How to date introverted Christian men?

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toinena

Guest
#61
True, this is. A lot of people, men and women, really like to hurt prospective suitors with snide comments in the rejection because it scores social points with their friends. It causes a lot more damage than it is worth.
Sometimes when rejected I try to find a meaning. A reason. Mostly I aim at myself, but when talking to friends I might say "he was not worth it" or "I am better off ". I think it is a defense mechanism.

Sometimes things are interpreted wrongly. Like I said to a man that stood me up. "I wish I could hate you for this, but I like you too much". He only heard the word hate, and blocked me.

Sometimes you actually hear what you expect to hear although it isn't said. It is like you want the other person to be mean to you.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#62
Sometimes when rejected I try to find a meaning. A reason. Mostly I aim at myself, but when talking to friends I might say "he was not worth it" or "I am better off ". I think it is a defense mechanism.

Sometimes things are interpreted wrongly. Like I said to a man that stood me up. "I wish I could hate you for this, but I like you too much". He only heard the word hate, and blocked me.

Sometimes you actually hear what you expect to hear although it isn't said. It is like you want the other person to be mean to you.
I believe that the perception you have of someone is based on the thoughts harbored in your heart.
 

Deade

Called of God
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#63
Sometimes when rejected I try to find a meaning. A reason. Mostly I aim at myself, but when talking to friends I might say "he was not worth it" or "I am better off ". I think it is a defense mechanism.

Sometimes things are interpreted wrongly. Like I said to a man that stood me up. "I wish I could hate you for this, but I like you too much". He only heard the word hate, and blocked me.

Sometimes you actually hear what you expect to hear although it isn't said. It is like you want the other person to be mean to you.
What you are talking about mostly is low self-image not rejection. You are a child of the Most-High, quit thinking so lowly of yourself. No matter our outward looks there is a lot to be gained from our character. I had been given a modern proverb by the Holy Spirit that goes like this:

"The perception most have of their attractiveness is distorted; try to make yourself presentable then think no more about it." This is everybody.



Happy fourth everyone: happy-4th-of-july-amazing-colorful-fireworks-animated-gif-pic.gif
 
Jun 30, 2018
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#64
I used to be somewhat introverted. I think that the women that aren't interested when approached, should consider how they reject the advance. If the woman is snide and hurtful that makes the man more introverted.

Soon a man fears being bombasted like that and becomes more introverted. Not just fear of rejection but of ugly rejection.

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Deade, as a woman, I fear rejection too. But silent treatment is much more hurtful than a "No". So no matter how I think or feel about the other person, I do my best to express my thoughts truthfully from the beginning. And I expect the same from men.
 

Deade

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#65
Deade, as a woman, I fear rejection too. But silent treatment is much more hurtful than a "No". So no matter how I think or feel about the other person, I do my best to express my thoughts truthfully from the beginning. And I expect the same from men.
I don't think anyone fears a simple no. It's when the no comes with a whole tirade of belittlement, and makes you feel lowly about yourself, it goes too far.

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toinena

Guest
#66
A simple no can be the most heartbreaking.

A wrapped in no with fake compassion is hurtful, but in one way revealing of the fake person that person is. It still hurts but l, seeing this before from the most likeable guy speaking the most beautiful words wrapping in the most insulting message.... really pisses me off.

An honest, rude no is the best. No wrapping in. No "no" being hanging unexplained. It us better to be told "I don't find you the slightest attractive". Or " I couldn't possibly date you, because your disability freaks me out". They are horrible statements. But the are honest. They hurt. But they also explain give a closure.

To conclude: give me rudeness and get lost!
 

Deade

Called of God
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#67
A simple no can be the most heartbreaking.

A wrapped in no with fake compassion is hurtful, but in one way revealing of the fake person that person is. It still hurts but l, seeing this before from the most likeable guy speaking the most beautiful words wrapping in the most insulting message.... really pisses me off.

An honest, rude no is the best. No wrapping in. No "no" being hanging unexplained. It us better to be told "I don't find you the slightest attractive". Or " I couldn't possibly date you, because your disability freaks me out". They are horrible statements. But the are honest. They hurt. But they also explain give a closure.

To conclude: give me rudeness and get lost!
Perhaps you're right toinena, the rejector could give a small realistic explanation, polite or rude would work. Something like "you're not my type." That said, people will behave like they want.

Some people really get off on the belittlement. We Christians should not only abstain but rebuke our peers if they do. If your peers can't take it, maybe you are hanging with the wrong crowd.

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toinena

Guest
#68
I was a very rude in that post... I am could never say a thing like that in real life. I am sorry.

What I did try to convey is that i prefer honest people to fake ones.
 

Deade

Called of God
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#69
I was a very rude in that post... I am could never say a thing like that in real life. I am sorry.

What I did try to convey is that i prefer honest people to fake ones.
Yeah, ha ha. That's the message I got. I don't think you would dislike a polite rejection if done without pretension.

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melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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#71
I was a very rude in that post... I am could never say a thing like that in real life. I am sorry.

What I did try to convey is that i prefer honest people to fake ones.
I agree! Some years ago, a friend told a girl he liked her. Her answer was: I think we should wait on the Lord (or something like that).

So it was not a no. It was not a yes. 2 weeks later, home girl was in a new relationship with some other dude. My friend was devastated. She should have just said she was not interested instead of giving him a christianeze answer. (IMHO)
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#72
I agree! Some years ago, a friend told a girl he liked her. Her answer was: I think we should wait on the Lord (or something like that).

So it was not a no. It was not a yes. 2 weeks later, home girl was in a new relationship with some other dude. My friend was devastated. She should have just said she was not interested instead of giving him a christianeze answer. (IMHO)
Translation

Woman says: I'll think about it. = no.

Christian woman says: let's wait on the Lord. = no.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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#73
I can’t remember all the details. I just remember being mad that she wasn’t completely honest with my friend. Lol.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
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#74
What if she says no and then starts scoffing?
 
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toinena

Guest
#76
I don't quite see where this thread is heading, but I like your avatar Seoulsearch.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
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#77
I love how you take one person's experience and suddenly assume it's a reflection of how everything is.
Did it once occur to you that maybe, just maybe, that's blowing things out of proportion?

And this woman doesn't even know if this guy, or any she's liked, felt the same way about her and maybe That's why they did nothing?

Or, in my experience, many women today push things fast. I'm not one to rush things with a woman, and they usually speak up much sooner. At times way too soon. Perhaps some women need to slow down? I'm guessing you didn't consider that either huh?

Do you, as a woman, feel you can speak as an authority on men? Their reasons? Motives? That you can lay judgment on men everywhere from one person's incomplete story? Or are you just spewing crap?

Truth is you don't have the first clue why these men didn't act, but it didn't stop you from trashing them did it? Or men in general for that matter.

So much judging, unfounded assumption and pure ignorance in your post its genuinely sad. It does not serve you well.
What is sad, is that you are seeking an argument.

I actually don't believe that all men are like that. If so, then my chances of finding a husband are nil. Especially since I'm so very, very intimidating :)
 

clarance91

New member
Jul 5, 2018
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#79
You should stay away from introvert guys. When a guy is introvert he often have bad self-esteem which often leads to anti-women views and creepiness. Alot of this guys turns into killers/sexual predators./abusers.