What and When Do You Discuss Personal Likes Dislikes W/ Prospect Love Interest?

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Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,017
74
48
#1
I am a very open and honest person. I personally don't mind sharing personal details about my life and when very interested in a potential love interest I open myself up to talk about personal likes and dislikes in regards to matters of friendship and long term relationships.

So what do you feel are necessary topics and what shouldn't you discuss? ( If the relationship was getting rather serious and potential marriage was posible, what would you want to know before you said I do) ?
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
10,813
420
83
#2
Great topic, LH!

I have to admit... It really depends on the chemistry going between the person of interest and myself.

If I feel comfortable talking to someone, I tend to open up very quickly and they can ask me most anything (within reason and hopefully with respect.) I will also ask them numerous questions about their own likes, experiences, and topics of interest.

However... I've been in some situations in which I felt the person saw me as a lesser part of the conversation... to which I react by asking them a lot of questions in order to keep the conversation going for a while... But if they never ask me any questions of their own, or quickly cut me off any time I try to take a turn to talk...

Chances are, that's the last conversation we're going to have. (When I was younger, I used to have more patience to stick around and listen endlessly to another person.)

Now that I'm getting older and a bit grumpier, it just seems like, "Ain't nobody got time for dat!"
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
5,390
777
113
#3
IMHO, the sooner you have these conversations, the better. I think it's dangerous to get emotionally wrapped up in a person before you're completely certain that person is a good fit for you. That's why the Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart."

What are necessary topics? Simply, anything that could lead to a significant disagreement. How you squeeze the toothpaste is not among these. Whether you can eat dairy, gluten and peanuts may be. More thoughts later... maybe. :)
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#4
It is going to totally depend upon the relationship and the people involved, I think. I've had close friends for years who have mystery backgrounds. I hear rumors of a bad home life, messed up relationships, mistakes, etc. They never directly offer, and I never ask. I think that might be part of the reason we get along so well. I'm not judging them for their past...they don't even SUSPECT me of judging them for their past, because I don't know their past!

However, I think this would be incredibly dangerous with a potential marriage partner, and I cannot see it ending any way but badly (Casablanca, anyone?) Because if you don't know a person's past, you don't really understand what makes them tick and there is only so close you will ever get to them. And when you discover a scar, it's going to be uglier and harder to deal with when you don't know what caused it. So what to talk about? Pretty much everything, in it's proper time. The difficulty in every relationship is discovering WHEN is the proper time, and I think it changes depending on the relationship.
 

seoulsearch

Senior Member
May 23, 2009
10,813
420
83
#5
IMHO, the sooner you have these conversations, the better. I think it's dangerous to get emotionally wrapped up in a person before you're completely certain that person is a good fit for you. That's why the Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart."

What are necessary topics? Simply, anything that could lead to a significant disagreement. How you squeeze the toothpaste is not among these. Whether you can eat dairy, gluten and peanuts may be. More thoughts later... maybe. :)
But what about how you squeeze the Charmin? :(

 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,114
64
48
#6
As far as things that should/shouldn't be discussed with someone you are getting ready to be engaged to, I honestly don't think anything is off limits. I would hope that you know as much about each other as you can possibly know without living/sleeping with them. Friends, family, past, relationship with God, views on money, raising kids, etc. Hopefully all that stuff has been talked about.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
5,390
777
113
#7
But what about how you squeeze the Charmin? :(


How you squeeze it is probably less of an issue than whether you are normal and sane, and have it coming out over the top, or deeply confused about life, and having it dropping behind. ;)
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,697
658
113
#8
For myself I prefer knowing things earlier on, as well as sharing things earlier on. If a person is going to reject you or be strongly affected by what you have to tell them it's better early on than waiting till it has a bigger impact.
And since secrets have a way of coming out the risk of hiding things from can be risky in the long run.
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,017
74
48
#9
How you squeeze it is probably less of an issue than whether you are normal and sane, and have it coming out over the top, or deeply confused about life, and having it dropping behind. ;)
TMI! Are sure youre talking about the toilet paper Dino?
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,017
74
48
#10
If you've been previously married or even single, do you get to a point that you feel it's ok to talk about likes and dislikes in regards to intimacy and sex? Is it important to know these things too?
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,017
74
48
#11
Great topic, LH!

I have to admit... It really depends on the chemistry going between the person of interest and myself.

If I feel comfortable talking to someone, I tend to open up very quickly and they can ask me most anything (within reason and hopefully with respect.) I will also ask them numerous questions about their own likes, experiences, and topics of interest.

However... I've been in some situations in which I felt the person saw me as a lesser part of the conversation... to which I react by asking them a lot of questions in order to keep the conversation going for a while... But if they never ask me any questions of their own, or quickly cut me off any time I try to take a turn to talk...

Chances are, that's the last conversation we're going to have. (When I was younger, I used to have more patience to stick around and listen endlessly to another person.)

Now that I'm getting older and a bit grumpier, it just seems like, "Ain't nobody got time for dat!"
Thanks Kim, I thought I'd ask about something I've wondered about but not sure anyone has asked before...and I'm trying to get Tommy to stop grave digging!
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,070
1,603
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Florida
#12
I would open up if I knew the other person was seriously interested in me as one that they might consider spending the rest of their life with. Before we were married my wife and I shared all of our past personal shame and laid it right on the table. We accepted each other for who we are. Once you reach that point the fear is gone and you can really open up and enjoy each others company and share the excitement that you are now a couple, that it's no longer, 'me' or 'you' but rather it's 'we' and 'us'.

I allowed myself to become vulnerable and shared a lot of personal stuff about my life on this site. She was the only one that had shown a serious interest and she is now my loving and faithful wife and I am her loving and faithful husband. Of course, I had prayed about a possible relationship before I really even knew her and believe God heard my prayer and trusted me with the woman of my heart's desire. Seriously, it may have become first-come, first-served, and she chose to be the first in line. In fact, she was the only one in line.

Sometimes, you have to pray, shake the dice and roll 'em and let the chips fall where they may. Prospective relationships leading to marriage are a calculated risk. The risk paid off for the both of us

All I ever wanted was to love and be loved. With the grace of God I got both
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,070
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Florida
#15
If you've been previously married or even single, do you get to a point that you feel it's ok to talk about likes and dislikes in regards to intimacy and sex? Is it important to know these things too?
It's absolutely important to know these things and should be discussed beforehand (marriage).
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,017
74
48
#16
It's absolutely important to know these things and should be discussed beforehand (marriage).
I definitely agree. I think you should be equally yoked in the Lord first and foremost...but as closely as possible everywhere else. Eliminates any possible disappointment and contention later on when like you said, it's all on the table giving the ability to move into a deeper and long lasting friendship and marriage with the confidence of no questionable surprises.
 
Last edited:
Aug 2, 2009
20,602
771
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#18
I am a very open and honest person. I personally don't mind sharing personal details about my life and when very interested in a potential love interest I open myself up to talk about personal likes and dislikes in regards to matters of friendship and long term relationships.

So what do you feel are necessary topics and what shouldn't you discuss? ( If the relationship was getting rather serious and potential marriage was posible, what would you want to know before you said I do) ?
I'd have to know:

- if she was born a man
- if she likes Reeses
- if she prefers mayo or miracle whip
- if she has a crazy ex bf
- if she parks crooked
- if she has excellent credit
- if she likes donuts
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
12,884
519
113
#19
If you've been previously married or even single, do you get to a point that you feel it's ok to talk about likes and dislikes in regards to intimacy and sex? Is it important to know these things too?
Some things you just have to bring up when it feels like the right time. I don't think there is a rule book of "This topic should be brought up at THIS point in a relationship but that topic should only be brought up after THAT point..."

For myself - and mind you, I have never been married, so this is pure speculation for me - I think some topics I would only broach after I was engaged to a lady. But I work with some people who would start talking about it on the second date...