advice please. I feel like My husband doesn't love me anymore

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Oct 19, 2016
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#21
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, girl. My heart ached as I read your posts, and I wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you. Have you ever considered talking with a couple counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? Do you think your husband might consider going with you? I just said a prayer for you and your husband, and I hope that God will give you insight into the ways you may express love with each other and enable you both to serve one another in love. Please know that we all care about you and are here to support you. I know it’s not easy, but stay strong in the Lord. He is able to work mightily in the lives of our loved ones in answer to earnest prayer. Sending hugs & prayers your way!
 

PieceByPeace

Junior Member
Aug 9, 2017
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#22
I am reading a book called "How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With Each Other" by Dr. Raymond Force. It is a very insightful (and biblically based) book and full of great information about marriage that hadn't occurred to me in all the years I have been married but make perfect sense...and I have read A LOT of books on marriage. Check it out and see if it may help you and your husband navigate through these difficult waters.
 
Feb 7, 2018
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#23
Have you tried marriage counseling?
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
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#24
Jesus' Love is Holy and Spiritually REAL, if it's not there, then it's not real...
 
Aug 4, 2017
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#25
It really sounds as if the two of you have gotten off track. I know how those pictures must have hurt. I am going to pray for both of your hearts. You feel jealous and unappreciated. I understand. I wonder what he is feeling and what is motivating him? It also sounds as if you don't share your relationship to God with each other. Tears, accusations, and roving eyes aren't things that make a marriage strong. They tear it apart. I would like to recommend a book to you. It is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. You can't do anything about your husband's shortcomings. You can only work on yourself. Once God comforts and changes your heart, your husband will respond to that change. Praying Scriptural, wifely, prayers over your husband will help grace and forgiveness to flow through your heart. Ask God to show you what you need to be doing. Read 1 Peter 3:1-9. This will help get you started back to the right path. Notice verse 7. Your husband's prayers can be hindered if he is not treating you in a way that is pleasing to God. If his prayers are hindered or even absent, all kinds of things will be out of wack in his life. He really needs prayer. I will also pray for you both and for you to find strength, comfort, and direction from God during this hard time. God bless you both.
 

Deade

Senior Member
Dec 17, 2017
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#26
It really sounds as if the two of you have gotten off track. I know how those pictures must have hurt. I am going to pray for both of your hearts. You feel jealous and unappreciated. I understand. I wonder what he is feeling and what is motivating him? It also sounds as if you don't share your relationship to God with each other. Tears, accusations, and roving eyes aren't things that make a marriage strong. They tear it apart. I would like to recommend a book to you. It is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. You can't do anything about your husband's shortcomings. You can only work on yourself. Once God comforts and changes your heart, your husband will respond to that change. Praying Scriptural, wifely, prayers over your husband will help grace and forgiveness to flow through your heart. Ask God to show you what you need to be doing. Read 1 Peter 3:1-9. This will help get you started back to the right path. Notice verse 7. Your husband's prayers can be hindered if he is not treating you in a way that is pleasing to God. If his prayers are hindered or even absent, all kinds of things will be out of wack in his life. He really needs prayer. I will also pray for you both and for you to find strength, comfort, and direction from God during this hard time. God bless you both.

I don't think you are suppose to recommend book titles on this forum. It is looked at like an advertisement.
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Uhhhhh

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2017
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#27
They weren't nude photos. Right? I don't know. It's like, when you watch movies, you're looking at guys and women in them a lot of times. I almost wonder if it's essential for guys to look at multiple women, married or not... A lot. It's unavoidable anyways. And of course I would say women, married or not, should and will look at other guys. One, it's also unavoidable. Two, perhaps married couples isolate themselves too much and too little for whatever reason. I mean, can guys and women even be friends... Lemme tell you, if that's fine, I might want and need to see my friend's face, and outfit, woman or man. How else can you tell if a woman has been struck if you don't see her black eye? How can you tell she is poor and needs financial assistance if you don't see the condition of her clothing and hair?
 

Uhhhhh

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2017
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#28
However... Don't worry. None of that. He should either tell you everything or not. But that's a hard one if he should. A lot happens from day to day.
 

Uhhhhh

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2017
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#29
Once again, don't worry... Perhaps hope for change, but don't worry. Stuff goes through my head about how I've been cheated on and very thoroughly with so many different people. It starts to go through my head how so many things have been kept from me... And it's like, you know what... I do not wish that on anyone. That's why I hope to be soooo single... Or soooo married... But it's almost like not worth it to be married... Because the pain that comes with it. I guess I gotta go not worry some more and do unto others as I would have them do unto me... And I hope at least one person will be that way with you... Or just don't worry. That's like always so almost miraculous...
 

Uhhhhh

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2017
124
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#30
Say God is good. Realize there are some things that cannot be earned and say God is good. Realize what you cannot do. Give up. Say God is good.
 
L

loyaldisciple

Guest
#31
Hello Everyone!

Advice welcome. My husband and I have been married for 11 years and I've been having problems with trust issues and about him not making me feel appreciated. A year ago I found some pictures of another woman on his phone (about 12-15 pictures to be exact), we are Christians but I feel like the internet can be a place of perdition when not used wisely. The young woman is very attractive younger than me (I am in my early 30's) and I was so disappointed when I found them because I felt betrayed. He apologized but a couple of months later I found a few other pictures in his trash folder of her, he denied them and said that they were from the first time I caught him. I've tried really hard to move on and forgive him but I guess I haven't. His excuse for the pictures was that he liked certain clothes that the girl was wearing (he screenshot them from her Fb).
I ask God to help me forgive him. However, I feel like his apology was not sincere because he tells me that I exaggerate and that he did nothing wrong. I strongly feel that he betrayed me and cheated on me emotionally if that even makes sense. He's a good father and can be a good husband but i don't feel appreciated at times. If I cry he doesn't console me, he doesn't comfort me and sometimes that's all I want. We had an argument last night because I brought up the picture issue and I started crying, he did nothing...I went to cry in the bathroom and when I came out he was asleep already. Sometimes I feel so alone and discouraged because I wish he would be more loving towards me. He's always helping everyone at our church and I feel like he worries more about everyone than me. Am I being too emotional,? Am I wrong in still feeling hurt and not getting over it? He does tell me that he loves me but it is usually when he wants to be with me. Please help
If he has always been lacking showing affection then it is likely he still loves you but just doesn't express it very well. Have you actually told him that you would enjoy more attention, just a quite night alone together by the fire or going to a movie or something. In today's world it is very easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget to stop and enjoy things sometimes. Is he really busy at work ? Stressed about his job ? I think you should tell him how you really feel and not keep it locked up inside yourself. Tell him that you love him and want more affection from him. He likely is not happy that you went through his phone. Talk to him and see if you two can forgive anything in the past and start over with God as your guide. I wish you the best.
 

BROROB

Junior Member
Dec 16, 2016
27
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#32
sounds like hes seeking a outside source for some stimulation to his desires and the the reason why needs to be brought into the open between you and him. His desire to live or seek carnal desires implies hes gotten weak in his relationship with the Lord and he needs to correct that first really so he can begin to heal, overcome, and be led back to the right way to be a prop saint and husband.
Be willing to self evaluate and be honest of any negative things you may have been doing to contribute to the problems.
Do you pray together?
It is recommended.
Consider fasting for healing and restoration.
Pray daily, dig into the word.

If necessary yes counseling could be very helpful.

God bless
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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#33
loyal,

you have got to be kidding!!!

"If he has always been lacking showing affection then it is likely he still loves you"...

this statement alone, kind of gives us, hub and me, where you are un-coming from...

you sound like a 'nutter', that's an England's polite word for someone who is totally
off of Christ's map'...
oldethenew.> ShAME ON YOU FOR SPEAKING TO A GUEST OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER, IN THE TOTALY ABSURB JUDGEMENTAL WAY THAT YOU DID, HOW DARE YOU?

Loyal, I apologize for the rude treatment you just got from a senior member, no less. I hope you stick around not everybody is like this.
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
656
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#34
Iam so sorry you going through this all i never marrried all i can do is praying for you. Stay calm n be patience sis, ask our Jesus to come to your family n healing your family and maybe you can try to speak to your husband n try to hear each others. Quality time together n reminding each others if you married coz of love.
No marriage without love.
Blessing amen
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
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#35
If he won't go with you, go to a counselor anyway...

There's a Chicken Soup for the Soul story that reads like this: (highly paraphrased)

Wife is upset.
Husband is upset.
They don't speak.
Then one morning, out of the blue, he compliments her on her checkbook skills.
Ironic, as she admonishes herself she's horrible at that.
Next morning, she's angry. He's complimentary...thanking her for doing his shirts.
She's complacent. He's complimentary again the next morning, again telling her of her expemplary checkbook skills.
Hmmm. What's this game? She's suspicious.
He's complimentary and kisses her before work.
She tries harder to do well in the checkbook department.
He compliments.
She decides to play the game.
She compliemnts.
SHe likes it.
He and she live more happily ever after..

Worth a try?
Pray more
Compliment more.
If you can.
Trust God.
and know you are NOt alone in this.

-student
Is that written in chicken soup?
I must missed this part
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
656
57
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#36
I have to disagree about the staying silent. I do agree that walking on eggshells is not the way to go.
.however if I get mad or emotional,i will be silent and pray for a bit before talking to my husband because we can say very hurtful things in anger.

I have found the best thing for my marriage is to follow the Biblical principal of never going to bed mad....never letting the sun set on my anger may mean sleepless nights of me learning how to forgive or waking him up to talk (doesn't happen often) most of the time it's me.
Amen yes i aggree with this in angry n bitterness we better be silent so we wont hurt others heart. N right dont let the mad survive long in your family, try to communicate it slowly n pray in heart to open yout both hearts so you both can sits together n listening each other with cold head.
Blessing amen
 

student

Senior Member
Jul 20, 2010
931
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#37
Is that written in chicken soup?
I must missed this part
I read this from a Chicken Soup Book or online submission at least...off the CS website. It's not written like that, of course. I did paraphrase a great deal.

The gist is it takes work and sometimes a lot of tongue in cheek compliments to make it work. A lot of forgiveness and a lot of communication. That's what I"ve gleaned from reading, I'm sorry to say not experience here on earth.
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
656
57
28
#38
I read this from a Chicken Soup Book or online submission at least...off the CS website. It's not written like that, of course. I did paraphrase a great deal.

The gist is it takes work and sometimes a lot of tongue in cheek compliments to make it work. A lot of forgiveness and a lot of communication. That's what I"ve gleaned from reading, I'm sorry to say not experience here on earth.
Wise pharaphrase i think. Thank you anyway n your fine no worries :) God bless amen
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,498
1,119
113
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#40
Hello Everyone!

Advice welcome. My husband and I have been married for 11 years and I've been having problems with trust issues and about him not making me feel appreciated. A year ago I found some pictures of another woman on his phone (about 12-15 pictures to be exact), we are Christians but I feel like the internet can be a place of perdition when not used wisely. The young woman is very attractive younger than me (I am in my early 30's) and I was so disappointed when I found them because I felt betrayed. He apologized but a couple of months later I found a few other pictures in his trash folder of her, he denied them and said that they were from the first time I caught him. I've tried really hard to move on and forgive him but I guess I haven't. His excuse for the pictures was that he liked certain clothes that the girl was wearing (he screenshot them from her Fb).
I ask God to help me forgive him. However, I feel like his apology was not sincere because he tells me that I exaggerate and that he did nothing wrong. I strongly feel that he betrayed me and cheated on me emotionally if that even makes sense. He's a good father and can be a good husband but i don't feel appreciated at times. If I cry he doesn't console me, he doesn't comfort me and sometimes that's all I want. We had an argument last night because I brought up the picture issue and I started crying, he did nothing...I went to cry in the bathroom and when I came out he was asleep already. Sometimes I feel so alone and discouraged because I wish he would be more loving towards me. He's always helping everyone at our church and I feel like he worries more about everyone than me. Am I being too emotional,? Am I wrong in still feeling hurt and not getting over it? He does tell me that he loves me but it is usually when he wants to be with me. Please help
The problem is not the internet but rather the inappropriate behavior of your husband. What he does for the church is irrelevant but was important is how he treats you as his wife. You should be his first priority and not his activity in church. As your husband cannot be trusted you should continue to monitor is phone and sites he has gone to on the internet. If nothing has really change you may need to consider taking appropriate action to resolve the issue especially since you believe that he no longer loves you.