Why won't guys make a move?

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fizzyjoe

Well-known member
Oct 22, 2018
292
261
63
#82
Hello Internet!

I am a young girl of 20. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years a while back and haven't missed him one bit. That being said, I long to talk with someone and have a bit of a deep relationship. I want to have a person to be able to share anything with. Why do I do I have so many guy friends, but not one has asked me out? I have been told that a few of them have crushes on me, but nothing happens. I know I am a bit impatient. Any advise? Answers?
Well one thing is that some probably can only see you as a friend, I knew a girl in school that was friends with me since kindergarten and didn't consider her as an interest until years later,turned out too late, sometimes you get to be such good friends that romance simply doesn't come up.
As for these guys who may have crushes on you, a guy telling a girl he'd like to date her can be about as difficult as walking on a small ledge with eyes closed, it feels like talking is a scary circumstance, and often to avoid this guys talk goofy stuff.
The goofier the conversation the more a guy maybe nervous and crushing on you
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
15,149
8,226
113
#83
Because most men, like Adam are slackers by nature. Men are supposed to be hunters, leaders and initiatiors. I don't know what happened to other men, maybe marriage is not for them.

Marriage is a gift, but it's not for everyone.
Wow, let's just broadbrush an entire gender. Let's do it for women too!

Wait, that would be sexist.

smh...
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,110
2,303
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#84
Well when I was single, I mostly had guy friends. One day, I was told I was one of the guys, and according to my guy friends, dudes don’t date the girl who is one of the guys.

Idk if this is accurate. I’ve also been told that if a guy likes a girl, it doesn’t matter if she is “one of the guys.” Lol
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
570
486
63
#85
How would that be an excuse? For not meeting someone?
Yes. For not meeting someone.

I'm trying to think of anyone that I know that thinks like that.
Of the the things that would stop me from pursuing someone, that has never entered my mind.

Of course maybe my fears are no more justified than this.

Might have been better if I never posted at all. 🤪
 

Brandon123

Active member
May 15, 2019
163
91
28
#86
An excuse to start an argument about nothing, perhaps? ;-)
An excuse to start an argument about nothing, perhaps? ;-)
Yes. For not meeting someone.

I'm trying to think of anyone that I know that thinks like that.
Of the the things that would stop me from pursuing someone, that has never entered my mind.

Of course maybe my fears are no more justified than this.

Might have been better if I never posted at all. 🤪
ok I’m following you...I’m glad you posted....maybe I’m the one who needs to have faith and step out😬
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,985
319
83
#87
Hello Internet!

I long to talk with someone and have a bit of a deep relationship. I want to have a person to be able to share anything with. Why do I do I have so many guy friends, but not one has asked me out? I have been told that a few of them have crushes on me, but nothing happens. I know I am a bit impatient. Any advise? Answers?
Maybe your not making yourself approachable? Guys fear rejection too, so maybe they don't ask because they presume the answer would be; "Take a hike freak".. Who knows, but I'd just say, don't express a desire for a "deep relationship". That's scary to a person who just wants to gradually get to know you. And don't "share anything", leave a little mystery and wait until your married before unloading.

It should be easy if they already have a crush on you? Stand close when you talk to them, and fain interest in whatever they're saying.
But most of all, give them a push, talk about something you'd like to do, and then ask them if their interested? If that doesn't work, try a little more make-up and a lot less cloths :)
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
3,807
2,823
113
#89
Well when I was single, I mostly had guy friends. One day, I was told I was one of the guys, and according to my guy friends, dudes don’t date the girl who is one of the guys.

Idk if this is accurate. I’ve also been told that if a guy likes a girl, it doesn’t matter if she is “one of the guys.” Lol

I've often wondered that myself. If you are told that you are one of the boys is that a good thing or a bad thing?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,384
3,833
113
#90
That depends, I think, on which boys.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,450
1,525
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#91
I've often wondered that myself. If you are told that you are one of the boys is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm still trying to figure out when you're around a group of guys and they're all starting to talk about how they want to get married and need a wife: would it be worse if they all suddenly realized you're an eligible female and tried to put you in that role just because you're there than that they see you as one of the guys so much that they don't even seem to realize that they're excluding your from consideration (and for the record I've been in such a situation at least twice once in real life and once online, but I have a such a talent for diverting that kind of interest that it never seems to even develop).

These days I've finally moved on to that stage of life where most of the guys close to my age (or at least in my peer and social groupings) are married and so I'm rarely hanging out with just the guys anymore.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,985
319
83
#92
I've often wondered that myself. If you are told that you are one of the boys is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Speaking for myself, I have guy friends and I'm one of the guys. I wouldn't want a wife or girlfriend who was one of the guys. We are all crude and idiotic.
 
Apr 21, 2019
77
69
18
#93
Hello Internet!

I am a young girl of 20. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years a while back and haven't missed him one bit. That being said, I long to talk with someone and have a bit of a deep relationship. I want to have a person to be able to share anything with. Why do I do I have so many guy friends, but not one has asked me out? I have been told that a few of them have crushes on me, but nothing happens. I know I am a bit impatient. Any advise? Answers?

Hi there I am another girl I don’t know however I’d like a photo of a man before I was to chat with him maybe they would like a photo to see if she or he look like
 

Humbleboi

New member
Feb 17, 2019
5
0
1
#94
Hello Internet!

I am a young girl of 20. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years a while back and haven't missed him one bit. That being said, I long to talk with someone and have a bit of a deep relationship. I want to have a person to be able to share anything with. Why do I do I have so many guy friends, but not one has asked me out? I have been told that a few of them have crushes on me, but nothing happens. I know I am a bit impatient. Any advise?
Julie Marie , now am interested in you, but you know what ? Am very very far away from you. That I think is the only barrier now.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,183
1,798
113
#95
I believe God's plan is that people are married (even if it doesn't always work out for some). We were made for relationship. And while no-one suggests that marriage is superior, the years of waiting for someone to come into your life can be fruitfully employed to work on your own weaknesses in order to prepare you for who God has for you, or the life God has for you. If you don't believe that self improvement can take place in an individual's life and that we're all just here living from day to day and moment to moment, well then there is nothing I can do for you.

Marriage is not the ultimate goal of life. However, I would rather work on being the best version of myself so that I can sow into someone else's life so if that does happen, I can be who God wants me to be for them.
~So God's plans don't work out? Is there a scripture for that?
~God's plan is for everyone to marry? How about a scripture for that? And, no, the story of Creation is not scriptural evidence.
~Actually a Lot of people suggest marriage is superior. Having been on this site for a long time i've seen countless people made to feel inferior, by family, friends, co-workers, churches, etc... for being single. Churches are typically aimed at married people with families.
~Please show me where exactly i said that i didn't believe in self improvement.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,183
1,798
113
#96
It seems, by the responses to my post, people here can't distinguish between the concepts contentedly single vs the impatience and self punishment many singles inflict on themselves, causing them to waste years of their lives. I clearly was talking specifically about the second group. Why do i say clearly? Because i mentioned them specifically and exclusively. But lacking the ability to comprehend that, people instead chose to interpret that as my saying 'waiting is bad'.
It reminds me of a comment i once saw about the movie Wall-E. In the movie people are shown to have become so lazy and tech obsessed they became fat and unhealthy. Yet one woman complained that the movie represented 'fat people as lazy'. The complete opposite of the message intended. Numerous responses to my post were nothing more than 'fat people as lazy' responders and missing the point.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
101
63
#97
Singleness is not preparation for marriage. That is a myth perpetuates by the church to suggest marriage is superior and more godly than singleness. Paul, the guy who wrote most of the NT would disagree.
Marriage is not a promise at all. I'm 43, never married, no prospects. Best thing you can do is stop waiting around and live your life.
So many Christian's waste their lives sitting around waiting for "the one" and put Themselves through a lot of emotional pain. And if they do ever meet someone 50% divorce.
So stop being indoctrinated by the false gospel of marriage pushes by the church, learn to be content where you're at and go enjoy the life you have, rather than wish you had a different life.
I agree with you 100%. Just had to point out that the statistic that 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce is popular, but the number is actually more like 35%
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,183
1,798
113
#98
I love how my asking someone to prove their claims was met with "disagree" responses. :ROFL: makes zero sense.
*knocks the dust off his feet
 

Marcella

Senior Member
May 26, 2011
141
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#99
Honestly.
I am confused at the way people are responding to Subhumanoidal. It truly appears that some people have been selective in what they are reading. He's just saying that if you aren't dating, don't be so hyper-focused on finding someone to date and marry. Enjoy each day that you're given, make the most of it as a single person, don't allow these thoughts on dating and marriage to take all your energy and direct it away from your greater calling, especially the Great Commission. You may believe that everyone, everywhere is called to be married according to God's plan. But if that were true, then everyone everywhere would be married. Because they aren't, it isn't according to God's plan. If something is God's plan, it happens. Moving on.

Take advantage of the fact that you don't have to spend the majority of your time considering the feelings of another person, and use that energy to focus on what God has been asking you to do in service. Relationships inevitably require a lot more of your time. It's natural. But consider how much more you could do in ministry, and how much more effective you could be. Then, while you're working, look up from time to time and see who's working beside you. You may find something in common in the type of ministry that you've both chosen. That's often the start of a lovely relationship. But my point is... get into your work. My mom always told me when I got too focused on myself and my misery (particularly after a failed relationship) that I needed to get my focus off of myself and serve others. It works wonders.

I see so many Christian singles here, especially young ones, bemoaning the fact that they aren't dating or married, and fearing they will forever be in the horrid state of singleness. If I recall, Paul was recommending that if you aren't burning/lusting, and are able to stay focused on your ministry as a single person, then great! Otherwise, seek a partner and serve together. I wonder if the church has been putting too much stress on being married, perhaps? But returning to my point about getting into your work, if you're focused on your ministry, you will feel more fulfilled and less selfish, and those traits will also appeal to believers of the opposite sex. I'm sure people will still feel the need to argue with the points I've put forward. That's fine. I just can't find anything Scripturally that opposes these comments.

Shalom