Why Don't We Hear About Single Christian Women Looking for Husbands in Other Countries?

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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with regards to asian women and western men
although theres certain ideas that asian women are more submissive and only like to cook and clean you also need to take into account with different countires it is the poverty gap and currency difference between different countries.

my dad has never been to hong Kong for example and no desire to, but my mum gave up everything to come to nz. Not that she had much to give up as they have no land there.
and if cooking and cleaning is one thing you have to offer apart from your body then I suppose men might take it. Not saying my mum is corrupted by poverty but many people do not want to stay in a situation where they cannot have a better life if they can help it.

New Zealand once had such a small population that it was actively asking for immigrants to come here and work, although, the govt at one time tried to ban chinese men from having their wives over. since at the time, womem didnt work and wouldnt have contributed £££ to the economy. And also they were racist. oh yes the racism!

cant avoid that..
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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I think with being asian or looking asian I have definitely found that some non asian men have really strange ideas about us asian women (I have dated all types of men from different backgrounds)
It kind of rubs me the wrong way that kind of thinking. But then men in general often have preconceived ideas about women in anyway that are completely wrong.

as for being fertile while it seemed to me everyone was trying to sow their wild oats all at once cos none of them ever discussed what they would do IF the ineveitable happened....for most men is like get her pregnant first, then ask questions later!!
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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seoul God answers your question in Proverbs 20:6
I have often asked Him the same question and He just gives me the same answer. all the time.
Proverbs 20:6 -- "Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?"

I don't see this as being a particular answer to the questions I'm asking in this thread (unless you're talking about the generalization that yes, many will fail -- however, we all fail in our own ways,) but I'm glad you see this as the answer to yours.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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Also, one would hope that a Christian woman did not have such 'baggage' as a drug addiction...
Some people did not grow up in church, and have pre-Christ histories that would turn your hair white.

And even some Christians make mistakes. So yes, there can be some "baggage" in a person's past that does not fit neatly under "responsibilities" or anything else pretty except "baggage." If we don't use "baggage" the terms get ugly real fast. "Mistakes" is one of the least ugly ones.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Baggage- past experiences or long-held ideas regarded as burdens and impediments.

That’s what came up when l looked to see if it was used “distastefully”. I’d say it’s accurately used. Perhaps some children are blessings, absolutely. However, I’ve know several guys from work and friends of my wife who are dealing with step children in trouble with the law, horrible addictions and laziness. I think we can group that into “burdens and impediments”.
Baggage is not necessarily a burden but definitely a consideration. Just about everyone considering remarrying is carrying baggage.

In the marriage to my late second wife I had to deal with her adult son for the entire time, supporting him because he refused to work, did not help out at home at all, couldn't even rely on him to take out the trash, didn't pick up after himself, smoked pot, drank alcohol to excess, stole or badgered his mom for her pain medication, constant trouble with the law, etc. His foolishness caused me to be evicted from my apartment. Other than that he was a fine upstanding young man.

After his mom died I told him that the game was now over. I didn't leave him penniless, however, but I made it clear that I was no longer supporting him and that his mom was not there anymore to run interference for him.

Her adult daughter was the opposite, quite helpful, respectful and for the most part, made a life for herself.

For the record, I treated her son very kindly and tried to be supportive. I found him 2 jobs which he lost after a couple weeks. Gave him 3 cars, one of which, while drunk, drove through a flower shop window. It made the front page in the local newspaper.

There was never any doubt in my mind that I was an enabler as I found that it was a way to keep the peace between me and my wife, whose son, even though he was 30+, was a still a child in her eyes. Regarding peace, in my own mind at least, there wasn't any. Mental anguish for 11 years 2 months of marriage until she died at age 59.

I didn't enter the marriage with my eyes closed. I felt moved by God to love that woman and take care of her despite her serious medical issues and problems with her son. I don't regret getting married to her, deeply sadden at her premature death, but at the same time felt a heavy burden being lifted from me. On the bus leaving town the day after her funeral service it was a sigh of relief.

I was moving forward once again. Never looked back.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
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Baggage is not necessarily a burden but definitely a consideration. Just about everyone considering remarrying is carrying baggage.

In the marriage to my late second wife I had to deal with her adult son for the entire time, supporting him because he refused to work, did not help out at home at all, couldn't even rely on him to take out the trash, didn't pick up after himself, smoked pot, drank alcohol to excess, stole or badgered his mom for her pain medication, constant trouble with the law, etc. His foolishness caused me to be evicted from my apartment. Other than that he was a fine upstanding young man.

After his mom died I told him that the game was now over. I didn't leave him penniless, however, but I made it clear that I was no longer supporting him and that his mom was not there anymore to run interference for him.

Her adult daughter was the opposite, quite helpful, respectful and for the most part, made a life for herself.

For the record, I treated her son very kindly and tried to be supportive. I found him 2 jobs which he lost after a couple weeks. Gave him 3 cars, one of which, while drunk, drove through a flower shop window. It made the front page in the local newspaper.

There was never any doubt in my mind that I was an enabler as I found that it was a way to keep the peace between me and my wife, whose son, even though he was 30+, was a still a child in her eyes. Regarding peace, in my own mind at least, there wasn't any. Mental anguish for 11 years 2 months of marriage until she died at age 59.

I didn't enter the marriage with my eyes closed. I felt moved by God to love that woman and take care of her despite her serious medical issues and problems with her son. I don't regret getting married to her, deeply sadden at her premature death, but at the same time felt a heavy burden being lifted from me. On the bus leaving town the day after her funeral service it was a sigh of relief.

I was moving forward once again. Never looked back.

Beautiful, heart breaking, and beautiful.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,499
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Baggage is not necessarily a burden but definitely a consideration. Just about everyone considering remarrying is carrying baggage.

In the marriage to my late second wife I had to deal with her adult son for the entire time, supporting him because he refused to work, did not help out at home at all, couldn't even rely on him to take out the trash, didn't pick up after himself, smoked pot, drank alcohol to excess, stole or badgered his mom for her pain medication, constant trouble with the law, etc. His foolishness caused me to be evicted from my apartment. Other than that he was a fine upstanding young man.

After his mom died I told him that the game was now over. I didn't leave him penniless, however, but I made it clear that I was no longer supporting him and that his mom was not there anymore to run interference for him.

Her adult daughter was the opposite, quite helpful, respectful and for the most part, made a life for herself.

For the record, I treated her son very kindly and tried to be supportive. I found him 2 jobs which he lost after a couple weeks. Gave him 3 cars, one of which, while drunk, drove through a flower shop window. It made the front page in the local newspaper.

There was never any doubt in my mind that I was an enabler as I found that it was a way to keep the peace between me and my wife, whose son, even though he was 30+, was a still a child in her eyes. Regarding peace, in my own mind at least, there wasn't any. Mental anguish for 11 years 2 months of marriage until she died at age 59.

I didn't enter the marriage with my eyes closed. I felt moved by God to love that woman and take care of her despite her serious medical issues and problems with her son. I don't regret getting married to her, deeply sadden at her premature death, but at the same time felt a heavy burden being lifted from me. On the bus leaving town the day after her funeral service it was a sigh of relief.

I was moving forward once again. Never looked back.
Way to hang in there. Not everyone would have.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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Proverbs 20:6 -- "Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?"

I don't see this as being a particular answer to the questions I'm asking in this thread (unless you're talking about the generalization that yes, many will fail -- however, we all fail in our own ways,) but I'm glad you see this as the answer to yours.
well you gotta read the KJV to really get the extra spiritual part of it or maybe the olde english jokes.

Other versions just dont cut it I'm sorry.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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maybe your version is one that has 'person'instead of man...when its referring a MAN in particular.

I hate to think how it translates proverbs chapter 31 then....
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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maybe your version is one that has 'person'instead of man...when its referring a MAN in particular.

I hate to think how it translates proverbs chapter 31 then....
So are you're saying that since the KJV uses "man" in particular, you believe that this passage is saying virtually all men are unfaithful?

If so, as with many things, I disagree with you, so if that's your interpretation, it's one I don't personally share.

I believe that men and women are both equally flawed, which is why we all need Christ.

well you gotta read the KJV to really get the extra spiritual part of it or maybe the olde english jokes.

Other versions just dont cut it I'm sorry.
I'm not a KJV purist, but of course, you have a right to hold to any translation of your own choosing.
 
C

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow

Guest
@Lynx No, philippines does not have a divorce law yet..it is is still illegal in philippines...but you have options to end your marriage as I've said, Annulment is the best option for couples who wish to separate and live a separate lives and remarry afterwards.


Maybe if you'll hire the same lawyer you'll get discount 🤔 but I don't know...

Regarding if both don't agree to separate(end their marriage)...they can file for legal separation(this is another way to separate from your spouse. Wherein the couple remains legally married to each other but they can't remarry or allowed to have relationship with other people despite physical separation (living apart) and property separation.


@cinder yeah I think you are right about the Catholic church influence.

Regarding the differences and similarities between these two I don't really know 😅 I have very limited knowledge about divorce and annulment but I believe Divorce and Annulment have pretty much the same effect in marriage...which is "singleness" meaning both parties can remarry after 😊
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
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What's interesting to me when reading people's feedback here is that from a business standpoint, it seems to be a clear-cut case of supply and demand.

* Men want younger women who are aesthetically pleasing, fertile (according to Adstar,) have little to no baggage, respect whatever amount of money the man has, and still looks to him as a leader and provider.

And so, the business world found a way to both meet and profit from this. The demand is, and will always be high, and there is an ample supply of young women from poorer countries from which they can recruit in order to meet this demand.

What's ironic to me is that there seems to be no equivalent for women.

If it's fair for men to want what they want, wouldn't God allow women to their own wants as well?

* What if a woman wants a man with little to no baggage, and is a good leader and provider? There's plenty of demand, but it's intriguing to me that apparently, not even money-hungry businesses can find a supply to sell to them because if they could find a way to profit off women's dreams the same way as the men, they wouldn't hesitate.

I'm not trying to make this a battle of the sexes at all.

I'm just noticing what appears to me to be a gaping discrepancy, and I am thinking to myself, "Why?"
Women already have what they want in richer (Western) countries. Preferential treatment, independence, a career and equal standing with men. The irony is that although many think they want this, when they come to the end of their lives and have lost their physical beauty and the ability to bear children, they realise that what they really craved was a loving husband and family. By inverting the God-ordained role that God gave to women as wives and mothers, such women destroy their own lives.
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
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Way to hang in there. Not everyone would have.
Ya. He's clearly old-school. If everyone was like Lynx, the Communits who insist on political-correctness wouldn't stand a chance (e.g. the rioters and looters would be in jail before the beach-goers and playground moms).

Call it what it is. Words have meanings, and if that meaning offends you, toughen up or tune out. Better a painful truth than a sweet lie. Thank you Lynx. And "baggage" is not an unfair word to describe unwanted life experience. As you said in your analogy, Hungry, we all usually come with a degree of baggage unless we are new from the car yard! :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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Women already have what they want in richer (Western) countries. Preferential treatment, independence, a career and equal standing with men. The irony is that although many think they want this, when they come to the end of their lives and have lost their physical beauty and the ability to bear children, they realise that what they really craved was a loving husband and family. By inverting the God-ordained role that God gave to women as wives and mothers, such women destroy their own lives.
Hi Moses,

Thank you for your post!

One thing that the answers to these threads are making me think about is how (from a Western, United States point of view), it does seem that men might have an easier time finding what they're looking for in more financially challenged countries. I had mentioned in another post that I was in an area a while back in which 1 American dollar was, at the time, equal to 18 of the local currency (in this example, I'm just going to round it up to 20.)

If a woman is used to living in a poorer area, a man who comes along and says he makes 10 American dollars an hour and could send her even $20 that week is going to seem like quite the catch. (Who wouldn't want someone to send them the equivalent of $200 in their local currency?)

I think financial security has become a enormous factor to both genders. Having been in the dating pool for a while, I haven't met many men who want a woman who is jobless and can't contribute to expenses.

If a man wants a woman to look up to him as the breadwinner, it's easy to see that there are plenty of women out there (usually in other countries) who have less money than them and can comparatively be seen as good providers. But on the flip side, if a woman is looking for a provider, she is then labeled as being a materialistic gold-digger, or, if she goes out and seeks a career from which she gains provision, she is then seen as an evil, God-hating feminist. I'm certainly not trying to make this a battle of the sexes at all -- it's just that from my own experiences, I often feel like I just can't win.

It's interesting that you mentioned the inversion of God-given roles -- I was always more of a provider in the few relationships I was in (but usually due to responsible choices, not the amount of money made.) But if I were to look for a provider, which I've never had, I would be seen as heartless and "looking for money." If I decided to try to work my way towards financial independence, I am then seen as a godless pagan female who is trying to usurp my God-given family role.

I honestly don't know what the answers are, or should be. And I am having the personal experience that God changes our hearts along with our situations. Right now I'm on a trajectory of being single and never having children, and while part of me is sad about it, I think God has also changed me along the way.

Being adopted, I have learned that family does not have to be by birth or biology -- trying to be a good auntie has filled any desires I might have had for kids -- and if I find myself alone for the rest of my life, God has blessed me with family and friends to help fill the void.

Not that I don't feel lonely, and not that I don't wish things were different at times.

But I certainly don't feel as if my life is destroyed, and in fact, feel that part of my current calling is to help other singles (and those who didn't expect to be single but now are, whether through death or divorce,) realize just that -- no matter what our social/relationship status, God still has a calling and a purpose for each of us in every individual circumstance.

God bless you and thank you for your input! :)
 
C

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow

Guest
@seoulsearch sorry for my late reply I was working 😅

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate your gesture...you made me feel at ease I guess I talk so much in this thread already sorry 😅 ...I really appreciate you thank you 😊


Thank you for opening up...I appreciate it...I understand...in my country divorce has a negative social stigma attached to it...maybe not that much nowadays but it is still there...that is why Divorce is still illegal in my country... You are so strong @seoulsearch 🤗 your experiences amazed me. You are brave and an extraordinary woman 🤗 God bless you ❤


"And now you have me thinking about people in the Philippines, because it seems very common for people in other countries to look to the Philippines for a significant other. What if a Filipino person has a spouse who moves on with another person, but the Filipino keeps themselves celibate and set apart, but later meets someone they would like to marry, especially in another country? I'm wondering how all of the annulment/divorce laws would be settled internationally, freeing the person to remarry.


If you are married in Philippines and You and your estranged spouse are filipino citizens you and your spouse can't remarrY inside and outside the philippines until your annulment is granted...and filing also is done in philipines. Since you are both Filipino citizens..even if your spouse left you and you and your spouse have been separated for a long time already...you you and your spouse are still legally married...

😊
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,373
2,753
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@seoulsearch sorry for my late reply I was working 😅

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate your gesture...you made me feel at ease I guess I talk so much in this thread already sorry 😅 ...I really appreciate you thank you 😊


Thank you for opening up...I appreciate it...I understand...in my country divorce has a negative social stigma attached to it...maybe not that much nowadays but it is still there...that is why Divorce is still illegal in my country... You are so strong @seoulsearch 🤗 your experiences amazed me. You are brave and an extraordinary woman 🤗 God bless you ❤


"And now you have me thinking about people in the Philippines, because it seems very common for people in other countries to look to the Philippines for a significant other. What if a Filipino person has a spouse who moves on with another person, but the Filipino keeps themselves celibate and set apart, but later meets someone they would like to marry, especially in another country? I'm wondering how all of the annulment/divorce laws would be settled internationally, freeing the person to remarry.


If you are married in Philippines and You and your estranged spouse are filipino citizens you and your spouse can't remarrY inside and outside the philippines until your annulment is granted...and filing also is done in philipines. Since you are both Filipino citizens..even if your spouse left you and you and your spouse have been separated for a long time already...you you and your spouse are still legally married...

😊

I'm very glad that you've felt comfortable talking here, and am very grateful for your input!!

People in the USA are often branded as being ignorant about the world around us -- we need people like you who are invaluable for helping us learn about others and what they're going through!

It's one thing to read or hear about other countries; being able to talk to someone who's grown up in that culture or country all their life puts it on a whole new level.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to explain things about your beautiful country. :)

P.S. I had always wanted to be able to see the Philippines, but unfortunately, never had the chance. Hopefully, maybe someday. :)
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,450
1,525
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Women already have what they want in richer (Western) countries. Preferential treatment, independence, a career and equal standing with men. The irony is that although many think they want this, when they come to the end of their lives and have lost their physical beauty and the ability to bear children, they realise that what they really craved was a loving husband and family. By inverting the God-ordained role that God gave to women as wives and mothers, such women destroy their own lives.
I think what you meant to say is women in western countries finally have the option to choose not to marry a bad guy at all rather than have to make the least bad choice of husband or be struggling and destitute and rarely given a fair chance. Sure most women would love to have a loving husband and family, but getting married is no guarantee of love (especially love that will last your whole lifetime) and I remain quite firm in the belief that it is better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. And I'm awfully grateful I live in a time and place where I don't have any social pressure making me feel like I have to be in a relationship even if my only options are bad ones.
 
C

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow

Guest
I'm very glad that you've felt comfortable talking here, and am very grateful for your input!!

People in the USA are often branded as being ignorant about the world around us -- we need people like you who are invaluable for helping us learn about others and what they're going through!

It's one thing to read or hear about other countries; being able to talk to someone who's grown up in that culture or country all their life puts it on a whole new level.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to explain things about your beautiful country. :)

P.S. I had always wanted to be able to see the Philippines, but unfortunately, never had the chance. Hopefully, maybe someday. :)

🤗🤗🤗 thanks @seoulsearch 🤗




Yayy, if ever I hope you'll consider to stay in my place 😊 I pray and hopefully I have already my own place that time 😊 that would be nice if ever I guess yay! You are very much welcome to stay there 🤗😊
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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So are you're saying that since the KJV uses "man" in particular, you believe that this passage is saying virtually all men are unfaithful?

If so, as with many things, I disagree with you, so if that's your interpretation, it's one I don't personally share.

I believe that men and women are both equally flawed, which is why we all need Christ.



I'm not a KJV purist, but of course, you have a right to hold to any translation of your own choosing.
no Im just reading the KJV Im not saying anything...lol
why do people keep thinking just cos Im reading the KJV that Im interpreting what the Bible says.

How bout the book of Ruth...she found her husband from another country...or her mother in law actually put her up to it. She chose to leave Moab and go with Naomi and met Boaz in Israel. its a famous story in the Bible. YOU interpret it how YOU want.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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Not to mention Book of Esther...and all of Solomons wives from other countries...some going to Israel especially to see him. Queen of Sheba....