milady
Sigh.... I just don't know what to say, you sooo need w reassuring, embracing, comforting, hug right now, I know I can't give it to you though, even if I was there, it, is not I whom you are to cast your cares on, and, it's not the man your seeing now who is not your husband, but you know who I speak of, don't you? God
As Peter says, 1 Peter 5:7, cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. Christ cares, He who is Spirit, who is God, who is LIFE , WHO wants you to have abundant life, cares for you, me, everyone, and, He not only can care, He can catch our 'cast' cares and fry them from the raw sushi state of disgusting taste to finely floured flounder.
My dad hit me growing up, my dad I worked for for 4 years of terrible working environment: verbal abuse.
I got to a point working for him after two years of negative criticism ONLY on the job and BLEW uP at him. I said, "You always are negative when you tell me something. I could be doing a lot better work these past years working for you than 1/2 a load of logs skidded but your never saying anything positive about my work. Never dad! And I'm DONE. If you don't learn to be positive sometime, you don't have to he positive all the tme, just some time, I can do better, and, you'll make more money too cuz your teaching me so I can learn. I'm done now! And, I'm not coming back if you can't be more positive to me on the logging jobs." And, mrspickled, I was sooo mad at my dad when I said this, seeething, venom you might not completely see in the post but my rational thought was said with toxins dripping from my lips, pissssed!!! oh yeah, this will make things clear, I said, as I hopped off the skidder, "And, you won't be seeing much of me in the future either." Dad called me 3 days later, yeah, it took him quite awhile, I was upset about that gap of silence, too, but, yeah, he called and said, 'Son, I have a really hard time being positive." and its just not something I do." I was pissed even more at his saying that.and just about hung up." But I will try." I can't tell you how those four words were like music to my ears, a sweetness of sound, like a 1000-string symphony, and, I went back to work for dad and things changed. I Didn't personally speak with God much at this 22 year age but I knew Him, and, though VERY lukewarm in my life at this time, I know NOW He worked things through
And, guess what, I began to skid FIVE loads a day into the landing for log truck. I was on a grapple skidder or choker cable skidder and I was so fast my dad could not cut down enough trees in the forest to keep me busy. And he was falling them with a fellerbuncher machine!
God is good, He healed my relationship with my dad and, I AM not sure how He can heal your relationship now with your husband, he abusive, you adulterer, but He healed David of Bathsheba sin and Moses' of killing man sin, or, well, you get the picture, God forgives, and, forgets, He is IN the miracle business. Now, get to work, pray, write a letter to your husband as the Lord leads, tell him you want to know how he has changed, tell him to be honest, and, to explain why he hit you, too. Say you will answer back to his questions and then the two of you MUST go to counseling together. Otherwise, you let him know you aRE DONE and that ABUSE is something God will forgive me for not staying death do us part. The Lord leads, God bless , and, be with you, remember, He sooo cares for you, let Him, mrspickles
And, because of your husband using God and going to hell if not come back to you, you should seek Christian counseling now, the Lord leads, but, I feel, that is best, and, probably , maybe, a big church might have a counselor, or private practice family Christian counselor, good too. I pray all I sad, and, everyone else's from Him