The sin of refusing sex

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kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#41
The reason is the couple no longer love each other that why they never have sex together, thats why the couple have problem
You're simplifying what can be a complicated issue. There can be health issues, there can be mental issues, there can be other issues in the marriage. Not sleeping together doesn't necessarily mean you don't love each other. That is a mistaken view.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#42
Sin is about offending God. What about the sin of the husband who does not love his wife as Christ loved the church? What about the vows to honour and respect? If you love them and want their best, does demanding what you want despite the wishes of your partner, show love? .
I didn't see where the OP said anything about demanding sex against the wishes of their partner. In fact he didn't mention his wife at all. So let's not make assumptions. Secondly the Bible says your body is not your own, and the verse the OP shared says not to forbid one another sex. If you have a healthy marriage, you are having sex. To say the husband may have sinned is an excuse. If you are refusing sex, no matter which spouse, unless there is a specific reason you are going against what Scripture says. A lot of women complain about porn, but don't want to look into these issues more deeply but sweep them under the rug. On the other side of the coin a couple can have a great sex life together, and still have a failing marriage.


Is your wife tired, ill, sad or overwhelmed? Be considerate. Help where you can and care about her. These are biblical mandates. Maybe it is time to look at your responsibilities towards your wife as an act of love for God. I am not sure how impressed God is with any of his children stomping their feet and demanding their rights. Love your neighbour/wife as you love yourself.
You
You're making way too many assumptions here. There are marriages where the husband doesn't want sex. You're making the assumption it's only women. No one is stomping their feet, when you married you made a covenant to give yourself to your spouse and he did the same. Your body is not your own, either of you. If you don't want adultery and other issues to creep in you had better realize your bodies belong to each other and using sex as a weapon is un- Biblical.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
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#43
Biblical married sex is like GLUE......
That's all I'm going to say on the topic right now (and I think the married folk reading will get this, while the unmarried are going :unsure: )
 
Jul 20, 2019
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#44
don't feel the need to be even discussing this, when its covered in scripture, move on.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#45
don't feel the need to be even discussing this, when its covered in scripture, move on.
Yes it is covered in Scripture, and yet look at the responses. Several are not Biblical. Why would you move on when it is an important issue and causes many marriages to fail? If you don't wish to discuss it, why don't you move on? Not trying to be rude, but I think your response is a little rude.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
15,316
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#46
don't feel the need to be even discussing this, when its covered in scripture, move on.
Why the dislike? Just because you don't wish to discuss something doesn't mean others don't. Just leave and go to another thread.
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
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#47
Biblical married sex is like GLUE......
That's all I'm going to say on the topic right now (and I think the married folk reading will get this, while the unmarried are going :unsure: )
I think it’s a little stronger than glue. The two become one. 😄
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#48
That’s because you’re holding out Tourist. 😅

It is a weird topic because making love is done out of love for a person, not out of obligation. What manner of intimacy is it to reluctantly give of yourself, as if you’re a ... “lady of the night?” Like... it’s as if you’re taking something from a person instead of sharing in it.

Maybe there is a “duty” within that covenant to mutually meet the needs of the other, and indeed, out of love those needs/desires are met? The responsibility is that you two are now one, and if one hungers does not the hunger get satiated? I suppose then a couple should keep a healthy... uh... “making love” appetite.

It’s always weird to see a couple where one doesn’t desire intimacy and the other is left with that desire, and cannot fulfill it. Somewhat cruel, and not of love, if you really consider it. Where else can they go? Where else do they desire to go, do not they love their spouse? They want to make love to YOU as their spouse, who they love.

I know some people are already coming up with reasons why a couple doesn’t have to make love, but what are the repercussions, and shouldn’t it be an ought to (in regards to making love)?

I think we also should be careful in defining marriage as a “fornication avoidance tool.” We are to marry because we love that person. You don’t marry a person solely for the reason of being able to sleep with them. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:2 that every man and woman should marry so as to avoid fornication, as a statement of reason. If everyone is married there is no fornication, lol. Then in verse 9, he speaks to the widows and unmarried saying it is better for them to marry than to burn (with desire) instead of being celibate like him (as he said by permission of the Lord and not commandment).

Paul wasn’t saying for you to marry someone you have the hots for just so you don’t sin. A person that you love and are both mutually interested in each other, if you cannot contain yourself, ought to set up proper boundaries and eventually marry so you don’t commit sin (and thereby encourage others to fornicate outside of marriage, leading to all kinds of issues). That can be reasoned, but even in these verses, such is not stated. This may be more common sense or wisdom.

So the reasoning that by withholding sex they are dismissing the very purpose behind the marriage is inaccurate. We not do not see marriage as a use of fornication avoidance. I’ve heard pastors preach this and just now read the verse and was shocked to see it doesn’t even say this! Paul made a logical statement and reasoned if a person couldn’t live a celibate lifestyle (the unmarried and widow) they should seek to marry instead of burn (with desire).

This isn’t anything like how pastors preach two young people having the hots for each other should hurry down the aisle. No. Have boundaries. Be smart. The only reason you should be with someone is because you love them and desire to marry them, and yes, become one. An emotional intimacy that leads to a physical intimacy.
I agree with your post in general and agree whole-heartedly with the last paragraph. Wanting to have sex is a poor reason to get married. There is a lot more to it than that.
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
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#49
I agree with your post in general and agree whole-heartedly with the last paragraph. Wanting to have sex is a poor reason to get married. There is a lot more to it than that.
Nice summarization.
 

She_is_Legendary

Well-known member
May 30, 2019
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#50
I think it’s a little stronger than glue. The two become one. 😄
Sorry, but this seriously made me think of the Spice Girls love song “When 2 become 1”. You know what I’m referring too right? 🤔
 

She_is_Legendary

Well-known member
May 30, 2019
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#52
I looked up the lyrics. 👀😅
It’s a very sweet love song... but you can’t just say phrases like “the 2 become 1” cause I will just start signing in my head out loud.

Pssst. No one wants me singing anything out loud lol 🤫😂🤐
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
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#53
don't feel the need to be even discussing this, when its covered in scripture, move on.
Many things are covered but not understood which is why debating and sicussing them helps bring us to a better understanding. I mean what am I to tell a teen who comes to me asking if masturbation is a sin because he can't have sex until marriage? I would be at a loss on that
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
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#54
and using sex as a weapon is un- Biblical.
This is a topic that makes me uncomfortable to post about being single and not ever married but when I read this verse this is where I have gone in my thoughts in the last year. That was the only thing I was going to post in this thread but didn't want to lol. Well using both versus in tandem.

Although I do think that self-control should be practiced as that also is scriptural, but what that is for each person is different.

but I definitely agree on that weapon/manipulation point.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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#55
it says nothing about sex in that verse I think you are reading wayyy to much into it.
also, it gives you some advice, like when you are apart you gotta be fasting or praying, not sleeping around with other people!!!
If it's not about sex, then why does your mind go to not having an affair.

Look at the context. Marriage instead of fornication. Not having power over one's own body.

I Corinthians 7

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
(NKJV)
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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#56
But if it is a sin what about people like me who don't have sexual desires? I mean not many women would marry someone who can't fulfill their needs like that but if it is something that isn't your fault like if your body was damaged from cancer then there isn't anything to be done in that situation
Bad stuff can happen to people in life. If I were young, single, and had no sexual desire, I think I'd go the celibacy route. Older folks can have health issues as their bodies eventually wind down that can affect sex drive. That's understandable. We can only do what we are able to do.

If I had a health problem like that, though, and my wife had needs, I'd be praying for healing and looking into what I could do to improve the situation.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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#57
don't feel the need to be even discussing this, when its covered in scripture, move on.
But we can see from responses that some people are having difficulty accepting it, even though it is in scripture. And it does some good to meditate on scripture to determine, with the leading of the Holy Spirit, if we are applying it properly in our lives.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#58
its talking about AFFECTION, not having sex
some people can have sex and be totally not affeectionate about it at all...which is immoral. you cant force someone to have sex without hurting them.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
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#59
I guess some people have weird ways of interpreting scripture.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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#60
its talking about AFFECTION, not having sex
some people can have sex and be totally not affeectionate about it at all...which is immoral. you cant force someone to have sex without hurting them.
Where did the idea of forcing someone to have sex come from? That is not what this verse or the conversation is about.

If you think hugging and kissing is enough to prevent temptation to fornication for all married people, not everyone is wired like that.