I guess the words "And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel" don't really seem to fit with rape (what rapist cares about his victim?) To take a wife doesn't imply the rape of the wife, and defilement can come from an unholy union, not just a rape (e.g. as in this case of an Israelite virgin and an uncircumcised heathen). But perhaps like you say, he didn't even realise he had done her wrong.
Dinah's rape reminds me of Tamar's rape. In both accounts, the rapists claimed to love and care for their victims.
In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.
2 Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
He raped her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. (2 Samuel 13)
This is such a paradox. If Amnon loved Tamar so much why did he hurt (rape) her in the first place? He didn't love (agape) her. He lusted (eros) for her. Lust in and of itself is not love. If can be a by product of love, but lust (eros) is not love.
Roman's 13:10 says that love does not harm. If the men who raped Dinah and Tamar truly loved (agape) them, they never would have harmed (raped) them in the first place. These men lusted for them, but they didn't love (agape) them.
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