Is Dating Biblical

[GodIsSalvation]

I think you should date someone with the intention to find someone for marriage but I think you have to get to know the person well before you make that huge decision on whether they would make a great partner for life. Otherwise there's far too much pressure and anxiety. Isn't there already enough of that without having to complicate things further by insisting that you date only one person and marry that same person, no questions asked?

Aye good points and questions indeed brother Tintin.

It's like my goodly grandma would say on dating. "It's not that you have to date only one person, you just have to date with a clear conscience. Don't expect anything more than paying for the girl's meal or movie ticket."

She called it Dates for Dinners approach.

It's how she met my goodly grandpa (and also being a poor farm girl during early 1950s era got to enjoy a few free meals lol). Nothing wrong with taking a nice girl out to dinner to talk to her and get to know her better so as to render a fairer judgement to see if you'll both be compatible. And if you two just ain't right for eachother, well simply you can just stop going on dates and thus there's none of that "break-up" drama.

I would sorta hope people would want to get to know their prospective spouse a little bit better before making such a life altering decision myself. Though I suppose this isn't totally necessary, if we look at institution of parentally arranged marriage, or a semi-arranged marriage (meaning allowed to date/talk to prospective matches a lil bit, but parents have the final say) though the idea seems bonkers in Western mindset, these are actually some of strongest marriages in the world statistically speaking, so I suppose that variety of marriage without dating can also work.

 

[Animus]

And this is why people in a relationship prior to marriage shouldn't have sex or any of its alternative. Maybe not even kiss. I don't know. I'm so naive.

I concur; kissing is gross. If you're going to kiss someone, just don't. If you're going to kiss someone, just don't.

 

[Tintin]

I wouldn't know. I haven't ever kissed someone or been kissed.

While we're on the topic, who decided that the man should pay for everything on a date? Shouldn't the woman also make a sacrifice? It's not like women these days don't have incomes of their own. Sometimes they're even better paid than the men. I understand that relationships are about sacrificial love, but this tradition(?) seems a bit non-reciprocal. Again, maybe I'm just naive.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Jesus said that the only grounds for divorce were if the spouse commits sexual immorality, so by your definition as soon as you commit adultery against your spouse you are no longer married to them, and you are now married to the person you committed adultery with. Either that or you believe that there is no such thing as divorce, in which case you are saying that Jesus spoke lies.

Aye Jesus said the only grounds for divorce is adultery. Adultery is having sex with another person that is not your spouse, which is a form of fornication (for clarification on what fornication is see Leviticus 18). Jesus did not say you are married to your affair, quite the opposite. Jesus said go and sin no more (see the story of the Samaritan woman and the woman the Pharisees were going to stone to death. John 4 and John 8.)

I do not believe there is such a thing as true divorce, except in case of adultery. As Jesus say, Moses put the divorce decree in because his people's hearts were too hard. Divorce is not an act of love. As Jesus say clearly, if you put away your wife, except for adultery, then you cause her to commit adultery, and if you sleep with a divorced woman, you are an adulterer. (see Matthew 19, this is what I believe.)

As Apostle Paul say, if you have sex with a prostitute, you're now one flesh with her if you need further clarification. (1 Corinthian 6).

And of course remember Jesus also said you can be forgiven, just ask Jesus for forgiveness and sin no more (John 4 and John 8 again). It's simple my brother.

Jesus does not lie.

 

[maxwel]

I wouldn't know. I haven't ever kissed someone or been kissed.

While we're on the topic, who decided that the man should pay for everything on a date? Shouldn't the woman also make a sacrifice? It's not like women these days don't have incomes of their own. Sometimes they're even better paid than the men. I understand that relationships are about sacrificial love, but this tradition(?) seems a bit non-reciprocal. Again, maybe I'm just naive.

If a girl is old fashioned, I pay for everything.

If she says she's a feminist, I not only make her buy me dinner, but I also make her pick me up.

: )

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I wouldn't know. I haven't ever kissed someone or been kissed.

While we're on the topic, who decided that the man should pay for everything on a date? Shouldn't the woman also make a sacrifice? It's not like women these days don't have incomes of their own. Sometimes they're even better paid than the men. I understand that relationships are about sacrificial love, but this tradition(?) seems a bit non-reciprocal. Again, maybe I'm just naive.

Heh I suppose it's fair to let the woman pay if she wants to. It's just slightly more honorable for you as the man to pay in my opinion, but that I suppose is up to fair debate.

EDIT: as for kissing, not sure how that fits in to be honest, I have been kissed once. I always saw it as if the girl gives you a kiss goodnight, she probably likes you and maybe you should take her out on another date.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Aye Jesus said the only grounds for divorce is adultery. Adultery is having sex with another person that is not your spouse, which is a form of fornication (for clarification on what fornication is see Leviticus 18). Jesus did not say you are married to your affair, quite the opposite. Jesus said go and sin no more (see the story of the Samaritan woman and the woman the Pharisees were going to stone to death. John 4 and John 8.)

I do not believe there is such a thing as true divorce, except in case of adultery. As Jesus say, Moses put the divorce decree in because his people's hearts were too hard. Divorce is not an act of love. As Jesus say clearly, if you put away your wife, except for adultery, then you cause her to commit adultery, and if you sleep with a divorced woman, you are an adulterer. (see Matthew 19, this is what I believe.)

As Apostle Paul say, if you have sex with a prostitute, you're now one flesh with her if you need further clarification. (1 Corinthian 6).

And of course remember Jesus also said you can be forgiven, just ask Jesus for forgiveness and sin no more (John 4 and John 8 again). It's simple my brother.

Jesus does not lie.

The basis for your argument is "and the two shall become one flesh". The disagreement is over what that means, exactly. Jesus did not ever say, "and when the two become one flesh, they are married". Clearly, there are situations where two become one flesh but are NOT married (such as adultery, prostitution, rape), so we can't just assume that "one flesh" means marriage. It is a physical and spiritual joining, but even in the Bible it did not always mean marriage.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

The basis for your argument is "and the two shall become one flesh". The disagreement is over what that means, exactly. Jesus did not ever say, "and when the two become one flesh, they are married". Clearly, there are situations where two become one flesh but are NOT married (such as adultery, prostitution, rape), so we can't just assume that "one flesh" means marriage. It is a physical and spiritual joining, but even in the Bible it did not always mean marriage.

Being one flesh is both physical and spiritual is it not?

It's like I seen someone's comment a while back saying that even not having sex they felt the deep spiritual connection with their spouse even when not physically touching in anyways. That comment, and I forget who said it, touched me greatly.

And in a way I'd say aye that my basis for that belief is the One Flesh concept that Jesus and God and every righteous writer of the Bible also supports. However, my basis for the thought is beyond sexual. It goes back to Adam and Eve and how they were made One Man for One Woman. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. Even before the two had sex they were One Flesh for woman was taken out of man. One Man for One Woman is God's way.

 

[ronnie2796]

I think you should date someone with the intention to find someone for marriage but I think you have to get to know the person well before you make that huge decision on whether they would make a great partner for life. Otherwise there's far too much pressure and anxiety. Isn't there already enough of that without having to complicate things further by insisting that you date only one person and marry that same person, no questions asked?

I wouldn't say that approach is "no questions asked"
I would spend time and get to know the person to a point, but it comes to a place where you have to ask, Am I making this choice, or is God? Is this the person God wants me to be with?

If the answer is yes, why spend more time? God knows what he's doing.

 

[Tintin]

Hi Ronnie,

I'm afraid I'm rather confused. Sorry.

 

[Nautilus]

Being one flesh is both physical and spiritual is it not?

It's like I seen someone's comment a while back saying that even not having sex they felt the deep spiritual connection with their spouse even when not physically touching in anyways. That comment, and I forget who said it, touched me greatly.

And in a way I'd say aye that my basis for that belief is the One Flesh concept that Jesus and God and every righteous writer of the Bible also supports. However, my basis for the thought is beyond sexual. It goes back to Adam and Eve and how they were made One Man for One Woman. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. Even before the two had sex they were One Flesh for woman was taken out of man. One Man for One Woman is God's way.

Fair but then Ive ad sex with someone and felt no connection afterwards. no bond, feelings that werent there before, etc. So maybe the two becoming one isnt always completely legit

 

[FireWire]

Aye Jesus said the only grounds for divorce is adultery. Adultery is having sex with another person that is not your spouse, which is a form of fornication (for clarification on what fornication is see Leviticus 18). Jesus did not say you are married to your affair, quite the opposite. Jesus said go and sin no more (see the story of the Samaritan woman and the woman the Pharisees were going to stone to death. John 4 and John 8.)

I do not believe there is such a thing as true divorce, except in case of adultery. As Jesus say, Moses put the divorce decree in because his people's hearts were too hard. Divorce is not an act of love. As Jesus say clearly, if you put away your wife, except for adultery, then you cause her to commit adultery, and if you sleep with a divorced woman, you are an adulterer. (see Matthew 19, this is what I believe.)

As Apostle Paul say, if you have sex with a prostitute, you're now one flesh with her if you need further clarification. (1 Corinthian 6).

And of course remember Jesus also said you can be forgiven, just ask Jesus for forgiveness and sin no more (John 4 and John 8 again). It's simple my brother.

Jesus does not lie.

What you've done is pick on one verse out of the whole canon of scripture and held this up as to why you believe sex=marriage. This kind of behavior is indicative of being in a cult or sect.

You have to search the scriptures to find out about something much like the bereans did. The verse you focused on was what God hath joined together let no man put asunder. Correct me if I'm wrong.
If it's a one night stand or rape or a booty call has God bought them together? No. More like satan bought them together in his quest to twist things being that he cannot create anything and is vehemently angry about it.

I thank God for guys like Messrs MacArthur/Piper/Missler/Stanley/Hunt. I'm sure there's many more. Good solid biblical no nonsense hardline teaching.
I'm not thankful for Osteen/Copeland/Dollar/Schuller. Nuff said.

Even though some of these guys might have more letters after their name possibly longer than my arm one still has to check they are teaching correctly. My bible tells me to do so and not accept any teaching at face value.

 

[cinder]

And this is why people in a relationship prior to marriage shouldn't have sex or any of its alternative. Maybe not even kiss. I don't know. I'm so naive.

I wouldn't know. I haven't ever kissed someone or been kissed.

While we're on the topic, who decided that the man should pay for everything on a date? Shouldn't the woman also make a sacrifice? It's not like women these days don't have incomes of their own. Sometimes they're even better paid than the men. I understand that relationships are about sacrificial love, but this tradition(?) seems a bit non-reciprocal. Again, maybe I'm just naive.

Well you are not alone Tintin, and if it makes you feel better, I'm glad guys like you exist because it reassures me that there are guys out there who aren't going to laugh in my face or think I'm pathetic when they find out I've made it over 3 decades without being kissed. Actually several wise adults that I trust have advised against kissing at least until engagement. At this point I think I'm decided that if I've waited this long for my first kiss, I'm going to make sure it is a first kiss worth waiting for.

As to why the guys pay, that's easy. Men are wired to be the providers and it makes them feel good to take care of us so we let them. I think women also have difficulty believing you really value them so spending money on them helps boost their confidence. Maybe it has stuck around so long just because men who want to change it look cheap and selfish and most women aren't going to advocate for the facets of equality that cost them (we're so hypocritical like that). I think it a good tradition (and I think I could find some guys to agree) with the caveat that it should be reserved for relationships at a serious stage of commitment. I certainly don't expect a guy to pay for me just because we go see a movie together that we both want to see, but if he wants to show me he is serious about me and wants to enjoy my company insisting on paying my share for whatever activity we do is a good start (and if I let him that is a good sign). On the opposite side a girl who always insists the guy pay and needs him to spend a lot of money on her is bad news, if nothing else she will be expensive to keep happy.

 

[FireWire]

Dating is just that. It's just a date. The only thing you can expect is dinner and/or a movie ticket if one is lucky and nothing else.

Who pays? Well given that there is no commitment at this stage each should pay their own way. If one agrees to pay then it's just common courtesy to accept.

 

[ronnie2796]

Hi Ronnie,

I'm afraid I'm rather confused. Sorry.

I'm sorry for being confusing!! What are we misunderstanding?

 

[Tintin]

No need to apologise. I'm really not sure, I'm confused. I know people who say you must only date a person who you intend marrying. By 'no questions asked', I meant that they're taught or believe that it's sinful to date in any other manner. Such an approach though can lead to ill-timed and ill-conceived marriages. You have to know a person well before you can choose to spend your entire remaining life with them. I've never been in relationship, maybe that's why I'm confused. Do you understand a little of what I'm driving at?

 

[ronnie2796]

Yeah I get that. I don't know if I would call it a sin to date multiple people, but having dated people in the past, I just see it as a huge waste of time. I wish I had just waited for my husband the whole time.

I would say rushing into a marriage is a bad idea, for sure. You just have to make sure God is approving. Of the person and the time.

 

[MidniteWelder]

Fair but then Ive ad sex with someone and felt no connection afterwards. no bond, feelings that werent there before, etc. So maybe the two becoming one isnt always completely legit

Just because ones heart is hardened to the concept does not make the principal of God illegitimate
For the same reason, just because ones heart may become hardened within a marriage...
does not make that reason for a divorce legit.

 

[Tintin]

Yeah I get that. I don't know if I would call it a sin to date multiple people, but having dated people in the past, I just see it as a huge waste of time. I wish I had just waited for my husband the whole time.

I would say rushing into a marriage is a bad idea, for sure. You just have to make sure God is approving. Of the person and the time.

Yes, I don't think dating several people before you find the one you'll marry is a sin (that's why such a relationship should be kept pure) but I do think one should date with purpose and discernment to find their life-long partner. I guess it's a bit different for guys, we're meant to listen to God's calling all the while initiating.

 

[tourist]

No need to apologise. I'm really not sure, I'm confused. I know people who say you must only date a person who you intend marrying. By 'no questions asked', I meant that they're taught or believe that it's sinful to date in any other manner. Such an approach though can lead to ill-timed and ill-conceived marriages. You have to know a person well before you can choose to spend your entire remaining life with them. I've never been in relationship, maybe that's why I'm confused. Do you understand a little of what I'm driving at?

Date first and ask questions later. By later, I mean after each date. Dating is an evaluation and encouragement process. Of course, you should not enter into a marriage without a thorough understanding of who that person is. It helps very much to have confidence in yourself as to who you are as that is the basis of deciding in your heart what your expectations are for a future mate. The wise will allow God to be the arbiter for deciding whether to continue the pursuit or stand down. It is a sad thing for me to read in these posts that there are those that have never even been kissed, yet alone, made love. So much fear and anxiety. Finding and keeping that special person to spend the rest of your life with is an adventure only for those brave enough to open their heart for the pursuit of happiness.