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G
True, but God can change us IF we want to change. Her husband says he's changed, great, he needs to show mrspickle how he's changed, I said , he should write her a letter. Then, counseling after that. above all else, she needs to listen to the Lord , by praying, he shows us things, His Spirit in us, showing us His will for us. Good things. But, yes, I like what Ugly says, it is true, abusers ARE master manipulators and they MUST go to God , like David did after sinning by adultery with Bathsheba, who WAS married to Uriah. These two , mrspickled and her husband, need to STOP abuses to each other (yes, adultery is abuse!) and let the Lord show them both how healing can begin. 
. He will will show, He is The Great Physician, and, Comforter, and, Advocate, and, He is our friend, too, by our side, never EVER leaving us or forsaking us
. He will will show, He is The Great Physician, and, Comforter, and, Advocate, and, He is our friend, too, by our side, never EVER leaving us or forsaking us
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A
God does NOT hate you and as long as he keeps lying and trying to get you to believe that God would ever HATE you. He has NOT changed but is just trying to manipulate you into coming back into his oppressive and controlling power.
Do NOT do it. Will keep you in my payers and read the rest of the responses now.....
PS. love the sunshine it made me smile
Do NOT do it. Will keep you in my payers and read the rest of the responses now.....
PS. love the sunshine it made me smile
A
danschance, you have to realize that your personal situation is not MsPickles.
what God tells YOU personally is right is not always right for another person in a different situation.
Jesus had many different types of disciples. He had the apostles who gave up everything to follow Him and he had Nicademous and Joseph who were rich men in the Sandhedrin who buried him by keeping their wealth and social positions.
All the men followed Jesus but in different ways.
In this manner I believe that she should remain separate from her husband and that it is Biblical to do so. I'll quote the Bible verses in a moment. Rather she should get into another relationship and remarry is questionable, but NOT going back to her abusive and manipulating husband who may KILL her is prudent.
He "only" beat her 4 times? I guess my dad "only" beat my mom one time that I witness but she ended in the hospital with broken ribs. He "only" tried to beat my little brother one time, but never followed through with it because my elder brother grabbed him and we barracaded the doors to our play room and sat there for what seem an eternity before my mom got home from work.
it "only" takes once to be beaten to death. My little brother was four at the time and had bruises for months. I could tell you more stories but I'm a rather personal person and don't like to remember or talk about that time in my life.
I thank God every day my mom was brave enough to leave and NOT go back. I was 8 years old.
if you want to think of your children Ms.Pickles think of this, what if he stops beating you and starts beating them?
what God tells YOU personally is right is not always right for another person in a different situation.
Jesus had many different types of disciples. He had the apostles who gave up everything to follow Him and he had Nicademous and Joseph who were rich men in the Sandhedrin who buried him by keeping their wealth and social positions.
All the men followed Jesus but in different ways.
In this manner I believe that she should remain separate from her husband and that it is Biblical to do so. I'll quote the Bible verses in a moment. Rather she should get into another relationship and remarry is questionable, but NOT going back to her abusive and manipulating husband who may KILL her is prudent.
He "only" beat her 4 times? I guess my dad "only" beat my mom one time that I witness but she ended in the hospital with broken ribs. He "only" tried to beat my little brother one time, but never followed through with it because my elder brother grabbed him and we barracaded the doors to our play room and sat there for what seem an eternity before my mom got home from work.
it "only" takes once to be beaten to death. My little brother was four at the time and had bruises for months. I could tell you more stories but I'm a rather personal person and don't like to remember or talk about that time in my life.
I thank God every day my mom was brave enough to leave and NOT go back. I was 8 years old.
if you want to think of your children Ms.Pickles think of this, what if he stops beating you and starts beating them?
T
When you see your beloved sister, with bruises on lips and over her body!
When you hear your beloved one, saying the she deserved it because he says so !
When the one that you love much, is surrounded by psychological walls he built around her !
When the one that you love much, is under the emprise of a manipulator, violent and jealous man !
When you hear the one you cherish deeply, crying again and again! We all suffered with her, my Lord !
When the one you cherish deeply, lost her dignity little by little! Our hearts melted away, my Lord !
My dear Jesus have pity of her because you are the only one who can save her !
Take her hand with tender and guide her toward the sunny road of happiness !
When you hear your beloved one, saying the she deserved it because he says so !
When the one that you love much, is surrounded by psychological walls he built around her !
When the one that you love much, is under the emprise of a manipulator, violent and jealous man !
When you hear the one you cherish deeply, crying again and again! We all suffered with her, my Lord !
When the one you cherish deeply, lost her dignity little by little! Our hearts melted away, my Lord !
My dear Jesus have pity of her because you are the only one who can save her !
Take her hand with tender and guide her toward the sunny road of happiness !
M
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
He contacted me once again today via text. I wont accept his calls. I have him blocked that way. Because talking ends up with him always having the upper hand in the sitaution. He seems a little more Bible Savy than I am. He had more spirtual up bring than I did. But I do attend Church and Read the Bible to better understand Gods Plan for me.
I used some of the quotes from above to explain to him that it was Gods will that I left this realtionship. God loved me enough to remove me from it. My son before I left agreed with my husband that if I left I would burn in H*ll for doing so. Im not sure if that came from pure fear he was agreeing with my husband. So my husband tells me that again if I dont return it wil cost me to be H*ll bound. That we married for better or for worse. Til death do us part.We were joined together as one flesh. Today I am left in tears, because I am still not really sure what to do. I know this really makes my heart ache. I gave this man 20yrs of understanding and forgivness. But I just could not take anymore, and my relationship with this other man didnt not start until after I left the home I lived him with my husband. Not saying my realtionship is right by no means. But I am hoping for Gods understanding and love when it comes to it and he will forgive me for I have sin, and accept me. But, something in me will not lead me to go back to what I left. I feel empty when it comes to my husband. Why do I feel like that after spending 20yrs with someone.
He contacted me once again today via text. I wont accept his calls. I have him blocked that way. Because talking ends up with him always having the upper hand in the sitaution. He seems a little more Bible Savy than I am. He had more spirtual up bring than I did. But I do attend Church and Read the Bible to better understand Gods Plan for me.
I used some of the quotes from above to explain to him that it was Gods will that I left this realtionship. God loved me enough to remove me from it. My son before I left agreed with my husband that if I left I would burn in H*ll for doing so. Im not sure if that came from pure fear he was agreeing with my husband. So my husband tells me that again if I dont return it wil cost me to be H*ll bound. That we married for better or for worse. Til death do us part.We were joined together as one flesh. Today I am left in tears, because I am still not really sure what to do. I know this really makes my heart ache. I gave this man 20yrs of understanding and forgivness. But I just could not take anymore, and my relationship with this other man didnt not start until after I left the home I lived him with my husband. Not saying my realtionship is right by no means. But I am hoping for Gods understanding and love when it comes to it and he will forgive me for I have sin, and accept me. But, something in me will not lead me to go back to what I left. I feel empty when it comes to my husband. Why do I feel like that after spending 20yrs with someone.
This is what your husband, who has (supposedly) had a good look at himself and is changing is saying to you!
He is just one manipulating sod! He ain't going change, not now and not anytime!
Just ALL emotional blackmail, tugging at your heart strings, he knows exactly what he is doing to!
Do NOT go back to him, he will make your life an absolute living hell!
Get support to help you through the process of leaving him and getting settled elsewhere...
He is just one manipulating sod! He ain't going change, not now and not anytime!
Just ALL emotional blackmail, tugging at your heart strings, he knows exactly what he is doing to!
Do NOT go back to him, he will make your life an absolute living hell!
Get support to help you through the process of leaving him and getting settled elsewhere...
D
One good hit in the head can kill. I never suggested she rush back to him. I suggested marriage counseling taking things slowly and seeing he is a changed man. I think that is prudent.
Never underestimate the power of God to change a person. I used to be or maybe still am an alcoholic. In fact I would drink 9 drinks a day or more, every day for years. After I became a Christian I knew I needed to stop drinking and was powerless to do so. Then one night I prayed a pathetic one sentence pray, "Lord, help me to stop drinking" and I went to bed. I never thought God would do anything with that pathetic, ineffective weak faithless prayer.
The next day I got home from work and opened a beer. It felt different, though I can't explain how. I drank 3 beers and thought maybe I was sick. The next day I again opened a beer and the same thing happened. The third day I came home and dumped every beer I had down the drain. That was four years ago and I am still sober.
God can change people. He can give them a new heart. God can even take an abusive man and change him.
Never underestimate the power of God to change a person. I used to be or maybe still am an alcoholic. In fact I would drink 9 drinks a day or more, every day for years. After I became a Christian I knew I needed to stop drinking and was powerless to do so. Then one night I prayed a pathetic one sentence pray, "Lord, help me to stop drinking" and I went to bed. I never thought God would do anything with that pathetic, ineffective weak faithless prayer.
The next day I got home from work and opened a beer. It felt different, though I can't explain how. I drank 3 beers and thought maybe I was sick. The next day I again opened a beer and the same thing happened. The third day I came home and dumped every beer I had down the drain. That was four years ago and I am still sober.
God can change people. He can give them a new heart. God can even take an abusive man and change him.
M
The relationship I am in now is playing really hard on my heart now. Over the past few days after my husband said what he said to me. That I will be dammed for adultry. GOD will never accept me or him in his kingdom. I just want to be Happy! I dont feel anything for my husband, I am numb. I felt that way a year before I left. I tried to leave a year before that. I had gotton an apartment and had signed my lease only to let him talk me into staying. Things didnt change over a year with him. For on a fe occasions he came home with our 17yr old son at 1am in the morning drunk he had been out with friends. What if I had done that?? Thank Goodness he wasnt driving, my son was on his permit.. But still my son had no business out at 1am in the morning.
Please leave religion out of a wise decision. Find a counselor, get the law on your side and divorce this man! Leave your convictions about God and Salvation and Sin etc out of the picture!! You'll end up only doubting yourself, hurting your children and spiraling into more abuse. Protect your children and protect your self, get out of there! Later, if you still feel God in your life, work out your faith when you are away from this creep. What's right is right, not what some 2000 year old book says. Listen to your heart!
G
milady Sigh.... I just don't know what to say, you sooo need w reassuring, embracing, comforting, hug right now, I know I can't give it to you though, even if I was there, it, is not I whom you are to cast your cares on, and, it's not the man your seeing now who is not your husband, but you know who I speak of, don't you? God As Peter says, 1 Peter 5:7, cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. Christ cares, He who is Spirit, who is God, who is LIFE , WHO wants you to have abundant life, cares for you, me, everyone, and, He not only can care, He can catch our 'cast' cares and fry them from the raw sushi state of disgusting taste to finely floured flounder. My dad hit me growing up, my dad I worked for for 4 years of terrible working environment: verbal abuse. I got to a point working for him after two years of negative criticism ONLY on the job and BLEW uP at him. I said, "You always are negative when you tell me something. I could be doing a lot better work these past years working for you than 1/2 a load of logs skidded but your never saying anything positive about my work. Never dad! And I'm DONE. If you don't learn to be positive sometime, you don't have to he positive all the tme, just some time, I can do better, and, you'll make more money too cuz your teaching me so I can learn. I'm done now! And, I'm not coming back if you can't be more positive to me on the logging jobs." And, mrspickled, I was sooo mad at my dad when I said this, seeething, venom you might not completely see in the post but my rational thought was said with toxins dripping from my lips, pissssed!!! oh yeah, this will make things clear, I said, as I hopped off the skidder, "And, you won't be seeing much of me in the future either." Dad called me 3 days later, yeah, it took him quite awhile, I was upset about that gap of silence, too, but, yeah, he called and said, 'Son, I have a really hard time being positive." and its just not something I do." I was pissed even more at his saying that.and just about hung up." But I will try." I can't tell you how those four words were like music to my ears, a sweetness of sound, like a 1000-string symphony, and, I went back to work for dad and things changed. I Didn't personally speak with God much at this 22 year age but I knew Him, and, though VERY lukewarm in my life at this time, I know NOW He worked things through And, guess what, I began to skid FIVE loads a day into the landing for log truck. I was on a grapple skidder or choker cable skidder and I was so fast my dad could not cut down enough trees in the forest to keep me busy. And he was falling them with a fellerbuncher machine! God is good, He healed my relationship with my dad and, I AM not sure how He can heal your relationship now with your husband, he abusive, you adulterer, but He healed David of Bathsheba sin and Moses' of killing man sin, or, well, you get the picture, God forgives, and, forgets, He is IN the miracle business. Now, get to work, pray, write a letter to your husband as the Lord leads, tell him you want to know how he has changed, tell him to be honest, and, to explain why he hit you, too. Say you will answer back to his questions and then the two of you MUST go to counseling together. Otherwise, you let him know you aRE DONE and that ABUSE is something God will forgive me for not staying death do us part. The Lord leads, God bless , and, be with you, remember, He sooo cares for you, let Him, mrspickles
And, because of your husband using God and going to hell if not come back to you, you should seek Christian counseling now, the Lord leads, but, I feel, that is best, and, probably , maybe, a big church might have a counselor, or private practice family Christian counselor, good too. I pray all I sad, and, everyone else's from Him
Sigh.... I just don't know what to say, you sooo need w reassuring, embracing, comforting, hug right now, I know I can't give it to you though, even if I was there, it, is not I whom you are to cast your cares on, and, it's not the man your seeing now who is not your husband, but you know who I speak of, don't you? God As Peter says, 1 Peter 5:7, cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. Christ cares, He who is Spirit, who is God, who is LIFE , WHO wants you to have abundant life, cares for you, me, everyone, and, He not only can care, He can catch our 'cast' cares and fry them from the raw sushi state of disgusting taste to finely floured flounder. My dad hit me growing up, my dad I worked for for 4 years of terrible working environment: verbal abuse. I got to a point working for him after two years of negative criticism ONLY on the job and BLEW uP at him. I said, "You always are negative when you tell me something. I could be doing a lot better work these past years working for you than 1/2 a load of logs skidded but your never saying anything positive about my work. Never dad! And I'm DONE. If you don't learn to be positive sometime, you don't have to he positive all the tme, just some time, I can do better, and, you'll make more money too cuz your teaching me so I can learn. I'm done now! And, I'm not coming back if you can't be more positive to me on the logging jobs." And, mrspickled, I was sooo mad at my dad when I said this, seeething, venom you might not completely see in the post but my rational thought was said with toxins dripping from my lips, pissssed!!! oh yeah, this will make things clear, I said, as I hopped off the skidder, "And, you won't be seeing much of me in the future either." Dad called me 3 days later, yeah, it took him quite awhile, I was upset about that gap of silence, too, but, yeah, he called and said, 'Son, I have a really hard time being positive." and its just not something I do." I was pissed even more at his saying that.and just about hung up." But I will try." I can't tell you how those four words were like music to my ears, a sweetness of sound, like a 1000-string symphony, and, I went back to work for dad and things changed. I Didn't personally speak with God much at this 22 year age but I knew Him, and, though VERY lukewarm in my life at this time, I know NOW He worked things through And, guess what, I began to skid FIVE loads a day into the landing for log truck. I was on a grapple skidder or choker cable skidder and I was so fast my dad could not cut down enough trees in the forest to keep me busy. And he was falling them with a fellerbuncher machine! God is good, He healed my relationship with my dad and, I AM not sure how He can heal your relationship now with your husband, he abusive, you adulterer, but He healed David of Bathsheba sin and Moses' of killing man sin, or, well, you get the picture, God forgives, and, forgets, He is IN the miracle business. Now, get to work, pray, write a letter to your husband as the Lord leads, tell him you want to know how he has changed, tell him to be honest, and, to explain why he hit you, too. Say you will answer back to his questions and then the two of you MUST go to counseling together. Otherwise, you let him know you aRE DONE and that ABUSE is something God will forgive me for not staying death do us part. The Lord leads, God bless , and, be with you, remember, He sooo cares for you, let Him, mrspickles And, because of your husband using God and going to hell if not come back to you, you should seek Christian counseling now, the Lord leads, but, I feel, that is best, and, probably , maybe, a big church might have a counselor, or private practice family Christian counselor, good too. I pray all I sad, and, everyone else's from Him
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M
I have to come to terms that I should not go back. But the bible says that the husband should ask the wife back. I left due to his abuse, as posted in my first post. I accept that I cant trust anything he tells me anymore, he says he has changed. But he told me that many many times before in the past and fell short.
I know I have sin in Gods eyes. But, the man I currently see we dont live together. But he is like a breath of fresh air to me. Compared to what I left. I know I should ask GOD to forgive me for my sin, of seeing this man before my divorce is final, in August. How can I begin to build a new spirital relationship with him and get GODS blessing, or will I be cast of out Heaven as my husband tells me because I didnt follow GODS word. Would GOD wont me to go back to that Abuse?
I know I have sin in Gods eyes. But, the man I currently see we dont live together. But he is like a breath of fresh air to me. Compared to what I left. I know I should ask GOD to forgive me for my sin, of seeing this man before my divorce is final, in August. How can I begin to build a new spirital relationship with him and get GODS blessing, or will I be cast of out Heaven as my husband tells me because I didnt follow GODS word. Would GOD wont me to go back to that Abuse?
H
We have free will, we make bad choices, the devil does not have to do very much at all...I think you have been given good advice here but I would add one thing. I am a Christian and I am a therapist...and I have seen men change dramatically when they have had the will to do so. Does he deserve forgiveness? Is his sin too great? I think you do need to stay apart for your safety right now and you need to know who you are. Attend counseling, work together to re-build your relationship. Whatever you decide, I would say do not date!! That will only muddy the waters for you and your children. Take time, fully depend on God. Your husband wants you back...I do not think that's the devil can he not be sorry? Could you forgive? As for feelings....Never depend on those!! They change like the wind! God Bless you, <><
can he not be sorry? Could you forgive? As for feelings....Never depend on those!! They change like the wind! God Bless you, <><
N
While I don't think it's a good idea to jump into another relationship whether it is sin or not(due to your mental state from the abuse), I just don't think it is healthy and could have a huge chance of failure. That's your choice and I don't have a right to tell you anything. I just wanted to give my opinion.
I have read your posts and really enjoyed your advice to others and your caring and kind heart.
I think you have to get out of the marriage, if for no other reason than to heal from the abuse. I also think you should not go back. It would take quite a lot of work on his part to prove that he is not going to abuse you again. I do believe that it is possible to become non-abusive. It takes a constant vigilance and lots of counseling, as well as a really honest determination to learn new ways of responding. In any case, that does not mean that I think you need to put yourself in that situation! No!
I do think you need some counseling. How can anyone not be affected by abuse? I think you will need to heal and learn to trust. You will need to learn to be open and honest once again without the fear of being abused. You may even have some symptoms of PTSD. Counseling would be a good place to start.
Let him ask you to come back. You don't have to do it. You have been harmed. You are in danger until it's proven otherwise. If you believe God would want you to be harmed, that makes me sad.
Have you spoken to the police? Have you talked to the women's shelter? Have you spoken with an attorney? Have you spoken with your pastor or a pastor? I can't imagine...........Listen, you have to be safe and if you have children, get them to safety.
I'm praying for you, dear. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I truly am.
I have read your posts and really enjoyed your advice to others and your caring and kind heart.
I think you have to get out of the marriage, if for no other reason than to heal from the abuse. I also think you should not go back. It would take quite a lot of work on his part to prove that he is not going to abuse you again. I do believe that it is possible to become non-abusive. It takes a constant vigilance and lots of counseling, as well as a really honest determination to learn new ways of responding. In any case, that does not mean that I think you need to put yourself in that situation! No!
I do think you need some counseling. How can anyone not be affected by abuse? I think you will need to heal and learn to trust. You will need to learn to be open and honest once again without the fear of being abused. You may even have some symptoms of PTSD. Counseling would be a good place to start.
Let him ask you to come back. You don't have to do it. You have been harmed. You are in danger until it's proven otherwise. If you believe God would want you to be harmed, that makes me sad.
Have you spoken to the police? Have you talked to the women's shelter? Have you spoken with an attorney? Have you spoken with your pastor or a pastor? I can't imagine...........Listen, you have to be safe and if you have children, get them to safety.
I'm praying for you, dear. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I truly am.
A
I read your story and one of your comments above. The first thing you need to know is that God will not cast you out. You are his daughter and he loves you, you are extremely valuable to him. When your kids mess up, you might punish them, but do you kick them out of the family? Absolutely not and God will not kick you out. Do not let the devil guilt you into taking him back. Guilt is not of God. This is a tough one I have often wondered about myself. I know that in matthew God DOES excuse divorce in cases of marital unfaithfulness, but for abuse I have not found anything specific. God does not want you to feel pressured into you and your children going back into a dangerous situation. If you go back, it has to be a faith walk. What I mean is, seek the Lord and get as close as you possibly can. He will tell you IF and WHEN to go back. IF/ WHEN he tells you to, then go back because that means God has changed him and you are safe now. The important thing is to wait on the Lord. If you go back before he tells you to then it probably will not turn out well. Do not go back afraid for yourself, your children, or fear that God will cast you out. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind. Like I said, when it's time, God will tell you and you will know that it's safe and okay. In the meantime pray, pray, pray, especially for your husband.