Why Don't We Hear About Single Christian Women Looking for Husbands in Other Countries?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
Dinah finding a boyfriend who did not meet with her brothers approval.....cos he wsnt an Israelite....
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
if you want to expand the gene pool its best not to knock up your dad like Lots daughters did.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
Oh and Rahab met Salmon though he did go to her I think she find him attractive because he wasnt from Jericho. Since she probably had already slept with her whole town but thats just my speculation on the story.....

All these are Old Testament folk but in the New Testament marriage wasnt as necessary. Jesus went to one wedding in Cana but those people werent even named. Jesus own parents Jospeh and Mary were not from the same village so it could be said they had met each other by going out of their way a bit. Hers with Nazareth, his was Bethlehem.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
936
507
93
I think financial security has become a enormous factor to both genders. Having been in the dating pool for a while, I haven't met many men who want a woman who is jobless and can't contribute to expenses.
Being jobless doesn't mean not contributing. Many men (not just Westerners) search for partners who will be good wives and mothers. Being a good wife and mother requires more effort and diligence than any job I know of. Hence Proverbs 31.

If a man wants a woman to look up to him as the breadwinner, it's easy to see that there are plenty of women out there (usually in other countries) who have less money than them and can comparatively be seen as good providers. But on the flip side, if a woman is looking for a provider, she is then labeled as being a materialistic gold-digger, or, if she goes out and seeks a career from which she gains provision, she is then seen as an evil, God-hating feminist. I'm certainly not trying to make this a battle of the sexes at all -- it's just that from my own experiences, I often feel like I just can't win.
I understand. The same people who denigrate women who expect their men to provide are usually the same who denigrate stay-at-home moms as lazy, and who denigrate the men who seek a feminine woman as chauvinist. There are two systems at play - God's and the world's. It is extra sad when many Christians take the world's view of things. But from my perspective, the man's role is to provide, the woman's role is to support him (to be his lifesaver, I think, it how Genesis roughly translates). I don't see it as gold-digging for a woman to look for a man who will provide for and protect her. He gives her physical support - she gives him herself and bears his children.

It's interesting that you mentioned the inversion of God-given roles -- I was always more of a provider in the few relationships I was in (but usually due to responsible choices, not the amount of money made.) But if I were to look for a provider, which I've never had, I would be seen as heartless and "looking for money." If I decided to try to work my way towards financial independence, I am then seen as a godless pagan female who is trying to usurp my God-given family role.
You can't please all the people all the time. It's not heartless for a woman to search for a provider. It's not chauvinist for a man to search for a woman who will love him and bear his children.

I honestly don't know what the answers are, or should be. And I am having the personal experience that God changes our hearts along with our situations. Right now I'm on a trajectory of being single and never having children, and while part of me is sad about it, I think God has also changed me along the way.
Yours sounds like a sad situation, and not one brought about by you. God does change us and provide for us, and our inheritance in Him is worth more than family. Indeed, as you point out, God gives us family through Him.

Being adopted, I have learned that family does not have to be by birth or biology -- trying to be a good auntie has filled any desires I might have had for kids -- and if I find myself alone for the rest of my life, God has blessed me with family and friends to help fill the void.

Not that I don't feel lonely, and not that I don't wish things were different at times.

But I certainly don't feel as if my life is destroyed, and in fact, feel that part of my current calling is to help other singles (and those who didn't expect to be single but now are, whether through death or divorce,) realize just that -- no matter what our social/relationship status, God still has a calling and a purpose for each of us in every individual circumstance.
My comment about the ones whose lives were destroyed was about those women who go through their lives trying to compete with and be equal to men, only to miss out on what they were created for. From your words, you are not one of these people. :)

God bless you and thank you for your input! :)
Likewise, and God bless you too. :)

I think what you meant to say is women in western countries finally have the option to choose not to marry a bad guy at all rather than have to make the least bad choice of husband or be struggling and destitute and rarely given a fair chance.
Not really. I think most would agree that females in Western countries enjoy more privileges than males from a legal perspective (e.g. the job advertisements that encourage females to apply, and the laws that make this legal, but illegal to advertise in an identical way for the opposite gender). No man particularly wants to compete with a woman. If he wanted competition, he would find more challenge from another man. Many Western women don't really get that, and try to compete with men, yet wonder why men look elsewhere for wives.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
936
507
93
Dinah finding a boyfriend who did not meet with her brothers approval.....cos he wsnt an Israelite....
It wasn't that her boyfriend wasn't an Israelite...

Genesis 34:14 - 15
And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
It wasn't that her boyfriend wasn't an Israelite...

Genesis 34:14 - 15
And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
all male Israelite had to be circumcised, thats what God had commanded. But yea I wasnt about to be explicit....!
in the story the boyfriend actually did go ahead with circumcision for Dinah..its even stated that he loved her and treated her kindly, but her brothers killed him anyway.

?!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
Just wanted to add in terms of wanting a husband who will provide for you while you perhaps have children and spend your time nursing and feeding them as well as supporting him which means you might not work on anything else for a number of years....I do not see anything wrong with that if it can be done

But the woman who is asking that of her husband also needs to be prepared if for whatever reason her husband cannot provide eg he gets made redundant, or has an accident or falls sick and cant work....in these times with dangerous jobs and workplaces for men and total lack of job security that can be a real thing.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
also I think husbands on the other hand from their perspective need to be understanding if their wife cant have children or has difficulties bearing children, she may not even be able to do it or it will exhaust her.
it does take a village to raise a child but if she has lack of support its just gonna be hard.

Rich people have it easier they can just hire a nanny but many people dont have that luxury. or free grandparents babysitting.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
thinking on this I dont think its ever been easy either way, with being single you need to get used to doing things alone and with being married you have to get used to not always doing things your way and pleasing everyone else.

with christisn women going overseas actually a lot of women DO its just more likely they will do it for missionary reasons rather than to find a husband and then they just happen to marry someone when they meet over there.
In terms of christian women going to find a husband in another country I think people joke about it more than they actually do it. but you see christian women may not have money or land to offer if they go overseas and stay there...and if they bring someone INTO the country they need to somehow prove they had a relationship which is kinda hard to do if you living in two different countries.

but somehow its easier for men to do it because lets face it men NEED wives more than women need husbands. Many men cannot even FUNCTION without a woman. so somehow country policies make it easier to traffick a woman into the country.....via marriage. cos who else is gonna look after the baby...
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
936
507
93
all male Israelite had to be circumcised, thats what God had commanded. But yea I wasnt about to be explicit....!
Ha, ha. I didn't think it was explicit - it's just trimming proud flesh, and it is all through the bible, afterall.... :) It shouldn't be skin off anyone's nose, either way!

in the story the boyfriend actually did go ahead with circumcision for Dinah..its even stated that he loved her and treated her kindly, but her brothers killed him anyway.

?!
Yeah, true. I guess the truth is that the brothers killed Shechem because he had raped their sister. If Shechem had been honourable and asked to marry her, at worst they'd probably have said no. He might have lived happily ever after with Dinah if he just proposed first.

Genesis 34:13 And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
3,982
1,002
113
Philippines Age 40
Some foreigners marry Filipina women so they can stretch the value of their money in the Philippines. Maybe some prefer the family oriented culture in the Philippines. Maybe some got traumatized by divorce so they try to find a wife somewhere else, where there is no divorce laws.

As to foreign women, I know only few married Filipino men. Maybe the reason is foreign women are intimidating for Filipino men. American women for example are much taller and earn a lot more than a typical Filipino. Even Americans themselves get intimidated by their own women that they look elsewhere, how much more for a Filipino.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
936
507
93
As to foreign women, I know only few married Filipino men. Maybe the reason is foreign women are intimidating for Filipino men. American women for example are much taller and earn a lot more than a typical Filipino. Even Americans themselves get intimidated by their own women that they look elsewhere, how much more for a Filipino.
Lol. Poor Filipino men. :)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
Ha, ha. I didn't think it was explicit - it's just trimming proud flesh, and it is all through the bible, afterall.... :) It shouldn't be skin off anyone's nose, either way!

Yeah, true. I guess the truth is that the brothers killed Shechem because he had raped their sister. If Shechem had been honourable and asked to marry her, at worst they'd probably have said no. He might have lived happily ever after with Dinah if he just proposed first.

Genesis 34:13 And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
hold on they SAID Dinah had been raped but he hadnt actually raped her. They THOUGHT she had been raped and lied about it but she wasnt actually raped.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
dont know about taller...but maybe with american women their appetites are such that it costs a lot more to maintain them.

My filipino workmate was tiny and she actually got teased because of her size.

Actually why dont we all say it and get it out in the open, that size matters to men. I dont know how many times Ive been judged cos of my size, and for any woman they will always be looked on as too big, too small, too tall, too short, not enough this or not enough that. Men like to be ahead taller than women they dont actually want to meet someone face to face who is the same size. They dont want a woman earning more than they do. everything has to somehow be tipped in their favour for them to even consider it. the thought of equality just frightens them.
when I see relationships that go nowhere, ie. round and round in circles its cos one is completely dominating the other.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
I think women are more likely to judge on size of a mans heart than body but they can be deceived about that quite often. A big heart doesnt always mean a soft heart.

also hearts can harden as well as soften.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
apaprently in nz the 2nd leading cause of death, even above drunken car crashes and coronavirus is...heart attacks.

the top is cancer.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,512
3,127
113
according to one set of stats, heart disease is actually the biggest single cause if you divide up the cancers into all the different types.

people die more suddenly from heart failure more often than their body rotting away. But I think the causes of cancer are so many in our now polluted world that everyone may have to face it if they arent dying of heart failure first.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
936
507
93
hold on they SAID Dinah had been raped but he hadnt actually raped her. They THOUGHT she had been raped and lied about it but she wasnt actually raped.
I'm not sure, but I think you're right. Some bible versions (or at least one) do say she was raped, but I trust the KJV the most, and that doesn't. The other language about speaking tenderly and love doesn't seem consistent with rape, either.

The NIV says:
Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and raped her. His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob; he loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her.

But the KJV says:
And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,453
1,527
113
I'm not sure, but I think you're right. Some bible versions (or at least one) do say she was raped, but I trust the KJV the most, and that doesn't. The other language about speaking tenderly and love doesn't seem consistent with rape, either.

The NIV says:
Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and raped her. His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob; he loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her.

But the KJV says:
And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
Not sure how else you would interpret took and defile in the KJV. Using the translation comparison feature on Blue letter Bible the words used in various translations include violated, defiled, raped, sexually assaulted, by force, and humbled her. Interestingly the Spanish version they have (which I think is the older version like the KJV equivalent) would translate to dishonored her and the Latin Vulgate says opprimens virginem which I can't claim any great latin skills but sounds like it would mean something along the lines of oppressing or obtaining her virginty.

Much more interesting to talk about is this a story of love at first sight (gone wrong)? Because of the male dominated culture and focus in the story, we have absolutely no clue what Dinah's feelings were throughout this whole episode. All we know is she went out to meet the women of the land and met an overzealous suitor instead who desperately wanted her. We're not even sure if he ever realized that he had done her wrong.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
936
507
93
Not sure how else you would interpret took and defile in the KJV. Using the translation comparison feature on Blue letter Bible the words used in various translations include violated, defiled, raped, sexually assaulted, by force, and humbled her. Interestingly the Spanish version they have (which I think is the older version like the KJV equivalent) would translate to dishonored her and the Latin Vulgate says opprimens virginem which I can't claim any great latin skills but sounds like it would mean something along the lines of oppressing or obtaining her virginty.

Much more interesting to talk about is this a story of love at first sight (gone wrong)? Because of the male dominated culture and focus in the story, we have absolutely no clue what Dinah's feelings were throughout this whole episode. All we know is she went out to meet the women of the land and met an overzealous suitor instead who desperately wanted her. We're not even sure if he ever realized that he had done her wrong.
I guess the words "And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel" don't really seem to fit with rape (what rapist cares about his victim?) To take a wife doesn't imply the rape of the wife, and defilement can come from an unholy union, not just a rape (e.g. as in this case of an Israelite virgin and an uncircumcised heathen). But perhaps like you say, he didn't even realise he had done her wrong.