Why can't guys and gals just tell someone that they're interested??

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Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#61
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#61
No reason to tell a woman that your interested, just be interested.. If they don't reciprocate, you have your answer. This eliminates rejection, awkwardness, and putting her in the uncomfortable position of telling you; "Take a hike creep"
 
T_Laurich

T_Laurich

Senior Member
#62
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
122
63
30
#62
Problem with todays society are many...
But one of the many problems is: dating is no longer coveted with a belief that says you date who you want to marry...
In todays generation we have changed Marriage into dating, Dating into liking someone, and Liking Someone into knowing their name on facebook...

So, since all of the names have been changed, it gets hairy...

I personally will tell a girl I am interested because of how flirtatious 99% of girls are, asking them is the only way for me to find out if they really mean what they are doing...

But, thats me... Many others intentions and methods could be different...

But todays generation is sadly far different from any other in many ways... I am not pacifying or saying there is no way you can understand...

But if i could sum up how I feel about my generation in one sentence...

"We are narcisists worshiping ourselves while thinking that a psuedo worship of another person in the name of love will fix all of our problems."
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#63
#63
zeroturbulence said:
Why can't guys and gals just tell someone that they're interested??


What is your reason, or why do you think it's so difficult for people to do??

Also, is there a way to make it easier???


I have my own reasons: Fear of rejection, and... uh.. fear of rejection.. :p


Inquiring minds want to know..:rolleyes:
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When you've been rejected enough times, you learn to not share of yourself. Especially with girls/guys you're interested in, because of a fear of rejection. The only thing I could see that would help from the other end is if the girl made it obvious she was interested. Then you're more likely to take the risk. From your end, all you can do is work on learning what your identity, purpose and authority is in Christ and share in healthy relationships with friends and family.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#64
#64
zeroturbulence said:
Why can't guys and gals just tell someone that they're interested??


What is your reason, or why do you think it's so difficult for people to do??

Also, is there a way to make it easier???


I have my own reasons: Fear of rejection, and... uh.. fear of rejection.. :p


Inquiring minds want to know..:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
No why do you ask questions if you already know the answer? :p

Yeah, fear of rejection
+ I've had some bad encounters with men, so even though I know not all are like that, I feel it would be "just my luck" to fall for the wrong guy
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#65
#65
AbigailZeke said:
As for me, if the guy's worth the pain and shame of rejection, then I'd prolly tell him if I'm interested (and interested, meaning, I could see him becoming the grandfather of my grandkids). But I drop obvious hints. And if he's too dense, he's prolly not worth it. xD

As for laundry. I'm fine with laundry. I use hangers too, no folding is the life!

But if we talk about a typical/stereotypical married life, the man comes home too tired from work. So, even if he insists to do his laundry, I'd probably drug him to sleep then I'll do it myself. I mean, that's love.
Click to expand...
But laundry folding is an advanced art! One must master the 2 second flip fold, and the dress shirt fold (aka JCpenney fold)

How to Fold a T‐Shirt in Two Seconds: 10 Steps

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqKMI05XHFk&spfreload=10

I will be forever scoffed at for this but.. :rolleyes:...I love ironing clothes lol and thanks to youtube have learned some new ironing tricks....seriously freshly laundered then ironed clothes gives me a high (no I don't huff the washing powder lol) ....ironing is a lost art in the era of the modern "throw it in the dryer for 10 minutes" cheap escape from ironing....that most people do now a days.... tumble drying doesn't give you crisp crease lines/folds.....like ironing does....
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#66
#66
wwjd_kilden said:
No why do you ask questions if you already know the answer? :p

Yeah, fear of rejection
+ I've had some bad encounters with men, so even though I know not all are like that, I feel it would be "just my luck" to fall for the wrong guy
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To quote a matthew west song "if you should fall again, get back up get back up!" ;)
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#67
#67
T_Laurich said:
Problem with todays society are many...
But one of the many problems is: dating is no longer coveted with a belief that says you date who you want to marry...
In todays generation we have changed Marriage into dating, Dating into liking someone, and Liking Someone into knowing their name on facebook...

So, since all of the names have been changed, it gets hairy...

I personally will tell a girl I am interested because of how flirtatious 99% of girls are, asking them is the only way for me to find out if they really mean what they are doing...

But, thats me... Many others intentions and methods could be different...

But todays generation is sadly far different from any other in many ways... I am not pacifying or saying there is no way you can understand...

But if i could sum up how I feel about my generation in one sentence...

"We are narcisists worshiping ourselves while thinking that a psuedo worship of another person in the name of love will fix all of our problems."
Click to expand...

"We are narcisists worshiping ourselves while thinking that a psuedo worship of another person in the name of love will fix all of our problems."

That was spot on! Heads up guys we got a 21st century modern socrates among us :p but in all seriousness yea that is an accurate statement you said......
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#69
#69
I've had men be flat out direct with me especially in the last few years, but I don't desire to be with those type of guys. For example I was at my sisters wedding and this guy kept talking about my behind, granted I fell down a couple days before and cracked my tailbone so I had a pillow and of course he had to stared, then I went on a date with a guy who couldn't keep his hands off of me and when I told him to stop he got hateful and talked about marriage, I had another where he offered to carry me over a puddle of water so I wouldn't slip and fall, I thought it was sweet, but in my gut I knew something wasn't quite right about that one. In truth what gets me is when I see a man and we talk for a little bit and he blushes, it's kinda sexy to me, that's when I know lol
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#70
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#70
Dan58 said:
No reason to tell a woman that your interested, just be interested.. If they don't reciprocate, you have your answer. This eliminates rejection, awkwardness, and putting her in the uncomfortable position of telling you; "Take a hike creep"
Click to expand...
I agree with this.

I wish it was this simple for everyone, but it is not.

This is why it is not a good idea for a male and female to spend time together alone if both of them are not interested in being more than friends.

It sends mixed signals if only one of them is interested in being more than friends.
 
A

Archerylvr

Guest
#71
#71
zeroturbulence said:
Why can't guys and gals just tell someone that they're interested?? What is your reason, or why do you think it's so difficult for people to do?? Also, is there a way to make it easier??? I have my own reasons: Fear of rejection, and... uh.. fear of rejection.. :p Inquiring minds want to know..:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
This is a good post and question, one I feel many singles in the body of Christ either struggle with or secretly contemplate if not overtly. I share many of Zero's views as to the reason why I seldom initiate expressing an interest in a woman, but my reason(s) vary a little in that there's the whole interracial obstacle to overcome. Experience has taught me that it is better to keep my attractions to myself as to not alienate the object of my attraction which can spread like wildfire (and I've seen it firsthand) in the church. That said, one of the things I've noticed in my 50something years of being on this planet is that although I from the old school of thought where men are the initiators, I find that in today's society women had mistaken "letting men know they're interested" with being the aggressor. ie...a woman doesn't have to literally "ask a man out" in order to let the object of her attraction know that she's interested. There could be an extended look, some form of physical, social gesture or the one I've heard about; "intentionally place herself in his line of sight repeated." BTW, is this actually true? And, dare I say do something as simple as "smile" at the guy and not just glance past him. I think that once women in the church understand and embrace some of these notions and ideas they might find themselves getting asked out so much more than they anticipate. Just my thought :)
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#72
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
18
#72
My experience has been as a single again, though not willingly, as I've contemplated this topic in my new life status. ( 47 single and 9& 7year old girls to raise). And a man who is very much attracted to women,but not desperate. GOD hears me when I call,and He answers.

Many have encouraged me to pursue that again. So I thought, yeah maybe I should. I have been more open to that,I even signed up on Christian Mingle. Which I had and still have mixed feelings on. But then after a week of watching that the Lord came and really blessed me.

He said: delete your profile, I don't want you online. I put people together.

Ahh, freedom. My Father truly5knows all that concerns me.

I have plenty to do anyway with work,family and different ministries. I'm confident that a woman that would compliment the things I'm called to, is somewhere in the mix of all that. However, if we don't abide in Christ we willnot run into those who abide in Christ.

People that walk with Jesus, do walk with Jesus...
 
Sonflower

Sonflower

Senior Member
#73
Jan 30, 2016
850
147
43
#73
Archerylvr said:
I think that once women in the church understand and embrace some of these notions and ideas they might find themselves getting asked out so much more than they anticipate. Just my thought :)
Click to expand...

I'm sure this wasn't intentional but this line makes me feel like somehow women have managed to do this all wrong and we are responsible for the difficulties of men not knowing that we are interested.

I agree that some of the things you described, such as a simple smile, would be nice. The problem is, many times men don't get that the woman is interested. As a woman I feel like if I'm direct I'll be looked at poorly and I feel like if I'm subtle I'll get complaints I wasn't direct enough.

Can I just not look and let God drop the guy on my doorstep like the stork? That would make this a lot less complicated.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#74
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#74
for some reason, i was reminded of something from years ago.

i had a big crush on a guy from church. as someone who doesn't know how the flirt, i had NO idea how to let him know. we were good friends, but i just didn't know what to do!! lol

we were both helping at vbs one year, and it was snack time. i sat down with a friend. my crush sat on the other side of the room. i was randomly scanning the room, and i saw him... directly looking at me. i didn't look away. he didn't either. so what did i do? smile and wave. he waved back. that was it. lol!!!

a year later, i found out through friends that he liked me, but he told them i never gave him a chance. my response: he never asked for one!!!

good times. lol
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#75
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
175
63
36
#75
Sonflower said:
I'm sure this wasn't intentional but this line makes me feel like somehow women have managed to do this all wrong and we are responsible for the difficulties of men not knowing that we are interested.

I agree that some of the things you described, such as a simple smile, would be nice. The problem is, many times men don't get that the woman is interested. As a woman I feel like if I'm direct I'll be looked at poorly and I feel like if I'm subtle I'll get complaints I wasn't direct enough.

Can I just not look and let God drop the guy on my doorstep like the stork? That would make this a lot less complicated.
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I would agree that both parties often fail at communication, not sure why we always try to limit to one or the other : p

Not everyone speaks and communicates the same way, either. Both through their words and their body language. So something that may mean something to one person may be meaningless to another person. And its not based on gender, its a completely individual thing : p Were not all the same person : p Thats why two people have to click in order to move onto something. If they dont, they will deal with all kinds of awkwardness and misunderstandings : p
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#76
#76
I'm thankful I found the courage to live authentically and just walk away from all this confusing dating a relationship stuff. It's so confusing. It's confusing to people who are interested in doing it. It's a trillion times more confusing to people who are doing it to keep up social appearances.

My dog loves me. When he wants attention, he makes it known. Doberman Pinschers have that ability.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#77
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
18
#77
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I'm thankful I found the courage to live authentically and just walk away from all this confusing dating a relationship stuff. It's so confusing. It's confusing to people who are interested in doing it. It's a trillion times more confusing to people who are doing it to keep up social appearances.

My dog loves me. When he wants attention, he makes it known. Doberman Pinschers have that ability.
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That is why honesty and straight forward communication is soooooo important.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#78
Mar 13, 2014
42,578
17,046
113
69
Tennessee
#78
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I'm thankful I found the courage to live authentically and just walk away from all this confusing dating a relationship stuff. It's so confusing. It's confusing to people who are interested in doing it. It's a trillion times more confusing to people who are doing it to keep up social appearances.

My dog loves me. When he wants attention, he makes it known. Doberman Pinschers have that ability.
Click to expand...
He obviously loves his daddy.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#79
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
18
#79
With all this dating talk we must remember how difficult the breaking it off process is. So it's important not to be too hasty, just so we don't have to do that little deed later. Hate that one!
 
Sonflower

Sonflower

Senior Member
#80
Jan 30, 2016
850
147
43
#80
Yeraza_Bats said:
I would agree that both parties often fail at communication, not sure why we always try to limit to one or the other : p

Not everyone speaks and communicates the same way, either. Both through their words and their body language. So something that may mean something to one person may be meaningless to another person. And its not based on gender, its a completely individual thing : p Were not all the same person : p Thats why two people have to click in order to move onto something. If they dont, they will deal with all kinds of awkwardness and misunderstandings : p
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I agree wholeheartedly. This isn't about gender. This is about personality. I think it's easy to assign blame to gender because we understand the opposite gender less. I am a firm believer in no games. I don't like games. I don't think it's fair to make a guy guess what I want. If I want something, I should make my desires known. Not all women are like that and not all men are like that. It's a person to person thing.
 
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