Sadly even Christians enter marriage with worldly views on sex and it makes for a mess.
That is true. In some traditional cultures the older women probably still teach young women that they have a duty to satisfy their husbands in marriage. There may be cultures that teach the men that about their wives. Judaism teaches that. There is a verse in the Old Testament about taking a second wife/concubine after the first concubine that the man has to provide her with food, clothing, and sex. Talmudic Judaism sees sex as the right of a wife, with men having the power to divorce. Paul extends it here to the right of a husband, and of course Christ;s teaching on divorce was contrary to the stance of the Hillel school's stance on the topic.
Young people are getting a lot of education that tells them if they aren't comfortable with something do not do it. Respect other people's rights. Ask permission to touch here. Ask permission to touch there. Most of this is not applicable to marriage, where sex is really supposed to be. My wife does not have to ask my permission to kiss me on the cheek or the lips or to give me a hug. If we are behind closed doors, neither of us is going to say, "May I put my hand on your buttocks?" I've overheard some university training on this, and it irritates me that they are trying to create a system of morality for fundamentally immoral sexual activity. The lesson a college student would learn is if they want do not want to engage in some sexual activity, then they have every right not to. But carrying 'rights focus' into marriage or even just life in general as a Christian can be harmful because in some cases it is contrary to our obligations as Christians.
The wife who thinks she doesn't have sex with her husband unless ___she___ wants to will likely end up depriving her husband unless she just wants more sex than he does. Men who express concern about this may be dismissed as selfish or unloving or whatever. Fortunately, some marriage counselors and some pastors do take it seriously. Generally, women get more compassion from other women if they express their concern that 'my husband won't touch me'.
I read somewhere that the first case of church discipline in the American colonies was in Boston where a church disciplined a man who refused to have sexual relations with his wife. Apparently, they recognized his lack of rendering due benevolence as sinful. Most modern evangelical churches, as far as I know, don't even expel fornicators or adulterers from their midsts.
Now this is just my opinion here, but anyone who thinks this subject is is old, has been repeated throughout the threads (personally the ones I have seen are nothing remotely close to this threads subject, which is "the SIN of refusing sex" because in a marriage where both or even just one of the spouses claims to be Christian, then refusing sex because of ones own SELFISHNESS is indeed sinful)
I chose a topic that was a bit provocative, I suppose, looking back on it. I chose that because single Christians often think of having sex as a sin. But once they marry, not having sex can be a sin. I'm not saying turning down sex is always sinful, of course. There can be real reasons for it. But selfishness should not be one of them.
Being married involves a lot of doing something you would not otherwise want to do, if you weren't married and didn't love your spouse. There are a lot of times my wife wants to talk about things that I wouldn't want to sit around and talk about if I were single and didn't have a wife I loved. There are also events you may go to, or activities you do that you might not otherwise have done. Last night, my wife wanted to record a video. i was really wanting to stay upstairs and watch a movie, and I was planning on doing some ironing at the same time to kill two birds with one stone. But I felt I should go downstairs with her while she recorded just for emotional support. She didn't ask, but I thought it might be a good thing to do.
or anyone who is just flat out uncomfortable with the topic at hand need not click the link and scroll through, let alone make comments about it not needing to be here ( there are PLENTY of other threads on CC that really DO NOT need to be here..... go post that on them.....) need to just keep their thoughts in their own head and fingers still.......
IN OTHER WORDS: IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE DON'T POST AND GO AWAY.
So far what I am reading throughout this thread is about sex only on the physical level (if I missed something stating otherwise, someone please KINDLY point it out).
Sex goes so much further and deeper than just the man entering the woman.
why do people who claim to be Christians, who claim to be part of the church and body of Christ, want to sweep the topic under the rug and be hush hush about it like it is taboo?
Read Song of Solomon
(Biblical married ) Sex is something to be celebrated, and treasured.......
Some people think it is immoral and unethical to discuss sexual issues in public. That's a Victorian era social more, not Biblical ethics. But some people do not know that. The Bible speaks of 'coarse jesting' and there are some things one could say on the topic that are inappropriate, but Biblical teaching and exhortation should not be put in this category.
There are preachers who think the topic is off-limits. There are older women who speak to younger women in Christian communities who think it is off-limits. Certainly in American culture, some children feel gross talking about sexuality with their parents. So a lot of Christians go into marriage with no input on the topic, and if they never read or really meditated on this section in I Corinthians 7, they may have picked up selfish ideas when it comes to sex.
I suspect some people may be opposed to the topic also because it hits home. If someone refuses their spouse sex because they are only concerned about their own satisfaction or disinterest in sex and not their partner's needs, this topic might strike a nerve. In that case, it is a good thread for them to read.