Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

[secularhermit]

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Well, here I go: If any lady wants to marry me, please, let me know about it (an open invitation, which expires on June 29th).

Here is one coward (or oppressed)

Disclaimer (number 1):

It won´t be under Argentinian laws:

""Demostrar la infidelidad no afecta la división de bienes, por eso nosotros aconsejamos llegar a un acuerdo", explica Koffman.
"La ley dice que el cónyuge inocente de la separación puede seguir considerando gananciales los bienes que adquiere el otro después de la separación, no al revés. Para el culpable de la separación, lo que el otro adquiere es propio del otro y a él no le corresponde nada", aclara Osvaldo Ortemerg, abogado especialista en Familia."

Hubo más de medio millón de divorcios en la última década - 04.03.2012 - lanacion.com *

 

[IBDesmond]

I have a son that is called into the ministry. The first girl he went steady with he met in church. He got her pregnant & now pays child support for his daughter. Turns out she was the problem, cuz she now has 3 girls from 3 daddies in the last 5 years. She doesn't work & lives entirely off her different boyfriends, the daddies & the govt.

About 2 yr ago he met another woman in church & after several months got engaged. She turned out to be quite a hypocrite, a deceiver, & a manipulator.

Just recently, he started dating his best friend's sister whom he had known several years, whom he was sure she walked the talk & is more mature. So far, so good.

If anyone wants to know why men are so scared, backward, & not looking for a mate, there are 4 places to visit that will give you all the answers:
1. The projects. Count how many single/divorced women are there with children from multiple partners. Over 70%.

2. Child custody court. Count how many women without jobs are taking children away from fathers who are working & responsible. Should I really have to mention over 90% of women get custody regardless of the facts?

3. Divorce courts. It doesn't matter whether christian or not, the divorce rate is rising. Do I really need to mention who wins in the majority of divorce cases? Who is it that loses nearly everything in most of them? The men.

4. The church. Men & women both are more immature & worldly minded in these last days, so finding a true christian mate is similar to panning for gold in the sewer.

The men in these situations have the most to lose..... their houses, cars, children, while still paying child support. So yeah, there are guys out there that won't step up. If I were young & single today, I would probably back away.

With all due respect (cos I totally hear what you're saying mate, I can see where you're coming from), I don't think this has much to do with it. I can't see a guy not stepping up being because he's scared he'll sleep with her and give her a child that he doesn't see but pays for and all the rest. I think when it comes to relationships, guys think ahead but not THAT far unless he's super insecure....

anyway...where was I....oh yeh...

 

[Roh_Chris]

anyway...where was I....oh yeh...

View attachment 94886

Close your mouth when you chew!!

Tsk tsk..

 

[kaylagrl]

I understand that there are women who are out for a man's money, but in all honesty, there are men out for the same. Maybe it's that I see this from a woman's perspective, but I honestly think that there is too much emphasis placed on money period. I would honestly 100% rather live in abject poverty than live in an unhappy marriage. I think there's a problem when either men or woman start making mass statements about the other sex. I hear these statements often - coming from both men and women. But, being male or female set aside, concentration on happiness rather than money will yield better results every single time. God is our sufficiency. No need to worry, right?

I'm not single but have seen this thread popping up on the side bar and began reading.I totally agree with your posts.My sister married what I consider an abusive man.He was youth leader and a deacon at his church when they met.Anyhow when they would have fights he would buy her expensive jewelry after.She was always showing me this piece or that.I said to him" dude you're not very smart,a rather slow learner aren't you?" When I began to date I told my now hubby "Id rather you be good to me then buy me junk to make up for it.If you break my heart and think a diamond ring will make up for it you are wrong and you will be lucky if you dont end up eating it!!" We laughed but he understood my point.We're newly married and money is tough right now.But he is so good to me.It's the little things.The Beatles said it best "Cant Buy Me love".

 

[kaylagrl]

not true. seen it time and time again. female gets the idea the grass is greener somewhere else and she is gone.

Goes both ways.People cheat.That's why its so important who you marry.But love is always a choice.The problem is people get married for many reasons but forget that marriage is a lot of work and compromise.People these days dont understand that and that is why marriages fail so often.We're in a generation where its "all about me and my happiness".To be married means putting the other person first even when you dont feel it.It means compromise when you want to do what you want.It means being a servent.Its a lot like the Christian walk.The problem is people have a Hollywood idea of love and when the real world sinks it people think its too hard and give up too soon.Like the Christian walk,its a choice.You dont always "feel" saved and you don't always "feel"in love.Its about maturing and growing together.But if you do it for the wrong reasons or with your eyes closed you can expect divorce.

 

[Sirk]

Goes both ways.People cheat.That's why its so important who you marry.But love is always a choice.The problem is people get married for many reasons but forget that marriage is a lot of work and compromise.People these days dont understand that and that is why marriages fail so often.We're in a generation where its "all about me and my happiness".To be married means putting the other person first even when you dont feel it.It means compromise when you want to do what you want.It means being a servent.Its a lot like the Christian walk.The problem is people have a Hollywood idea of love and when the real world sinks it people think its too hard and give up too soon.Like the Christian walk,its a choice.You dont always "feel" saved and you don't always "feel"in love.Its about maturing and growing together.But if you do it for the wrong reasons or with your eyes closed you can expect divorce.

That and it's important to maintain a good attitude toward your spouse. All negativity about your mate must be rigorously denied water so it cannot take root.

 

[kaylagrl]

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!!

He would have washed the dishes if he was not commanded to do it by his mom, a woman. The declining trend of men who wash dishes is because the women are forcing them to do it. There are more men not interested in washing dishes than there were in the 60's and 70's.

Maybe women should really think about this. Do not force men to wash dishes - it will definitely help in reversing the trend.

I think this is humor? I hope so! My hubby was a bachelor for years before we married.I was not ready to be a housewife.I was in the ministry for some 20yrs which meant constant travel in hotels or a motor home.So I was/am no Martha Stewart.I was distressed by this and my father ,who has this 1950s relationship with my mother who does everything,I mean everything for him,he made it worse saying to my mother "how is she going to be a housewife?!" I finally told my then fiance how I was feeling and what he said made me burst into tears...He said "I'm not marrying you because I need a housewife,I'm marrying you because I love you.I'm not helpless,I can do everything for myself.But I love you for you." I'm married now and yes Ive burnt a few dinners and he teases me by singing a country song about "eating burnt dinners the whole first year" But I found out I can bake like a boss! The only thing is he's gaining too much weight so I have to just bake on the holidays.lol If you love each other you dont say "thats your job"! like a four year old.You get off your butt and do what needs to be done.If you're going to be petty you'll end up divorced.No secret,just common sense.

 

[kaylagrl]

I have a son that is called into the ministry. The first girl he went steady with he met in church. He got her pregnant & now pays child support for his daughter. Turns out she was the problem, cuz she now has 3 girls from 3 daddies in the last 5 years. She doesn't work & lives entirely off her different boyfriends, the daddies & the govt.

About 2 yr ago he met another woman in church & after several months got engaged. She turned out to be quite a hypocrite, a deceiver, & a manipulator.

Just recently, he started dating his best friend's sister whom he had known several years, whom he was sure she walked the talk & is more mature. So far, so good.

If anyone wants to know why men are so scared, backward, & not looking for a mate, there are 4 places to visit that will give you all the answers:
1. The projects. Count how many single/divorced women are there with children from multiple partners. Over 70%.

2. Child custody court. Count how many women without jobs are taking children away from fathers who are working & responsible. Should I really have to mention over 90% of women get custody regardless of the facts?

3. Divorce courts. It doesn't matter whether christian or not, the divorce rate is rising. Do I really need to mention who wins in the majority of divorce cases? Who is it that loses nearly everything in most of them? The men.

4. The church. Men & women both are more immature & worldly minded in these last days, so finding a true christian mate is similar to panning for gold in the sewer.

The men in these situations have the most to lose..... their houses, cars, children, while still paying child support. So yeah, there are guys out there that won't step up. If I were young & single today, I would probably back away.

He got her pregnant but shes the problem? Seems your son is a bit immature also.My best advice is for him to concentrate on the ministry and leave the ladies alone till he grows up a little.

 

[kaylagrl]

That and it's important to maintain a good attitude toward your spouse. All negativity about your mate must be rigorously denied water so it cannot take root.

Ahh I like how you worded that! Very good!!

 

[Human]

With all due respect (cos I totally hear what you're saying mate, I can see where you're coming from), I don't think this has much to do with it. I can't see a guy not stepping up being because he's scared he'll sleep with her and give her a child that he doesn't see but pays for and all the rest. I think when it comes to relationships, guys think ahead but not THAT far unless he's super insecure....

anyway...where was I....oh yeh...
View attachment 94886

There's a difference between 'not stepping up' as in not being responsible, and not getting yourself into a situation where a woman has a 90% chance of divorcing you, taking your kids and living off your income for the rest of your working life. I wouldn't give any woman that opportunity.

Prenup.

 

[Human]

He got her pregnant but shes the problem? Seems your son is a bit immature also.My best advice is for him to concentrate on the ministry and leave the ladies alone till he grows up a little.

She got pregnant and now she lives off his money, and also now has 3 kids to 3 different men within 5 years and lives off their money too.

Yea, seems like she might be the problem to me.

 

[kaylagrl]

She got pregnant and now she lives off his money, and also now has 3 kids to 3 different men within 5 years and lives off their money too.

Yea, seems like she might be the problem to me.

Both had sex,both are the problem.He sinned along with her.Has she a problem,undoubtedly! But he doesnt get to sneak by.His next relationship failed and it was "her fault".I'm sorry but I see a lot of mommas boys in the church and it's not very conducive to relationships.Women aren't blameless,so dont jump me.Just saying in this situation the son is as guilty as the girl he slept with.Whatever else she did doesnt matter.In this situation two people decided to have sex,both made the wrong decision,both are guilty.Both sound very immature to me.

 

[IBDesmond]

Both had sex,both are the problem.He sinned along with her.Has she a problem,undoubtedly! But he doesnt get to sneak by.His next relationship failed and it was "her fault".I'm sorry but I see a lot of mommas boys in the church and it's not very conducive to relationships.Women aren't blameless,so dont jump me.Just saying in this situation the son is as guilty as the girl he slept with.Whatever else she did doesnt matter.In this situation two people decided to have sex,both made the wrong decision,both are guilty.Both sound very immature to me.

I agree completely. Whether that girl has several children or not, what she did after said son, is somewhat irrelevant. It takes too to tango and unless it's rape, both parties are as bad as each other.


.....aaaaaand I digress

 

[secularhermit]

Originally Posted by secularhermit

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Well, here I go: If any lady wants to marry me, please, let me know about it (an open invitation, which expires on June 29th).

Here is one coward (or oppressed)




Things to ponder about that step...

1) Relocations:


Moses married when“accidentally” relocated.
Jacob married when fleeing from his brother.
Rebekkah showed her will to move abroad, when consenting her family.
Leah and Rachel also moved when they saw they had a good working man, as provider (Jacob).


2) Willingness towork:


Rebekkah showed her attitude for hard working.
Jacob proved he was a good worker after 14 faithful years.


Questions:


a) Who, of both, is willing to relocate and how far from their parents and those connections?
b) Who, of both partners, will be the one willing to move out from their parent´s aprons?
c) Does that working involve simple house chores, and not the subjective emotional areas where we can provide, or adjust by denying ourselves?

 

[Roh_Chris]

I think this is humor? I hope so! My hubby was a bachelor for years before we married.I was not ready to be a housewife.I was in the ministry for some 20yrs which meant constant travel in hotels or a motor home.So I was/am no Martha Stewart.I was distressed by this and my father ,who has this 1950s relationship with my mother who does everything,I mean everything for him,he made it worse saying to my mother "how is she going to be a housewife?!" I finally told my then fiance how I was feeling and what he said made me burst into tears...He said "I'm not marrying you because I need a housewife,I'm marrying you because I love you.I'm not helpless,I can do everything for myself.But I love you for you." I'm married now and yes Ive burnt a few dinners and he teases me by singing a country song about "eating burnt dinners the whole first year" But I found out I can bake like a boss! The only thing is he's gaining too much weight so I have to just bake on the holidays.lol If you love each other you dont say "thats your job"! like a four year old.You get off your butt and do what needs to be done.If you're going to be petty you'll end up divorced.No secret,just common sense.

Of course I was joking!!!

 

[kaylagrl]

Of course I was joking!!!

The bear kind of gave it away.lol But I do know guys who feel this way.My brother in law for instance.He was on vacation when he and my sister first married.They were going to go for a walk after dinner and she said if he helped her with the dishes they could get going a lot faster.He informed her very quickly that he was on vacation,not she and the dishes were left to her to finish.Had he been my husband he'd have heard smashing dishes.Then I'd say paper plates from now on.Surely you can put paper plates in the garbage?! Ya he was being pretty immature.

 

[ChandlerFan]

Lots of strong feelings on this subject, but all I will say is that part of being a man is taking responsibility for yourself, and any man who places the totality of the blame on a woman for bearing a child, whether he is the father or someone simply commenting on another's situation, is not really on the path to maturity. Along with that, I think you can judge the spiritual maturity of a person by how willing they are to take a look in the mirror and receive correction. It's quite apparent in this thread that there are some who are willing to consider the words of the OP while others are really quick to counter with whatever faults on the part of women that they can think of, making this into some type of gender war instead of graciously receiving and considering correction. Whenever I see a man do that, I am left shaking my head.

 

[Pheonix]

I don't know about anyone else but the biggest reason I'm still single is financial. I'm basically funding myself and my mother since she is unable to work due to health issues and my parents divorced many years ago so she has no one else to help. My brother has his own family to care for so he's unable to help. Combine that all with an economy that makes employment unreliable and you come up with a single 31 year old man who hasn't even seriously considered marriage since college. I must point out that all of the women both christian and non christian that I have been interested in have turned out mostly to be liar's and generally dishonest or completely inappropriate for a person who claims to follow christ. As for the rest when you've made as many mistakes as I have you start to think that because you respect/care for her you don't want to drag that poor woman down with you.

That's just me though.

 

[secularhermit]

I don't know about anyone else but the biggest reason I'm still single is financial. I'm basically funding myself and my mother since she is unable to work due to health issues and my parents divorced many years ago so she has no one else to help. My brother has his own family to care for so he's unable to help. Combine that all with an economy that makes employment unreliable and you come up with a single 31 year old man who hasn't even seriously considered marriage since college. I must point out that all of the women both christian and non christian that I have been interested in have turned out mostly to be liar's and generally dishonest or completely inappropriate for a person who claims to follow christ. As for the rest when you've made as many mistakes as I have you start to think that because you respect/care for her you don't want to drag that poor woman down with you.

That's just me though.

Allow me to say that is part of the love boat (many are sinking in).

Suppose you have your own house, few bills to pay... Is it the real limitation bothering in singlehood?
What are those spoiling those who have no children?

No one wants to live on parent´s budget, neither under their roof, by the way (no need to it)

 

[IBDesmond]

Lots of strong feelings on this subject, but all I will say is that part of being a man is taking responsibility for yourself, and any man who places the totality of the blame on a woman for bearing a child, whether he is the father or someone simply commenting on another's situation, is not really on the path to maturity. Along with that, I think you can judge the spiritual maturity of a person by how willing they are to take a look in the mirror and receive correction. It's quite apparent in this thread that there are some who are willing to consider the words of the OP while others are really quick to counter with whatever faults on the part of women that they can think of, making this into some type of gender war instead of graciously receiving and considering correction. Whenever I see a man do that, I am left shaking my head.

I've commented to much to not be a part of this. I totally hear you Chandler. I agree.

I think when it comes to a man reluctant to step up, the reason for it is generally personal. In some cases it might well be that a woman is the reason a man doesn't want to step up but to try make that the general consensus is wrong.

Trying to bring it back to the OP: Instead of making excuses men....just step up. As far as women being the reason a MEN won't step up....I dunno.....I think they all still fall back on the man :/