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Don't worry, Kayla. From now on, naive female newbies like this one are on their own when it comes to them asking men to message them..If they get perverts PM'ing them with undesired comments or pics, well then they deserve it because they were foolish enough to ask men *only* to PM them. I'm tired of trying to warn the younger people and keep them safe, only to get pooped on and beached at for it every time.
It's funny how when Ugly says the same thing that I did, no one gets on HIS butt about it. But let any of the women do it, and watch out.. :/
It's funny how when Ugly says the same thing that I did, no one gets on HIS butt about it. But let any of the women do it, and watch out.. :/
Well let's see, I can imagine several questions about viginity that someone might want to ask the opposite sex that people wouldn't be comfortable discussing with people they know and to summarize:
1) Being young and still a virigin but hearing all your peers (because the younger generations talk about this stuff super freely) talk about sex, you may wonder if being a virign makes you weird or undesireable or if you're missing out?
2)Being young and having lost your virginity (or had it stolen away through abuse) in the church, you may wonder if any decent guy would have you now that you're not pure anymore? When I was a teen in church, it was easy to absorb the attitude that losing your virginity outside of marriage was the second unforgivable sin, and would result in horrible consequences to your love life if you messed up.
3) Being older (late 20's or 30's) and still a virgin, you start to wonder if your viriginity and lack of experience will be a handicap to your future relationships or if having to be patient with your lack of experience will be a turn off to otherwise perfect men (or ladies, as the poor guys are much more expected to have some sexual experience) who will decide that it's not worth the effort to navigate all that first time stuff with you.
And no I wouldn't necessarily trust a public forum of christians to give me true answers to any of those questions. I'd expect them to give me the Christian answer which would be if you're a virgin stay a virgin and if you're not well don't worry too much because God forgives and there's nothing you can do about it now.
If a random guy asked me any of those questions honestly in PM, I might be a little bit uncomfortable, but mostly I'd be compassionate, giving him the benefit of the doubt and understanding how vulnerable (and probably) desperate he is to be asking such things of a stranger on the internet. If he tried to keep asking more sexually themed questions and make it a whole conversation then I'd tell him he was crossing a line and I wasn't going to continue the discussion. But that's what the ignore button is for. And some people act like getting an unsavory PM is the end of the world or a terrible thing, you report it, delete it, and use the ignore button to block future PM's. There are much greater dangers out there, (like the unsavory types locally that you can't get rid of with an ignore button).
1) Being young and still a virigin but hearing all your peers (because the younger generations talk about this stuff super freely) talk about sex, you may wonder if being a virign makes you weird or undesireable or if you're missing out?
2)Being young and having lost your virginity (or had it stolen away through abuse) in the church, you may wonder if any decent guy would have you now that you're not pure anymore? When I was a teen in church, it was easy to absorb the attitude that losing your virginity outside of marriage was the second unforgivable sin, and would result in horrible consequences to your love life if you messed up.
3) Being older (late 20's or 30's) and still a virgin, you start to wonder if your viriginity and lack of experience will be a handicap to your future relationships or if having to be patient with your lack of experience will be a turn off to otherwise perfect men (or ladies, as the poor guys are much more expected to have some sexual experience) who will decide that it's not worth the effort to navigate all that first time stuff with you.
And no I wouldn't necessarily trust a public forum of christians to give me true answers to any of those questions. I'd expect them to give me the Christian answer which would be if you're a virgin stay a virgin and if you're not well don't worry too much because God forgives and there's nothing you can do about it now.
If a random guy asked me any of those questions honestly in PM, I might be a little bit uncomfortable, but mostly I'd be compassionate, giving him the benefit of the doubt and understanding how vulnerable (and probably) desperate he is to be asking such things of a stranger on the internet. If he tried to keep asking more sexually themed questions and make it a whole conversation then I'd tell him he was crossing a line and I wasn't going to continue the discussion. But that's what the ignore button is for. And some people act like getting an unsavory PM is the end of the world or a terrible thing, you report it, delete it, and use the ignore button to block future PM's. There are much greater dangers out there, (like the unsavory types locally that you can't get rid of with an ignore button).
No hard feelings toward anyone, I just think we could all take a step back, think before we post, and consider that we could all be a little more considerate and a little less judgmental. You ladies were swarming around this person instantly with very harsh assumptions instead of going to her privately, welcoming her, and sharing some wisdom. It's so easy to just post on a thread. I think a lot of issues would be solved or avoided if we all just took the little bit of extra time and care.
K
No hard feelings here either. I'll say this as an end to our conversation. I would not,and have not,talked to anyone in the forum until I have gotten to know them for the very reasons Lady Blue and Magenta stated.I take my time to know them.I can name the men here that I trust to talk in private on the forums and those subjects are about posts here. I would never talk about my spouse,about sex anything private or intimate. The three or four men I trust here know me and I know they are men of God and are safe to speak with. So,for me,male or female,I wouldn't personally contact a new person in private.Its just how I feel.
K
First I want to say that I have often,in fact very often agreed with your opinions throughout the forum. So Im not wanting to come across as nasty in my response,I want to get that out of the way.
Lets bring this scenario into the real world for a minute. I am new in town. I decide to go to church,I look in the phone book and pick a church to attend at random. Sunday morning I walk into church,find the first single man I can find and ask to see him privately. Once we are in private I begin to ask him questions about virginity. Does that seem different now? Neither you nor I know what she asked except it was about virginity. Does that seem wise to you? Now reverse the sexes. A man that is single,walks in a church,finds the first single woman he sees,takes her in private and begins asking questions about virginity.How long do you think it will take for the police to arrive? Its inappropriate and I have a hard time understanding how people are trying to argue that it isn't. It clearly is.
I think the whole point is that the anonymity of online is part of why we ask these kind of questions online. It's simply not the same as being in person. Yes I'd have to know someone really well to have such a conversation in person and it would be awkward, no helping that. But again an online PM is a lot less personal, and doesn't carry nearly the risk of being alone together in person, and there aren't any future awkward interactions online when you "run into" each other. We see all the time people discussing things online that we'd be much more hesitant to discuss in person. I'm not saying that the way the OP went about things was a best model to follow or the best way to go about asking her questions; I'm not saying that any of our gentlemen are obligate to PM a woman (or vice a versa) if they're concerned about the conversation becoming uncomfortable; I'm saying that it was conceivable that the OP could be genuine and her behavior was understandable. So to try to throw this conversation in a more redemptive direction, where and how can we single believers address such deep and painful questions and get answers that we trust? And if the church silences us for asking the painfully honest questions we face, who do you think we'll end up taking such questions to and getting answers from? Who and what will be the primary shapers of our identity in that case?
That's what I find kind of hilarious. People are okay publicly sharing their undesired opinions where countless others (and surely those with bad intentions) can see them, but somehow it's bothersome to send a private message anonymously to another anonymous user. I'm sorry, but if you can express your thoughts publicly without worry, they can be expressed privately just as easily, and I would argue with a far less chance of negative consequences.
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