"If You Want to Have Sex, Get Married." Ok. But What If You Want to Have Sex, and You're ALREADY Married?
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Personally, I don't have a problem with someone being drawn by someone else's eyes in the sense that one's eyes can truly be a window to one's soul.
However, at the same time, the Bible does warn about a man being taken by an evil, strange, or whorish woman's eyes:
Proverbs chapter 6
[20] My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
[21] Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.
[22] When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.
[23] For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:
[24] To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
[25] Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
[26] For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
Of course, one's smile can also be an indicator of their personality. However, when one starts demanding perfect teeth and the such, then I think that there's a problem.
Old-fashioned and mannerly are perfectly fine in my book (and in God's book).
However, at the same time, the Bible does warn about a man being taken by an evil, strange, or whorish woman's eyes:
Proverbs chapter 6
[20] My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
[21] Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.
[22] When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.
[23] For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:
[24] To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
[25] Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
[26] For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
Of course, one's smile can also be an indicator of their personality. However, when one starts demanding perfect teeth and the such, then I think that there's a problem.
Old-fashioned and mannerly are perfectly fine in my book (and in God's book).
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K
Ha, I've told this before. When I was still in ministry a gf of mine asked if I could keep an eye out for a man for her in my travels. I was asked that by quite a few female friends, I don't know what they thought I was doing out there. Any how I usually just laughed and said I would "try", even though I hadn't "found one" for myself. But I asked my friend what type of man she was looking for and she said " you know Dwayne Johnson"? I said "the actor"?! She said "Yes I want someone who looks like him". I laughed until I looked at her face and saw she was serious. smh She's still single today, needless to say. But her sister has left her husband and is dating a man that looks like he works out 24/7. Her husband, though not perfect, is a Christian, this man is not. I'm waiting on the phone call crying and asking me why it all went wrong. smh Some of these women. Just beyond me.
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I remember when airlines actually served meals during a flight. Best meal I ever had was on an afternoon flight from Dallas to Chicago. Had a roast beef mini sub with cheese, tomato, lettuce and some type of sauce. Had a turkey sub too. Also included was cold asparagus with sauce, and a little bottle of champagne. Skip the peanuts, go for the pretzels instead. More filling. Last time I flew I got a little package of stale peanuts and an apple juice. Juice was good though, can't complain.
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Speaking of a disabled spouse my late second wife, near the end of her life was practically crippled with psoriatic arthritis. As such, I was celibate for the last three years of our marriage. For the last 2 years she could barely carry a conversation. Still, I remained faithful. This was when I was living in Maine isolated from my family in Orlando. Loneliest time of my life.
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WoW...Just WOW.
I am shocked at how many people don't understand what a Biblical relationship looks like much less what a Biblical marriage and relationship should look like. And all this time I thought that I was the one as lost as last year's easter egg on the issue.
After doing it the wrong way the first time and eventually getting it right. I know exactly what people are talking about from past experiences and how things should look and be like from a successful standpoint.
Let me start off by saying this:
If you want to be in a marriage because you want children or just a spouse for companionship or financial security and do not or can not have regular physical intimacy with a spouse several times inside of a week on a regular basis you are committing the worst sort of fraud capable on the planet. Because its a personal sort that is extremely evil. It's FRAUD...its ABUSE...Its personal TORTURE...the sort of thing that God hates worse than simple violence to one of his kids. (And I am not kidding)
Marriage is all about GIVING...giving to the same person over and over and over again because you are a giving person. It is NOT about what your spouse can do for you in the respect of relief from your hormonal urges or some other sort of emotional support. WRONG Concept of what marriage is all about.
The excuse "I am not in the mood" is absolutely inexcusable...it does not fit inside of a marriage. It should never be said for a laundry list of reasons. But I do understand that there are those out there who are emotional idiots as well who have no business procreating.
These are the sort who think that vomiting is some sort of foreplay.
These knives cut both ways to men and women alike. Because libido is something that is uniquely a function of hormone levels. Sexual relations between a man and wife is part and parcel of having an intimate relationship.
If a woman or man is more of a doormat instead of being just being a kind and generous person...again the relationship they enter into is going to be plagued by issues and is doomed to failure. Because they don't respect God's choices.
This is difficult for people to figure out...I know that I was an utter failure at it at one time. But this is something that must be understood before you can begin dating and get married.
I am shocked at how many people don't understand what a Biblical relationship looks like much less what a Biblical marriage and relationship should look like. And all this time I thought that I was the one as lost as last year's easter egg on the issue.
After doing it the wrong way the first time and eventually getting it right. I know exactly what people are talking about from past experiences and how things should look and be like from a successful standpoint.
Let me start off by saying this:
If you want to be in a marriage because you want children or just a spouse for companionship or financial security and do not or can not have regular physical intimacy with a spouse several times inside of a week on a regular basis you are committing the worst sort of fraud capable on the planet. Because its a personal sort that is extremely evil. It's FRAUD...its ABUSE...Its personal TORTURE...the sort of thing that God hates worse than simple violence to one of his kids. (And I am not kidding)
Marriage is all about GIVING...giving to the same person over and over and over again because you are a giving person. It is NOT about what your spouse can do for you in the respect of relief from your hormonal urges or some other sort of emotional support. WRONG Concept of what marriage is all about.
The excuse "I am not in the mood" is absolutely inexcusable...it does not fit inside of a marriage. It should never be said for a laundry list of reasons. But I do understand that there are those out there who are emotional idiots as well who have no business procreating.
These are the sort who think that vomiting is some sort of foreplay.
These knives cut both ways to men and women alike. Because libido is something that is uniquely a function of hormone levels. Sexual relations between a man and wife is part and parcel of having an intimate relationship.
If a woman or man is more of a doormat instead of being just being a kind and generous person...again the relationship they enter into is going to be plagued by issues and is doomed to failure. Because they don't respect God's choices.
This is difficult for people to figure out...I know that I was an utter failure at it at one time. But this is something that must be understood before you can begin dating and get married.
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Well, there you have it, folks.
I looks like all disabled people, as one example, who "cannot have regular physical intimacy with a spouse several times inside of a week on a regular basis are committing the worst sort of fraud capable on the planet".
BURN IN HELL, YOU FRAUDS!!!
Father John hath spoken!!!
Sigh...
I don't know.
Having read many of your posts (an affliction that I must bear), I'd have to conclude that you're a much bigger fraud than those who you seek to unjustifiably condemn in that you claim to be speaking your nonsense as a man of God.
I looks like all disabled people, as one example, who "cannot have regular physical intimacy with a spouse several times inside of a week on a regular basis are committing the worst sort of fraud capable on the planet".
BURN IN HELL, YOU FRAUDS!!!
Father John hath spoken!!!
Sigh...
I don't know.
Having read many of your posts (an affliction that I must bear), I'd have to conclude that you're a much bigger fraud than those who you seek to unjustifiably condemn in that you claim to be speaking your nonsense as a man of God.
entering into marriage with no intention of having regular physical intimacy with a spouse is abuse, fraud, and torture. Physical intimacy is a normal part of marriage especially for those who are younger and more full of hormones.
Now sometimes when Men are younger they have more libido than women do...but the situation reverses as they age where women are more interested in physical intimacy than men. And the normal expectation of giving of your physical body to your spouse at all times and seasons is a reasonable expectation. Anything else is not marriage.
Now sometimes when Men are younger they have more libido than women do...but the situation reverses as they age where women are more interested in physical intimacy than men. And the normal expectation of giving of your physical body to your spouse at all times and seasons is a reasonable expectation. Anything else is not marriage.
It's my inner wanna-be psychologist struggling to come out.
People had been talking to me about their most personal issues since I was a pre-teen, so I thought that was what God was calling me to do. I was close to getting my Master's when my husband left, but that changed the trajectory of my life. I quit school to get a full-time job to pay the bills, moved back home to be near family, and never looked back.
People have often asked me why I didn't go back go school, and one of my family members was disappointed that I didn't finish.
But the more I learned, the more I didn't like, because it's the insurance companies that control everything: who gets help, who doesn't, how long someone can receive therapy, etc.
Not to mention the fact that (in my observation) it would be easy to misdiagnose someone because insurance gives you so little time to do so. And then there is the fact that you will have to purposely give people the wrong diagnosis at times because you have to label them with something insurance is willing to pay for.
I honestly believe God pulled me out of that field, and now I'm thankful He did.
Telling people they have something they really don't? Lying to both patients and companies just to get money? Refusing or cutting people off from help all because of money? God convicts me heavily over lying as it is -- I'm pretty sure I would have burned out in the first six months, if even that.
I know there are Christian psychologists out there -- I've been to at least one of them, along with others who were very caring, and I'm sure well-meaning people. But I would have never survived in that world.
Regardless, part of my inner self identifies as a somewhere-down-another-path curious psychologist, and has a hard time staying caged.
This is why I went later went to prisons to talk to the inmates, and that's part of why I write the threads I do.
Somehow, that part of my personality has to find an outlet.
People had been talking to me about their most personal issues since I was a pre-teen, so I thought that was what God was calling me to do. I was close to getting my Master's when my husband left, but that changed the trajectory of my life. I quit school to get a full-time job to pay the bills, moved back home to be near family, and never looked back.
People have often asked me why I didn't go back go school, and one of my family members was disappointed that I didn't finish.
But the more I learned, the more I didn't like, because it's the insurance companies that control everything: who gets help, who doesn't, how long someone can receive therapy, etc.
Not to mention the fact that (in my observation) it would be easy to misdiagnose someone because insurance gives you so little time to do so. And then there is the fact that you will have to purposely give people the wrong diagnosis at times because you have to label them with something insurance is willing to pay for.
I honestly believe God pulled me out of that field, and now I'm thankful He did.
Telling people they have something they really don't? Lying to both patients and companies just to get money? Refusing or cutting people off from help all because of money? God convicts me heavily over lying as it is -- I'm pretty sure I would have burned out in the first six months, if even that.
I know there are Christian psychologists out there -- I've been to at least one of them, along with others who were very caring, and I'm sure well-meaning people. But I would have never survived in that world.
Regardless, part of my inner self identifies as a somewhere-down-another-path curious psychologist, and has a hard time staying caged.
This is why I went later went to prisons to talk to the inmates, and that's part of why I write the threads I do.
Somehow, that part of my personality has to find an outlet.
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Kayla, thank you for posting such an honest, detailed account of your experiences in marriage.
THIS is what we singles really need to hear. We need the REAL real, from people who are married like you, and from people who have been married.
I'm a slow learner. In order to learn something, I need all forms of resources that can be given: written, audio, and visual. I rely heavily on YouTube because it often presents all 3 (I will turn the closed captioning on so that I can read along with, watch, and hear the video.)
My spiritual life is like that too. Having people recite passages to me over and over again isn't helpful to me unless they pair it with living examples -- what they themselves have gone through, and how they've gone through it (hopefully with the understanding that we are all different, but their willingness to share is the key difference.)
I can't learn from people who quote the Bible but don't give me any of their own real-life examples. It's just how I learn.
You are exactly the kind of person I would love to have coffee with and learn from.
Thank you so much for bravely come in here and being willing to tell people like me how it really is.
THIS is what we singles really need to hear. We need the REAL real, from people who are married like you, and from people who have been married.
I'm a slow learner. In order to learn something, I need all forms of resources that can be given: written, audio, and visual. I rely heavily on YouTube because it often presents all 3 (I will turn the closed captioning on so that I can read along with, watch, and hear the video.)
My spiritual life is like that too. Having people recite passages to me over and over again isn't helpful to me unless they pair it with living examples -- what they themselves have gone through, and how they've gone through it (hopefully with the understanding that we are all different, but their willingness to share is the key difference.)
I can't learn from people who quote the Bible but don't give me any of their own real-life examples. It's just how I learn.
You are exactly the kind of person I would love to have coffee with and learn from.
Thank you so much for bravely come in here and being willing to tell people like me how it really is.
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I am so sorry you went through this, Tourist.
Thank you for being honest! These really are the things we singles need to hear about.
No one tells us that part of being willing to marry also means that it might also mean having to be celibate, even AFTER marriage.
We singles, and anyone who wants to marry, really need to know that, and we need to hear from people who have personal experience with it.
God bless you!
I hope you and Mrs. Tourist have a long and very happy life together!
P.S. How are Sugar and Tango?
Thank you for being honest! These really are the things we singles need to hear about.
No one tells us that part of being willing to marry also means that it might also mean having to be celibate, even AFTER marriage.
We singles, and anyone who wants to marry, really need to know that, and we need to hear from people who have personal experience with it.
God bless you!
I hope you and Mrs. Tourist have a long and very happy life together!
P.S. How are Sugar and Tango?
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