Is Dating Biblical
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No worries for myself - I've only joined with one man, who was my husband. However, I have a problem with teaching people that if they have sex, they are immediately married. There's a reason for a marriage ceremony, and vows, and covenants made before God. The covenant should be made first, and then the joining. But alas, we don't want to hijack this thread on dating, so I won't comment further.
Yea I wasn't meaning you or anyone in particular, just everyone that is literate enough to read. And yes you are goodly in your remarks, I am not trying to say people should go screwing around left and right, that's not what I am intending. Merely if you all ready did and it's too late, stay with that woman, do not abandon her, and go have your wedding.
It is like you say, people should make covenants and vows and have the ceremony first. I agree with that 100%. I trully wish that's how my society worked, I really do. I feel like that simple notion would make many societal problems vanish over night.
It's like dating for my generation means a whole different thing then it meant for older folks. I feel like everyone is in such a rush these days or they think they're living in some hollywood movie. Maybe I just don't get it.
For dating, look to our elders they are so good on dispensing this sort of advice (I know it might seem ironic at face value.) Especially the pre-1960s elders, can be good for dating advice I always found as statistically speaking, they do indisputably have some of the strongest marriages that actually last. Like for them before the wild hippy days, a date is basically, you go take a nice girl to dinner or to the cinema, you pay for the dinner, you talk. If you don't get along, well that's okay you just stop going on dates and no hard feelings. If you two get along well, maybe have more dinner dates or go to the movies, get to know eachother's families, and then get married, have kids, stay loyal to eachother through thick and thin, and just be good to eachother and God.
Idk, seems so simple really, but alas, this world is a vexing one in today's time and unfortunately everything is made to be so complicated when it really shouldn't be.
It is like you say, people should make covenants and vows and have the ceremony first. I agree with that 100%. I trully wish that's how my society worked, I really do. I feel like that simple notion would make many societal problems vanish over night.
It's like dating for my generation means a whole different thing then it meant for older folks. I feel like everyone is in such a rush these days or they think they're living in some hollywood movie. Maybe I just don't get it.
For dating, look to our elders they are so good on dispensing this sort of advice (I know it might seem ironic at face value.) Especially the pre-1960s elders, can be good for dating advice I always found as statistically speaking, they do indisputably have some of the strongest marriages that actually last. Like for them before the wild hippy days, a date is basically, you go take a nice girl to dinner or to the cinema, you pay for the dinner, you talk. If you don't get along, well that's okay you just stop going on dates and no hard feelings. If you two get along well, maybe have more dinner dates or go to the movies, get to know eachother's families, and then get married, have kids, stay loyal to eachother through thick and thin, and just be good to eachother and God.
Idk, seems so simple really, but alas, this world is a vexing one in today's time and unfortunately everything is made to be so complicated when it really shouldn't be.
F
Ok so,
On that basis I'm married to the ex. She herself is also married to the ten other guys (one being the father of her children) that she had intercourse with as well.
The bible teaches about fornication and here's some verses:
Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge
1 Corinthians 7:2 - Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
Jude 1:7 - Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.
What these verses tell me is that it is possible to have intercourse without being married.
This may well be the correct definition:
Adultery Illicit intimate sex between one man and one woman whereby the offender (the Adulterer) is currently Married.
Fornication Illicit intimate sex between one man and one woman whereby the offender (the Fornicator) is currently NOT married.
1 Cor 7:2 defines fornication in one verse.
To sum it up a married person can only commit adultery.
An unmarried person can only commit fornication.
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Well the idea of dating isn't found in the Bible because the concept is completely foreign to the culture at the time the Bible was written. Marriages were more often than not arranged between the families. A daughter could be offered as a prize for valor in battle (David and Michal), purchased through work (Jacob and his wives), for political alliance, or to strengthen the bonds between two families. We can't find much of dating in the Bible when family duty and the continuance of the family line was considered much more important than romance or attraction between two people.
That's not to say we should all get our parents to arrange marriages for us or anything like that. People in general need a way to determine who they will marry and culture will often give them a framework for it. But within that framework you can behave in a godly or ungodly manner. In dating Western style ( I don't know how to say this better even though it gives me a mental picture of a cowboy) the big danger is to be in a relationship only for the benefits I can get out of it personally. To be more concerned about myself than for the person I say I love. "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us." (1 John 3:16) Real love is sacrificial; you don't mind giving up some things for the other person if you love them (this does not mean be their doormat, you both should be giving things up). One of the best and most practical guidelines I have heard is to treat your SO the same way that you hope someone would be treating your future spouse. Another thought, because my personal conviction is that you have no business dating someone you know you could never marry, is to use wedding vows as a standard. If you guide your actions by whether you are communicating love and honor and cherishing or selfishness and using you won't go far wrong.
Something should also be said about staying as far away from temptation as possible. Sitting together in a dark movie theater (or alone in one of your homes) watching a movie that glorifies sex outside of marriage, that is throwing a welcome mat out to tempting thoughts. A picnic at your local park on a bright sunshiny day with lots of families and kids around, much less likely to lead to temptation. It's your relationship; you set the boundaries with the input of wise counselors (preferably couples who are successfully married and value godly standards of purity) and if others think you are too strict, tell them to take their guilty consciences to God. It really isn't their business anyway.
You sing a tiresome song GodisSalvation. Just add "The first woman I have sex with will be my wife" to your signature and spare us all your sex=marriage rhetoric. I've heard it several times before and I've not even been around 2 months yet. You have been presented with Biblical reasons to disagree. We even had a thread on the topic. I'm sure your future wife will appreciate the high value you place on purity and sexual fidelity, but your position is not fully biblically defensible and too simplistic for broad application to the many real life issues that others in this forum face (molestation, rape, abusive relationships, divorce they never wanted, etc.). Other than this soapbox you do seem to be a decent guy, but like I said it's getting tiresome.
That's not to say we should all get our parents to arrange marriages for us or anything like that. People in general need a way to determine who they will marry and culture will often give them a framework for it. But within that framework you can behave in a godly or ungodly manner. In dating Western style ( I don't know how to say this better even though it gives me a mental picture of a cowboy) the big danger is to be in a relationship only for the benefits I can get out of it personally. To be more concerned about myself than for the person I say I love. "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us." (1 John 3:16) Real love is sacrificial; you don't mind giving up some things for the other person if you love them (this does not mean be their doormat, you both should be giving things up). One of the best and most practical guidelines I have heard is to treat your SO the same way that you hope someone would be treating your future spouse. Another thought, because my personal conviction is that you have no business dating someone you know you could never marry, is to use wedding vows as a standard. If you guide your actions by whether you are communicating love and honor and cherishing or selfishness and using you won't go far wrong.
Something should also be said about staying as far away from temptation as possible. Sitting together in a dark movie theater (or alone in one of your homes) watching a movie that glorifies sex outside of marriage, that is throwing a welcome mat out to tempting thoughts. A picnic at your local park on a bright sunshiny day with lots of families and kids around, much less likely to lead to temptation. It's your relationship; you set the boundaries with the input of wise counselors (preferably couples who are successfully married and value godly standards of purity) and if others think you are too strict, tell them to take their guilty consciences to God. It really isn't their business anyway.
You sing a tiresome song GodisSalvation. Just add "The first woman I have sex with will be my wife" to your signature and spare us all your sex=marriage rhetoric. I've heard it several times before and I've not even been around 2 months yet. You have been presented with Biblical reasons to disagree. We even had a thread on the topic. I'm sure your future wife will appreciate the high value you place on purity and sexual fidelity, but your position is not fully biblically defensible and too simplistic for broad application to the many real life issues that others in this forum face (molestation, rape, abusive relationships, divorce they never wanted, etc.). Other than this soapbox you do seem to be a decent guy, but like I said it's getting tiresome.
A
I think you mean based on baloney. We already had a thread about this and there is tons of evidence that your belief is wrong. Refer to http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/89695-does-having-sex-make-you-married.html
My advice is to never date someone that you would not consider marrying as that would indeed, be a waste of time. Leave your heart open for God to explore your options. There is nothing that is contrary to dating in the bible. The bible does not cover every possible situation that may be encountered in life. Use the common sense that God provides to manage any situation or prevent them from occurring in the first place. I would definitely not go against the plan of God that one has in their life. You raise valuable points and are on the right track.
A
As has been stated, these terms are very poorly defined. Some people say, "They are dating" to mean that the two people are in a relationship, while others use it (as I will be using it) to mean they have been going on dates and will likely continue to go on dates, where a date is just any event the two people participate in that is between just the two of them (walking, movies, dinner, etc.). This, it would seem, is why the word "dating" is used at all, because the two people are engaging in a series of dates with one another. A relationship would be when two people have agreed to be exclusive with one another in their dating. I have no idea what people mean by courtship. By these definitions, you can see that two people basically have to be dating before they are in a relationship, and for that matter, they ought to be dating (though only each other) while they are in a relationship, and even while married.
But I think the objections to dating are largely coming from the idea of dating for dating's own sake, or dating for the fun of it. This is a different issue, and should be addressed apart from the inherent good or evil of dating itself. Dating strangers or pseudo strangers is another issue, which is dating as a means of finding someone rather than dating as a means of getting to know them (somewhat the same thing I'll admit). But a conversation like this will get nowhere unless you clearly define which type of dating you are talking about before stating a case for or against it.
If you think of dating as a relationship then when someone says "dating is unbiblical" you are going to think they are advocating for arranged marriages. If you think of dating as dating for dating's own sake then when someone says, "dating is good" you are going to think they are advocating "fooling around".
But I think the objections to dating are largely coming from the idea of dating for dating's own sake, or dating for the fun of it. This is a different issue, and should be addressed apart from the inherent good or evil of dating itself. Dating strangers or pseudo strangers is another issue, which is dating as a means of finding someone rather than dating as a means of getting to know them (somewhat the same thing I'll admit). But a conversation like this will get nowhere unless you clearly define which type of dating you are talking about before stating a case for or against it.
If you think of dating as a relationship then when someone says "dating is unbiblical" you are going to think they are advocating for arranged marriages. If you think of dating as dating for dating's own sake then when someone says, "dating is good" you are going to think they are advocating "fooling around".
I completely agree with you! I'd never want to shut my mind or my heart to what God has planned, so I don't close every possible door. I just try to keep my heart guarded, and wait for a husband, rather than have a more casual boyfriend.
As animus mentioned an arranged marriage, I almost think of it in that frame of mind. The marriage not being arranged by people in my life, but rather by God. If God hasn't planned it, I really don't see it being beneficial.
As animus mentioned an arranged marriage, I almost think of it in that frame of mind. The marriage not being arranged by people in my life, but rather by God. If God hasn't planned it, I really don't see it being beneficial.
You seem to have a lot wisdom for a woman of your age. I was divorced for 15 years before even considering getting remarried. Knowing that I would make another mistake I prayed for 3 years for God to find a loving wife for me as I was not qualified to do so myself. He found me a beautiful woman that had love in her heart for the Lord. The Lord took this love that she had and gave it to me. She is residing with Jesus now and I now find myself alone. I have never considered the marriage I had in the terms of being an arranged marriage until I read your post. That point of view you have of marriage is fascinating and most refreshing.
T
I think you should date someone with the intention to find someone for marriage but I think you have to get to know the person well before you make that huge decision on whether they would make a great partner for life. Otherwise there's far too much pressure and anxiety. Isn't there already enough of that without having to complicate things further by insisting that you date only one person and marry that same person, no questions asked?
A
Jesus said that the only grounds for divorce were if the spouse commits sexual immorality, so by your definition as soon as you commit adultery against your spouse you are no longer married to them, and you are now married to the person you committed adultery with. Either that or you believe that there is no such thing as divorce, in which case you are saying that Jesus spoke lies.