Using dating apps is fine. A dating app is just a tool to find people and then
potentially date them, which may
potentially lead to a relationship, which may
potentially lead to marriage. And the Bible doesn't even really tell us
how to go about looking for a partner. Also, a lot of people think dating apps are bad because the "right" way to meet someone is "organically" and via personal interaction. Well, yeah. That's why we go on first dates with the attractive people we talk to on dating apps. Hahaha!
And besides, the advantage of online dating tools is that you can filter out a lot of the people that probably wouldn't make great partners.
Another reason Christians can be wary of dating apps is because it feels superficial. For instance, we can feel "dirty" or "judgmental" when we skip over someone on the app because we don't find them attractive enough. It can feel "shallow" and "worldly" and Christians are supposed to be "better" than that. However, physical attraction is a real thing. Even in biblical texts about married couples, the authors comment on how attractive they are. Sure, it's not the main criteria, but it
does play a role.
Online dating can can also feel like a desperate last resort. So we struggle to figure out how to even feel about it, haha. It can even feel "unromantic." We all want to meet someone in a "cute" way. We all want to tell people an interesting story of how we met our partner, don't we? But online dating is not the "story." The story is what happens next.
It might also be a generational thing. Young Christians often get advice from older Christians (whether it's wanted or not
) And lots of older Christians met their partner "organically" or by coincidence (when they "weren't looking" as the cliché goes) Those older Christians then caution younger Christians about using dating apps, simply because
they didn't find a spouse that way, or because it seems too "worldly" or "consumeristic."
Time to go on a
bit of a ramble: I think a lot of Christians wonder about this because they're often taught that them getting married is "in God's hands" and "God has a plan." So they're worried that, if they
do use a dating app, it could somehow screw up "God's plan" or "God's timing." Or they worry that, if they use a dating app, it could prove that they "lack faith" or don't "trust God enough."
However, God does not promise marriage to any of us. How, exactly, are you supposed to "trust God" to fulfill a promise when He never made you that promise in the first place?
The funny thing about this is that we don't approach
other aspects of our life that way. If I'm unemployed and I asked another Christian for advice, what would they tell me? That God will bring me the right job at the right time, and I should do nothing and just wait on His timing until then? Er, probably not.
As Christians, we often have the shaky idea that whatever's currently happening in your life is "God's plan" or "God's best for you right now." I get that we want to honor God's sovereignty, but other factors can also play a role. Also, what if you're currently homeless, or unemployed, sick, or being abused? Are those things "God's plan" or "God's best" just because they're currently happening?
One of the reasons we worry about taking action is because we think that God has a "soulmate" out there for us. However, the Bible doesn't teach us anything about "soulmates." Jesus even says that there
is no marriage in Heaven. And, in 1 Corinthians 7:39, in a verse that sort of addresses this, Paul says that a widow who wants to remarry can marry whoever she wants, as long as he's a Christian.
Sometimes we have to act. But sometimes we believe that acting is a sign of weak faith. But isn’t it
in acting that our faith is proven? I mean, God’s will is mostly done by God’s people. So we need to do it with God. But we still need to
do it. Hahaha.
I think that if you're 25 or older and still single, and you want to find a partner, you should probably put some serious effort into it. It's not going to "just happen."
Another funny thing about the idea of a "soulmate" is we often focus on how this person will be perfect for
me, and not so much the other way around.
We're also afraid of choosing the "wrong" person. And that can become an excuse where every person I date just isn't "The One." It's also an excuse for ending a marriage, sadly. It can also prevent us from working on our own issues, fears, insecurities, or shortcomings. I think we can definitely use this idea to hide from things. It can be a way to hide from disappointment with God. He hasn’t delivered me a spouse but, hey, it’s all good, He must have a different “plan." It can also keep us from dealing with our own stuff. "Waiting on God" often seems to mean, “I’m not doing anything wrong, it’s just that God hasn’t sent me 'The One' yet.” Yeah, it couldn’t
possibly have anything to do with
me. Yikes!
Apparently, for the first few thousand years of human history, it was “God’s plan” for young people to be joined in arranged marriages in their late teens. Then God changed his mind to around 18 or so, with close involvement and vetting from each other’s parents. Then He changed it to be more inclusive of other races and social classes. Then, in the modern age, God decided to change it for many people to the late twenties and early thirties, with little involvement from parents, at least initially. What is going on?
Another reason people worry about using dating apps is that they wonder if God "wants" that. Those people are currently single, so they wonder if God has currently ordained a "season of singleness" for them. However, the Bible doesn't actually say anything about a "season of singleness." It talks about marriage on one hand, and lifelong celibacy on the other. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul doesn't say that you have the "gift of singleness" until you get married. He says that if you
have the gift of singleness, then don't
get married.
Then we bring the "contentment" issue into it. In Philippians 4 Paul says he's learned to be content in all circumstances. We then transpose that into 1 Corinthians 7 and take it to mean something like
“If you're currently single, then God has called you to singleness right now and The Good Christian Thing To Do is to be 'content' in that.” Or people will tell you that God will only bring you your future spouse once you learn how the be "content" with your singleness. And we're wary of using a dating app because that seems to be the opposite of that sort of advice. But that isn’t what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7. He says if you
aren’t content (called, or gifted) in celibacy ──── then maybe you should get married.
I mean, what about all the young Christian couples who dated in high school and then got married at 21? When did God have to teach
them "contentment" in singleness before He could bless them with their spouses?
Paul isn't saying here that if you're unmarried that you don’t have to worry about the things of marriage. It would be more accurate, I believe, to say that one of the ways to see if you
are called to celibacy is to ask if you
are worried about it. Otherwise, Paul would be saying that celibate people are "better" followers of Jesus than married people. If that were true, well, then
no one should get married.
Paul’s writing on this issue is pretty nuanced. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says he has no “commandment from God” about this. Paul says that
he wishes that everyone was single like him ──── not that
God wishes it. He says that
he, personally, is content with being single ──── but he admits that not everyone is like that. He says that it’s good to stay single, but that it’s
better to marry if you have strong desires. Paul “supposes” that it’s better to stay single because of “the present distress,” some crisis that the church in Corinth was dealing with at the time. He says you’re not sinning by marrying. Paul says a widow would be happier if she stayed single, but he admits that this is just a personal opinion. Evidently, many people are
not happier being single. In 1 Timothy 4:1-3 Paul also condemns people who forbid marriage. And if Paul wrote the Book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage is a good thing.
And, yes, I know the Bible doesn't really say anything about dating. But look at some of the biblical stories about marriage. Boaz noticed Ruth, but he didn't just "wait on God" to do everything for him. He took action. Ruth also declined to "wait on God" to do everything for her. She took action. When Abraham had his son, he took action to go out and
find a spouse for Isaac.
I think I've started rambling. So, anyway....yes, it's fine to use dating apps. I don't know if God actively "brings people together." But, if He does, He can do it in lots of ways, dating apps included. Don’t set in your mind that your path to finding a spouse has to go a certain way.
pool public, tennis 
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serving in church....
in the Lord.
