in a different way. Shyness can often (but not always) come with introversion. So this person may want friends but not have experience or confidence to approach people casually. I am this way. What you treat as a nuisance or a pest, to me would be a struggle that I wish I could overcome and even frustrate me in my failure to do so.
Introversion is not a defect. It is a personality trait.
2) depression - depression has a way of making you feel isolated, all the time. For some getting out of bed may be difficult, let alone helping others or making friends. It may make someone latch on to another that they feel has stood out to them in some way.
And since depression is more than just controlling your thoughts, it doesn't go away easily. Or for some people, ever.

I would encourage you to not assume this person understands they're being inconvenient. Or to talk down so harshly on someone struggling to make friends. Just because it's an inconvenient thing for you doesn't mean you have to look down on them, because it probably is a compliment to you that they chose you. Instead of being upset with them why not look inward and ask yourself why you aren't more patient or understanding with them?
Sometimes that person that is a fly in the way of your oh so important life is a hurting or desperate person doing their best to reach out and is under the idea that you may be the type that cares. If you can't understand how that's a good thing then that saddens me.
It's a similar mindset to seeing a homeless, hungry person then going home and complaining about what a nuisance they are to your life.
No, they're simply struggling and in need. And if you're unwilling or incapable of helping that is no need to put them down for asking.

 

[CharliRenee]

This is actually quite a simple thing to reason out. And one that perhaps you should be more understanding about.
The two most common reasons a person may say such things...
1) introverted - introverts Are social people, they simply go about socialization in a different way. Shyness can often (but not always) come with introversion. So this person may want friends but not have experience or confidence to approach people casually. I am this way. What you treat as a nuisance or a pest, to me would be a struggle that I wish I could overcome and even frustrate me in my failure to do so.
Introversion is not a defect. It is a personality trait.
2) depression - depression has a way of making you feel isolated, all the time. For some getting out of bed may be difficult, let alone helping others or making friends. It may make someone latch on to another that they feel has stood out to them in some way.
And since depression is more than just controlling your thoughts, it doesn't go away easily. Or for some people, ever.

I would encourage you to not assume this person understands they're being inconvenient. Or to talk down so harshly on someone struggling to make friends. Just because it's an inconvenient thing for you doesn't mean you have to look down on them, because it probably is a compliment to you that they chose you. Instead of being upset with them why not look inward and ask yourself why you aren't more patient or understanding with them?
Sometimes that person that is a fly in the way of your oh so important life is a hurting or desperate person doing their best to reach out and is under the idea that you may be the type that cares. If you can't understand how that's a good thing then that saddens me.
It's a similar mindset to seeing a homeless, hungry person then going home and complaining about what a nuisance they are to your life.
No, they're simply struggling and in need. And if you're unwilling or incapable of helping that is no need to put them down for asking.

Thank you for your insight with the 2 most common reasons.

The compassion and understanding you are bringing forward is usable for us all to remember.

 

[Lynx]

Me
I'm a part of your circle of friends
And we
Notice you don't come around
Me
I think it all depends
On you
Touching ground with us


I quit
I give up
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
It seems
And being alone
Is the best way
When I'm by myself it's the
Best way to be
When I'm all alone it's the
Best way to be
When I'm by myself
Nobody else can say
Goodbye


~Edie Brickell

 

[CharliRenee]

Nods Lynx...

A table for one has its joys, and aches too...

I hope in the solitude, His company leaves noone alone. I hope and pray that for us, there are sacred moments of reprieve found in fellowship with family or perhaps with others who are also at their table of one.

There is always room at the table where He sits, when man has no room at his.